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alyssaaan chat
Date: November 1, 2022
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I'm going to try my best 🙂
I'm sorry, but he's an adult. You've told him that you can't afford this, he understands. He just doesn't care. I know you don't want to hear this because you want to believe that it's 'not malicious', but if you've told him over and over and he just won't listen, then it IS malicious.
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Does this sound like a healthy relationship?? Will anything productive come out of this relationship. Personally he sounds mentally unstable. The longer you “hang out/friends” with him just prolongs the abuse and discredits you.
????
Having a mental illness is not an excuse to treat others poorly.
They are taking advantage of you and your generosity. Establish some firm boundaries and begin distancing yourself from them. You have done them a huge kindness. If they can’t see that, or even appreciate it, then it’s time to start cutting them off. You’ve done (more than!) enough.
You are not obligated to and if this is a real relationship then refusing to lend money shouldn't affect your relationship. Otherwise it seems shady if his attitude sours over money. Cause now it seems like it is expected of a partner to lend money and that seems like taking advantage of people and taking things for granted.
Imagine how he would react to this if he was alive, the mans own fucking brother, you know the answer to this.
Distance, do not talk to this person actively and break your unhealthy ass trauma bond.
You can call it what you like, but it is cheating.
Yeah I would be annoyed too, especially if you are thinking about moving in with him one day, because he is going to expect you to take his mommies place. His mother is setting her son up to fail miserably in any healthy relationship once he moves away from her.
If I were OP I’d make up stories that his peepee shrinks every time he jerks off.
That literally isn't the point, like at all
You should just move on. When your ex finds out you had a thing with his friend he won’t be happy. Avoid the drama.
It kinda does when OP and her girlfriend are both women…
I'm talking about real life. Men that will express fucked up views on women and relationships are over represented on reddit. Yes generally speaking men are attracted to youthful looking women but women who get work done don't look youthful they just look like women who've gotten work done.
Women who get work done wouldn't get it done nearly as much if they were doing it solely for the attraction of their partner or other men. They do it because its what they see in celebrities, other women, pop culture; they are conditioned to feel insecure and need cosmetic procedures to feel confident.
Not everyone here has English as a first language, and English is notorious for words having several meanings. Just thought I'd mention it on the off chance it would be helpful.
bf hanging out with a woman that he is that close with especially never meeting them.
She is also in the same country as me (actually, the same city, I think she lives about 30 mins away). Only he moved away to another country.
I'd be more interested in how they expressed that they are fully aware of their intentions
I don't know the answer to that. He just told me that they are aware of their intentions.
Does she not have other more appropriate friends to lean on during her break up?
I actually asked him if she has friends she could lean on. He said yes, she does. But I think he is the one she is most close to. She was also there for him during his breakup and so I feel like he is going to do his best to be there for her during her breakup.
I agree. She has these fantasies and I think she’s taking any bit of attention and running with it it. So I’m gonna give him the chance to explain to me why’s he’s letting this happen. If he loves me like he says, he will listen to what I have to say and stop letting her behave the way she does.
Investing in your career to become a fighter is a lot different then spending money to rent a hall, I don’t know your financial situation but renting a hall sounds ridiculous. If you think these children will terrorize pets I would think the risk to his work career could be worse. Are there free parks available in your area?
Sweetheart, you need to go to a trusted teacher or parent or someone and report him. He date raped you. You need to end this relationship. Do not forgive him.
I’m so, so sorry this happened to you. This isn’t your fault; it’s entirely his. He doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, and he definitely doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend.
He deserves to be in prison.
The joke was terrible he could be just immature but him apologizing just made everything worse. If you want to continue the relationship he needs to understand that he hurt your feelings and that’s it. Jokes about your body – or anyones body- is disrespectful. If he says he doesn’t think it is, you say that it is for you and that is what matters. That you can forgive him now but to make it clear you disagree with his attitude and that will never be an ok thing for him to do. The way you can say that is in a firm way. If you enforce that you were a victim of his joke (which you indeed were) he is going to keep defensive. But if you say in a firm way – not arguing not fighting but firm- he will see that you are serious about it and not “trying to make him feel bad” bc is not about him, is about you and your feelings. And please don’t get me wrong when I say the victim thing, I really don’t want you to think that I am saying you are playing the victim, whatsoever. Is the way you communicate your feelings to him for him to understand that this kind of attitude with you won’t be tolerated.
