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Alice, 18 y.o.
Location: Riga
Room subject: CrazyTicket: flash my sweet nipples and stay only in panty | TICKET PRICE: 88 | Type /cmds to see all commands.
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Online Live Sex Chat rooms Alice
Date: December 16, 2022
I don’t think she’s looking at them, at least not the pictures in the old wallet and calender since I found them in the basement. But the picture of them in the bedside table isn’t acceptable because she should’ve put it in some box or something like that if you’re asking me.
Idk that minds wonder that much, I mean, you have who should find beautiful right in front of your face, why pretend they someone else?
I personally hate giving advice to posts like this because (not saying you will). Guys have tend to have an arrogance that women must like them for the reasons they want to be liked. And if anything deviates from that it is wrong. Along with unreasonable requirements like (must not have kids at 32). You are basically saying that any woman who dates you should have never tried to have a serious relationship prior to you.
Im planning on just blowing a couple of grand on escorts to get some sexual experience but then I dont think that will make me happy because After I've fucked her I'll just come home to an empty house.
If you are going to do something stupid like this. Then why not do something stupid that will actually result in helping you. Why not pay an escort to go on actual dates and then criticize you on how what you are doing wrong with your communication and approach.
Honestly, if my parents threatened to cut me off because the person I loved wasn't wealthy or of a high enough class…that already tells me that I'm not their daughter in the ways that matter.
Anyone that threatens to remove family ties (without understandable reasons like abuse/addiction/etc) doesn't care about keeping you as family.
The amount of people who weaponize SA is SO SMALL compared to the amount of people who have been, and haven't done a single thing to get justice.
I'm sorry, but you have no proof of the affair. All you know is that the ex bf said they broke up because she left after being confronted by some texts.
Do you even know if it's the truth? Do you know the dynamics of their relationship? Think about it, she works for that guy, so receiving messages from him it's not that weird and they could be friends (not uncommon either). The ex bf could be just jealous and she deciced that she was done with his insecurities and jealously.
You have as much as proof about the jealousy than you have about the cheating. None. Before you go berserker telling others about the supposed affair, stop and think about it. Thjnk for at least a week before doing anything and only then decide if it's prove enough to go to the wife. Remember that this can blow your marriage as well, since if this go south and affects your husbands business he can resent you.
Oh, so you're a disgusting predator. Got it.
I hope she runs as fast as she can
Girl get out
Woa… the first part of the post sounded bad, but the last part is even worse. This makes me scared to go back in the dating world…
I feel like since you're married you should try really hot to make it work and try to go to couple councelling. And if she refuses, tell her plainly, and clearly, that you're thinking of ending things because of how instagram is changing her.
In addition to what she admitted to I guarantee she also kissed his lap hog with at least 2 orfices, possibly 3.
All jokes aside- have some self respect and gtfo before she brings home a disease. No telling where her exes rotten pecker has been and there you are making out with her probably 45 min after she swallowed his kids. Ugh.
Either you like dck or you do not like dck. It really is pretty cut and dry
Yeah, I agree. I think his unhappiness/incompatibility may be deep enough on both sides that the solution isn't just “stop being a jerk about her hobbies!” but that definitely rubbed me the wrong way too.
Reading some of these responses and the lack of comprehension, our education system is a mess.
This comment is meant for OP who should know the value of the contributions of her man. Who should know what he brings to the table and should be able to determine if this is enough to end their relationship. This is NOT for the ladies who are probably single and seeking company for their misery, who’s only glimpse into the man’s character is through a less than 200 word short essay, and some highly emotionally driven comments.
I really hope she does.
Respect yourself and them enough to make a assertive choice now. Communicate it as directly but respectfully as possible. This is a big change and there’s nothing wrong with you choosing it’s not for you. Your choices are your choices. You’re preferences are your preferences. But take the consequences. Don’t be a coward and lie or drag it out. If people in those social circles ostracise you because if personal choice in a private relationship- they were never your friends in the first place so you’ve lost nothing. Just make a choice and take the fall out. Don’t be a liar or a coward.
Hmmm, I guess it comes from somewhere else. When it comes to friends and family I don't feel this way but only with him. Looks like I'll have to figure things out and if I can't or it gets worse, I'll get some professional output. Thank you.
Probably something about the size of a confirmation that you are HIV+
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Say goodbye to your girlfriend then. I highly doubt aby other woman will out up with your weirdly jealous and judgemental family. That whole “well if she doesn't get along with my family it won't workout” mindset is going to leave you single with only ur crappy family as “friends”. I hope your gf leaves you and finds a man that will actually respect and choose her.
“I disagree. A week and a half is a drop in the bucket in comparison to year round stability and sanity.”
I'm in my mid 60's and still clearly remember the Christmas my crazy Uncle showed up for the week and was a scary asshole. I never wanted to go back to my Grandparent's house again. Neither did my siblings. It completely ruined the happy. So, you're wrong. One moment in time can totally change things forever.
She had 8 drinks lol, be real, it doesn’t sound like she was drugged either and all the suggestions like molly, lsd, thc (???) and shit that people are suggesting do not line up at all and are obviously coming from people that do not have any knowledge or experience with those drugs, she did not only have a couple drinks, she had a lot of alcohol for a woman as a woman’s body metabolizes alcohol differently from men and that would be a lot of drinks for a man as well, it sounds like overintoxication or alcohol poisoning and she has said she has poor mental health as it is which can cause a lot of things to happen with alcohol, I’ve had experiences like this in the past with alcohol only from my own home as have multiple people I know, it means she just needs to stop drinking lol
My ex, yes ex, would always take me to parties and then ditch me with out any introductions. So I’m stuck there trying to make small talk with random people and it absolutely sucked. The 3rd time I just left without telling her. Find your own way home hoe. That was the end of that.
Op I would leave. Don’t even play the game of staying with her. You were in the hospital and not once. did she come to check on you. On top of that you informed her you were leaving so she knew you were on your way home and still hooked up with the other guy. You caught them in the act. Look, it’s your life, but I wouldn’t waste my time with her anymore. You had a good run. It didn’t work out.
Fair enough. I have no clue how to guide this girl, I had like 3 serious convos with her, but seems like no result. I'm not chase type, but I'll solve problems, no result is a turn off which makes everything harder although I have feelings for her, but not appreciating those makes me go cold. Most confusing relationship I had so far.
I don’t think I consider it rape as I did tell him he could, I just wasn’t engaged in it. I think also with how brutal what happened to me was I’ve played down what happened with my bf. You’re right, my gut is telling me this is not right.
Eew. This guy so super gross. I’m glad you told him you don’t owe him anything. I hope you’ll get angry back and tell him that if he ever treats you like a sex servant again you are done. I know you probably won’t dump him today but for your sake, I look forward to the day when you realize you deserve way better than this cringy slimeball.
You're going to be in deep shit when she files that theft report.
Oh do be quiet.
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Ok . My advice for her is to start with ignoring all input like yours.
Poor babies got left out lol boo hoo…
I would've done the same thing…just goes to show who they consider…
Jesus the minute you considered not accepting a promotion over a man you're not married to you should've known to get out. Don't you have friends who could knock some sense into you? Plus this man is a creep and abusing his power. That's who you're choosing. Go to therapy. Get some dignity ffs Jesus fucking Christ
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Being compatible is not just what matches up with your body Emotions and Intellect
but also your Intuition which is the keeper of your beliefs, hopes, ambitions,
goals and methodologies……..all the things you hold tightly to but do not
actually have evidence to support your position. Couples who match closely
in this area rarely have issues concerning what direction they see the Bond
going. Such life-changing events as having children naturally proceed from the
Bond almost effortlessly. OTOH, “Power Couples” are tightly connected, but
perhaps more along the lines of Business and Career.
IMVVHO, and based on whats been reported, I would conclude that this couple
is an Intuitive Mis-match. In fairness it may be worthwhile to have an intimate
“sit-down” to compare notes. However, if there is no ambition to address
Life Management, I would not hold much hope for an authentic participation
in the Sit-down. Just sayin……
Deleted messages can be recovered
Dude just leave. Like Tf are you doing? Man up and end things. You’re also too young to get married anyway so this is a bullet dodged.
Your brother has a point, that why you are so upset
I already get tested for STDs fairly frequently. It would be pretty stupid not to.
Become a hotwife
Speak with him. In my my opinion it is easy to make guys happy!
What makes guys extra happy is if they can make yoy happy. Talk, experiment and take things slow – it is a wonderful journey you are undertaking. Suggest mutual massage, kisses, oral experimentation for both and of cause a very careful cotious . Remember like everything else it takes time to master what is important is to go slow and love each other.
Sorry son, she is already cheating on you. They ask for open relationship to cheat easier.
Suddenly ask her who is she cheating with?! You can tell with her facial expression!
Never ever give in to open relationship. Dump her when you find out who she is cheating with.
Best of luck ?
That's amazing. You really put all my thoughts together cohesively, thank you
!updateme
If she cant respect you and be considerate to your feeling. She does not love you.
Life is stressful enough, you don't need your wife to add more to it. Maybe it's time for marriage therapy?
Be glad. He is 35! 35!!!! I am happy that he knew better than to prey on you!
Very good point, I guess it is hot to let go of what my hopes were and what it had been for a couple years prior to all this
lol of course it was the best sex, he's been having it since you were barely walking. Can guarantee when you get older you will realize that his sex ain't shit. He didn't come across as a creep or predator TO YOU specifically because you're too young and naive to realize it. That's why he targets children. And thats what you were at the time: a child.
You were certainly not his first, you won't be his last. He's a fucking creep. He targets children and lovebombs them until he gets what he wants and then he dumps them and moves on to the next target.
Why are you even talking to her? She’s in a relationship and it does seem she has feelings/ attraction towards you. If you were the bf would you want her to be texting guys meeting them? The answer should be no. I guess you can ask her then tell her y’all shouldn’t talk bc she’s in a relationship
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Agree OP listen to this person and avoid the miserable life my brother has now. Do NOT sign that birth certificate, lawyer up just in case, and get that test done.
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Yea they are real. Thank you for telling me that. You’re right it’s definitely not the first instance where he’s made me feel like he doesn’t really care.
No, marriage is a legal contract made up by man.
And I've clarified many times I was 23. Next.
She probably doesn’t know they are just roommates.
lol yeah…
My response: “you're using accusatory language as you accuse me of using accusatory language. Do we need to go to therapy because you're intension in questioning my intension of the word why isn't good?”
Sounds like therapy is in order all around.
That kinda mind games? Is she hanging around new friends? Watching podcasts? taking classes at college? I have never seen anyone have an issue with the word why and we are surrounded in a world of people taking offense at words for no good reason these days.
Lab time is irrelevant, it's baked into the cost. There are already a considerable number of tests that are standard already, adding one more is negligible.
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Had a long distance relationship end and a buddy who lived in the same area as my ex called out of the blue one day to let me know that she was back on the dating apps. I absolutely appreciated the heads up even though in this situation it wasn't necessarily needed since we had broken up.
The way my buddy framed the question was good. He asked how my ex was doing first and when I told him we were broken up, then he brought up that he had seen her on the apps. Might be a good way to ease into the conversation…
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Ummm that’s not a “boyfriend” that’s a groomer and a statutory rapist! I can’t say I am shocked an almost 40 year old man blocked his teenage girlfriend when he found out she was pregnant.
Sugar-free Haribo gold bears
You need to stop making excuses for him. Childhood trauma doesn't give him the right to abuse you. Stop making it easy for him to hurt you by making excuses for his abuse.
Read the book “Why Does He Do That?” by Lundy Bancroft. Men do not abuse women because of childhood trauma. Men that abuse women know exactly what they are doing. He will never stop abusing because he doesn't want to. And you are making it easier by refusing to face the truth.
Please provide facts supporting your clam that 23&Me sells your data.
It’s not humiliating no…. It’s hurtful. But it sounds like she’s been aware of his doubt for a while so it’s not a surprise and she’s humiliated because she thinks he children somehow know he’s accusing her of cheating because of this gift, which I just really doubt unless she acted super weird about it in front of them
Crack
The people in here who think it’s sweet are mi’lady men who do the same thing 🙂
If a girl is too nervous to approach a guy, she is crushing hot man.
Overthinking it? What are you overthinking?
Have you considered she has already opened it up in your absence? My guess is you are already in an open relationship, until you decide to end it.
Sorry
Yes you are. You've only been with her 3 months, you don't even know her yet. She is open and honest about her relationship with him which is being a friendly coworker and an acquaintance. Relationships are complicated, it's very unfair to expect her to give him the cold shoulder. She isn't interested in him, do you trust her? Are you nervous that she'll develop intimate feelings for him again? Maybe those lunches are just to maintain a healthy relationship with him, it would suck to have animosity at work just because she refused to be friends with him. It sounds like she is comfortable with the relationship being friends, there's nothing wrong with that. It's a tough dynamic working with an ex, she has found a way to successfully navigate that.
You are learning some big things about yourself here. You are discovering boundaries and insecurities that you didn't know you had. You know it bothers you, but in what way exactly? Do you feel like it's a bit unfaithful for her to be friends with an ex? Do you feel betrayed that she doesn't distance herself from him after you came along? You become a “controlling person” when you make her on-line her life a certain way to make you happy, rather letting her live! in a way that makes her happy.
You specifically mention texting and work lunches, then you exaggerated that to include “hanging out and doing errands”. Lunch can be a lot of different things. I've had lunch with some people (that I don't like) and just have work talk or watch something on tv. I've also had some of my most emotional conversations on a work lunch.
Ikr? OP is out here thinking he’s got all the time in the world and the only thing he’s doing is setting that dog up for complete failure for the next 12 years. The older the dog gets, the less flexible people become. OPs gonna try rehoming a 14 month old puppy thats been abandoned in every sense with no manners or training and its not going to go well for the poor puppy. Selfish, selfish OP nobody is acting in the puppy’s best interest whatsoever. SIGH
One reason may be that if, as a couple, they decide on her getting pregnant through artificial insemination or any other agreed upon means he is then held to his responsibilities if he tries to bail.
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One thing I'm too worried about is that she admitted that she actually stalked my girlfriend and knows where she works, where she lives etc. I need advice please.
Do you seriously need Reddit to tell you to cut contact with your toxic, obsessive ex who has admitted to stalking your current partner?? How is this even a question?
Ok, fine. Cut contact with your toxic ex who is stalking your partner. There is absolutely nothing good that can come of retaining this pseudo-relationship and about a million things that can go horribly wrong.
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Of course. Important point and I'm more than willing to make that effort
Not odd. If you wanna talk then talk. Just don't expect an immediate response as many are busy at this time.
How can I convince him he's dating a psychopath?
He used to date a psychopath. He's now dating a normal person.
Sorry I mistook the point of your comment. 100% Janes has a motive for this. Probably jealous John and OP’s mum are still friends maybe. But yeah I get you now, it’s all good!
Ok well try and make it seem fun+spontaneous, not something you’ve been obsessing about for days. + hooking up with a girl + giving her great sex is the best way to make her your gf, the whole “let’s take it slow because this one is special” theory is flawed. Girls prefer great sex to flowers
Thank you for your insight
Do you know all of her past exes and flings?
yup
One of the most telling diagnostic traits of a psychopath is abusing animals.
Get out while you can, and don’t let him near your poor doggo again!
Ok so you heard what you heard. Either go to marriage counseling for some open conversation or get your ducks in a row for the divorce. She will be sleeping with someone else soon. She's lying to you so proceed accordingly.
