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Date: December 27, 2022
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ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
This. I need to make this the conversation.
Do I do this before the next planned trip or wait and have this conversation in person?
Just going off the title, did you take a moment to consider that she is being respectful of her GF?
i also didnt mention. i dont know if this changes things. but it makes me embarrassed since I am still confused and still like him… that before he dumped me.. when we had sex he removed the condom without my permission. so afterwards i was still processing that. like what happened when he contacted me to dump me. so that adds to my feelings about this situation
I want through the same thing with my Ex, so I feel your pain. It would not surprise me if your wife's actions extend to people other then woman. Does she become pissy when you spend time with your male friends? She can't frame it as cheating so she may not say anything specific but instead is just in a bad mood.
I would be very conscious of the women around me so I could be careful not to look at them or otherwise pay attention because my Ex would accuse me of “wanting them”. God forbid I would smile or make a joke while talking to a cashier!
If I talked to my daughter then I got backlash from my Ex. I finally stood my ground and started having “Father-Daughter” dinners with just the two of us. Those sparked a shitshow every time, but I could not allow my Ex to isolate me from my own kids.
I realized that every time I wanted to call my daughter, spend some time with other friends or other social activities I would weigh the benefit of the activity against the blowback I was likely to get.
That was when I decided that I had had enough. And that was the beginning of the end.
I wish you all the best!
So you had another child with this asshole AFTER all of that? ??♀️ Woman what are you doing?
Aww what a cute update. I’m so glad you were upfront and developed this assertive take. This is such a nice development moment. Also love the way he handled it. Your relationship sounds so adorable. Wishing you both the best!
It just means she is a private person and keeps her friends close enough for them to get ahold of her other ways. I know people that are just flat out done with all the bs of social media and they've deactivated their accounts to disconnect.
You should follow your dream education and a job
That way your first few years of marriage will tell you if it may last Having kids right after marriage locks you into stay at home and be at his mercy. What if he cheats or finds someone else.
So many storys here are from women married and kids right off the bat.
There is no you and him time and to really get to know each other.
Give a job a chance get on your feet financially bank up in a account so if things go sour you have a way out.
If if they last you can treat you both on a trip ..
Wait. How else is a wife supposed to act?
Unfortunately I’m not sure how much you can do other than gray rock them and try to move out as soon as possible, as it sounds like your housing could become unstable quickly.
And in the meantime, try to keep the room as trash free as possible. That way even if they do ask there’s not anything for them to continue picking at. Maybe try to keep some trash & recycling bins in the room so you don’t have to tidy up so much as just put them down in the right place when you are done with them.
Could you get roommates or do you have a friend you could live with? Does your school offer any kind of financial help for housing?
When you do leave, make sure your valuables and money are in places that your family doesn’t have access if you think it could spiral into other kinds of control. Use a bank that your mom/sister don’t bank at, don’t share passwords, etc. Keep things like your IDs, passports, social cards hidden away where only you can access them quickly.
You demand to see his chats and then you accuse him of overcompensating? You need to make up your mind and choose one because you can’t have it both ways.
What you do “to fix it” is work on your jealousy and self-esteem. There are few healthy, mature adults out there willing to put up with constant questioning and lack of trust. Solve your issues first and then start looking for a relationship.
You prefered to cheat on her instead of staying with her, now this is exactly what you asked for
I think it would be good to sit back and consider just how much this has happened. He’s been showing you again and again that his brother will always be put first, even after you’re married. If you have children—brother comes first. As much as it may seem like it to you, this is not a healthy relationship. He dismisses your needs and discomfort, the needs and discomfort of others, your concerns, and proves he doesn’t really care about you when things like this happen. You deserve a lot better than this.
You’re obviously miserable. The old situation was wildly unacceptable and I might have broken up with her on the spot in your shoes, but you didn’t.
Frankly I don’t think it’s productive to dwell on that when you have so many RECENT reasons to leave, like virtually everything about your current situation. You’re doing 90% of the work and household chores and taking care of your child, it’s going completely unappreciated, and your resentment of her is only going to continue to grow. Don’t put your kid, or yourself, through an unhappy marriage just because of inertia.
So what exactly are your boundaries around other people in the world that he may be attracted to? Do you want him to pretend that no one in the world exists except you? Is no porn okay at all? Or is it just the fact that this person's account was an acquaintance?
What are your expectations for him managing his sex life and masturbation or just even enjoyment outside of what you two do together?
I'm not asking/suggesting something non-monogamous, but do you want him to not look at anything pornographic? Or masturbate? Or whatever?
Have you both talked about those boundaries before or is this all reactionary?
Aw this is so wholesome to me.
Two different types of 19 years olds: a) the one who’s problems consist of facial hair. b) the one (me) who’s problems are a screaming 6 month baby
Lol!
porn leads to nothing good man, best of luck
If the breakup had occurred because he mistreated you (abuse) or cheated (also abuse technically lol) I'd say ya it's wrong for them to stay friends with him as well. But it sounds like you 2 weren't compatible and I don't think they are doing anything wrong remaining friends with him. I think it's time you get some intense therapy and if being around your ex is triggering you, it's up to you to step back.
I think that's it, isn't it?
OP is in dire straights, even now, because this pivotal moment–having an unwanted child–has forever altered her perspective and she hasn't dealt with it at all.
OP needs some serious therapy to unpack this shit, stop blaming her daughter, and realize how harmful that level of resentment was to put on an innocent child.
End the relationship – there is no trust between you and never will be. She’s never gonna trust you and you are never gonna trust her – so quit while you are ahead
We connect on 3 levels; physical, emotional, and intellectual. A healthy relationship must have a good connection on at least 2 of the levels. When you did not enjoy having sex with him, he lost the physical connection. I'm guessing the emotional and intellectual connections were also weak. While it may be emotionally painful, him leaving you is the best thing all around. A person who wants and needs the physical connection of sex and does not get it will eventually be turned into a caricature of themselves. /r/DeadBedrooms/
Break up with this dude. Reminding me of a scary subsect of dudes who do shit like this entirely TO make you insecure. It’s calculated and it’s creepy. It’s giving incoming emotional abuse
Yes, a bit rude of him imo if that's what happened.
Well, she was right not to tell you, because this is what she gets for being honest. The woman you love and married is getting trashed by strangers because you can't get over something that happened years before you met her.
Congratulations.
Zero laws eh? Lol
None of those things matter. If they did, they would still be together.
She claims that he knows about me and respects her decision. They haven't loved each other the way they use to in quite a while..