I have BPD and it’s really very hot for me to firmly communicate my boundaries. But when I do it I can see people understanding way more than when I don’t.
Shriveled up sausage link
Okay. Who you are at 16 isn’t who you are now. Staying because you are afraid of being alone isn’t fair to her or to you. You know this isn’t forever. Be grateful for growing up together and that she was your first love. But. Move on. It’s the right thing to do because you know it’s going to end and sooner is kinder than later.
Other than the verbal and physical abuse, the relationship is fine! /s
Please take care of yourself, he might have been a victim in the past, but that doesn't give him permission to make you a victim now.
If he's not healthy enough to be in a relationship without resorting to violence, he shouldn't be in one.
If she does get pregnant, ask for a paternity first.
No we haven’t stayed together… When I say we have communication throughout the week I’m talking like 2-3 days a week either a call or texting through the day with the meet up every couple weeks practicing communication and bringing up events in our lives. We don’t actively bring up problems in the moment as we were relying on each other too much when problems occurred draining us a little bit in the relationship. We’ve been both actively going to therapy and big improvements for the both of us…
Did I say what she did was okay? But no sex is the default. Healthy sex involves discussions about consent and boundaries and sexual health. Acting entitled to sex is gross. You can dump someone if you aren’t being fulfilled, that’s pretty obvious
I've gone on dates with 3 other girls and none have even come close. It feels like I've set the bar really high because she was my first girlfriend and from the first time we saw eachother we were instantly laughing and joking and that spark was incredibly huge. I've never found that again and fearful that I never will with someone as beautiful and smart and as funny as her.
If you arent contributing to the rent and she is, there’s not much you can do.
If you are contributing to the rent, then put your foot down. I suggest you make him talk to her again and again until it sticks in her mind. If that doesn’t work, get a lock installed
I wonder if he'll start looking for a younger model when you get older ?. Past relationship or not, that dude likes 'em young.
I lost my step-dad and my ex (son’s father) to suicide. You are wrong because you think it’s a ploy to get attention when she could very well be serious. There are often many statements or attempts made before they actually follow through. He has to think about his child who would be losing her mother. I spent hours upon hours weekend after weekend talking to my ex trying to get him in a decent frame of mind after he had a bad breakup. My husband wasn’t happy, but he didn’t get angry with me. He understood why I was doing it. In the end he hit into another relationship, we no longer talked much, and I had no idea he was even in crisis again when he took his life. I had to tell my 14 years old (at the time) son his dad was gone.
You cant change someone. You cant save someone that doesnt want to be saved. It’s impossible. Love isn’t enough. Im so sorry love, but focus on your happiness and your children’s happiness now. You can do it.
What does she mean run away AGAIN?
A marriage should not survive without intimacy. Whether that means sex or some other type if both are comfortable with that. A marriage cannot survive without mutual respect. A marriage absolutely cannot survive without communication. And she can't heat you? That sounds very odd to me but I believe you. But it's not good, OP .
You have a child with this woman. And yet your relationship with her seems to be under great strain. You mentioned that she is done with you and willing to run away again? Then review petty grievances. I'm unclear if you are appreciating the situation for how dire it is. Or perhaps she makes these threats every day? In any case. Your child won't benefit from being around a marriage like the one you are describing. Think of her and deeply consider her needs before your next move.
You are not his gf. He acts like a single guy. He is thinking single. He is single in front of everyone.
It's time to deny him as boyfriend to you. Drop him OP. He ain't worth it.
I know your emotions are running wild but you really need to find a way to slow down. You have only physically interacted with this girl once. If you come on too strong and too fast, you will turn her off. It reeks of desperation. Secondly, when you get to see her again, take her on a proper date. Buying bday cards for people she doesn't know and watching cartoons is probably not what she had in mind on your first date although it sounds like she was a very good sport about it.