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Andy (Boy with beard) Alex (brown boy), 21 y.o.
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Date: November 24, 2022
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I know he as well as his whole family are emotionally reserved/cold/closed off… However with that said when a partner is crying and seemingly upset and even goes on to say how upset they are some offering of support is warranted.
You're not wrong, assuming you've communicated that to him. And presumably after 25 years, he should know that you expect that?
But there obviously sounds like there is a “culture” (for the lack of a better phrase) difference here. He may trying to give you the space you need, which is how he would like/expect you to treat him.
if we aren’t supposed to look to our partners for support and communication what are we coupled up for?
Well, there is a difference between “support” and “communication” and specific kinds of support and communication. I find it hard to believe that in 25 years with him, that he has provided you with zero support at all, and absolutely no communication.
As for what you are coupled for, I would go back to that first paragraph you wrote. The knee jerk reaction might be to suggest that you can get those things from anyone, but guess what: you can get emotional support from anyone as well.
So, there's absolutely nothing wrong with going to him and saying that you feel like you are missing a piece of the puzzle from him, that you would like a bit more than what you are getting. Of course, you'd have to be prepared to hear the same from him. And there is a genuine possibility that he'd be willing to work with you. But there is the genuine possibility that he will not, that after 25 years, he is who he is and he's not gonna change.
The question is what to do at that point. Technically, that's a question that can be answered later. What I'm doing is pointing that if you truly feel like you're getting ZERO support/emotional support, that hardly changes if you leave him, right? Presumably, you still have ZERO support. So how have you helped yourself?
The only thing that might change is your resentment, because at least now you're not constantly being disappointed, right? Problem is, resentment is a YOU problem. Yes, he is failing to live up to your expectations and that needs to be addressed, but the resentment is optional.
So the thing is, you can leave and not only will you still have no emotional support, but you may even still be resentful. Because that's something YOU can control.
So what I'm asking you is if you're willing to leave him and on-line without any emotional support (which conceding that you don't need it, or can get it elsewhere)… then why can you not online WITH him with those same circumstances?
Something to ponder.
Found a very similar post on here prior and I shall relay the same advice, shit him down and all why he thinks your cheating and convince him you aren't. Most assertions will fall apart when picked apart. This isn't how eye color works but since kid isn't born yet that is immaterial anyway
Yeah, ok – let me put it briefly, – why don’t you ask your BF to f#ck off. No reason to put up with his shit behavior.
I hate the idea of leaving her for selfish reasons such as
ending up lonely, not having anyone to comfort me, not having someone that cares about me like she does
then, if i leave her then she'll get hurt even more than she is now, im suppose to be there for her and help her
i feel so lost
im bawling my eyes out while typing this
she's helped me so much with my mental issues
Yes, 15 years ago I said I found a celebrity attractive and it is still brought up now. Unfortunately, this has been a recurring theme (the dredging up of old arguments). I was 19 when we started dating. It was a red flag from the beginning but my own self worth at the time meant I was just glad someone was 'into' me. Over time I have felt grateful I ignored the red flags because she is a wonderful person (despite her insecurities) and I do love her but, now, I am realising the problems will keep coming unless something changes and I'm still sacrificing parts of my own life for this marriage.
Sorry all my paragraphs disappeared upon posting. Much love!
Ahah I was going to edit my comment to add that, this is probably a troll
No, you're not a selfish AH. But you need to have a real conversation with your gf about this. That is, while you understand Jenna is going through a tough time,
It should be completely valid for you to express that you were disappointed with how your romantic holiday was… not. Your feelings matter. Your relationship cannot exist without both of you putting effort into it instead of taking it for granted.
Also, putting up a facade all the time is not always so helpful. If you just continue to bottle things up, people never know what's going on with you and feel blindsided when you let on what's going on. Don't force everyone to guess. I'm not suggesting you go around demanding everyone cater to your feelings all the time, but there is a point where you can express your feelings instead of bottling them up until you burst or 'slip'.
I have no idea what your relationship is like in the day to day, but it's possible that if after 5 years, you aren't that happy with the dynamic, then maybe this isn't as great of a relationship as you think. At the very least, it seems like an opportunity for the two of you to have some authentic conversations about what is going on. But of course, if your gf won't even talk to you, then that won't happen.
Do you just do whatever your gf wants until she stops being mad at you? If so, then this is a very unhealthy dynamic.
The problem here is he's not got closure and he's not letting her go. I was with a partner like this, she was abusive and had done a number on him. After 5 or 6 years of this I ultimatumed him to get a therapist appt in the next 2 weeks or I'd be out because I couldn't do it anymore I was miserable.
1 week in he hadn't even made a phone call so I bailed. He sent me flowers, apologies, promises. It's been 10 years and he's not once gotten therapy and my new partner (fiance) has been amazing. I don't regret leaving. I wish he'd gone to therapy, it would have helped him so much and he's an awesome person but I couldn't be in a relationship with him and his exes shadow.
Don't let this continue, he needs to deal with it. You should be the only person in his heart.
I tell this to my friends and family all the time, if (when to the believers) Jesus comes back, he would want no part of your religion.
I get assistance and I don't think my property manager likes me
“Mom I’m an adult now. I appreciate my upbringing but I have my own values now and going to church isn’t one of them. I’m sorry if that upsets you but you believe God is all knowing and forgiving so drop it if you want a relationship with me. If your relationship with God doesn’t allow this then so be it.”
Yeah no problem. In the past when I’ve said something similar to people I’m casually dating it’s because I didn’t feel a romantic spark, so it could be that as well. You’re definitely better off to just move on if a relationship is what you’re looking for. Good luck to ya