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Alice redhead, 20 y.o.
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Date: October 14, 2022
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But she may feel some resentment toward you. If you can’t talk to her about it at home, maybe suggest talking about it in front of a marriage counselor. They aren’t there just for couples who are broken or on the verge of divorce. They are also there for couples who just need a bit of help opening up and/or communicating or dealing with change or minor issues as well.
Many couples in good marriages use them, and it helps keep their marriages healthy.
Sorry to break it to you buddy but you ain't straight if you had sex with a dude. You might had a pass about the mess around with others but the bed you share with your wife ouch. Should of paid for a cheap motel l.
No, no, no, NO, absolutely fucking no.
Run now that you can
Congrats on all you've done! Keep at it!
If she isn't capable of supporting you now, you can't force the issue. However, you need to let her know how her words are making you feel. Sit down with her, where you both can talk about what you're feeling about the idea of getting healthy and losing weight.
Is she threatened By the changes, her insecurity exposed? Is she jealous of the time the meal prep and workouts take away from couples time? Is she afraid you might react badly to new female attention? Is it something else? You need to understand the why before you can even begin to consider an approach.
Some people will never be ready to get healthier. Some need to ease into the idea. For some, it is a minor issue in a marriage and for others, it is their hill to die on.
Your journey and hers can be going in completely opposite directions, and that's okay. What isn't okay is that you're hoping for an acknowledgement and support that you're not getting. She may not understand that is what you need. Tell her. And if she can't give that to you, there are all sorts of groups live and offline who might be able to help fill that gap.
Spell check goes along way.
He shouldn't feel “obligated” to change any part of himself for anyone.
You're setting yourself up for future pain if you don't have a much broader conversation with her. You are her partner, and she needs to be able to treat you with a modicum of respect. Ideally, she'd even see you as a resource in tough times.
Discuss fully how impactful her behavior was, that it has made a real impact on the health of your relationship. Ask her what she is going to do for her mental health to be able to deal with getting a text in the future.
I'm worried for you. There needs to be growth from this if you're going to stay in the relationship.
Sounds like your boyfriend is still going through puberty. He has some issues and needs to grow up a bit. Better tell him to stay out of the gym because he might see a Weiner and be a cheater. Oh and possibly gay I guess too.
I don’t see why they would. It’s a 2-on-1 handicap match in your favor.
He met his granddaughter once btw. I don’t see how that matters thiugh
I did. I freed them as soon as my bra felt too constrictive. Me being comfortable was more important than being dressed properly.
Wtf am i wasting my time on this social media crap..Like heeeello
I want off this planet.
Sounds like that
lol no man would trust someone that slept with their girl knowing she had a bf
Maybe she should take a lower dosage? She started taking it for a reason and it works to an extent (depending on what the criteria is for what she and her psychiatrist are looking for). Sometimes taking medication is shooting different ideas and trying different things until something works. Tell her how you're feeling and have her talk to her psychiatrist about this. Maybe they can work something out eventually medication wise
Life is all about change, the odds that you two would get married are small anyhow if you want to look at it statistically. Enjoy the moments you have together and move on to bigger better things in the future.
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He is a predator. Just because someone was kind and nurturing during the chase does not mean that’s who they are in the relationship. It’s a ploy, one that I fell for and its only going to get worse.
He has sexually coerced you, which is sexual assault.
Baby girl, run. Run.
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“I’m not great at the advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?”
I am Chandler too
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HO. LEE. WOW. What a selfish man-baby! Please run, don't walk!
Divorce, and use her emotional affair (probably physical as well by now) against her to ensure 50/50 or greater custody of your children and the house.
When she returns home, have the papers ready, and her stuff packed ready for her to leave.
She is the one who has been asking for a divorce, and the one who has cheated, so until the divorce is fin, she’s the one who leaves, and also she is the one who has to tell your children (with you present) that you both are getting a divorce, and that it is her infidelity and indifference to you that is the cause.
You need to also ensure that all your finances are separated, and that all her family and all mutual friends are told the exact truth of the divorce. She doesn’t get to spin the truth to make you the bad guy.
Yeah if you get in a relationship there always is the risk of it ending eventually. If you ever want to be in one you will need to get over that fear.
