All the pitfalls of a serious (and worthwhile) long-distance relationship aside… this is an immature and insecure kind of attachment.
Your partner arrested at an early middleschool level and needs to love forward if they are ever to enjoy and contribute meaningfully to a loving, adult relationship.
I wanted to test out how well we'd work together as fwb first
Well there's your biggest issue. I don't know how you grew up but today's regular societal expectation is that you become friends > ask on a date > and then MAYBE have a sexual encounter. Instead of asking how she felt about you or asking if she'd like to go on a date sometime, you skipped all the steps and asked if she wanted intercourse. Imagine how she felt when someone from her study group that she saw as a nice friendly person just out of nowhere asks to have sex.
I love my wife more than anything. She's not able to have kids, we adopted. Sorry but I don't want anybody banging my wife and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me humping other people I think that keeps a healthy normal marriage going.
youâve allowed not only your daughter to damage you marriage but your ex too. your wife now seeâs the consequences of not putting her foot down with you before all this. iâm all for kids coming first however you took that to another level by allowing your daughter to push your wife out. yes in an emergency you should drop everything and go running but youâve been doing this on every occasion. youâve put your wife last multiple times and now she feels you are never gonna put her or her baby first!
let me be clear. yes you should of stayed and walked your daughter down the aisle but this was probably the last straw for your wife. sheâs now sat there thinking about how youâve always put her last and thinks kelly will be last now too. had you of put boundaries in place to start with your wife would feel more at ease with your decision and see it for what it is.
your daughters mad? for what exactly? you put her first yet again! she is selfish and quite frankly doesnât sound like a very nice person at all. she not a little kid anymore. you didnât abandon her and leave her mother. her mother moved her away not you. that was not your fault and if she canât come to terms with that then you need to take a step back.
you need to set firm boundaries now or you will lose your wife and your baby. you need to start proving yourself to your wife before itâs to late. start by having a frank covasation with your daughter and ask her how long sheâs prepared to punish you for her mother moving her away. by the end of that conversation you will know weather sheâs prepared to work at your relationship, if not then time to walk away but leave the door open. your daughter is a grown ass woman and doesnât need you like you baby needs you.
get some mc and ic for your poor wife and keep apologising. you have no idea how terrifying a emergency c-section is. i canât even begin to imagine how lonely she must of felt at that moment!
No, you absolutely didn't cheat unless you actively participated in the kiss/consented.
Yes, I would probably tell your boyfriend, if it were me I would want to know. But you don't have to tell him as if you're revealing some secret you're guilty about. You're telling him about something bad that happened to you.
Sometimes people are incredibly bad at handling difficult times or emotions. You should be able to go to your partner for support, but they definitely shouldn't be your only source of support.
I think when you have really bad emotions, it's best to reach out for help from a professional. Someone trained to handle these things.
The death of a loved one is a heavy subject. I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. Please, reach out for help. Ask friends to spend time together if possible, too. Use your support system as best as possible.
Why would you get back with this guy?? He is willing to cheat on you, doesn't put time in for you and makes you feel insecure. What does he do that's actually good for you??
Invite who you want to your birthday but I'd leave both the bf and his friend out personally.
Fair point and one I did not consider yet. There is not really a reason. But not telling her feels like being a bit overly protective, a tendency I do have and which annoys her at times.
Brush, in addition to his abusive behaviors and anger issues, does your partner show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did he start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other men — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? He would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over him. Moreover, he usually would hate being alone by himself.
Your parents are concerned that after 2 1/2 years he cant/won't commit.
He's 30 yo. He's had enough time to decide what and who he wants to be with.
Inform him that your goal is marriage and kids. After 2.5 years of sampling the goods it's clear he doesn't love you enough to marry.
Nor is he a good friend .
He knows that further delay may destroy your chances or make it more difficult to obtain your goal (when he decides not to marry).
He is very selfish, entitled, and shows zero empathy for you – he should set you free to find a life partner that's ready for marriage.
It's time to stand up for yourself.
Inform him that you are going to immediately start dating again in order find a life partner. Maybe you'll still be single when he's ready – maybe not.
In the interim, you are just roommates and he sleeps on the couch. Stop being his buddy, lover etc.
I immediately have an issue with any partner that uses the word âoverreactingâ. Theres no such thing. Youre reacting based upon the beliefs built in you throughout your life and thats normal. All that matters is that you truly feel its valid and yet hes invalidating it. Doesnt matter what the subject of emotional turmoil is.
True enough. To be fair, she hasn't divulged anything like that since… but who knows, she could always do it again. I've known her for 15 years. I'm damned if I cut contact, damned if I don't.?
It's nothing to do with time away from their partner. It's time by themselves. Some people really value that solitude and space, others don't. It has exactly nothing to do with how they might feel about any significant others in their life at the time. There's really not much more to it.
I just wanted to address your comment regarding the bridal shower. A shower is normally organised by friends and family of the person and can often be a surprise. Is it the gift giving the only part you disagree with?