Reply back, no you won't, then block!!
Bruh either cut her off or next time she calls tell her you are not her emotional problem anymore.
That sounds like a great and thoughtful gift. Idk why people are ungrateful for stuff like this. It’s not like it’s something he will throw in a corner and never see again, it’s able to be regularly used and it makes everyday life a little easier. I don’t think the issue is you here.
That sucks and I’m sorry you have to deal with that. You are totally fair for breaking up, and it’s isn’t fat phobic.
If you want to try and work through it. It might help to change your approach. It’s not that he’s eating too much. He’s eating more than his share. Try doing the mental math out loud next time you are at an event before anyone eats. Pizza is a great 1st step because it’s already pre divided. “2 pizzas for 8 people. So everyone gets 2 pieces.” That makes it not personal and sets a limit without obviously singling him out. Then if he reaches for a 3rd slice, you can quietly remind him. Or loudly remind him.
At the moment, she lives with her father (who also gives her spending money).
I’m so sorry. I hope you had a very happy holiday even without him.
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If this is legitimately an issue for you, the answer is to always choose to drink 0. Period.
Choosing to drink 1 or 2 and then stopping is always in a persons control and choice, impairment is not that severe, making excuses for shitty behavior otherwise is insane.
It seems you two are doing just fine. Don't worry about blue balls, unless they were homeschooled and really severely sheltered us dudes know how to remedy that problem, lol. Every relationship dynamic is slightly different but it seems like your boyfriend is respecting your boundaries so I would suggest you enjoy your time together and figure things out at your own pace.
If this is still bothering you in a few days just talk to your boyfriend about it. I can't speak for all guys but most of us just want to feel wanted in a relationship and are pretty reasonable and accommodating when we are treated like people.
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Soooo…..if she allows another man to touch her breast after telling her bf her breast is only for him….that’s cool right? Because others have no authority over our bodies? Even if that body part was given special significance by the partner? Cool. Good to know.
I didn’t even know these lunchboxes existed and am now so pumped to buy them for myself and my partner, so thank you! What a thoughtful gift!
Your husband though…it doesn’t matter that you “got what you asked for” when he paid using your joint account…!
This right here is how successful relationships are built!
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I mean, I think if it's an issue for your partner, it shouldn't be something to lie about? It's something he specifically has said he had an issue with himself before, so hypocritical comes to mind. Along with the whole shock factor.
I don't insist on knowing. I encourage it. But I just didn't expect to find it after he has specifically said he doesn't like it/use it, without me saying anything prior. And we had discussed that he'd let me know if it ended up being something he wanted to use/something I'd find. It's the lying as a whole. It's dumb.
Thanks man. Great points. I will still try to prove her that I can change, because I really love her and care about her. With my reaction to this thing last night I think I proved her wrong. She expected that I would start a fight, how could you etc. But I was calm, loving, supportive. Idk anymore. I have million scenarios in my head fighting eachother
“Wasted.” + “Helping you to your car.”
Fake story. He'd help you to an uber if this was true
I mean they were originally invented for bullet holes so there is that
This issue with not telling her is that crazy girl could decides to mention it to her and turns it into more than what it was.
Info: who puts baby girl back to sleep after you wake her up?
Why not put the baby in the guest room and make it into a nursery?
First two kids were in their own rooms (with a camera) by four weeks old. They never slept much in our bed except for the nights they had bad dreams.
The last kid we were more lenient on because we knew it was our last. So she slept in our bed pretty regularly the first year. Now she sleeps in her own bed.
If those options aren't a thing then sleep in the guest room.
Drinking and “hanging” out with married guys is never a good look to their wives.
Been married 10+ here and have a toddler. Even now that child has their own room, I will still sleep in the guest room from time to time if Im up too late and dont want to risk waking wifey. Admittedly, I too was concerned at first, but as long as you are open and the process serves a good purpose (letting exhausted mom and growing babe to sleep tight), its no big deal. Little one will transition soon to their own room.
I agree. I cook and bake all the time. I bake a lot of “old timey” things that people haven't had since their grandma died and it makes them feel so good. Why on earth would someone be mad about that?
No you aren't going to feel different about John , may get over the mother but never will him.
right. so he should be paying significantly more than she is to shared expenses.
Tell her that a couple of days ago you were happy with her confession and felt the same but now knowing where and what she plans to do that that changes things if she goes through with it. Set a boundary. At y’alls ages don’t you get over that and want to settle down.
Thank you for thinking of others.
Merry Christmas!
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Exactly – only way you could sue is if the doctor lies to you about what they’re doing, or fucks up somehow, etc.
What am I reading? She’s got you whipped.
I’ve literally never thrown a cat, just set them down, it’s that that hot. The amount of ppl thinking it’s perfect acceptable to throw a geriatric cat is appalling
Hold it, where was she last night & with whom?
Leave her alone, you made your choice about the relationship and staying in her life will prolong it for her
You should talk to a therapist, dude. This is heavy stuff.
More blanket statements that are based/substantiated by nothing. What you’re saying makes no sense. If I’m at a sporting event and I’m loud/aggressively yelling in support of my team, you’re telling me that I’m verbally abusing them? If I’m at a concert and I’m loud/yelling at the performer, you’re saying that I’m abusing them? If I’m at a graduation and I’m loud/cheering for the person I’m there to support, by your logic I’m actually abusing them. You’re trying to make a generalization that is just not accurate. Hence the dangers of blanket generalizations based on no research, facts, or data
If asking you to cut a piece of your dick off is how your relationship with your father in law STARTS, just imagine where it ends.
“She does not want to share me with someone else.”
I’m sure you’ve got a pretty dense skull, but that means no.
So he is getting therapy, but chooses to treat you like crap.
You have every right to leave him.
Those who know you will know it's not because you have fat phobia or are fat shaming him. They know it's because you deserve to be treated better.
No one else opinion matters, but yours. You deserve better
If you don't like the idea of being friends with benefits, then don't have friends with benefits. The whole point is that you can sleep with whoever the hell you want. If you're going to get possessive like he's your husband, then you're better off not doing the friends with benefits thing for your own sake.
Probably not, no :/
Yea, I thought of that as well. Just his name brings back all the trauma. The fact that the last time he messaged me was this year even creeped me out.
Ask her dad if he would be cool if you forced his daughter to do some sort of(probably made up) Pagan Ritual where she has to mutilate her vagina as a grown woman, just to appease you and your family because she didn't grow up Pagan and had never done it. His answer will be extremely hypocritical, and not at all shocking.
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Tell him what’s wrong. If he loves you and your relationship is worth fixing then be honest about what you feel. Don’t blow up on him but sit him down and tell him exactly why you feel the way you do. If he has a negative reaction, then you need to rethink the relationship.
I can corroborate the “anatomically curious” angle as a woman. After i was given a book that explained what sex was mechanically at around age 8 or 9 i was immediately googling “pictures of people having sex” (my google search skills have improved since then), because i just couldn’t quite picture how things actually fit together haha.
You dumb bro
Lol!! This will be the dumbest decision but sounds like yall want this affair to happen
Was one of those reasons that you wanted to keep them both on the hook? That's how it reads to me.
You don’t love her. Stop leading her on and leave her alone. Asshole
My asian gf would laugh at this remark cuz she knows how true that is where shes from.
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Yeah it's definitely heading that way. I've moved away for university, last year I was home for a total of 3 weeks during the year but then had to be back for 3 months over the summer.
This year, I think this week I've been back will be the only time I'm back for. And if I can find myself a part time job I will not being coming back of the summer.
And I've already told my mum I'm not moving back home once I graduate (which tbh I think she is quite relived at because my brother graduated last year, has moved back home, doesn't have a job and doesn't pay rent or contribute in anyway)
He's never gonna change, my brothers have always had preferential treatment. His first year of university mum paid for all of his rent, so he got to use all of his government loan (£7500) the rest of his living costs and then in second year mum paid for half of his rent. I have been at uni for two years and both years I have had to use my government loan (£4500) to pay for my rent which it doesn't even cover it. So I have been going into my very very limited savings. And I will rarely ask mum for money because she's over working herself as it is. But my brothers just ask and ask and ask. And she gives and gives and gives
Appreciate your response. I think i need to see it this way and understand my worth. Thank you
Take her aside (preferably alone) and ask her what's going on. Gently point out that she seems more anxious/upset and that's leading to situations that worry you. Give her an opportunity to perhaps explain if something has angered or upset her.
I dont want to force him to have sex with me
You're already trying to by chiding him for not doing it.
Welcome to the world of having a girlfriend, girls are notorious fir being “fashionably late”
So you’ll take you kid into the bathroom with you when you visit? Even when they’re 8 years old and don’t want to see their father pee or shit? You’ll never leave the room their in? What will you do if you have two kids and the 1 year old runs out of the room while your 4 year old refuses to follow you? Will you trust your wife to properly watch a kid or will you have to take the kid with you against her wishes when you’re with her family and need to go into another room?
If you’re comfortable with that, by all means, wait for her to get done getting fucked and then dedicate yourself to her.
I personally wouldn’t be able to do that, but my preferences don’t matter. Either you’re good with it or you aren’t. The fact you’re here shows me you could, at least, go either way. For me, there would be no question, I just wouldn’t talk to her again.
I agree. When they talk calmly about this he won't have changed his mind.
I hope they can end on good terms.
Girl. Your mother had made her intentions crystal clear at this point – she does not care about YOU. She wants YOUR MONEY. Cut her out of your life. That way you won't need to tell her that you are not coming back – because you won't be talking to her AT ALL. Problem solved.
I said that because I thought I wasn't seeing him again. From his end, if he's inviting me over on Christmas Eve after I got him a gift, getting me something in return is a really obvious and simple thing.
Bc i am confused ? i loved him and he took me by surprise with this. I guess if anything i just want to know why he wouldnt marry me
You're thinking too deep miss… you can't compare yourself to the ex and think everything he does is tainted. That is absolutely not fair to him. You may not be mature enough to be in a healthy relationship, consider saving his time and let him find someone who doesn't give him stress over nothing.
when i was younger ~15 i did talk therapy briefly
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Well whether you should stay or not that'd be solely your decision. If you think you don't want to be with him then leave. Otherwise if you choose to stay you need to voice and enforce your boundaries in this relationship. You are not his punching bag. He shouldn't take his frustrations out on you. This would then turn out a toxic relationship. He should talk to a therapist about his problems and deal it like a grown up. But taking out their frustration on spouse is a cowardice approach.
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You are genuinely THE WORST brand of person.
For anyone who sees this post. They posted five days later claiming to be demisexual and aromantic while in this “relationship”; they led her on until Christmas so far.
When confronted, this woman, who is 28 years old, BLAMED her victim and tried to say trauma made her strong a person along and use them for sex.
This person is a HORRIBLE partner and shouldn’t be in relationships.
Man let me tell you something. There’s a reason they say hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. My dad cheated on my mom and they got back together about 6 months later. Ever since they got back together she has treated him like absolute dog shit and I can’t really blame her, he deserves it. Basically women never forget a betrayal like that, no matter what they say they will never forgive you for it. That’s why imo you should never get back with someone you cheated on because they will make your life hell.
Genuinely wondering why you'd date someone when you consider yourself aromantic?
when it comes to helping me he will help as he did 3 weeks ago. he came over and helped and that was only after i saved his ass lol. its been so back and forth…
like he would come over and talk to me at school. on his bday i didnt wish him (october) and he messaged me he saw my car lol.
then a week later he sent me a picture of. me. first day of classes he wanted to see me.
i asked to talk in september and thats when he dismissed it … as he was busy with client stuff. cried and begged and he did nothing
but in beginning of august he calls to see me on the first day of classes..
i give up lol.
as i said very back and forth
last time we met he said his mom asked about me… made remarks of how i move my hands when i talk and mimicked me.
said hes turning into me when he goes shop.
i dunno … maybe he was just being nice.
he said that when his mom comes in march im invited for dinner
so yea
we had a fight in the summer and he resurfaced back and in august he drunk cried to me saying he missed me
very very back and forth
r/amitheasshole Yes, YTA
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Lose the 80-or-so kilo dead weight in form of a boyfriend, continue the meds. Mental health is so much more important than a few extra kilos (12 pounds is like 5 kilos, that’s really nothing).
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I’m the same
Personally I don’t see it as an issue as I do enjoy everything my bf does to me even if I don’t orgasm, I don’t find it frustrating and I presume the same applies to you (if it is frustrating to you then I suggest trying out a vibrator, first on a solo level then with your partner once you know exactly how to make it work for you)
Listen, I don’t care about anyones politics. That’s their business. As a friend you absolutely do not have the right to constantly feel the need to challenge your friends beliefs if they don’t agree with yours. I don’t care if you feel valid for doing so, it’s their prerogative to believe or follow whatever politics or process of determination. Your friend is a cunt and you don’t have to engage into a political debate at her whim.
Again, you’re friend is a cunt. If they don’t want to talk to you anymore then take it as a gift and let them do it
Yeah cancel that process like yesterday….
Yeah you did the right thing. In the future don't waste your time on fixer uppers.
My other point was rly just about having a sense of style. I'd be so happy to help him find his style and express his own interests this way + feel more confident doing it. Iver personally learned the difference “dressing up” vs just wearing clothes can have. I've encouraged him and told him when he feels ready to revamp his closet, that I'll be right there with him.
Also if you mention you’re uncomfortable and they literally say “it’s fine we’re basically two girls” red flag as well, he’s being sketchy with this person and I’d say until you meet her you two aren’t having any more sex and you won’t be doing shit for him.
Judging by your comments, it seems like you really don't understand how serious this accusation is. You could have ended their relationship, caused a huge rift between him and his future in-laws, caused legal issues if you decided to press charges. Now you're hurt and embarrassed by your own behavior because your family got proof that what you thought happened didn't. Just apologize, because acting like you weren't in the wrong and are a victim is only going to create problems in your relationships with your family.
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Oh, I know. This isn’t directed at you, lol, sorry, I should have clarified that!
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The OF girl who stabbed her boyfriend to death told him a week or 10 days before she did it, I want to kill you. Your girlfriend wants to squash your head. There ARE other women. Take the dog, GO, find someone who will bring peace to your life.
He's just blaming her for the cookies because he refuses to blame himself. Those kids don't want the cookies. They want the cookies their MOM makes. OP could make them exactly like her, but they still wouldn't be their mom's.
And honestly, imagine having to spend time with that man without the cushion of family around. I can't imagine he's pleasant to be around in general.
Id let it go this time. If more issues arise I'd revisit talking to your friend. No one is sure what happened on that end so it's probably going to create conflict if you do. I'd keep an eye on him when you're around him
In part because people like you go along with it.
No, you aren't as shitty as he is.
Yes, you still suck.
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Well now I can see why she definitely wants to leave him. It’s not entirely because of the kids, it’s him
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We’ve helped each other through dark times of our own it just feels like every 2 months something comes up. I’m glad you were able to find one that ended up helping you as well and hoping for the best in my situation since I know she’s hurting and I just want what’s best for her at the end of the day. Thank you so much though it really opened my eyes on the medication stand point and clarified thinking it through.
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My sister doesn't think he ever raped me, that's why she let's her kids around him.
