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Amelia, 23 y.o.
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On-line Live Sex Chat rooms Amelia
Date: November 1, 2022
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What does she even mean by “spontaneous”? Because that’s a very vague term. Does that mean that only she should be allowed to initiate? That you’re not supposed to have a conversation earlier in the day about maybe having sex later? I get not wanting to write it on the wall calendar every week but when people say they “want sex to be spontaneous” that often seems to be code for “I want sex to happen when I want it to happen and how I want it to happen, and I don’t want to put any work into meeting my partner halfway so that both our needs can be met in this situation”.
You are not the problem. Her refusal to compromise or empathise is the problem. This is supposed to be a dialogue, not an opportunity for her to make demands that you can’t meet and then criticise you for not meeting them. Just because you’re a guy that doesn’t mean you should automatically be down for sex whenever, and frankly she’s sending a lot of mixed messages.
I think you need to take back some agency here; let her know that her lack of flexibility about when and how sex should happen is becoming a dealbreaker for you. Make it clear that her approach of “it needs to be spontaneous and you’re the problem so you’re the only one who needs to change” is not working for you, and you don’t think you can be with someone who is so unwilling to consider your needs and feelings. Tell her that this isn’t a “you problem” – it’s a shared issue that you both need to work through together, and you can’t do that if she’s not prepared to try new things or work on solutions with you. Say that you love her and want to be with her, but you can’t see a future together if her only attempt to resolve this is to shut down all your ideas and insist it has to be her way or the highway. You’re not at her mercy here; and you shouldn’t choose to stay in a relationship with someone who would rather make you feel like a problem than do the work to find a mutual solution.
If i see one more “unsent message” hes a goner.