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amares, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 26, 2022
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That would be the wealth gap. Either poverty, or rich enough to not care. A million could solidly secure you middle class if you're smart about it.
Stop masturbating.
I’d want to break up.
Above reddits pay grade
Exactly what I was going to write. Maybe she thought she wanted a relationship with OP, dabbled in it a bit, and changed her mind. Maybe she never wanted more than what they did. None of that is deceptive.
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If you started having sex at 18 then 20 men would average out to be two men per year for ten years. That is not unreasonable at ALL for someone who is dating. Back when I was single, I was always dating, or open to dating and personally had a policy where I’d wait for 4-5 dates before sleeping with someone. Usually you’d have one date per week so in theory it could have been completely reasonable for me to have slept with up to 12 people a year for my 10 single years. That’s 120 men. Obviously that assumes every date made it to that point and I also had a couple multi-year relationships sprinkled in, so I dont think I was all that active but I dated and had fun and I feel I did so in a way where I respected myself. I am now 39 and have been with my husband for ten years. I dont remember how many people I’ve slept with because it really doesn’t matter and it’s not anyone’s business.
This guy is such an angry loser, OP. Let him go.
Sounds like he’s already opened up the relationship whether you like it or not. I’d just leave
If she got raped that's horrible. But as she admitted she already made the decision to cheat on you before that unfortunate incident happened. why was she in his room to begin with while intoxicated? Why did she think having sex was the only option when she had her own room? Sounds like she wanted to cheat to a certain extent but it went further than she wanted. Whatever decision you decide to make don't let yourself forget that she chose to cheat on you and only told you because it didn't go how she wanted it to and came to you for sympathy for cheating on you.
Not at all! Some people are just shy. Try initiating a couple of times and if he’s minimally responsive it’s not worth your time to move forward
Awesome!
(The second part, obviously, not the first. Those poor kids! I bet the oldest one feels guilty because it was his bio father – I hope they are all in therapy and doing well. And no, “random” didn't sound likely – when you slaughter a whole family, it's usually targeted and you have a reason, however sick and twisted it may be.)
definitely not unfair. if he wants more money he should work more hours ¯_(ツ)_/¯ he’s complaining about something completely within his control, PLUS he should know your background and be happy you make enough to support yourself and more AND you give him money when he needs it. he sounds very entitled to be honest..
Lawyer up. You’re an individual employee NOT a couple.
You are being discriminated against based on your marital status.
I had a similar situation a few years ago. Even though he was in the wrong (had a secret girlfriend the whole time we were together) I would always let him back into my life because he would beg and make excuses saying he would treat me like a queen.
He would do this for a time and then go right back to his usual BS just like you are explaining here.
It doesn't get better no matter what they “promise.” I had to block him and his mom on everything and call the police when he wouldn't stop coming to my house and leaving letters…
get this dude out of your life in every way possible if you can't trust yourself not to fall for him again. Sometimes it's the best you can do. Trust me, there are better people out there and you deserve someone loving and stable. Good luck, you got this!!
Who is “they”? This is some delusional paranoia. Girls aren’t generally dumpster diving for condoms in order to knock themselves up. This is an excuse in order to rationalize away your own laziness, a laziness that causes an actual real world problem.
If you’re truly worried about what you say, spend five seconds rinsing your condom out in the sink and then throw it in the trash.
from my perspective we´re not that attached. I still do sports, go to work, hang out with my friends and family, study, and invest time on my hobbies, and therefore I think is reasonable that the little time I have left I want to spend it with him, in our home that we both agreed moving to six months ago
Okay, but what does he do when you're out doing all these things?
Kids have different last names from their parents all the time. You aren’t going to have issues picking up your kid from school Women are just expected to go along with the kid having dad’s last name and I see nothing wrong with that or her reasoning. I wish I had given my daughter my last name versus her dad’s name
I wouldn’t want a picture of my husband’s ex-wife on the fridge. I wouldn’t have removed it myself – I would have had a conversation with my husband. But I wouldn’t want to see his ex wife’s face every time I went in the kitchen.
Their son absolutely deserves to have pictures of his parents together and pictures of them together with him, but maybe those are best in his own personal space.
I think this is multi-faceted and layered in a way that there isn’t a clear right or wrong. He deserves to have a friendship with the mother of his son. His SO deserves to not feel like a third wheel. Blended families are challenging. They just are. I’m sure some of it stems from her own insecurities, but I’m also willing to bet that some of it stems from the way he treats her. I’m sure she never feels important or completely welcome and it seems like it’s probably not a “him” or “her” problem, but that they’re both probably somewhat at fault.
I’m also a conflict-avoidant person who, in the past, would fib about inconsequential things. It took me a long time to wrap my head around the fact that “normal” people can handle mild criticism, and are able to feel good about something by even if someone they love doesn’t like it. This may feel like a small issue but it’s not. It will create more problems in your relationships, just like this. It will continue to impact every aspect of your life.
I don’t know if this marriage can be saved (which is a shame because you have kids) because it sounds like you don’t particularly like your wife. I will say, however, that for someone with our issue, anyone who you become accountable to runs the risk of feeling like a source of anxiety/responsibility rather than joy and comfort. It’s very likely that if you married another woman —even your work friend—you’d grow to feel exactly the same about her. Until you get into targeted therapy and figure out why conflict is so triggering for you, these situations will keep coming up, and true intimacy won’t be possible.
Sending you support. I know you’re getting a lot of hate on this post, and while I agree that you’re making mistakes here, I see someone who is really struggling and needs to work on themselves. I feel nothing but empathy for you. Please get into therapy for the sake of your kids. They deserve a parent who can be his whole self with them, and who can model healthy relationships—even if it doesn’t end up being the relationship with their mom.
LMAO thanks SO MUCH for telling on yourself. now it’s obvious where all the vitriol is coming from, you’re trying to defend your own life choices. Your mom shouldn’t be used as your maid, chef, and personal shopper, you should be doing all that yourself. You identify with OPs boyfriend so you’re defending him with every ounce of your being to try and defend yourself. Thanks for the laugh, your admission really made my whole night. I’m saving this thread now ????
YTA – justification after the fact doesn't change it.
The best part of a relationship is learning new things about yourself
The only important things to keep an eye on are red flags and your boundaries.
It’s a good lesson to learn this early on. Dudes who push your sexual boundaries are dudes you shouldn’t be having sex with.
You also have to accept that there’s a solid chance it will not get back to how things were before. It might get better compared to where you are now, but it will leave a mark you won’t get rid of. You can not accuse him of crossing your boundaries and then expect him to just switch and move on. Did you even apologize for it?
You get out what you put in with therapy. You cant patch up the hole in the boat if you pretend it’s not there.
Fuck. You know when a thing clicks for you? That just happened for me.
I bet she's super very hot, that's why
This sounds painful, and based on this information, he sounds a bit manipulative, like he gives you love and then takes it away, and you sound a bit insecure, like it's difficult for you to stand firm when there's a lot of stress and emotions. That's okay and normal
Get a different therapist. You have your reasons for not wanting a relationship with this woman, she’s forcing you to have a relationship with her that you don’t want and punishing you when you don’t conform to her idea of what she wants you to be. Your therapist should be working WITH you based on your needs.
Calling a spade a spade.