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He can’t make your grow your hair out. Tell him to fuck off
I would like to speak honestly with my sister about this, but my wife always asks me not to bring it up to avoid tensions. The only options I have left are to limit the time we spend there. We don't go over to my families place as often as we used to and I have been actively seeking jobs outside of the state in hopes to move somewhere further.
Umm, they’ve said so many stupid comments about goth wife, not once have you spoken up for your wife. Have you told your sister or your mom to stop. Dude, no one can fix this but you.
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Get a paternity test, just so you can throw the results in his face as you leave him anyway. Neither you nor your children deserve to be treated this way.
This is very simple.
If he wants to be in a relationship with you, he does not go on the 'guys' trip'.
If he goes on the trip, you end it permanently.
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yeah old pervert tend to be “crazy” about young girls, funny how that always works out, huh? ?
((HUGS)) Breakup with the man child!!
Sorry for your loss, and please try to get back to a healthy weight!!
Subscribeme!
I feel like if I move on… I won’t even find another partner and by then I’ll be 37 anyways 🙁
Good for you!!
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The beauty of moving forward without him, is that you won't feel like your doing the wrong thing by grieving.
Currently he's expecting some sort of performance like a barbie doll, and expecting you to just give him sex. Trust me you'll be much better off at home only having to think of yourself vs having to be “responsible” for his feelings too. (he's such a fuck wit)
There's a lot worse things than being alone, invite some friends over and enjoy some junk food together. Do some self care, like a long hot shower, listen to the music you like, and specifically do something that he hates
You deserve an enormous hug, and I'm so sorry your going through this
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Tale as old as time…
Is this a troll post? You just said you were perfectly happy but because he’s a narcissist, he’s automatically a monster? Do you know how rare it is for a narcissist to be self-aware and actually seeking help and therapy? As a child of a narcissist, that seems like a dream! This whole post is bizarre and even your comments, it all seems like a very fake troll post.
She broke no one’s “trust”. You were not a couple. She owes you no explanation or answers. I hope she stops feeling guilty. Move on.
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If they aren’t close to you, why would you expect them t call your parents when they can’t even call you?
Try talking to your wife. She may be able to give some insight m. Some people just keep to themselves.
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I was thinking, he didn't tell her sooner because he knew she'd freak out lol.
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At some point if I kept willingly continuing a relationship I know had no future I’d think about if I was the problem. You can’t just stay because it’s a habit you leave because it’s incompatible and she will never want you like that
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She’s all you knew and now your broken hearted.
Just be glad she didn’t go through the motions, marriage, kids etc…. Because you would be in a bigger world of shit.
There’s a first time for everything. And your experiencing it.
She’s all you knew and now your broken hearted.
Just be glad she didn’t go through the motions, marriage, kids etc…. Because you would be in a bigger world of shit.
There’s a first time for everything. And your experiencing it.
If you still want contact and some connection with your ex as if that would indicate you are worth her time to talk to, then you have an ego problem. You need her approval in some way to feel good about yourself when in fact, you need to find ways to feel good about yourself regardless of how others feel about you. Or you will always be dependent on others for your self esteem.
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Hang on – this post is about how he wants to on-line. But what do you want to save for? Is there a happy medium for you two? If you want to start a family, you can do that any time if you know he wants the same. That doesn't mean you need to stop doing the fun stuff because you have decided that is what yoy want, ask for a split of interets. For now, put xxx percent of money into savinga highlighted for famiky and put xxx towards the next adventure.
Every couple does it differently, if he's taking his lead from toy as to next steps then make a decision that benefits that next step.
As long as he understands that once your family has been started then the percentage for family savings to travelling savings need to be flipped in the family's favour. Until then, you're both making memories and having experiences that won't be possible with kids in tow.
What do you want to do? Plan the next year out in a practical sense with him. If you need to get his mum involved do so! (I've just handed my husband to his mum, he's being unreasonable about something and I've tried everything. Only a mum an help sometimes!)
An alternative approach –
Tell her Dad whats going on Find a 50 year old dude to pretend to be your boyfriend, bring him home to your father.
Just you know, choose chaos.
I just had a head reattachment, my neck has been swollen for 10 years I’m starting to look like Jabba the Hutt
Please leave this abusive jerk. It will only get worse. Take my word for it.
Thank you. I’m so worried I won’t find another relationship as great as this, that’s what holds me back. This is the only thing that’s been wrong.
Today, it's a random woman, and tomorrow you will find out it's coworker, neighbor, ex, friend (you don't have to worry about).
It's ridiculous to say you won't find anyone else. Stop telling yourself that.
People do change their mind about children (in both directions). If this happened to me I would want to ask him what caused the change of heart, because I'd really want to know.
Good luck. Breakups are sad but sometimes they are necessary, and most people do recover from them.
“Gay” men fuck women all the time.
Around 5 months after he visited.
This sounds like narcissism. He always needs to be the center of your attention. And he doesn’t want to be the one taking care of you.
I would break up. What if you developed a chronic illness? What about when you’re pregnant? This is not a supportive life partner, this is a man-child.
This is just terrible to understand. I’m truly in shock realizing I’m not the one giving the advice here.
If both you and he think she has a crush on him I’d say it’s time to move on and find a new therapist. He can find someone else who is helpful and not crossing boundaries making you uncomfortable.
You are a gross and ignorant human. It's people like you that stop progress. If you actually educated yourself on what NPD is, you wouldn't be acting this unempathetic.
Your brain was doing the best job it could to understand what was happening! It made you understand “alarm this is wrong something isn't right” it's totally understandable if it takes you some time to figure out what exactly is wrong! Important is that we learn to rely on our gut feelings and stay true to ourselves, and protect ourselves! Our radars are working, it's time to honor it and stand up for ourselves!
Also get rid of the victim mentality. The whole woe is me I did so much and he can’t blah blah. He’s shown you who he is countless times and you keep hand feeding him everything he wants. You’re not a victim but a consequence of your own actions. Once you see this you’ll stop giving yourself away.
Girl he wants sex.
So, he has a lot of anxiety about sex but your anxiety about safety is a problem. Got it.
So you’re attracted to douchebags? Oof, I wouldn’t want you to be my girlfriend.
There is no baby. She miscarried 6 years ago. We weren’t even together then. But she let me believe that I was the father alongside someone else as she’d narrowed it down to two dudes and didn’t bother with the further investigation until later down the line apparently.
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Hello /u/777lov,
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I would be sad if my bf lost the cheap shirt I got him. I would be considering breaking up with him if I found out he made someone pay him for a shirt that HE lost and that person was in a way worse position than him financially. I’d actually be furious cause 1. The shirt you buy now is not the shirt I gave you so all sentiment is lost anyway 2. Your character is showing. Even if he’s the best boyfriend in the world it’s alarming he could do that to a friend
Anyone who would agree with that is rolling over their own spouse.
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U really no need to attack some ppl's belief just because u don't agree. There's no need for that, it would just start drama.
Why are you with a man who values you so little, that he’ll bring a woman back to your home, your safe space, and cheat on you with her.
His feelings are clear. He’s using you.
Ingredients for special menu probably expensive and he doesn’t wanna give them away for free
Lol, yeah ok whatever. No one would believe that they'd be more inclined to believe unicorns exist and pigs have sprouted wings.
that's a really kind response, thank you so much. i do think we owe it to each other to meet, it's just difficult with his parents being so controlling. even if i flew over there – which would be extremely expensive considering they wouldn't let me stay with him, we'd have to meet in secret, which is no way to start a long term relationship.
You don't tell your girlfriend about nice things you do for other people, because “she's not that sort of girl”
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I haven’t threatened these things.
I told tell him (in a very different context) about how many years before I met him, I attempted suicide once. I did reassure him I have worked on myself since. I have medication, I go to therapy, etc.
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They were playfighting and he let go when she got scared. Call it anything you like. Respect and decency, she knows she can trust this guy now.
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If you would regularly hang out or meet up with each other, you can message him to let him know you really enjoyed spending time with him that night. (see how he responds)
If his response isn't obvious one way or the other, you can add “we should do that again soon”. (see how he responds) If he responds positively, you can add casually ” just let me know when you're free”. If he seems to brush it off, change the subject.
You were broken up
It happens some times Now if it was a currant girl your with then yeah that would be a issue.
Laugh about it and keep your friend.
Ask her to suggest the time to suit. At some point she has to have some agency here, if she doesn’t she’s not that interested anyway.
I mean that’s perfectly normal and nothing wrong with that
But honestly somethings are better kept secrets and not communicated lol. This is one of them.
Okay just for some background, some months ago, we were at a bar about to leave and she told an acquaintance of ours, who neither of us know very well, “We gotta leave, I’m gonna go get laid!” And she pulled me into her. I just went “Yeesh” and she turned to me on our way out the door and said “I’m leaving right now without you! Please don’t shame me!” And she walked out. I chased after her and managed to salvage the evening, but that was the first time I felt like this would become a problem.
On xmas eve, she said, “I’ve got tiny Trump hands, which is good because it makes cocks look bigger.” But that actually didn’t bother me that much. It was much later in the night when we were all very drunk and she told a close friend of mine, “I’ve had ThrowRAFela’s cock in mouth!” The next day I told her that made me cringe and didn’t understand why she said that because it wasn’t even a joke.
That's understandable, but you have a chance to avoid a kid being used as a weapon. You can tell her how fucked up it feels, and all her of she really wants to continue down that path. Or, you can get a vasectomy and make sure you never have kids with get, and nope get and your child's mom don't stay plotting together.
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You cant set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
I get nightmares of my ex being with other men. I'm literally losing sleep over it. The difference is that I wanted to make the relationship work and she didn't want to bother making any effort.
Leave, she disrespected you by cheating
Women wipe every time we pee. We also have periods, so it would make sense she used more than you…
It's obvious what you need to do. Talk to your mum, she's the one you're related to, she's the one who wants you there and she's the one who hasn't got a clue what's happening or why. Stop having conversations with her husband, he isn't your dad. She is your mum.
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Brief but to the point haha. Thanks for that I do agree I need therapy, I did it a long time ago but yeah it’s long overdue.
I’ve been basically drowning and I don’t expect or want to bring her down with me.
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Maybe she's ill? When I had COVID I was dead to the world for nearly 2 full weeks. Or maybe something happened while she was home with her family and she's dealing with that.
Maybe send her a message telling her you hope everything's okay and you'd love to hear from her.
Thanks for the congrats…lol at least someone said it
He was a shitty partner who ignored every attempt of OP telling him they needed to work on things. Now he knows she was serious.
How is this different than any guy proposing?
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Clearly, it's for a woman. I would ask him if I were you. Worse case scenario he is cheating and they are for some girl he's seeing on the side.
I am now a kink shamer.
I feel like I see these posts a lot. I had a bf like this in college. It led up to me having to physically throw him into the floor in a store. No amount of “stop. No. I don't like it” was working. Of course as soon as I got physical, well I'm just no fun, I have a bad temper, so on.
It took me a while a to dump him but it was the best thing I ever did.
I'm afraid this might be the real answer. I'm just worried he won't ever find his own motivation. It's hot to see someone you love making poor choices.
And don’t tell him you are leaving. Wait until he goes to work. I’m so sorry you are going thru this. His behavior is not normal.
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It seems like this happened six years ago
Get him a can opener and maybe a cookbook.
Troll.
Just say that you have used the money. You are telling the truth.
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Oh, I’m down to play cat and mouse. But everyone is telling me not to. Saying its not worth it. It probably isnt huh
He was splitting a joint, not open mouth kissing the guy lol I think you’re a little too hung up on the idea of them sharing a joint, there isn’t a whole lot of saliva involved. If you’re getting saliva all over the joint, it makes the paper mushy and difficult to smoke.
My thing is, this is the only thing we have argued about. He says that there will be no more arguments or stress because that was the only thing he disliked. Obviously I’m taking that with a grain of salt because you never know what the future holds. But it’s hot for me to walk away, even though I’m uncomfortable with this current situation. I don’t know if the relationship will be worth it in the end
You need to be more concerned with your fiancée (not sure why you labeled her as your “current girlfriend) than your “friend”. Honestly, if I were your intended and found out you were entertaining this woman days before the wedding, there’d be no wedding. This person has never been your friend, only someone that you wanted a relationship with who strung you along. But her actions aren’t the only ones I see as being disrespectful to your fiancée.
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Uhm.. maybe it’s a good thing she’s lost feelings for you? Because it sounds like you’re in hell of a ride spending the rest of your life with her. With all the scams and schemes she falls for you’ll always be paying for her mistakes.
Your BF is old enough that he should get that people worry about, love their friends. Would he be angry if your friend Maverick was hurt in a car accident and you were upset? Friends are friends. Has your BF never had a female friend?
i’m not a woman 2. why come asking for advice when you don’t want to hear any?
What he did was completely unacceptable.
Moving away from that fact for a minute, if he is having a problem with this boundary that you have had for years, then there is something about the relationship that is not working for him or you both.
When someone starts bickering at rudimentary stuff and getting frustrated by things that are not new, then something else generally is off about the relationship.
Reason why I'm saying this is that you stopping giving him blowjobs will not stop the problem – he will just find something else to be frustrated about.
Is your relationship emotionally strong otherwise? Is there anything that has been missing? Is the romance still alive?
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Have you considered that maybe your view isn’t the right one and that she’s seeing something from the outside that you can’t?
I get what you’re saying about having more common interests with the others, but as a parent, isn’t it your job to find common ground?
Is your son saying anything to her and not you? I think that telling her that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about is a bad move, potentially you don’t know and she does but you’re just dismissing her.
It’s absolutely your responsibility too. I’ve had this but with an older child. I said firmly no as I considered it too soon. It’s also unusual for a mother to have no contact with such a young child. I assume you know the details and not just from him (presumably if you’ve met his daughter you’ve also met his family?).
This “your” person allowed this disrespect to happen and told you to sick it up.
This is definitely NOT your person.
I also struggle with perspective but you do need to try to see it from his point of view. He also has responsibility to his family and while you may not have chosen to spend time with family, I don’t think he is unreasonable for doing so. Maybe you’re putting a lot of pressure on him to make you happy… I can see why it would be frustrating for him and why he may end up making comments you find hurtful.
Bedroom is fantastic. All needs are met very frequently.
I love being on BC. It makes me feel a million times better during the point in my cycle I would be having my period. Oh and I don't have to put up with my periods anymore! It's the best thing I've ever done for myself.
However! Not everyone likes the way it makes them feel or the other side effects. So while I'm a big proponent for BC for anytime I'm not try to have get pregnant, it is a personal medical decision and no one would be pressuring you one way or the other.
If you aren't exclusive, condoms are the only BC method that does anything to stop the spread of STD/STIs. And if he's pressuring you not to wear them, he's probably pressuring anyone else he's sleeping with not to wear them too
What a baby this man sounds like. Omg I don't know how you can stand tip toeing around someone's feelings. It also sounds like the financial situation is what you are concerned w and instead of discussing this with you, he is sulking. Just throw this whole man baby out.
Dude, she cheated and ruined the marriage. Do not just let her have your kids. Fight for them
Has he ever tasted his own cum?
I would have him eat his cum before I would give him a bj again. All men should know how they taste.
And I laughed at how you ruined HIS morning, he should be getting you off, and going to work horny…
Two minutes? WTH? He’s more than selfish. Don’t have sex with him until there is lots of foreplay. Period.
Damn I'd of left.
