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Date: March 27, 2023
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I personally believe there is more to this, but if you’re saying Amy is so religious that she wouldn’t consider having a relationship with another person it could absolutely be that bc you had sex and conceived a child out of wedlock you aren’t an available partner.
I’ve been with my partner for 5 years and he’s met precisely one of my friends. He’s never met any of my colleagues/work friends either. I’ve met most of his friends and some of his colleagues/work friends. What’s the difference? Well, I have a hobby in common with his friends and they’re quite close by whereas most of my friends and colleague friends have a totally different set of interests and most aren’t nearby.
I don’t see why it’s a big deal for her to have a separate friend group. I guess I’m just not a believer in “your friends must be my friends and we must do all things together”. I think it’s healthy to do things separately as well as together.
She is toxic and hypocritical. She us guilt tripping you into making her feel better for her sleeping around.
Leave her, and cut all contact. If you lack conviction do it through message, and then block her.
omg i didn’t know this was a thing! i’ll def talk to my doctor about it.
UPDATE – I had a chat with him and he said I’ve ruined his life beyond repair , and how I’ve fucked him up so he can’t trust anyone again and started cutting and has mini heart attacks all the time .. I told him why would u stay with someone like that and he finally broke up with me and said the only reason hes breaking up with me is cuz i keep hinting at it and then said more names Bout me and said he needs a week to think and I ignored him
Don’t stalk or harass her. Don’t have others stalk or harass her. What are you expecting to accomplish by doing so? To chase her off? Your issue is with your husband. If he’s going to be unfaithful, he’ll just find someone else. It does sound like he’s at the very least tried to get something going with her and may have even been unfaithful, but he’s the one you need to work it out with.
Trying to seduce your husband has nothing to do with marriage – hers or your husband's. It's all about conquest and winning. If she is successful in getting your husband's attention off you and onto herself, then she wins a new trophy she can display for all the world to see, including her own husband.
Do not assume people have morals. Never assume that because someone is married that they are not also scumbags. This is a competition for her. She is obviously jealous of and threatened by you, and by your relationship with your husband. If she can cause problems between you two, then she feels powerful again.
Since she is a coworker, your husband could file a complaint with HR if her behavior continues. If she is creating a hostile work environment, the company will be required to either remove her from the area your husband works in, or if there are other complaints, remove her from the company completely.
It's nasty little girls like her that make success in the workplace still so difficult for so many women in the 21st Century.
Thank you, I will try to communicate my frustrations with him more firmly. Don't think he thought I was actually upset the first time.
Why are you on here if all your going to do is justify his abusive behavior in every response and most likely stay with him? You are in a very dangerous abusive relationship. We are all telling you that. You can’t see it cause you’re in it and he love bombs you every time so you think it’s okay.
If he is willing to pull out a weapon and possibly kill himself then next time he might kill you first then kill himself. If he feels he’s losing control of you more and more then you’re the one he will want dead because it’ll be his only way of controlling you.
If you don’t leave soon I fear the worst will come to fruition. Imagine having kids with him and how he will treat them and the trauma he will inflict on them. You’re being selfish in the long run because the people around you will lose you and you could possibly have kids that will pay the price in the future if you stay with him.
Do what’s right and take care of yourself for once. You’re worth more but only if you realize it. If you keep allowing yourself to be treated this way then he will keep doing it. Simple as that.
Boy byyyyyyyye!!
I was in a similar situation. We both did individual therapy and couples counseling. But the difference for my situation is that he never admitted to any wrong doing, took responsibility for all the hurt and deceit he inflicted on so many women, and gaslighted and emotionally abused me. Shockingly, no amount of counseling was able to help that.
I hope your situation is better than mine, but truly assess his pattern of behavior. People rarely significantly change once they’re an adult. To address the underlying causes and maladaptive coping mechanisms, he has to be 110% all in to do the nude work of changing himself to the core. Is he genuinely going to do that?
I'm really sorry this is happening to you but it's above reddits pay grade. I suggest serious therapy for both of you. Good luck.
Girl why the fuck you want to waste your time with a man that seemingly can't defend you at all? Because he doesn't want to? If yall get married are u constantly gonna have to fight his family on everything if they are SOOOO HORRIBLE!
sounds like 1. Hes lying to try and cover up he wants to fuck around.
