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Date: October 10, 2022
Yes
whoa.; ok. well, they’re not “friends” if they are pleasuring themselves to their pictures. I would think that they clearly had an attraction to, obsession with or lust for their friend” and be uncomfortable with it. It’s not cheating, but it’s weird. & of all the images and creativity of the internet would u choose your buddy pictures.
Honestly. Give yourself time. I got married at 19 (I was a virgin) And divorced by 22.
Love yourself first and when the right person comes along you will know.
I met my now fiance at 23. Wasn't interested in any relationship at all. But something was different and it just felt right. 9 years later, 2 kids and a house.
You will know when it's right, no need to rush anything your only 20
Of course it sucks and you’re going to be hurt but write this off as a tough lesson and move on. Clearly you’re not a priority to him and he’s not treating you in a way that shows he’s going to be a good partner in life.
Why are you mad at her? You cheated on her first so you have no right to be mad at her
Your answer is not wrong. You're being honest with her. Like other people have said, 4 years is a long time to be with someone you may not want to marry. Let her go if you aren't sure. Nothing wrong with needing time to figure things out but don't string her along.
So what is the “nice guy” response?…
Oh yeah, she has twisted and unhealthy views and says stupid things but OP is such a great and wonderful guy that he loves her anyway, with all her flaws.
She is soooooo lucky this abusive twit loves her.
I don’t know what to do
Sure you do, you can end everything.
You can say okay, then i am gonna start dating other girls you know just to keep my options open.
Dump her. If you don't want an open relationship and she does it's not gonna work. You're still very young.
That’s what it was! I got the two items mixed up, thank you!
Your husband is cheating or just a monster, I’m sorry, but there’s no future with him. Get yourself tested and start consulting divorce attorneys.
Gaslighting you. Mental abuse Emotional damage
Badumcha
rlly wouldve appreciated that being less blunt and in-your-face but i get what ur saying and u have a point. sfw thread so im not gonna comment on the second to last bit but ur free to message request me if u have any specific advice. im hesitant but hes a pretty generic Manly Man type of dude who likes beer cars and guns, so u seem like youd get it.
ill be cutting the ex off, but i want to give him a heads up bc i cant just straight be a dick to a friend ive had for years and ghost him like that. but the point is ill be ending contact for an indefinite amount of time so itll still count i think(i hope)
what actions would reflect i love him best? im at a loss of what to do. he likes to be the provider, likes to do most everything with finances and working, i care for chores at home and do my self employed work to pay my own little bills and put into a joint savings we have. but thats about all i have to offer in terms of non-affectionate stuff. he likes physical contact so what do i do with that past already being cuddly at him?
that’s good advice, thank you
That’s probably what he tells his wife too
Great projections guys!!
She has a crush on you. If you don't reciprocate, be honest.
Hon, almost nobody’s actual best years are from 16 to 35. You have so much more life to live. Far away from this cheating, emotionally abusive, drug abusing asshole. You are going to light up and feel a full decade younger after a couple of weeks in your own place away from him, I promise. Go make it happen.
Once again, until you're there, you don't know!
I thought I was bisexual for years and kept trying to make relationships with men work before I was able to come to terms with the fact I was a lesbian. I mistook my fondness for my boyfriends as attraction. I wouldn't be surprised if she went through the same thing, and didn't realize she was an actual lesbian until quite a few years into the marriage.
Shit is complicated. Emotions are complicated. And we are full of not knowing and incomplete knowing. And WE don't know the whole picture. Jumping to saying she's a monster who used and deceived him helps nobody.
You can’t because it is both irrational and inappropriate.
Certain prior actions do matter in a relationship. Those are always best discussed. Have you cheated? Were you cruel to others? Did you abuse animals? Are you still infatuated with someone else?
How much money you spent on a prior GF isn’t on that last. More so, the documents can neither prove nor disprove whatever her thesis is.
Dump her and move on.
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How many times have you seen him and spent time together in person? This is a fantasy relationship with a person you really don’t know at all. Sounds like you’re lonely. If it was real love, you’d spend a lot of time together in person and wouldn’t feel the need to ask strangers for their opinions on Reddit because you’d be sure.
To me, non of this sounds healthy. You and K have crossed into emotional cheating territory and have feelings for each other. You’ve both put your girlfriend in a very hurtful position. I mean, you’ve basically both made her the messenger regarding the feelings you have for the other woman/her bf. Since she loves you, she tries to deal and keep a brave face on. This must have all been incredibly painful for her and has most likely awakened some insecurities. To me it sounds like she’s trying to figure out if you’re still infatuated with K by asking if she should check on her feelings for you. It seems like she’s unsure you really want to be with her and doesn’t trust that you would actually choose her if you were presented the opportunity to be with K.