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Your boyfriends judgement gives me red flags. First the massive age gap, then having his child call you Mamma and lastly but probably the think that shows he lacks serious judgement is the motorcycle racing. He’s a single parent to a baby and has no business racing motorcycles. What would happen if he was injured or worse killed. Who would take care of the baby?
Give her the letter immediately. She can likely follow up within a few days. Besides those letters are always dated, so she's going to know you hid it if you don't. Do you really want her to think you played games with her health?
This is not the vibe. Please leave for your own sanity
You are not the arbiter of this information. She is presumably an adult, not a child with special needs. Shame on you.
Raves are fun. Give it a try.
Do not spend a single penny on him. Do not do it. I repeat: Do not spend a penny on a house for a man who is not your husband. Honey, he wants to use you and on-line comfortably and have you finance his life. Either get rid of him or set up a prenup/agreement in which it is unmistakably clear that this will be your money only.
I had to double check the age I’m seeing. This just screams red flag and not for the smoking
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This, and wtf is the therapist doing? This is crazy!
I agree mostly. whenever he messes up badly, he always says stuff like “i wasnt very in the moment/present when I said that” but I dont think thats a valid excuse.
I'm definitely talking with him and update the post. See how he reacts and that will tell a lot. a handwritten apology letter would be the least he can do. I already apologized hundreds of time, talked several hours with my mom and sister.
One word springs to mind: egotistical. Or ego-testicle in your BFs case.
Whether he is the bio father or not…he is the kid's dad. What a horrible situation created by two terrible people.
I like tattoos but those sound disgusting and anyone who glorifies violence, torture and suicide is sick.
You're right to be bothered by the tattoos and breaking up over those specific ones seems like a very valid reason.
In general, actually, I'd have second thoughts dating anyone with stupid/offensive/pithy/ugly tattoos. Tattoos are a reflection of a person's taste, judgment, and mindset.
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It takes both parties to make it “serious”. So it's not serious until you agree to that. As long as you've been honest this whole time about not being able to fathom a LDR you've done nothing wrong. You can't control someone else's emotions. So just keep being truthful about the pending end of this and don't let yourself get pushed into saying things you don't mean.
Lean into it admit you are being controlling (do not let controlling be a conversation end) and ask him if he will not get them while with you. Do not need to phrase it like an ultimatum just ask him if he will not get themselves for your sake don't make it about how the tattoos are good or bad.
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This was waaaay too long with no point. What advice do you want?
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You do realize you don't owe anyone access to your body right? Not your SO, not anyone. He's toxic and abusive and you should really be planning your exit.
I have considered that. Am I just naive to think he is miserable without me?
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Maybe try moving to a house that has 2 homes in it?
Does your house magically clean itself?
Yeah, that’s what I’m thinking
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It's a pointless request. She doesn't need to listen to you. Stay NC and ignore it.
You said he travelled in September back to where he lives, so if he loved you he would have traveled them to see you. He didn’t. If he didn’t love his wife and loved you he would divorce her. Sorry but this man is leading you on. He is married, he isn’t going to divorce his wife, and in fact he is currently talking about having children with her! Sure that should be a wake up call for you. If he loved you he would be making these plans with you. He would have travelled to meet you. He hasn’t, and I doubt he ever will.
Your boyfriend is still living a child's life. Three years, at your ages, is an enormous age difference.
You actively choose to take your parents' calls and to defer to their ridiculous demands. I can't get you to stop but please let me get you to stop complaining about your own behavior.
Very, very well said. This is so much my 15 year marriage. You nailed it.
What is the difference between him watching lesbian porn and one woman? He's imagining fucking them no matter what. That's what you do when you watch porn??
Breaking up and divorcing someone seems to be very different things. Even with kids and property.
It depends on how entangled you are marriage contract or not. A lease is a conjoining contract. So is a shared loan for a vehicle, a pet, a child, a mortgage, utilities, credit cards…
Wait until you see what she leaves you in the Will
You should break up with this racist piece of shit ASAP. Don't let him make you feel like that. You are so strong and the path you took in life is what made you who you are today. Never be ashamed of your history, you had adversity but made it through! I'm sorry that you've been made to feel shitty about yourself because of this, your (ex I hope) bf is an idiot
Congrats, you're a decent person with compassion and empathy
Bail and make sure to record everything I get the feeling she will not go quietly into the night she sounds fucking nuts.
This guy sounds like a walking red flag and I think for your own happiness/safety, you should kick him to the curb. Also, don't tell your next boyfriends about all the guys you've slept with. No one wants to hear that. If you want to talk about it find friends or go to therapy but thats dooming the relationship from the get go
I'm with you. There's way too much stigma around formula feeding to just make assumptions, and there's a larger number of mothers who can't breastfeed for a variety of reasons, than most people are aware of.
Formula feeding is incredibly common, and it shouldn't just be assumed that she's breastfeeding, shortage in a particular country or not.
It’s hot to avoid people you’ve slept with when you’re one of sixty people in a hands-on program, and Cole has never told me that it’s a boundary for him. At least two other girls I’m friends with are in the same boat as me with Sam and they hang out with him all the time too. I don’t get where this idea that I’m “taunting” him is coming from – I bring Sam up the same amount as I bring up any of my platonic friends and this is the first time it’s seemed like Cole’s been uncomfortable with it.
Well if the relationship has been toxic and falling apart for a while he's probably been checking out of the relationship for a while before you guys agreed to split. If you see the writing on the wall it's significantly easier to prepare yourself, come to terms with and move on.
You say you both agreed to take a year off. Who initiated the conversation cause I doubt it was one of those both at the same time situations.
What does “talking romantically” mean? Trying to get in a relationship with someone else or trying to sleep with someone else? They are 2 completely different things and 1 doesn't require moving on at all.
Friend, if your partner ever finds this post, their heart will be broken. The things you’re saying are not funny, and do you no good. You just continue to invalidate them as a person, and refuse to see it.
Sounds like hanging with her has become a chore…
Yep and most people consider it cheating now because the Internet is such a big part of our life so I would talk to him about it because that’s what he’s doing. It takes the intimacy out of the bedroom two turns it into a solo act with a partner, many miles away
He can use Google. Get the fuck out with that lame excuse. She knew the website. Come. On. ?
The longer you lie and stay with her the harder it will hurt her when you split up.
You can’t stay where you don’t love.
Let her go so you both can find someone you really love.
I certainly think he should need consent, that isn’t just his baby.
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The reason men do it behind your backs, might be because some women are indeed manipulative and cheating psycho's who would throw a temper tantrum or dismiss the 1st second the guy would propose doing a dna test.
In your examples…
1) why did you ask her if you should come if you didn’t want to hear an answer? If you wanted to go, why didn’t you just go?
2) her breaking your camera doesn’t sound selfish, she sounds clumsy and not very careful. But she replaced it so….don’t let her borrow your stuff anymore.
I’m not really seeing selfishness here. It’s more that you’re very passive. Speak up. Make plans yourself. Ask for what you want. I think you’re confusing selfish with assertive. If you always go along with everything and never really have an opinion then it makes sense that she’s calling the shots.
Dammit why do men have to do this so often. Can't we women just work someplace and NOT have to worry about this? *sigh*
You need to tell him, “Maybe I'm reading into things but I don't think so. I love my job. I want to keep working here. Please stop with all the sexual innuendoes and suggestively. It makes me uncomfortable. It's also illegal.” NOT fucking ever “get flirty” when him again. JFC do you WANT to have to quit this job? Yes you gave him a green light in his mind. I was 100% in Camp ThrowRAbiscotti until you said you did that.
The DNA test isn’t even the issue, he could have just told his partner he wanted one! He snuck around like a weirdo to get it done instead of just telling her he had doubts. And he knew he was wrong or he would’ve just told her ass!!
I mean, you have to admit, it’s kinda hilarious
You stop joking around, you stop being friendly, you stop going places together even if it's just for an after work drink.
You keep it 100% professional. Civil, but distant. And don't shit where you eat anymore.
This all the way to the bank. Stop. Full stop. Do not collect $200. Simply stop. How can you have such an instable relationship and keep bringing children into the world? I don't get this “oh a baby will fix us” thing people do..
I am a lesbian and I have approx 5 celebrity boyfriends lol.
Obviously, you fucked things up, but that's a good thing. It was bound to happen because this guy is nuts. Go find someone who is ready to be in a relationship with another human being. You should be able to talk about your celebrity crushes with your partner. It's fun!
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How did he keep you up at night?
I think he just has too much time on his hands to focus on sex. Maybe if he was working or busier he wouldn’t have the time or energy to hyper focus on sex.
I have lately I’ve been keeping myself on a tight leash I’ve kept my phone out a lot more been telling her who I text and just been more of a trustworthy person like I’m doing my best to get on her good graces and I know it’s not gonna happen over night but I’m just hoping I didn’t screw up to much I know I fucked up hot real very hot
You are not the cause of his drinking. He is making a choice every time he drinks – you are not pouring it down his throat.
You may benefit from some anger management or general therapy, though.
As for him, he needs to get into treatment immediately. If he doesn't get and stay sober, he will be of no use to you as a partner or father. You need to do the right thing by your children. They do not deserve to on-line in a home with an alcoholic. Time to let him know he either gets it treated, or you are out. Save your children.
If I had to guess, he brushes you off because it feels irrational. You're concerned about solo videos, but not couple videos, and to him, porn is just porn. He might very well be using porn problematically, by that I mean neglecting you and prioritizing porn. That's its own issue. But you said it in your post, you're not a sex machine. And porn is, it's just an easy escape with no needs of its own. You're not competing with porn, it's just convenient. I'm constantly switching up what I watch because in the moment, you need to find whatever will scratch that itch. But it's never a more intimate or romantic connection than I have with Netflix. It's simply a means to an end. Hoping to provide some perspective.
You handled it in a very mature manner. I wonder why his friend was encouraging him and whether your husband needs this friend in his life.
A slap in the face feels a lot more disrespectful than a hit on the shoulder. A slap in the face is meant to make you shut up, or to simply demean without much bodily harm. A hit on the shoulder would much moreso be to make someone stop doing something more physical.
Is it possible she is doing this in her sleep? Maybe next time record it and show it to her? I know that’s weird to do but…this whole situation is weird.
Someone like palmela handerson, yes.
Even if you rebuild, it will NEVER be the same again. You will always wonder what she's doing and with who. You may never again be able to be truly vulnerable with her again. How could you after violating your trust, much less the vow of loyalty she made to you. She could forever into the future be the absolute perfect wife that never strays again…. You can never actually be sure…. The most problematic thing here is that she actively abandoned your elementary aged child. She literally forgot he even existed to the point that she couldn't pry herself away from her fun, with your coworker, to be a good mom in that moment. Is it the best thing for your kid to stay together? Statistically, yes. Kids whose parents stay together tend to grow to be more successful individuals. They also tend to have less trouble with the law. Less likely to end up in prison…. That said, at this point I wouldn't be able to trust your wife with even BASIC shit… Sorry brother…
“He lives with my family and I”? Would you say “he lives with I”? No. You'd say “he lives with me.” So, he lives with my family and me.
But also, he shouldn't for much longer, because it's clearly not a good idea.
IMO she's not ready for a committed relationship. Don't try to change her. Enjoy her company.
Sounds to me like your mom and dad are pushing you so hot that if you do things their way you'll come across as kind of a creep. I'd say let it go.
Absolutely it is not a leash she has me on it was an agreement we made together
I reassured her it wasn’t that – “that” being that I didn’t want her to visit. She took my explanation of my schedule personally. I made it clear that I couldn’t spend time with her, and she still wanted to visit.
Maybe he’s just not that into you?
Or maybe he’s seeing someone else?
Or maybe he doesn’t want to do a LDR?
At the end of the day he didn’t follow up. A “no response” is a still a response. I would suggest to move on
It's what I've been thinking of doing most rather than endlessly asking her. At least that way if she's that upset with me it would be her ending things and not me looking petty and impatient
All she said was figure it out.
My input is that this is ridiculous. And stupid. And immature. Does she fail at every other kind of communication?
Either you aren't giving the whole story OR you need to break up and tell her to figure it out.
Yeesh. So immature.
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She sounds like Penny from r/tbbt
I haven’t dealt with this (thank GOD), but I have recently started listening to a podcast called Something Was Wrong- and your story follows a few of the stories from there almost exactly.
The whole thing is based on people who spend their entire life LYING and making up crazy lives in order to rope people in and then they scam them.
Anyways, the stories usually go like this: Girl meets guy, guy is nice enough. Guy begins telling stories about his achievements in life- showing degrees, checks, account balances, texts- basically any proof that he can that he makes dough. Girl believes guy. Guy makes up extravagant lies and more often than not WHOLE LIFE STORIES- including fake family members, family deaths, excuses as to why family isn’t that big in his life, etc. After a couple months of showing great affection and spending, man begins to defect paying onto woman. Asks her to pay for more things. Asks to borrow money because he will “have some soon”, spends on stupid shit, etc.
Man usually has at least one other girl he is stringing along in similar lies- AKA travel for work= visiting other girl (or family), using multiple phones, that sort of thing.
If I were you I would definitely look into his past a bit more and figure this shit out. He most definitely does NOT have money. You definitely do not KNOW him after a year. Many of these stories take place over 5+ years, it’s absolute insanity.
If you’re breaking up either way, I would dig a little deeper.
Note: I think couples should split expenses evenly, but his actions are just sketchy and uncalled for. He is a manipulator and he will continue to manipulate you.
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You’re about as dumb of a bitch as this guys fiance
I'm not in the US. I would go once a month to buy everything, and have some little extras if we decided to cook a dish and something was missing, on the supermarket on the way home (literally on the way). So missing some weeks isn't a big deal imo
She planned to monkey branch, didn't pan up. The ex probably just wanted a fuck and nothing more. She feels used and tries to move back to you.
Nop hot pass.
We were in the kitchen so it could have been worse. I provoked him by getting upset and shoving the bin out of my way
That’s sexual assault. Report it to the police god knows how many times he may have done that to others. Drunk or not that is no excuse. Drop him and never ever talk to him again and comfort your husband during this
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This obviously doesn't make me feel good about my myself. What would you advise I do?
Been with my wife for 17 years. Only time I get mad is when she sits next to me and lets a silent deadly one rip and doesn’t inform me. If it’s a hot full trumpety one, we laugh our asses off. Same goes if one of our daughters fart. We usually try to compete who can fart the loudest.
A predator and popular? I'd try to gather evidence and let the friend group know.
Every paragraph of this reads like a red flag.
Firstly, he groomed you. Nothing may have started until you were 16 (which with him being 24 was highly inappropriate), but he put you into a dependence type relationship early on.
He then succeeded in separating you from your family and friends. This is a form of domestic violence.
Then he was trying to coerce you into pregnancy, which would have put you more under his power.
Leave, and never look back, except as a warning sign of things to avoid.
I'm sorry that you dated a biphobic man. But your goal should not be win back a bigot. Your goal should be to heal from this, and in the future find other people who actually on-line in the 21th century and don't hate people for who they are.
I'm saying this as a bisexual woman myself: it will only hurt you in the long run if you have to hide who you are and lie forever. Find a person that will love you exactly as you are.
Thank you, it sucks to read but I already had this feeling and I guess I just needed some reality checks
It’s not misogynistic when us being able to provide is usually the main reason to get with us. Also all we are good for it seems.
Haven't there been movies and sitcoms about this?
I am so sorry for what you're going through. This is 1000% abuse. Your safety is the #1 concern right now. Do you have friends and/or family that can help you safely leave him?