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You are either a troll or a prime target for abuse and manipulation. He's not a good dad looking for the best mom. If he was, no way you would have met that child at all. Decent single parents don't do that
overprotective older brother persona while punching open hand: “what did he say and point him out”
You definitely deserve better
overprotective older brother persona while punching open hand: “what did he say and point him out”
You definitely deserve better
So much to unpack here.
For one, why would you put anyone you’re not married to on a mortgage? That’s not very smart.
Two, IF….he’s the father, his name should be on it. Assuming you live in the U.S. you’ll almost certainly get primary custody.
Third, you haven’t posted why you don’t want him on it. Other than he’ll “use it against you” how? He’s the father of the kid.
Imagine what he does to his girlfriend in private when he's wasted.
You should probably find a girlfriend who is a little less insecure. Her BFF doesn't like you because you called out her shitty boyfriend and forced her to see the fragile state of her relationship.
Your girlfriend is being ridiculous re: being overbearing about a gf being at the house when the guys get together. Ask her what exactly she believes is going on. To spell it out. If she believes she is in a relationship with someone like that, she has great taste. ? Does she know these women or hates them for sport?
I honestly feel like the movies thing would make me extremely annoyed but the kid thing wouldn’t. A movie is an easy decision, a kid is not.
Speaking to someone who is happy with three kids means she is speaking to somebody who has experience that matters.
It’s like if you suggest a tv show you haven’t seen before and she says no, but then her friend who HAS seen it watches it and tells her in detail about how wonderful it was, it would make sense that she may change her mind. If her friend told her to watch it but hadn’t seen it, then it would be more like she’s valuing other opinions.
I wonder if I’m missing part of the story because I don’t understand why you would group these situations together.
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I promise you your problems won’t end just because you move (extremely prematurely, in my opinion) in with your boyfriend. Instead you’ll just have a new set of problems. Quitting school for any reason is a bad idea, period.
I’m in his state and I’ll be in his state for at least the next five years. He was talking about…like there were a lot of time when we hangout I feel like he’s asking if I’d like to marry him. Like he was constantly confirming with me “is your goal to eventually become a citizen of this country?” Or like “my goal is to get you to be able to sing national anthem of our country under our national flag”, it’s just unfathomable to me that, if he really liked me, why wouldn’t he just start the relationship so that I would have a reason to stay? (Background: I have a long history of moving across countries and states, he’s never left his home state)
In addition to your already good ideas, have you considered a photo book covering the time you've been together? Lots of good memories and so on.
Well, he's not. He can make a decision, and he's choosing to ignore that his dad is a POS. Why his mother continue to be in contact with somebody who's all nice and cozy with such a person who has no moral compass for right and wrong.
Exactly my thought. People in this godforsaken hellhole buy guns for their toddlers. There are zero roadblocks to gun ownership in some states, and very few in most. What did this guy do that he can't get a gun??
She knows these two colleagues because I talk about them often. They are my friends too and we hang out together. About two years ago I started a group chat to share pictures of the baby kittens I was fostering with all the people who wanted to be updated. There were some family members and a few close friends. That's where she go their number I think. When I heard that she contacted them last monday, I was so pissed that I felt like deleting this chat group, but it's useless. I should rather delete their number on her phone. And it would not be enough anyway, as she contacted one on the colleagues via Instagram.
I like the idea of an “information diet”. You're right when you say that she feels entitled because I have enabled it. I've tried multiple times to back her off in a soft way, but it's difficult. Either I'm too nice and it's only a few days before she starts her information craving again, or I say it more abruptly and she feels offended.
To me it seems like he was pestered/pressured into an open relationship by his wife and that's an important point that's glossed over. It seems she f'ed around and found out. Most people that don't want an open relationship would check out so I can't say I blame him at all. He checked out, got his needs somewhere else and she got left hanging dry. That's the consequences of their actions. I honestly don't think this is worth even trying to save, he is checked out and the trust will never be there on both sides.
Your daughter will have the guestroom when you move in, because she will then live there. Till then she is a guest, just like his stepson. Unfortunately (for your daughter) his stepson takes precedence over your daughter, which is understandable because he has been in their lives longer than you and your daughter.
The answer, as almost always, is that you need to talk to him and ask him these questions rather than a group of strangers
Run, do not walk, RUN away from this man immediately. The alarms are sounding off big time.
A partner should not discourage your dreams. You should never leave a job or school for a partner so that they can financially trap you. If you leave school without a diploma, then youd really be screwed later on for jobs. If you take birth control pills or use condoms or whatever, check them to make sure they havent been messed with.