And to be frank, you keeping any kind of friendship/contact with K is extremely detrimental to your relationship with your gf. It’s almost like you’re in a triangle with K being more of an invisible partner and your gf having to compete with that. It also means you are leaving room open for the feelings you’ve developed for K. It’s time to decide who’s more important to you and who you have more feelings for. Who do you see in your future? Your gf is trying not be the jealous/controlling type, but she wouldn’t be for asking you to cut contact with K. It’s actually the best and healthiest option, if you want to stay with your gf.
So stop being indecisive and start prioritizing the person you actually want to be with. Whoever that may be. It’s not fair to your gf to keep her waiting for you and you not getting over K.
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Toxic relationship, break up.
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I mean if she can't respect you as her equal partner I'd let her go too.
Setting boundaries in a relationship is for the couple to decide, one doesn't get to say “this is a boundary” and the other than has no choice in the matter.
The mother is wrong. Don’t have kids if your love for them is conditional upon remaining married to your spouse. They aren’t pawns. They don’t exist to justify your grievances.
She’s not just asking him to cut off his father — but all of his half-siblings too. That is beyond cruel. It’s been a decade. Instead of further traumatizing her children perhaps she should consider treating her own mental health issues instead of bullying her children.
It's not up to you to decide how a gay man should feel about his second coming out. Even if it's as something as niche and ridiculous as being a furry. To us it's silly but to him it was important and personal and he was being vulnerable. Not that they're the same thing but imagine if he came out as trans and you made an attack helicopter joke.
Focus less on the furry aspect and more on he made himself vulnerable to me and I mocked him. From there you'll better understand him especially since he was bullied his whole life over who he was.
If I were you I would be honest. I would apologize and I would research about what being a furry means to show him you're making an effort. Let him know you didn't fully understand about it at the time and you are deeply sorry about it.
If it's just casual dates and neither of you thinks they are in a relationship then I would say you don't owe him anything and ghosting is fine. I know everyone on this site gets butthurt about ghosting but it's the dating world it happens he should just take it as a big hint.
Never run after a man or a bus. There will always be another one along shortly.
You don’t have any space to be yourself. He is controlling. Insecure. And seemingly incapable of communicating. I know you have a rough situation. But that isn’t a relationship. You’re his belonging to him.
He is allowed to not like your body type but
wants to open up the relationship on his side.
Lots of lol, he is crass. Dump him. You're 22, don't allow a douchecanoe to waste your time.
He is allowed to not like your body type but
wants to open up the relationship on his side.
Lots of lol, he is crass. Dump him. You're 22, don't allow a douchecanoe to waste your time.
No. I'm completely over him
I’m sorry I’ve left multiple comments to you on this thread lol. But I can guarantee you this isn’t just coming to light now. This is who your wife is. This level of fat-phobia and disorder thinking doesn’t just pop up overnight. She’s been good at hiding it, but it’s always been there and it will always be there unless she seeks professional help and actually tries to get better. If she doesn’t then you need to seriously rethink your relationship with her and her relationship with your child. She is setting your child up for a lifetime of hurt or even worse going to pass on her hateful views to your child. What if in ten years your mom gains all the weight back – do you think your wife will handle that well? Do you think your child will be completely unaware of how their mom hates their grandmother because of her body?
Wow, nice approach. I knew that I should say something before hand but the matter was really how do I bring it up in a way that doesn't seem like it's out of the blue. Thanks.
What do you mean by wow??
I'm a woman and if my husband told me that a man had photos of me that I hadn't sent them, I would be demanding that we get them off his phone, get some kind of documentation or order of protection and I would probably even discuss criminal charges with the attorney we'd need for the OoP. Realistically, I would probably NOT want charges since my photos would be criminal exhibits and I'd settle on some type of agreement to keep stalker away from me.
I would not tell you to ignore it.
Now, in my mid 20s as the victim of sexual abuse as I child, I would have. Only you know if your wife has a history of sexual crimes against her that might make her the target for more. I would ask her why she wants to drop this and what steps she wants to take for her to be safe. If she isn't willing to do anything and she doesn't have a history of being the victim of a sex crime? I'd suspect she gave them to him, too.
Dude…she's cheap AND a liar, is all that edit means. You can do so much better.
When you tell him has a lot to do with how he'll feel and react if he finds out before you've told him.