Gotta put the dog down
I’m sorry for your loss, years ago I was where you are now. My dog severely injured our other dog and bit a friend of my daughter when she tried to intervene. Dogs had lived together for years. It cost me thousands of dollars and both dogs ended up being put down. Sorry for your loss.
I mean where I on-line that’s not an issue but would I marry someone purely for that? No. No I wouldn’t.
I come from a house where we had 2 American Bully and 3 cats. The dogs where some of the fiercest guards I’ve ever seen and they sleep together with the cats. One time a cat got trapped under the house and the dogs where crazy looking for the meowing. They were the ones who found the kitten.
The sudden violent behaviour of the dog is a huge huge red flag. It could attack a visitor, a child, you…
Nah. The opposite. It’s likely very beautiful to him. He’s happy, he doesn’t want to change a thing.
That is crazy. A- why is she policing your masturbation? B- soooo many things can influence semen volume, including but not limited to how hydrated you are on any given day.
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Not only that, he’s probably trying to tell her that she needs to better be a better housewife. He’s talking about cooking classes and things that she actually needs to make the life more fulfilling..
if you’re gonna be a housewife (with no kids) you need to be doing a damn good job…
Making out with someone who is not your SO, whether the same or opposite gender, is still cheating. If you are not okay with her making out with another guy, then you are probably not going to be okay with her with another girl. You already are hesitant. Remove the gender and it is still cheating.
If all you are is an aside in his life, you're going to become very, very boring to him.
This is not to be rude, it is just how relationships work. You both need to have a life, and you both choose to spend those together.
Otherwise his life become keeping you entertained, he wont even be able to leave the house or hang out with people because then he is leaving you alone, which is rude.
“Stay at home wife” what even is that? That’s a thing young people are doing? In this economy?
That would be similar to my response. I can't imagine expecting anybody else to plan a birthday party for me. That seems like a young person's issue.
Yikes. He seems like he is specifically for someone in your area to give him a place to stay. Be very very cautious if you proceed. He may try to on-line bomb, guilt, and manipulate you. “Can I stay just tonight? I have a meeting early in the morning “ that kind of thing.
Life pro tip:
Good partners don't use their abusive parents as an excuse to avoid taking responsibility for their anger issues.
Seems like you/we need more information. Maybe she's a little paranoid and likes to be looking around/aware in case of emergency? Mass shooter situation? I know things like that are on my mind any time I go out in public I always note my surroundings and potential exits. Maybe she's just on the paranoid side. If you've only dated for 1.5 months I wouldn't take it too personally – it could just be something about her you don't know yet.
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You are extremely young. He is not the love of your life. You'll meet other guys. And if he loves you for real, he'll wait for you. Being economically dependent on him can also kill a relationship. It hurt mine quite a bit. My relationship with my partner has improved a lot since I got a job, even though I had to move to a different country for it. We are closer now that we are two plane flights away than back when we were living in the same house.
I failed
Feels bad man. Not only did you blow a free ride you also blew a second chance while additionally accruing a bunch of debt, assuming your self-description reflects reality.
But you know what they say, failure is never the fault of the failer. Wait, that's not quite right… hmm…
You were pretty pointed right out of the gate, if you don't expect a response proportional to your own, maybe chill your shit out a little bit. Seems like getting cut out of the will from constantly screwing up is a little bit of a soft spot for you.
if someone reaches out via the dating profile, say no to the date
She says: “I think of him as one of my girlfriends”.. but thank you for reading and your advice!
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Over thinking and make better choices.
If she never met that guy before, sure I wouldn’t be fine it. But in my case, she knows this girl very well, this girl is in a relationship as well and we have been friends for over 7-8 years as well.
Agree with comments. Start going to some activities regularly and meet people there. Weekly classes, weekly volunteer… find the thing you like and show up with consistency. It’s hot making friends as adults. Many of those read messages might go unanswered because they’re busy and then forget to respond and then time passes and they feel bad and awkward to reach out again. Keep your head up! You sound outgoing.
how long was the kid in the car
Dear OP.
PLEASE take the best decisions you can. Rather count to 10 one time too many than too few.
You have a child with this woman and ,for better or worse, how you carry yourself and the decisions you make through this process can potentially have huge consequences down the road wether you stay together or not.
Carry yourself with all the grace you can, make thoughtful and thought through decisions and always take the high road as much as humanly possible.
Speaking as a divorced single father my experience is that unless you can completely regain trust and
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Yes and no. It’s not about liking but having the same vision for your future. Same goals for commitment, finances, family/kids or not. A move is huge depending on how far away you go and what both of your finances look like. You could break up 3 months after the move but be stuck in a new place with no supports and no money to move back immediately.
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My dude, talk to her.
I'm in the boat that she probably doesn't want kids and wants to be a young adult and you want kids and don't want to be a young adult anymore.
What was the cause of you having to on-line with them in the first place? So, I have a saying that I give everyone thinking about marriage. Newlyweds need to move away from all parents for at least one year after they get married. In-laws can be the worst! And they rarely do it on purpose. They just have a hot time accepting that they are not in charge anymore. However! when you live! in their house there are some things you just have to accept like it or not.
Ok, IDK what kind of money situation you have or how much you have saved but if it is this serious then it sounds to me like maybe getting an apartment may be the move. You are going to have to let the hubby know that “no, I am not waiting!” It may not be pretty but if that is what needs to happen then you are going to have to make it happen. Good luck.
I don't want to leave. I'm willing to put up with another heart break if it means there's a chance we can happy together. I should've listened to my gut before and now my gut is telling me to stay. I don't wanna walk away from what I see as a chance of a lifetime. Idk maybe I have a lack of self respect but idk I'm just happy when I'm around her and I don't want to lose this.
If you can't get over it, break up sure. However I feel like if she is willing ti work on herself and respect your boundaries moving forward then I would give her proper chance. She hasn't cheated on you.
May I ask what it is that you were diagnosed with?
Does he celebrate his birthday? I hate mine and if someone ignored me telling them that it would be a hell of a red flag!
You’ve posted this story before.
He doesn’t hate you because of your mental health diagnosis. He’s alarmed that you’ve cheated on your ex and have slept with more people than you’ve disclosed.
Yh I guess it doesn't
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If she doesn't want him to be so tired, how about she stops being useless and gets a job so he can work less hours?
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I don't think I look great in this post, but I also don't think you read the post? My issues with alcohol are probably clouding my judgment, which is kind of why I posted, but I also still drink, just not daily like I used to? Also, I didn't go out the other night when no ubers were running, hence roommate A asking if I could come pick them up. Roommate A said all of the stuff in this post to me unprompted and I specifically didn't go into the other things that have nothing to do with me, so I'm not sure where you got the idea that I'm trying to get in the way of their relationship. If what you got out of this post is that I think I'm a perfect person to party with, then you're probably worse at parties than me.
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Just tell her-
I just want to be clear, I do not and will not be daycare/ stay over/ extended staying. You will need to make sure you have daycare sorted. I am happy for visits with you, no kids without you as I am heading to new adventures and hobbies.
You have every right to say no. I also agree, she should have sorted daycare/ sitters long ago.
It’s not your job. You’ve been a parent and that’s all your doing.
Keep your boundaries. Don’t let them try change it.
This is the best answer
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I don't doubt you love him and I get being afraid of his reaction and disappointing him, but hiding this from him in no scenario will end well. Him finding out from someone else will most likely end even worse.
My advice is tell him yourself, be completely honest and prepare for it to not go well.
Did you ever told her your feelings?
Look at it this way: if you leave him and you feel like you are missing him, you can always call yourself a shithead, cancel your plans for the day, and then go sit alone in a McDonalds, and it will be like you never left.
Daughter has signed up for her own marathon. Mom can be there to encourage her, maybe pass her a cup of water or two, but ultimately, mom cannot run the marathon for her.
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Thank you for taking the time to reply – it is appreciated greatly – I can’t risk screwing up my kid for someone, and that someone who doesn’t even seem to truly care about losing me.
One more vote here! You’re the side piece.
My (29nb) fiancee (29f) didn't like it when I called her “dude”. You know what I did? Stopped calling her “dude”.
Your partner does not care about you. So you should be the one in your relationship to start giving a shit about you. Do something kind for yourself where he won't. And leave. You're going to be far, far, far happier alone with your own kindness than you ever will be with someone who won't even stop using a word.
Sounds like your boyfriend went for someone a decade younger than him cos women his age won't even contemplate standing for that nonsense. And neither should you.
And that’s fine. I’m not shaming her for having a threesome with two guys she trusted. I’m also not blaming her for getting high in order to find the strength. Further, if she regrets it, that’s fine too.
What I don’t like is she characterizes this as rape.
Why are you in this marriage anymore? She have clearly chosen him over you. Both you and her have fought in the past about their interaction, each she lied but reached out again. She still has feelings for her ex. Otherwise she wouldn't have inquired if he thinks about her and she seems to express these feelings more when I'm not around.
It's obvious what's important to her. Her Ex over you. Divorce her and sent her packing to her ex.
I agree that latching onto the age difference gets SUPER old in this sub, but there's a happy medium.
All of his answers have been 'she wants a house so…'. It's not 'we want a house'. This kid is 2 years old and well old enough to go into a childcare situation outside of the house so mom can get employment too, so dad can be at home more.
This situation is going to play out very typically: he's going to be gone because he's working. The kid is going to grow up not knowing his dad because dad was working his ass off for the money that mom wanted him to make. It's very cliché and very sad, and having her pick up a job to help is a good way out of it.
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You a fool
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I’m sorry you’re going through this. To be honest, from everything you’ve said here, it would be a great idea to break up now and just be done with the situation. She is throwing up red flag after red flag and it’s only going to get worse. Also, it was a good move to tell her mom to check on her, that’s exactly what you should have done.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. To be honest, from everything you’ve said here, it would be a great idea to break up now and just be done with the situation. She is throwing up red flag after red flag and it’s only going to get worse. Also, it was a good move to tell her mom to check on her, that’s exactly what you should have done.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. To be honest, from everything you’ve said here, it would be a great idea to break up now and just be done with the situation. She is throwing up red flag after red flag and it’s only going to get worse. Also, it was a good move to tell her mom to check on her, that’s exactly what you should have done.
And was saying how badly she wanted dick and if he knew someone.
How does she not know that if she wants dick, she merely needs to go to the nearest bar, walk in and say “Would anyone here like to fuck me?”
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He cashed them all right!
Your big guy friend should be ashamed. I would have at least called the police from a safe distance.
A low sperm count doesn't mean that you can't conceive, it doesn't mean sterile (completely unable) but in terms of donating sperm they will only take high sperm counts
I edited my comment. I hope you can understand that clubs/dungeons/organized BDSM, while doing what it can to ensure consent, is not the full extent of BDSM.
You have made your sisters issues the center of your life, and you ex does not want that, nor should she have to.
You aren’t balancing it. She told you that.
Though ultimatums are unfair, you have made choice after choice that, though they may be best for you sister, are not for your ex.
She is supporting you emotionally, contributing financially, and you want her to continue to take the backseat in her life?? Do you not think that rather selfish?
If it’s not ok TO YOU, then it’s not ok. Opinions of random internet strangers will vary.
How did it make you feel? Only you can determine if that broke a boundary for you.
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he’s a child point blank. She’s assured him she just needs more time to feel comfortable dude needs to stop crying
I could have written this myself. Finally decided to leave him and buy my own home but he can't get a mortgage so needs to move back in with his parents an hour away.
He's now saying he doesn't want me to leave but I think he just likes being able to work 3 day weeks and love off the back of me and doesn't want to move in with his parents. And I don't think he can be bothered with the commute to see our son.
I'm so torn, stay as I am even though I don't love him but our son has a family, or do the right thing and see how I fair on my own but knowing I'll struggle with child cate if he loses interest
I'm confused ?
You let her move in with you after six months? Dude, why did you do that?
You need to focus on your own mental state. Your wanting to “support” a man who tried to financiall rip you off, as used you and your family and cheats. Pls get therapy and don’t have kids until you unwrap why you are making such bad decisions
She “babytrapped” him at 27 years old after 6 years of marriage? C'mon, you sound silly.
Him: I can't make my girlfriend orgasm? Instead of learning what she likes, I know what I'll do… I'll cry and complain about how she's slept with other men. That'll do it!!
but I'm not allowed to see others.
Then that's not a polyamorous relationship.
A lot of people will use the term for either cheating or harem building, but they aren't the same thing.
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Why would she want to leave. Your a pushover and she gets whatever she wants out of you
Tough one. Definitely be supportive as much as possible and if I were you I'd delay getting married. See how you feel later down the line. You might find in a year or two you won't feel so strongly about appearance. If you do, then it might be better to move on.
Tell your ex-girlfriend that she needs to grow up that nobody has time for this shit
I think there’s 2 things here:
1) He’s pretty immature to cry about this. He shouldn’t expect you, at your point in life, to have never had an orgasm. With that said he probably just hadn’t realized how “little” he’s been doing and knowing that it could be him and not just you probably hurt him.
2) Your approach from here forward should be figuring out what works for you. Is he close and not pushing you over the edge? Is he not even close and completely missing the mark? Is it a lack of foreplay? Is it too much foreplay (Yes there are times when you can do too much and end up killing the mood by not getting to the main event)? Is this a mental thing (where you don’t desire him enough and it’s blocking you) or a physical thing (like you don’t feel comfortable enough)? Is he too aggressive or not aggressive enough? Do you wish he’d take more or less control, likewise, do you want more or less control? Could you need toys? These are all questions that need to be asked.
All the people saying dump him have about 3 combined brain cells and are as empathetic as a red pill manlet. Yes he overreacted but hes probably in a mess of emotions, but you know what’s worse? Dudes who don’t give a flying fig.
This is a guy you don’t need to fake anything with and who WANTS you to have a big O. Cherish that and guide him a bit.
You tell her, “no.” Period. This is a huge red flag, and you should walk away.
The trust is gone and the relationship is dead. You need to put your mental health over her potential housing issues. She's an adult. She can figure it out.
You are bad at creative writing. Don't leave your day job.
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You and your husband need to parent that kid. If he screams and throws and tantrum, let him.
Here’s the thing, kids that young have very strong emotions and almost no skills to cope with them. Imagine what it feels like when you want some object really bad, then turn that feeling up to 10 and turn-off all you’re adult coping skills of finding something to distract you, reminding yourself you have other things like that, etc. It’s normal for him to freak out this way, there’s nothing wrong with this kid yet. BUT if he has no opportunity to learn and practice these skills, he will turn into an older kid and then an adult who feels that same level of yearning but cannot self-soothe. Bad for him, bad for you, bad for everyone.
Empathize with the child without giving into demands, it really does hurt not to have that stupid egg. Let him know you see him, you’re sorry it feels like that, it makes you sad that he’s sad. Is there anything else that could make him feel better (distractions.)
Restate that you are not getting him the thing with an easy to understand reason. Ex. “I’m saving money so in case something bad happens, or we ever need something important.”
Don’t get trapped into endless rexplaining or bargaining. If the kid won’t be moved on this issue it’s ok to be firm, blunt and let him cry it out. But stick with statments like “you can be upset, but this won’t change.” “When you’re done, we can find something else to do.” Don’t shame him for the emotion, just be cleat what behavior is causing what outcome.