It's compensation for watching the cats. I wouldn't worry about it unless there's more gifts in the future.
Sorry, he has no interest in being an actual father to this child…that’s all you need to know about him. Period. Crap guy, goodbye.
My first impulse is to add up the hours you spend on work, school, and chores and compare this to the time he spends on work and chores. If you're putting a lot more time into doing things than he is, it's not surprising that you feel burnt out and you have at least the beginning of a reason to show him why you want him to do more around the house.
My goodness.
She didn't get off too well here and deleted her account. ?
Most people don't consider porn a dealbreaker, but if you do, that's your call.
Hey, my name is not Heather for nothing…
I wish I wasn’t such a doormat, dude. I WANT to make him take care of himself, and I’ve been sort of doing it, but the fights have just gotten SO much worse. Like it’s volatile. He punched my car one day, too. He calmed down a little after that, but he straight up stopped doing anything but go to work for WEEKS! I let the dishes pile up after a couple days, and he never touched them. So I couldn’t take it anymore and cleaned the kitchen thinking he threw his fit and now he’ll start helping again, right? He made his point. Nope. It went on for weeks.
This man has been a clean freak our entire relationship, btw. Like psycho cleaner lol. So this was extremely out of character. He also has a habit of micromanaging me whenever I clean anything, so I only clean when he’s at work or not around. It’s ridiculous, I know. Eggshells everywhere. (He’s a LOT like my mother in this way. It’s icky)
It’s just not working. The only thing I haven’t done was make him Uber. At least not every day. I work a lot of events, and he works odd hours, so several days a month he ends up Ubering or catching a ride home.
Idk, it just feels like spending that money unnecessarily is pointless when I’m trying to save. I can tolerate 20 mins a day in the car with him. At least he stopped punching it. I did kick his ass out after he did that though, and he walked to work. I went OFF on him. I think that was actually my breaking point with everything.
For a LDR to work (and they take a lot more patience), the key ingredients is a big effort, huge commitment, and trustworthiness. The fact that she has carried on with this Tim, continues to hang around him, blocks (or lies about it) and unblocks, and him saying things to her that you would reserve for a partner is VERY telling. The fact that she gets very aggressive and defensive in order to shut down any rational attempt to try to have to voice your concerns shows her ass quite clearly. Even if it is not a sexual cheat, at the minimum, it’s an emotional cheat and her behavior towards you is unacceptable and unfair to you. It does sound like for your own sanity and well being you should distance yourself from this woman and work on healing and moving on.
Nope nope nope get out. If someone is okay making antisemitic jokes, they’re antisemitic—and it sounds like he doesn’t really care.
If this relationship got serious, would you consider having kids with him? Would they be practicing Jews too? Aaaaand how would you feel if their dad made jokes like that in front of them?
No. Get out now.
Yeah, if they agreed to not having 5 drinks in 1 night, to save money, is 1 drink for 5 nights different? From a savings perspective, at least.
Yep I thought this too
You don't have to accept it
The time to get a good lawyer is yesterday. No Reddit chucklefuck sill help you as much as a good attorney.
I’m the coach.
Dude – you cannot be this naive. Your wife is doing whatever tf she wants without regard for you or your marriage. Do with that whatever you feel you need to but people who act that way at her age don't usually change.
If he isn’t willing to cut immediate contact then that tells you everything.
This is, according to him, a “third grade crush.” You are his WIFE. This isn’t rocket science. He knows the right thing to do. He just isn’t willing to do it – and that’s a message to YOU, even if he won’t acknowledge or own up to it out loud.
You can’t force him to do something he doesn’t want to do. You can only choose your own actions, and based on what you’ve described you either learn to live with your husband allowing himself to fall in love with another woman with your enablement, or you leave.
I'll talk some more about it with her, just writing the post here helped me get my thoughts in place, I'll see how it goes but it sucks to “throw” 2 years of relationship down the drain..
There is only so much you can do.
So, how about you ease up on her and stop making her feel less, and start encouraging / praising her success.
If she is going to try and fail, so be it. Let her try and fail. At least she was following her heart and who are you to try and change that?
Sometimes people need to figure shit out on their own, even if its learning it the nude way.
And for the record (may not apply to doctors), but I have seen countless people who were shitty students, but excelled in the workplace after graduation.