Absolutely not. Don't move in with him. Yes, living together requires compromising, quite a lot actually and something you even renegotiate. What you're telling us here is that he wants you to pay for his mortgage (at least partly) and at a higher amount you feel comfortable with and in return you get a half bedside and that's it? Yea, don't do it. As someone who is currently working from the kitchen table (I'm too lazy to clean up my desk in the living room but that's on me alone) let me tell you, don't do it. It's really very hot to focus without permanent space and jumping around is not feasible.
Rather save money by moving in with your sister. You'll get your own room to do with what you want. Have him have his space all to himself and he can also keep the chores. 😛
If you were starting therapy, why would you want help from a bunch of strangers on Reddit? Also, this is extremely long you need to include a TLDR at the bottom.
This was probably the most helpful advice I’ve gotten yet and I sincerely appreciate it. The cats have always been like this, and seem unbothered by the baby. A year and a half ago we moved into a much bigger house, not using the downstairs at all other than the laundry room. Since moving, the cats have so much room and tend to spread out and can leave pee I’m random places that can go unnoticed for a while. We are set to move to a much smaller place in two months and I look forward to a more manageable space, and opportunity to start fresh.
Agreed
Why not both? 🙂
Good luck! Hope you find a solution that works
My son is 21 and still needs to be bathed and sometimes wiped. He will need this for his entire life. If someone came at me like your gf came at you I’d put them in their place real quick.
Some people with disabilities will always need this sort of help. What does she think those who are bed bound do? The elderly? You’re better off without someone so narrow minded. Thank you for taking care of your sister.
You are allowed to leave your marriage without your partner's approval. Most divorces aren't something both partners are happy about.
I hope you are talking to a therapist by yourself.
I'm extremely emotional and affectionate he's not really like that so I've had to cut back because it freaks him out
This could simply be a difference in love languages, introvert/extrovert, or attachment styles. Might be useful to google those concepts see if they help explain it more. As for the links, it’s a genetic list, not links. If you want the list, let me know, if it’s links you want, that’s cool too and for that it’s super easy to google and you’ll find tons of info on it.
Let us know when you move back to Denver.
I really don’t think there is enough information here to make that inference. OP is definitely getting those vibes, but even with that bias they don’t afford much information to actually indicate that.
You wanna know what you should do? Leave her. Being with her obviously hurts and I get that you love her but this isn’t the woman for you. You can still love her and not have to be with her, always worrying about being enough or if she’s cheating again. A good relationship, especially one aiming for marriage, isn’t one where you can’t trust them or resent them for their past
Don't let your boyfriend stop you from finding your husband
it was weird, i really think that compliment is not worth this, she never cheated tho, i only found her talking to that person not cheating.
I don't know, i just know i would stop attending events where people think pulling a gun on people is normal
Define “A bit more than” for those of us who might not have the same ideas of propriety as you do. Is she shoving a cactus up her butt?
Just do whatever tf you want to do with your free time. What's the issue here?
Seems like all the buttons left to push give bad outcomes. You both appear to be communicating poorly.
Cut your losses. It's either you or her, if this happens again with the next relationship you'll know that it's you.
Even if you recover, this will never be water under the bridge. If you changed to accommodate her concerns, would you be happy with that? Would you resent not being good enough as you are?
You can't change her, so what are you going to do to change this broken cycle?
If youre single you can fuck whoever you want. It's not your job to care about their relationship status.
So I met this girl live … We get to know each other spend a lot of time together. … Still not calling it a date or anything just good friends. We want to meet before calling it anything more. She has to leave to Korea for 6 Months.
I get the impression you still haven't met in person. Is that right? How far apart do you live! when she's not in Korea?
Then, are you planning to keep in touch live while she is in Korea? If so, how will this be different than before?
It's gross and I'm sorry you went through that. They both suck!
Just tell your mom and let her talk to him. Case closed.
Babe…. I did the dishes and laundry.
I'm gonna go get a therapist. It's wild how I know the rational decision would be to leave but somehow I don't wanna?
You are definitely wasting your time if it's been affecting your mental health badly.
She isn't interested in you, that much is clear. You only live once… so speed up love for yourself and cut off the people that aren't there to choose you.
You don't want to remain stuck in this forever and waste any other opportunities you could've had with other people and new connections you could've made.
That goes for friends all the same.
My first concern is this person genuine?
Have you met in person, or had a Facetime/Zoom video call?
With the high number of romance scams, make sure that you are communicating with a real person that interests you to avoid heartbreak or being scammed. Not someone much older or younger than they stated.