Repeat this process for years. Kids learn how to deal with their emotions on the inside from how you help them do it from the outside. Your words become a big part of their internal monologue.
As for your husband, it’s basically the same deal honestly. He sounds like someone who may have never gotten passed the need immediate gratification and taught to self-soothe. So draw a firm line in the sand and say “this is final, this is your budget for toys for him, and if you want more figure it out yourself.” Then let him cry it out, and repeat. But it also needs to be made clear to him that he is failing his son. Giving a kid everything they want causes temporary relief and long-term dissatisfaction. Maybe he’s one of those people who doesn’t think he has anything to learn from anyone else about parenting, but that’s foolish. People will hit Duolingo for weeks before vacationing to Mexico, but won’t take a single parenting class, read an article or absorb a bit of expert advice on child-development to raise a kid for two decades. All because they think parenting is some sacred knowledge they hold in their balls/ovaries.
So why are you here if you are being sarcastic?
To be fair I’m over 6 foot do at that weight I don’t think I’d be bedridden.
Why or why if you knew this and caught it before did you go thru with the marriage.
Kinks are nearly impossible to control.
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Why would this be grounds for an annulment?
Same, but in this case I meant more sheltered. Yeah haha
To clarify, you knew her date before you picked yours?
don’t go chasin waterfalls
How many ways is he going to tell you he doesn't want you? When will you listen?
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Same in the UK
I don’t think there is any advice that can be given except suck it up. You don’t want to leave, but he is crushing your self esteem. There is no changing someone like that so suck it up and deal with it. Be his peace.
Both of you sound insufferable tbh. He sounds very creepy and annoying but for me it's also very weird that you're not even a virgin anymore but still haven't been with him for 3 months and keep finding excuses why you don't want to have sex with him. You're just wasting the time for both of you, in the last 3 months he could've find someone who's willing to have sex with him despite him being a virgin and you could've find someone as well who's willing to wait an eternity to do it
Oh dude, this is not going to get better on its own. She's breached the trust you thought you had, you need to have a serious conversation with her about it find a way back to trust (I'd ask respectfully to be allowed to monitor her phone), or split.
Depends on your views of polyamory. I don't believe in polyamory, so no, I don't think you can. I think you developed a crush because you've been with one woman for a decently long time. It's hot to envision a scenario in which a person, perfectly in love with his partner, fell in love with another girl.
I believe you like your gf but if you loved her, you wouldn't have told this other girl you love her and you DEFINITELY would not have continuously thought about her.
Dated a guy like this in my early 20s. Sweet guy but absolutely terrified of trying anything new. I keep in touch with him here and there and sure enough it took him 20 more years to get a passport. I would have been so unhappy for so long had I stayed. Sweet guy and means well, but that he considered California rolls exotic (and refused to even try) just started eliminating the options of things to even do. Everything was a “no”. Everything. Hot pass.
It sounds like you both need a little mind thought adjustment on your ideas of sex and female orgasms. In this situation you are more normal than he is stating. I suspect many of his ex’s faked it for his pleasure. While you won’t. You need to realize many women don’t and can’t orgasm from just penetration, and that isn’t odd or bad. And he needs to expand his tool kit to learn how to expand his abilities to please you. Based on what you said I assume you can orgasm, just not from what he is doing. To me this is his issue and he needs to learn to please you or you will continue down the path of lack of interest in intimacy with him. I’ve been with a fair amount of women in my life,most needed more then just penetration to full orgasm and feel fulfilled.
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If you are her assistant part of the job IS talking to her. Start with a conversation with her, see how it goes. Based on that figure out your next step.
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I'm pretty sure the literal definition is “making someone question their sanity”.
I think I have to. I’m scared of the answer though.
He wasn't a FWB because he wasn't a friend. Just a dude she was hooking up with.
I’m a woman but I’m guilty of that. With my husband and my grandchildren. He’s never said he’s offended, maybe I should ask. For me it’s a term of endearment. He certainly isn’t a baby and is a man’s man.
Lol. Why would you even want to stay friends with this person? They’re sexually harassing you. Surely there’s a student services office you can report this to? Look at your university website.
Or maybe it was another, unrelated person's post? Are you a d!@k every day, by your own logic?
So my brain went to he had sex in the car with someone and she put her underwear in the glove box because she couldn’t get it back on and forgot to take it out after
You’re just typing in hypothetical statements I never said or implied. No shit Asians come in many colors this girl however is light skinned. Your husband looking like a different race when out on the sun is the exact reason this girl is maintaining a darker skin tone. Your husband getting darker by being the sun is not the same as OP’s girlfriend “maintaining” a darker skin tone. And I didn’t know I was advocating for locking Asians indoors?! As I said you’re grasping, this girl is not naturally just getting darker going about her day per OP she is specifically upkeeping this darker skin tone because she thinks of it as “signature look”. It’s no different than someone who wears a pound of bronzer year round when they’re actually Lilly white. Darkening your skin for a look.. how about you do some research on the topic
Sexism
Your mother has control issues. Her issues with her first husband are not your issues with your partner. She read a private note, violated your privacy, stole from you, and for some reason you are being passive. Buy a book on being assertive. It’s far too early for you to move in together. Renting a room in a shared house would be the best step of you can’t get through to your mum. You’ve only known this guy for four months. You have no idea who he really is.
He’s not a good or trustworthy friend… I wouldn’t bother unless I was bored. Catching up over coffee isn’t the same as “all sorts of plans”. That sounds like “expectations”.
She didn't make a mistake. She got caught
If I didn’t want to post about my personal relationship I wouldn’t. There’s nothing concerning about that.
But it's not a joke: jokes are funny. You were hurt and he shut you down. He needs to explain what made him need to do both those things. Is he maybe feeling like he gets less attention from you since the baby, and would get even less if you had another?
I don’t want to be with someone that doesn’t want others to know she’s in a relationship with so many followers I would start think she likes the attention from other guys
It sounds like you guys aren’t on the same page either relationship or financial wise. You may just be realizing you’re incompatible. Personally, I wouldn’t buy a house with someone I wasn’t at the very least engaged to. The fact that she won’t be contributing financially to the purchase but also expects to be on the deed is a red flag for me. Think carefully
Written by someone trying to use big words to sound Impressive resulting in poor substandard writing and as the reddit crew have accurately assessed a dipshit.
He says that he's put it behind him, and since they were both young and in love (or atleast he was in love with her then), he wants to forgive and forget. This is what he's told me whenever I've asked.
If he cheated then let him go, if you can find a good place to move to right away, do it.
If it was just online/emotional cheating then you could come back from this, but he's the one that is supposed to try and win your trust back. “He told me he didn't know what I expected him to do to prove his love” sounds like he gave up trying.
He is hoping you sunk too much in to the relationship to leave him, he is sure he must have trapped you. He is showing you who he is and what your future would be like, do you want the rest of your life to look like this?
She's not his property. Of course she can go. But her going is not without consequences.
1st question. Are you sure she is your GF still? LDR is tough. He is there.
Not sure it is worth it
I didn’t think he would. But it’s literally what he told me he does…. But yes no surprise he watches porn.
Ask her why.
I mean, I don't have anything about my husband and kiddo on my social media, and I've been married for close to 2 decades. I've had the account for 13 years now (ha, my age's showing lol).
Was she ever bullied in her past by siblings, family, or friends?
Is there anything else that’s stressing her out and this small incident pushed her over?
Is she bottling anything emotionally ot any stresses?
Is this the first time she acted this way?
Did you skip over any amount of details?
Does your wife have thin skin like can she take a joke?
What’s her life goals or current work or career?
It can be anything dude. Just comfort her and make her happy and eventually in a better head space try to talk to her about the incident and make sure not to blame her nor shrink or write off her feelings. Just listen first and comfort her. Then show her some popular streamers and show their interactions. Maybe come up with a game plan for a game she is actually good at or comfortable exploring and trying.
Except its me who pays for almost everything…
Do you go on dates?
Don't pretend, just break up now. This way, he knows what to do in 4 months.
But remember why you break up, he may try to love bomb you again in the next 4 months, by the way.
Ultimately your boundaries and needs are valid, so your choice to cut contact is valid if you’re ok with that.
Here’s what I see:
You’re on here asking, which means you’re second-guessing yourself. You and this girl were not in a relationship. You had not established exclusivity, or even really dated. You talked. You can’t even be sure she shared the same feelings as you. Anything she does with anyone else is truly not your business until you actual start dating and discuss those boundaries. She did not apologize because she doesn’t owe you an apology. You are feeling betrayed, and yet she did not cheat on you because you were not together. She was drunk and this guy took advantage of her. Someone drunk cannot fully consent and he’s slime for taking advantage. People who say things like “I’ve gotten pretty drunk and never slept with someone I’m not interested in” are privileged to have never been in a position to be taken advantage of by an opportunistic slimeball. The argument could be made that her hanging out with this guy indicates a larger judgment issue, but the drunk incident is 100% on the lowly man who allowed a drunk girl, who he KNOWS isn’t actually interested in him, into his bed.
So, whether you did the right thing or not is up to you. Look at the larger picture and decide whether it’s fair or whether you’re going to be left wonder “what if” forever. I can’t say for sure, but I’d like to think I’d let it go and possibly use this opportunity to discuss and establish the relationship and the boundaries moving forward. Something like “hey, hearing you hooked up with someone was pretty hurtful. I was under the impression we were exclusive, but it seems you thought differently. I really like you and I’d like us to be exclusive. Do you feel the same way?” That’s just me though. Where you boundaries lie are entirely up to you.
Found the ex gf.
My first bf wrote me a letter (that he handed to me in person) where he pointed out the good things he is taking away from our relationship, and thanked me for everything, but also explained why it wasn’t working for him any more, and wished me all the best. I think this is a very positive way of splitting up.
… your friend didn’t just have this “handed” to her. She lost her mother. I would say that she paid a pretty high price to get this money.
I’m sure that if she had a choice between having all this money and being set for life, and having her mother back, she would probably choose having her mother back.
And you have no idea how hot her mother, or possibly her mothers family (assuming she inherited some of her wealth) worked to earn the money to begin with. You have no idea what sacrifices her family had to make to ensure that their children, and grandchildren, would be set for life.
What a sick pos. Honestly the fact that he can betray someone’s trust like that, especially someone whose already been hurt so much is almost unimaginable to me.
Oh he very much needs a therapist. He has massive untreated PTSD, he both worships and hates his dead mother and he still talks about his ex wife, who divorced him a decade ago.
He is also funny and kind and loves kids and dogs and is a great cook and one of the smartest people I’d ever met.
I am definitely doing my best to let it sink in now that it is over, but hot to look at him without the anger and sadness bubbling to the surface.
Hopefully in a few days my poker face will be better.
Oh dear gods hon, you're saying the equivalent of “at least he doesn't beat you”. ABUSE IS ABUSE. Do not minimize or excuse it because he didn't leave visible damage. You excuse this now and it'll escalate. Next time he'll be worse. He will end up beating you. YES HE WILL. Do not on-line in denial. He has shown you who he is. Believe him.
Personally I would cut him loose. It’s different if there was an agreement because now trust and respect is missing. You don’t want that to carry over to your friendship or relationship because it’s a bad way to start
Cause he literally said he doesn’t want the baby with her
I know I’m dumb for taking him back every time, and I didn’t break up with him this time, either, which is even dumber. The truth is I like being with him.
He wont change. If you dont either then then nothing will change.
Well are you comfortable with her doing cocaine?
You seem to be a bit obsessed with appearances. It’s not a bad thing to want to look and feel confident and attractive. But it sounds like this has become the one thing, not part of a whole.
People are the sum of their actions and their thoughts. Those who put the primary energy on a narrow focus can be shallow. You talk a lot about the women you are dating as being shallow, but you didn’t talk about what you are bringing to the relationship. What do you talk about? What kind of woman are you looking for and is that kind of woman going to be attracted to you? Not your appearance, but the you inside.
You were willing to put in the effort to identify and obtain the physique you wanted. Now see if you are willing to identify and obtain the kind of relationship you want.
I think it’s more important if you’re comfortable doing that. Be affectionate, but the “all day” (everyday?) foreplay sounds pretty taxing to me.
Why do people think they have to share absolutely everything? Her mistake was not keeping this to herself.
Interesting that his first tactic was to say “no one else has ever said that” about a thing that happened, that he did, that he obviously witnessed as the perpetrator. Why does it matter what people said? He knows what he did because he did it.
Of course it’s not surprising that his next move was simply to gaslight you.
Absolutely. You owe it to anybody else she might be tempted to set him up with in the future.
Leave him alone and move on. It seems you have some stuff to unpack before you can emotionally invest in someone and it will be better for you too focus on yourself so that way you can emotionally invest in the next person properly
SAME! I have ADHD, so I feel the OP on this one. Indirect communication is an exhausting nightmare for me.
Jesus man, have you ever even met anyone with severe autism?
This ain't it, chief.
Not friends. Just in groups 🙂
Toxic, no, but not healthy, either. You let fear control your relationship, lack of mutual trust. What happens when this agreement is broken for whatever reason? And it will be. Or suspected to be. And suspicion is damn hot to disprove. Besides, If you fear cheating, distrust won't prevent it happening, it will probably make it even more likely to occur, because at the end of the day, who wants to be in a relationship with no trust?
Healthy would be working on the issues, not trying to make rules to ignore them.
I think I commented before he added more context on the comment.
OP, you’re in an abusive relationship. I’m sort buddy, it’s going to hurt but you need to run.
Fillers and botox is an instant dealbreaker for me. Maybe they look decent when first put in or while you are still young, but as you age they stat to look awful and you need more to keep them looking good. Eventually people who get fillers look like swollen monsters.
Pick one, your husband and marriage or the friend. You can't have both.
I completely agree. Let her know you care for her but you dont see a future with her.
If you’re not gonna be honest with your wife, which is the absolute bare minimum, then there isn’t any other advice that can help you.
Several issues here: 1) You say you want babies, but don’t want babies you cannot biologically carry. You say you’re infertile, and you cannot carry a baby. If you truly want a child, then how the child comes into the world is not important. The pregnancy is the smallest part of the commitment. You need to fall out of love with idea of “how” and have the maturity to come up with a workable plan. 2) tampering with a birth control method is a sexual assault. You don’t want to hear that but it absolutely is. I am sorry that happened to you.
No, your relationship is not salvageable. Nor should it be.
This is a prequel to her leaving you mate. That group she is going out with is a glaring neon sign that spells 'divorce' and you're ignoring it. My ex did this to me, Ive seen it happen with dozens of other couples, and I'm currently watching it with a close friends wife; new group that only focuses on drinking and going out, and won't meet or include the partner, 9/10 times leads to cheating, but I've never seen it not lead to a break up and new relationship right after. She may not yet know it, but she's gearing up to leave.
It's couples counseling time, urgently.
You are correct. Thanks
Dude needs to learn a hot lesson that his actions were unacceptable and beyond shitty (technically assault) by you dumping him in the dirt and moving on with your life. I know it's very hot to untangle lives if you are living together, leases and whatever but this is a relationship ending betrayal and if you stay you are giving him permission to do things like this to you because he knows you won't leave.
No.
lack of experience combined with poor judgement.
He may be under the illusion there's a magic formula for getting into a relationship. That if he'd done things differently in the past, they would have worked better. Most of the time it's just the wrong person and you can find out faster or slower. There's potentially the situation he becomes the wrong person by being too slow.
That is me calm?