Or.
Is a spineless dickhead who can't be bothered to speak up for his gf..making him a piece of jello that will be that for the rest of your life.
Why are u wasting your time with him again?
You two are only 22. I’d almost expect this at that age and know I worried about stupid stuff like this when I was that age. I’d honestly say just get over it and if it keeps bugging you that much then talk to him.
Yeah I think he lied personally and had never ever been with a girl before. No doubt one of the many gamer “incels” (using the term lightly here) who talk the talk but don't actually know a thing about sex or women or anatomy or even themselves!
Yeah I think he lied personally and had never ever been with a girl before. No doubt one of the many gamer “incels” (using the term lightly here) who talk the talk but don't actually know a thing about sex or women or anatomy or even themselves!
There has to be more to it, why lie about things when it might not matter. It’s like a kid?
The trust has to be gone. How can you trust him if he lies about stupid stuff??
She’s either super naive or an idjit. No 45 year old mf is trying to be buddies with a 25 year old single woman. Trust has nothing to do with what obviously happened.
Just exchanging numbers and agreeing to go “get coffee” alone with that middle aged mf is crossing serious boundaries.
You know damn well she wouldn’t be ok with you being chummy with a 45 year old woman, let alone exchanging numbers and agreeing to meet up alone. Is she an idiot or something?
Beach guy definitely singled her out and approached for a reason…
One of the biggest and stupidest things she did, IMO, was accepting a drink from an open bottle from a stranger. Sure, her behavior was disrespectful to her relationship, but she should have known better than to accept that drink.
More than anything I hope she understands what a potentially dangerous situation she put herself in.
She goes to therapy for 3 years straight and has made massive steps forward in this time. I am in therapy too.
I know I am not equipped to help her, and even if I was I wouldnt. I am way too close.
She really isn't a friend. She was using you to keep her little nude pocket warm in case BF doesn't work out
People of Reddit!!! UPDATEE!!
Thank you for being kind and a lil harsh to give me reality check. Turns out, I don’t have low self esteem as some of you thought. I asked him straight out what’s going on and he justified that he was feeling sick till noon so he canceled the plan to see the boys. He was thinking of calling me over but then had to run some last minute errands and do packing.
We often jump to conclusions too soon. Anyway, thank you for all your advices. Truly appreciate it 🙂
I really don't think you jumped to conclusions too soon in your original post. His stuff still does not add up to me.
In your original post you stated that you had plans with you and he cancelled them the night before because he was sick. Your BF cancelled the plans with the boys at noon because he was sick and was thinking about calling you over but had to run some errands.
Was your for that day in the morning, the afternoon or the whole day? because if it was in the afternoon or all day he had plans with both you and his friends at the same time. It sure looks like he was still planning on meeting with them when he told you he was sick and cancelled with you12+ hours earlier than he cancelled with them.
Last thought he said he cancelled with the boys and did not meet with them but you didn't see him so are you sure he actually did?
OP – don’t let him him BS his way into having things stay exactly the same. He needs to cut contact with “Friend” IMMEDIATELY if he truly means what he says about caring about this marriage.
If he cares, the marriage comes first. If he cares, you, his WIFE, trumps “third grade crush.”
If he tries to negotiate the terms in any way to allow himself to keep in contact with her….you have to face what this is no matter how much you’ve been through with him. Because then he’s telling on himself by showing you with his actions that he doesn’t actually MEAN it. He’s just saying whatever he can to placate you in the moment.
Love is a verb. It is actionable. He needs to show you his love through his actions – and those actions needs to line up with what he is saying, or he doesn’t mean it.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
How did you approach him about this? How did you present this information?
What is dennis system?
No. Most college relationships dont. Especially one where she’s asking out to be open
Couples therapy and swearing off alcohol imo, you guys need a third person to navigate this problem with you. I'd also suggest individual therapy for her. Why did she drink so much? Why does she get violent when she drinks? These are things she can learn in therapy. As for you, promise yourself that if this ever happens again you'll leave, tell her that too, and stick to it. No one deserves to be treated this way.