Above all – Be Safe!
You should delete the app completely, and get your own Ring account. Your mom doesn’t get 24/7 access to you, you’re an adult.
What is the problem with the way you are handling it now?
What result do you want?
I have this app you literally can just turn off your GPS, I only turn it on if I am using Google maps or want my wife to track me so we know when we're going to be close to home when picking up the kids for dinner.
The dude saved $150k for a down payment by age 30. GTFO with this whole “needs to demonstrate” BS.
Most people don’t have $150k saved by age 30 so I’d say this guy has demonstrated far more responsibility than the average person.
I refuse to change myself for ANYONE
This statement doesn't leave room for any kind of change, “normal” or otherwise. It's a very blanket statement, so you can understand, I hope, why I took it at face value.
I also debated it outside the context of just this post (tattoos) because like I said, it's a very broad, blanket statement that seems to go beyond the scope of superficial change.
Sorry if that led to misunderstanding.
So you do agree then that sometimes you have to change for someone else?
In regards to a tattoo…
I'm a tattoo artist, I bet you can guess whose opinion I'm in favor of here lol
you should marry this gal so at least she (and the kid) gets medical insurance and survivor benefits in case anything happens to you. You can always divorce later if need be.
What in the absolute nonsense is this?
OP, do NOT do that. This person is full of shit. Never marry someone you don't even want to be with.
You mean EX-BF yeah?
Posts like these honestly make me feel like my marriage is weird.
Like i meet new ppl all the time at work or through work projects and I'm bi. I tell my husband oh u knw i met a cool chick today and I'd practically gush if she's into the same weird nerd shit i am!
My husband tells me about the weird female friends he has in his office too. They'd sometimes say hi if we had lunch close to his workplace and id never met them bt he talks about me alot and tells me bout them.
And that's not weird to us. Of course we have boundaries and it's not like we are out here flirting with these ppl. Bt god ur allowed to u knw… engage with the outside world!
It's sad when you are bi meeting guys. I got lucky with my husband. Because sometimes U either get an asshole dude that thinks he can get u to seduce other girls into bed so he can watch.
Or u get the guy that think you are a loose goose trying to jump everyone with a pulse ??♀️
No you definitely did the right thing. Ciera is too old to not understand that telling people your BF couldn’t get very hot is a massive issue. She knew what she was doing was wrong and did it anyway. If I were you, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a girl who felt the need to share details like that.
Fitting name for Judas too. He’s definitely into ciera, so also be aware that this dude isn’t a true friend.
Not all but sometimes. I mostly forget when an argument (with anyone) is breaking out or just any very hot situation is going on. There are times where I’m scared to bring up my concerns of what he did that made me uncomfortable to him because I’m afraid he’s gonna shut me out or not listen to me or try to make it sound like it’s not a big deal or try to try to justify what he did.
because in the early stages of a relationship i think it’s important to be mindful of stuff like this and what it could indicate about them. i get what you’re saying i just don’t see it that way.
U should be in therapy
You LET HER go?!? You have her LOCATION on?! What kind of relationship is this? What a controlling pos. Seriously! Controlling her is not the answer to this. You should just trust your partner.
Same, also a dominatrix and have never gotten that feedback so wtf is with that guy
That’s some love bombing ?.
You’ve met the guy a couple of times. He’s being way over the top. I’d just walk away from that and go enjoy your trip with your FWBs.
I’ve been in this exact marriage. Run.
Divorce sucks, but when you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, they will never be wrong and so they’ll never see a reason to change their behavior. Everything will always be your fault and after awhile you believe that you really are an incapable person unworthy of love. It’s taken years of therapy to get out of that mindset. Please don’t make the same mistake I did.
Thank you!
Part of a healthy relationship is being able to have these conversations. If you allow this to continue then one of two things will happen, either you will grow resentful of her (whether or not she does cheat on you) or she will cross the line into cheating. Maybe both. If she cannot see how the level of open intimacy she has with this other guy could possibly bother you then you need to end the relationship. Don’t give her an ultimatum and don’t take her back if she changes her mind only when the relationship is about to end. There is no point in continuing a relationship with someone who needs to be threatened to maintain boundaries.
It’s been a week now and she’s been staying at a friends place while she gets stuff set up. I help but feel like I just made the biggest mistake of my life when last night I finished a project I’ve been working on and I just couldn’t share it. All my friend don’t feel as close as I thought, it feels like I can’t share myself with any of them and like they’re more out of reach than I thought.