I don’t play about my husband or my marriage, and if someone who knew me for SIX years said some mess like this to me they’d implying I do both, which is a foul assessment of my character. It’s disrespectful to me, my husband, and our marriage.
The disrespect by itself is rude, but it’s also an act of impropriety that’s really, really bizarre. What other married people choose to do is their business, but to jump bad at another married person like this, apropos of nothing, and without their spouse present, is extremely strange.
You are obviously mismatched. Yes you’re tired, but it seems like you consider sex a hassle any way. Has this always been the case in this relationship, has it been the case in other relationships?
Yes like we are mindful when we aren’t in person. Being mindful about a persons stressors or needs is a completely normal thing to do if you on-line together or not. It doesn’t mean you completely change who you are.
Could the neighbor have early-onset dementia? The husband may have no idea she says such things.
Why? She gets off scott free after destroying you?
Sure they wouldn't mind a fun romp.
But a meaningful and fulfilling relationship? No. There just aren't enough common denominators unless she isn't where she should be as far as maturity or life experience as a 30+ person.
Why would you want to continue to subject her to neglect though? Sounds like a miserable existence to put up with until she’s 18.
There is actually a non-asshole explanation for her laughing as initial reaction. I had a partner with similar problem and he was pretty insecure about it. I always tried to downplay it, make light of it and hope that helps him stop obsessing about it. I swear, the more he worried about it, the more it happened. So maybe OP’s wife didn’t know how to respond and tried to laugh it off.
Now even if that’s the case, she was kind of an asshole later when she made OP apologize to her, so obviously she’s not very sensitive. But the laughing itself may just have been an odd reaction to an uncomfortable situation.
He hasn’t cheated. We have broken up before , we was split up for a while , but we remained contact the whole time with hopes of getting back together. Just when I thought we was going to get back together he began dating another girl… That hurt a lot , I remained single , and obviously in the end we ended up back together.
Who knows she might have got knocked up to try and trap him. Play silly games, win silly prizes.
If you had to lie to get to where you are now then of course you are not going to feel good about it. If something like a relationship had to be built on a lie, then it won't ever feel like the real deal. You are basically manipulating the outcomes and the feelings in your favor. That being said nobody can stop you from continuing the lie and living with that sense of anxiety and dread for the rest of your life. It is up to you when you want to be honest and accept whatever outcomes come from that. Whether it might be forgiven or met with anger.
Why don’t you just ask him about it? There’s a chance that it was planned last minute or something. Would you be interested in attending the party with him?
Why don’t you just ask him about it? There’s a chance that it was planned last minute or something. Would you be interested in attending the party with him?
With the baby s face
Let him go. He is not a man. He won’t end up co-parenting either, but make sure you get child support from him.
You sure seem to have a habit of being annoying
Wow how many signs do you need in order to leave him?
Who cares if he was drunk or not? That's not an excuse to hurt you!
You know him 6 months, in the last 6 months he played a victim to you, pretending that his girlfriend left him for no reason, how she hurt him (of course, she escaped and his narcissistic ego can't take it), she was rude ever since..why would she be rude at him? What did he do to her? You should call the girl and ask her!!! She'll tell you the truth, your boyfriend is not a victim!
They are apart 3 years and he still told you how she hurt him so much… But he doesn't have any lingering feelings.
Now he's calling you by her name! Oh, he's drunk so he can do it. Poor guy, can you blame him?
Now you start to question you reality again. Something is not right, you can't put your finger on it.. You are disrespected, hurt, surprised, feel unloved (because he should love you but calling you by the name of someone who hurt him so much and who is rude to him doesn't add up, does he still love her or is he having those negative feelings from the past towards you) ..
Anyway, your self worth is getting destroyed. You don't know what to think, you don't believe him but he'll make you believe that he loves you so you will not escape like his ex did!
She suffered for 5 years.. and you still didn't experience your first “discard”. Right now your boundaries are being crossed, you are being manipulated and prepared for what is coming!
Learn about *lovebombing”
Now narcissistic “devaluation” is starting
Next will be the “discard”. He'll make you feel bad about yourself and use against you everything that you told him.
Then “hoover” will come!
I am really sorry about the loss of your wife, I can't imagine the devastation. To me it sounds like you're just not ready to date yet and that is okay. It may happen in time, it honestly may not, and I would approach things as if you can be okay with both possibilities. I wouldn't necessarily listen to your friends here even though they are simply just trying to do what they think might “help” you, or they just want you to maybe find a relationship so you're not lonely or what not. I don't particularly feel like a year is a really long time to be alone while processing something so major at such a relatively young age. It's not like you were expecting your wife to pass away when she did, so you've had to process this huge unexpected loss and it is going to take time. You say you think of her all the time and miss her immensely, of course you do – and that is okay and honestly that just means you really loved her. At some point, you may feel like you genuinely want to find a new partner, or maybe it just happens when you aren't expecting it naturally but don't try to force it or seek it out prematurely. I wouldn't feel guilty about any of this. You are always going to think of your wife but at the same time, if you enter into a relationship with a new woman, she is going to need to be someone who understands the love you will forever carry for your wife but also not feel like she is some sort of consolation prize. You said it best, you don't want to burden someone with your grief, it's not fair to them or to yourself. Take the time to heal. I feel for you, OP.
Some people believe the stereotypes about men and women, including the “men always want sex” and “men always can have sex”. While it's considered as pretty normal for women to not want it all the time.
Sit down with her and have an honest conversation. She needs to understand that a partner won't be in the mood all the time and that's fine. She has to accept that. Just as you do the other way around.
You could make her remind the times when she was upset back when you wanted sex and she didn't. Now make her realise it doesn't feel different for you as well, if you're approached while you don't want to and she doesn't accept your answer.
he really loved me or wanted me – He would stay.
That's not fair or true. That same way it wouldn't be fair to say if you loved or wanted him, you'd move to his country.
Well do you want to be trafficked? Jfc the fact I even had to read this and OP thinks it’s going to be a fairytale just baffles me.
His parents dislike me (why I don’t really know when they have never met me but apparently it’s because I’m older than him) that’s why we can’t use his place & my mum dislikes guys in general as why we can’t use my place either. I do know it’s crap that he won’t at least help pay for the hotel rooms too!
Already did and it wasn’t my intention to make her feel that way. I wanted to make her feel good.
My guys going to give up his kidneys for some pum-pum. Relax, I'm sure shes well capable
Go find my comment from earlier. I said it's not okay. I was simply replying to this comment. Not the question in general you knob
Yeah red flag
How can you not see that was clearly a lie meant to hurt you? See how shit you feel? That was his goal.
Only one partner’s body is being used to carry the pregnancy—it’s not about the choice to ‘become a parent’, it’s the choice of having this thing in your body for 9 months. When both partners carry the pregnancy in their bodies, then it’s an equivalent situation and you can say that they can both reasonably have the expectation of ‘not anticipating parenthood with sex’.
The fact of the matter is, if you are the person donating the sperm to this equation, you do get less of a choice because it’s not your body to make a choice about. It’s not hypocritical to say that the non pregnant partner doesn’t get to decide whether or not the pregnant partner has to carry on the pregnancy. If the pregnant person decides to carry to term, that’s what’s going to happen. This actually is not a ‘two way street’ which is where your assumptions comes from. Until both bodies carry the burden and possibility of death or permanent injury, it will never be and should never be a ‘two way street’.
As a nonbinary person with a trans gf, your feelings are 100% valid (and if he tries to call you transphobic that’s also wrong). Him springing it on you just before sex was clearly an attempt to manipulate you into the act. Leave, you haven’t been dating long and he is not trustworthy. Dating someone who is trans requires lots of trust and emotional openness in both sides, and that is not happening here, so regardless of everything else this relationship is doomed.
Why are you looking for an explanation? Why are you trying to find a reason to justify this? YOUR PARTNER IS A PREDATOR.
Y’all are kids…why get married so young???
Oh no. Not sure how I'll recover from that one….
Wanting it or not wanting it isn't realllllty the point. It's his handling of a nice gesture from his wife that's the issue.
But please, continue to give advice as a non married person without kids.
Stop paying for hotel rooms. Maybe take a break from dating and focus on getting your finances in order.
Are you sure your boyfriend isn't married and trying not to have hotels show up on his credit card statements?
First problem here. You consulted Reddit, I’m surprised everyone isn’t telling you to dump this guy. Children are not easy, it’s a beautiful yet incredibly tough decision. You just need to work it out with your husband and tell him what you expressed to us. Reddit can’t help you, only you can help yourself
You do nothing. It honestly seems like you're the problem here.
Girl is allowed to have friends, let it go.
Yes.
Wtf kinda question is this? Your friends life is going off the rails and his parents cannot help him if they don't know something is wrong. At a certain point you're no longer a good friend by keeping a secret and your only enabling his downfall. He needs help and support and his parents need to know what's going on.
A BLT takes 20 minutes to make. When my partner was working and I wasn't, I would often try to have dinner ready for when he got home just for fun. But if it took under a half hour to make, I waited to make it. He'd wash up and get changed and we'd chat a bit while he mentally transitioned to being home and I'd make it then. People are acting like she cruelly withheld a meal that would take hours to make. I would want freshly cooked bacon. If she premade the sandwich and he was held up at work for 15 minutes and then had to get gas or something, that stops being the case. This is an extremely weird post ngl
Are we talking 2 years old, 12 years old, or what?
Saying that she's a child only tells us that she's under the age of 18, but there's a huge difference between being a toddler and a teenager.
I think that the age plays a big part, as older people can be set in their ways and your brain isn’t even fully developed yet. I don’t think you’re immature, just in completely different stages of life.
But the kids bed are still filled no matter the reasons
Right? Seems pretty clear he was willing to if she had just asked. Maybe he was thinking he didn't want to ruin the mood for her.
Projecting is wild.
It depends on your bf's attitude toward your ex and if he is cool with things like that. I can't personally say how I'd react because again, it depends on the history between you two and my relationship with the ex. But generally I feel like I'd be secure enough to be cool with it.
It is buried.
Because it's reddit and god forbid someone in a relationship want to communicate with their partner. Its immediate break up/divorce all the time here.
Three things come to mind. 1. Ask her friends. They will absolutely know what her style is or they can bring up the conversation with her in a casual way that likely won’t make her suspicious.
If she has a Pinterest board, check it
You can propose with a simple ring and have the intention of replacing it later together.
Life
Does it matter? Do you want your baby to have COVID complications and not be able to get treatment? You can hardly get children's meds right now. We've had this discussion since 2020, keep up.
Because she’s the one who’s body is being used to incubate that child, not him, he’s doing nothing. Therefore it is her choice whether to allow that.
Jeez, it isn’t hot.
My god, it’s almost like men aren’t horny all the time and sometimes aren’t in the mood to be sexual! Such a concept! Other way would be it’s my wife’s birthday and she’s not in the mood, she should at least cup my balls.
Like you wake up and do this during sleep?
No thank you. Lol
She was 18 when you met her and knocked her up. She didn’t get to be a regular 18 year old who does go out and party with friends. That’s why teenagers shouldn’t be quick to play house. I was in an abusive relationship at 17 and left at 18 for that reason. I felt held down and trapped.
I don’t want to be rude but your ex probably regrets having kids and “settling down” early.
Yeah if I did that to my husband or visa versa, it would not go well at all. I get trying to protect your family and what not but you didn't even give him a chance. You forced him out. He's been gone for however long and was looking forward to coming home and sleeping in his bed and you basically kicked him out. Yeah I'd be pissed too
“Oh, I’d be open to it if you are” is manipulative bullshit. You’re already open to it. You were the one who brought it up in the first place. Don’t spin your interest in the topic as being contingent on mine, as if I’m somehow in any way responsible for your interest, let alone for you springing this on me.
Sweety, you but you are not sensitive. Your bf is an asshole who tries to hide his assholeness behind “i am just honest” but thats bs.
I would rip my husband a new one if he thinks it would be okay to be that rude to me. I always respect him and i expect the same back.
Maybe hearing it from some random person doesnt help but your feelings are valid and he really is disrespecting you. You are not sensitive. You are not the problem at all, his attitude is.
I don’t think it’s your own insecurity, I think it’s the fact that he literally told you it while mad at you. When you hear it out of his mouth, it’s hot to believe that he was lying about it. I think you guys need therapy together
I've asked her about doing this but she won't unless she's drunk again cause doesn't like pain but then if I say okay just get drunk before you go she'll change the subject
Thata fucking weird and not normal and I'm suprised you were this calm. I'd be furious. Outside of porn in relationship problems, there's also the fact he forced something sexual into your environment without asking. This is a form of sexual harrasment.
Cool story what advice do you need?
He needs to start establishing boundaries with female work colleagues. As you say, this isn't the first time he's ended up getting involved with another coworker in an unprofessional manner. The first instance sounds very much like an emotional affair, especially considering that the husband in that case literally threatened him with murder!
Who knows? Maybe he did have a Damascene conversion; maybe it all played out exactly as he said – or maybe he shot his quiver and she turned him down. Regardless, I think his actions are pretty damn disrespectful to you and your relationship, and he needs to stop.
When's the last time you've been mini-golfing?
, you don't know how 1. How she feels about you being a mother (could trigger her jealousy)
That's the one!
Oh honey, you aren't interested in him romantically, but he's interested in you. Celebrities get to have friends. They get to go to dinner with people. You could go to dinner with him and his wife and maybe a friend of his or another person.
Contact the police.
Arrange for the kids to be somewhere else so they don’t see hi, being escorted out (or arrested if he doesn’t leave quietly)
And file for a protection order. You should be able to use his recent stay, and refusal to leave as the evidence to get one.
Oops, I missed that. Still terrible.
What’s that ?
Just leave the relationship.
It’s a relationship boundary, and he’s crossing it, then you end the relationship.
By not ending the relationship after the first time, you basically informed him that your boundaries are flexible, and he can ignore them whenever he wants.
Ding ding ding
Yea that’s not something you should casually leave out
Walk away. It'll just lead to torture for one or the both of you
Do. Not. Stay. Together. For. The. Kid. It’s damaging af. I’m glad he’s at least moving out. You got this.
Why would you getting full custody and being a single parent not work financially if you are the sole breadwinner already and are now making more than you ever have?
Um… pretty much the exact way you just told us! “I’m here for you, however you need me to be. Vent, talk, hold.”
She's gone from being the best wife he could imagine, sharing the best years of his life with her where he was happy with how everything was… to having a mega hormone changing operation, constantly sleeping and sounding extremely depressed.
I don't think this is about “give the lazy wife more ways to be lazy.” She's changed after her illness and surgery. It sounds very physical, in terms of hormone/chemical imbalances and as a result mentally also.
I dont know about you, but I hate missing the day by sleeping. The only thing that drives me to sleep during the day is being ill or recovering to an extent that my body desperately needs it. If they have a chance to get back to where they could be, it's worth a shot.
If you visit her every other day depending how much time all of it takes it is absolutely is enough to interfere in your marriage.
How long is she extremely ill. If it's not last few days then you could absolutely visit her other day. No argument that she your mother could die any day ceases to be relevant the longer it lasts. If it is long lasting by now and you visit her every other day as I understand it than she is absolutely justified in her anger. In this case the only thing you can do right now is text her you will listen to her request, but you regret your actions and you understand your she and your child should be priority over your mother and they will be unquestionably from now on if she lets you.
Now IF I somehow got the wrong impression about the layout of circumstances and she is completely unreasonable than absolutely stay in your home. Big IF here
That's fair, I kinda like that, and that has been something I've been trying to figure out, how to carry it around without him noticing ?
Well, general principles are rules you on-line by that you believe make the world a better place, or lead to you treating people well. How does this principle do that?
I know what you mean by that! Many single people have something to say about their friends relationships. ? My husband’s friend used to do the same mess and I would ask if he was seriously listening to the guy moping over his ex gf from 5 years ago bc he can’t find anyone else desperate enough to stick around.
*toxic 😐
Don't be a prude
There's nothing wrong with hot bodies
Nudity is not inherently sexual, and her nudity does not belong to you. If you trusted her and felt secure in the relationship, you wouldn’t care.
Stopped reading like two paragraphs in and it was already obvious you two need to get away from each other.
I'd heavily suggest you have a conversation with your bf and take it from there. On another note why did you feel the need to have a look in his phone? Just curious?
Extremely wise. Thank you.
Given that you were in a long-term relationship together, you should make proper plans for moving out. This doesn't mean having to financially support him, but you should at least make him very aware & informed about your upcoming plans and change of circumstances instead of leaving him to just “figure it out”.
I know you say that he's no good with saving money (and just wants to be young & free) but this doesn't mean that you should end up getting roped into a semi-parental role (which I think you kind of have), always taking care of all the bills, responsibilities and life admin. Your Ex is a 30 year old man, and yet he's acting like a teenage child whilst effectively expecting someone younger than himself to worry about and take care of his needs. Is it not true that if your Ex had been someone financially dependable, you wouldn't have ended up in that work situation, taking on all those excessive work hours so that you could afford yourselves some financial security?
“I love him still and we want to get back together”- If it feels like a breath of fresh air being away from someone, then that should be evidence enough that this relationship is was good for you. I personally think that once you've moved out, you'll quickly move further & further away in your life, feeling less & less desire to ever re-enter the dysfunctional dynamic again. If you have to say to people “This relationship isn't as awful as it sounds, trust me”, then perhaps you should consider whether it really is that bad. Sometimes we can love people very dearly who simply aren't good for us.
You sound like a really sweet guy, clever, thoughtful and very hardworking, but you also sound like you're having some difficulties putting your own needs first. My advice would be to not feel guilty for wanting your Ex to go but to also approach leaving him in mature and collected manner. This is your life, you need to prioritise yourself and your needs more.
Take a break from it. I don't promote the “nofap” movement you see on reddit, but porn is not real life and your hand has little in common with a woman. Your body can become so accustomed to the same routine that its difficult to stay hot when faced with the changing feelings and positions of actual sex.
All I see in the comments are you laughing off the distrustful things he did because you on-line together and it’s convenient. This guy doesn’t give a crap about respecting you. You need to respect yourself and leave him. If actions don’t have consequences (real ones), people don’t grow and change. He blatantly showed you he doesn’t care by getting the screen protector and you’re still believing his BS.
I dated a guy like this. You better believe I ignored these very red flags and stayed. And did I ever regret it. Legal battles, cheating over and over through our relationship. Leave now and run fast.
No you’ll have to wait till you graduate and not in school anymore.
nah, OP theres more to this from your… now ex (it seems) bfd. no one blows up that much at such a non issue.
Yea, I have. Like my wife, in our happy marriage, where we don't defend insecurities and build a relationship on a foundation of lying to each other. Because neither lying to each other or trying to protect our insecurities from being confronted and dealt with are good strategies for a healthy relationship.
You're just another person suggesting making your own lives worse in the long run because in the short run fixing issues is uncomfortable.
He asked point blank. If you can't have a relationship without lying, you don't have a healthy relationship and should probably climb on down off that high horse about “BRO, U DONT LIE 2 UR WIFE? DO U EVEN TALK 2 HUMANZ?” like that's the moral highground here.
we have spoken to each other, she is very shy.
Thank you. That actually means a lot. I really appreciate that. I think sometimes I get lost in myself and forget to think about what’s best for me.
Narcissists. Do. Not. Change.
It's really hot when it used to be good with someone and you keep trying to recapture that time. The problem is, you can waste your best years doing that for someone who as you say, isn't even meeting the lowest of bars. It's better to be alone than begging for crumbs from someone who isn't prepared to do the bare minimum.
I’m good thank you 🙂 sadly a 17 year old hasn’t changed my opinion this time haha x
She is cheating on you. That was easy one, her refusing was badically saying she doesn't want to see me cheating on you.
Btw you would be an idiot to assume relationship spent mostly in LDR is ready for engagement/marriage.
If you don't spend minimum 2 years in proper relationship and decide to marry you deserve the disaster you will get into.
I would advice you to just leave her, but you won't so I should just ask you to please remember my comment when you eventually get a reality check.
Talk to him. Ask him what he would like more of or what he feels is missing. Also you could ask if there is something you are doing he specifically doesn’t like or wants you to stop. Don’t do this during or right before or right after sex. Do it in a neutral moment and make sure to be open and make it more of a discussion about how to make each other happy and not about who is doing what wrong. Hold him to that in what he says as well. A big part of this is not trying to make it a game of “what about”. Where if he says something he doesn’t like you doing, you say “well what about what you do”. If anything respond with a “thanks for telling me and I wanted to tell you I like how you”.
I don’t think what he told you is necessarily bad, as I’m sure once you get more feedback it is something you can address and learn from. But how he told you is poor. So make sure you set the ground rules about the conversation at the beginning and stick to them. It is a conversation about improving your sex life to make sure you are making each other happy. It should be respectful and as positive as possible. If either of you start to get overwhelmed or feel you need a break, take one.
You absolutely should tell him before getting married, it's better than having this gnaw away at you for the rest of your life.
You should really have told him at the time – especially when you first got back together – but yeah, he should know.
He’s baiting you into contacting him. If you do contact him, he’ll only escalate. Just tell everyone you’ve spoken to to correct the rumor whenever they hear it but you’re fine.
I also want to add the postpartum time is the absolute WORST time to do shit like this. Not only is her body changed from making you TWO kids at once she now has to think about you going to another outlet for “release”. If she can get over the fact that you watched porn knowing she hates it you may have taken part in ruining self confidence/ body image.
RIP
If he is lonely, he should ask the number of 100 year old grandmas. I am sure they have a lot of time for him.
we have tried dating others in between our messy relationship , but we always came back to each other and in all of mine he was all i could think of , and in his he cheated on most of them with me ( he wouldn’t tell me about them ) . i didn’t trust him after all the cheating and talking to his ex’s and i have full access to his phone ( i’ve gone through it once in the last 6 months ) so i know he’s not doing anything behind my back .
i’ve tried putting myself first in every relationship and friendship and every time i’ve ended up back here with these two . when they had blocked me i was in such a low depression someone else took advantage of me and neither of them were around to listen and that’s what hurt most .
i’ve only ever been happy when i’m around them , but after finding this out i’m barley happy around them . when i don’t think about it or just forget for a little bit i feel amazing , on cloud nine or whatever they say .
when i remember i could rip everyone involved a new one and scream so loud their ears ring at every loud sound . i just hate to picture it , imagine it . when i’m on his bed my skin crawls and the other places they did it . i hate it .
And? 5 drinks would wreck me. Lightweight doesn’t mean anything.
I personally can imagine losing attraction if my boyfriend gained a crazy amount of weight, or moreso if they're not actively trying to change it. A thyroid issue can complicate things, but it mostly means you have to work harder. It's up to you whether you want to prioritize your health. You don't need to do much special besides eating healthy, which doesn't cost more time than eating unhealthy.
Not wearing deodorant and gaining weight are very different. Comparing the two is silly and not a good faith argument. I take it you have never struggled with weight loss while dealing with a thyroid condition, a million responsibilities, and an unsupportive partner?
It sounds like you have a crush on him OP.
Just fuck and get it over with ffs.
I don't think I would have been as upset if he just told me he had done it to begin with. I think I'm hurt because he lied first, so I'm thinking what else could have happened that he's not telling me about.
My exact thought
My exact thought
My main piece of advice… slow down. I think you're coming in hot.
I know its exciting to find a connection that you have chemistry with. Those people you instantly click with, take time to discover. Coming across one, that's awesome!
But this is just first impressions. Kind of like a beautifully wrapped gift. The gift is still a mystery and you're only seeing the wrapping right now. Takes time to peel it the gift wrap.
Some of the questions you're trying to answer, need time to get there.
Really… if you felt like he was your soulmate, you wouldn't be here on reddit asking for advice.
Slow it down. If you're going to fall in love with him, make sure its down through a solid foundation.
You could have all the chemistry in the world, but you two could be dysfunctional as a couple… so, for that. Take your time with it, no need to rush, learn about each-other, build piece by piece.
I think you should also take some time to educated yourself on diabetes and settle your thoughts on it. Either a deal breaker, or an acceptance, don't be in between.
Not sure what to make about this bit:
We also come from different cultures and there’s a very large salary gap that will only get wider (because I’m a corporate sellout and he’s a sweetheart who actually wants to make the world a better place). These things individually would have been obstacles I’d feel reasonably confident in overcoming, but all together they seem overwhelming.
Seems like that is either a deal breaker. Or would end up being something you learn about and appreciate because your partner gave you a different view on life.
Slow it down. Make sure your feet are firmly planted. Be confident in what you're doing. If you have to second guess yourself all the time, maybe its not right for you.
My partner likes his big, gaudy Christmas tree and listening to a certain nearly cheesy musical during the holidays. I was always a white-lights kinda person and hated musicals. But I started decorating his tree with him the way he liked it because it brought me joy to see him so happy, and started to understand why he loved that musical so much (and listen to it without being coerced now! 🙂 ) He doesn't care about birthdays, but he takes me out because it matters to me and actually has come around to wanting me to get him a cake/do something special. If you're a person who loves celebrations, life with an immovable object like your bf who won't compromise even a little seems very dour indeed. I don't think you're asking too much to want a partner who takes your needs & interests into account.
“Roommates”
*kisses you*
Duly noted. I hate that lack of screening for mods on Reddit. It could be 1000% better if there were better/any parameters for the position. Last I checked, lawyers are a little more knowledge and educated than police.
yeah theres no way shes doing it on purpose
Why are you there in the first place? I’m confused as to why you are even there.
I feel like you couldn't be more wrong. OMFG girlfriend, get some self respect and get out of there, seriously! You need some serious therapy to find out wtf is wrong with you that you think any of this is ok. Jesus tap dancing christ
I agree, I think in mm ideal situation you wouldn't move a long distance or get married without having lived together first.
But that's not going to be fully possible, so figure out a way to do the safest/most reversible thing that will give you the biggest amount of information.
A vacation is not it, you need to know what each other are like when you've been working and you're tired and the dishes need doing and nobody has hoovered in eight days.
Don't just think of it as him interviewing you, you should also be interviewing him! Right now you think you want to marry him but you do not know what he is like to on-line with. You might change your mind.
Personally I think you should respect her ban! Happy wife happy life
I was in a similar situation for the same length of time and at your age although he was a lot older. It felt weird at first and sad and like i was very alone because he was family to me and safe but 5 years on it was the absolute best thing i could ever have done. I started living for me and it's awesome not having a man child to take care of.
I think you need to ask yourself why would he want to change?
At the moment he has parents who fund his lifestyle, he has it easy, is coasting and getting away with the bare minimum and you are facilitating this by doing all the work in the relationship
Yes, he might love you but other than say it, it doesn't sound like he does anything to demonstrate it
Tell him how you feel, ask him what changes you can make and see if he does anything. Actions speak louder than words
Ultimately, if he won't change then he isn't your responsibility to look after. He needs to take responsibility for himself
Are you sure he's your husband and not an espionage worker? Seems like an odd thing to say. You could try just saying ok and not giving it to him just to stop the argument
Tell your dad but if he doesn't throw cousin out immediately, then you need a lock on your door or to go stay with other friends/family while looking for a permanent housing situation. Maybe you leaving might make your mum get her head out of her ass. He was an adult, he SA'd (maybe raped depending on your legal system) you, your mum is…beyond words for this thread.
if your partner could go younger he would. you’re obviously not a child but you’re not at that grown ass adult with a fully developed frontal lobe either. you’re not even 20 and this creepy old guy who is nearly old enough to be your dad is creeping on you. what do you even have in common with each other? he’s a predator pal and your parents are looking out for you bc they know. regardless of sexuality and gender he’s a nonce
She's needs a hobby and friends. For her to be so dependent on you is not fair to you and the relationship.
You’re probably not as deep or as aware as you think you are. And he’s had experiences you haven’t had as a result as well. I wouldn’t look for a reason to not give the guy a chance if he’s really a great guy. He might have his shit together a lot more than you expect.
So this is how she spends her time when you are away.
If you don’t enjoy going out with her, and you don’t feel respected in her company, that is the problem.
Maybe she doesn’t respect you. Maybe you don’t really enjoy her company. Maybe you only like her when she is focused only on you. Maybe you don’t like how she acts with her friends.
Maybe you don’t really like her but you’d like a girlfriend who acts differently and treats you with more respect.
1- get your own place. Allow them to on-line with you subject to your rules (and rent).
2- my mother worked to put 3 of us through college. She consistently declined my offer to help my younger brother.
Her response to all of us was: pay her back by doing as well for her future grand kids. In other words, play it forward to the next generation.
He needs therapy. You’re not a therapist
No problem. Best of luck to you
And now you're blaming her for not reacting the way you think she should.
You need to have your fiancee's back, and if that means telling Bob he's not invited because he very obviously can't keep his wife from being a problem, so be it. If you don't stand up for her and keep trying to make wishy washy compromises in the hopes that Sarah will behave, you're kidding yourself, and your wife is going to resent you forever because Sarah will very clearly ruin your wedding.
You need to tell Bob that he and Sarah aren't invited. It shouldn't have had to come to that, but it's really your only option if you want to stay married.
…is there more to this past the title? Or should I read this hoping there’s more to it?
He is ASHAMED of you because you don't have big boobs. He thinks a woman is just “worthy” to be his gf when she has big boobs.He showed around your sis and told his friends that she is you. Just end it. He thinks big tits is something to brag about. That’s disgusting overall.
I’m so sorry you went through that. I’ve been cheated on before too and the betrayal is truly terrible. Somehow getting dumped by this perfect guy though is impacting me worse ?
Yes, and he has kids
If you decide to keep this pregnancy, you will be going through it as a single mother. Are you capable of successfully raising a child on your own? Do you want your child growing up knowing their father doesn't want them and wishes they were never born?
What the hell did I just read
But to your point: he's negging you.
Make a plan and leave. There’s no way you can stay with him. He’s shown you how little he thinks of you.
I don’t know how you’ll last 6 days much less 6 months to a year.
I’m sorry
I am in love with him, I know I need to leave, but I can’t find anyone else attractive at all. I don’t want another relationship. My fear is leaving and never feeling this deeply again. Before I found out who he was I was more in love than I ever have been. I haven’t been able to shake it.
Love is not the Consumption. It's not an infection that lasts until you die. You will not die of it. It doesn't linger for decades with you pining.
UNLESS that's what you want to do.
If you leave him, the obsession–what you're describing isn't love–will fade. If you start doing other things, it will fade faster since it's not being fed.
Anyway, you do you boo, but the only thing trapping you with him is your own fear.
I promise you you will find love after some therapy and work on yourself.
But this? This ain't love.