Stop calling it expressing your opinion instead of being controlling. That's being manipulative. All round about ways of saying you want to control her. You're applying pressure while trying to relabel it as concern. Stop it. The problem lies within you, not others.
The thing is in one sentence sheâs telling him all the things me and her are doing and in the next sentence heâs saying sheâs the best sex heâs had and she just thanks him for the comment. Am I over thinking that or is she say all the stuff about me to make him jealous ?ââď¸
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You are gross. If the genders were reversed, you would still be gross.
You ARE shallow. you only want him because he's thin. Personality isn't enough for you, you admit that.
Weird cunt
All the pitfalls of a serious (and worthwhile) long-distance relationship aside… this is an immature and insecure kind of attachment.
Your partner arrested at an early middleschool level and needs to love forward if they are ever to enjoy and contribute meaningfully to a loving, adult relationship.
Ask to be respected… but only ask once.
I wanted to test out how well we'd work together as fwb first
Well there's your biggest issue. I don't know how you grew up but today's regular societal expectation is that you become friends > ask on a date > and then MAYBE have a sexual encounter. Instead of asking how she felt about you or asking if she'd like to go on a date sometime, you skipped all the steps and asked if she wanted intercourse. Imagine how she felt when someone from her study group that she saw as a nice friendly person just out of nowhere asks to have sex.
Itâs messed up that youâd âhear about it everydayâ. Thatâs not ok
Dude needs to learn about respect, partnership, and maturity
That's true, I didn't think about that.
The video was prior to that, but I editted the post to clarify it
That book will have as an essence:
it is totally unimportant, WHY someone does things.
THAT that someone DOES them is the important focus.
Never mind HIS reasons.
YOU reasons matter. Why are you still even tray to talk a berzerk silverback gorilla driver ,(sorry for the indult, silverback!) ….
….into REASON, when he clearly is totally out of reason/ beyond reach and so very very dangerous?
Would you do this at the zoo? Putting your arm into that gorillas cage and expect anything positive out of that?
Nope, huh?
WHY then…do YOU expect that from him?
Rather than doing the obvious: immediately R E M O V E a deadly threat from your life!
Yes
Thank you for that post.
One of the few here admitting that there could be a different reason behind her behaviour than just being an egoist covert racist ah.
I love my wife more than anything. She's not able to have kids, we adopted. Sorry but I don't want anybody banging my wife and I'm pretty sure she doesn't want me humping other people I think that keeps a healthy normal marriage going.
Omg the one you can totally control the other one not for that reason your body needs release for that reason you masturbate or you have sex…..
youâve allowed not only your daughter to damage you marriage but your ex too. your wife now seeâs the consequences of not putting her foot down with you before all this. iâm all for kids coming first however you took that to another level by allowing your daughter to push your wife out. yes in an emergency you should drop everything and go running but youâve been doing this on every occasion. youâve put your wife last multiple times and now she feels you are never gonna put her or her baby first!
let me be clear. yes you should of stayed and walked your daughter down the aisle but this was probably the last straw for your wife. sheâs now sat there thinking about how youâve always put her last and thinks kelly will be last now too. had you of put boundaries in place to start with your wife would feel more at ease with your decision and see it for what it is.
your daughters mad? for what exactly? you put her first yet again! she is selfish and quite frankly doesnât sound like a very nice person at all. she not a little kid anymore. you didnât abandon her and leave her mother. her mother moved her away not you. that was not your fault and if she canât come to terms with that then you need to take a step back.
you need to set firm boundaries now or you will lose your wife and your baby. you need to start proving yourself to your wife before itâs to late. start by having a frank covasation with your daughter and ask her how long sheâs prepared to punish you for her mother moving her away. by the end of that conversation you will know weather sheâs prepared to work at your relationship, if not then time to walk away but leave the door open. your daughter is a grown ass woman and doesnât need you like you baby needs you.
get some mc and ic for your poor wife and keep apologising. you have no idea how terrifying a emergency c-section is. i canât even begin to imagine how lonely she must of felt at that moment!
I do buy my protein powders. I think people are overestimating how much Iâm bulking. I eat about 3,000 calories a day.
No, you absolutely didn't cheat unless you actively participated in the kiss/consented.
Yes, I would probably tell your boyfriend, if it were me I would want to know. But you don't have to tell him as if you're revealing some secret you're guilty about. You're telling him about something bad that happened to you.
Start calling him Rover because him thinking you're a dog certainly makes him one.
Sometimes people are incredibly bad at handling difficult times or emotions. You should be able to go to your partner for support, but they definitely shouldn't be your only source of support.
I think when you have really bad emotions, it's best to reach out for help from a professional. Someone trained to handle these things.
The death of a loved one is a heavy subject. I'm terribly sorry you're going through this. Please, reach out for help. Ask friends to spend time together if possible, too. Use your support system as best as possible.
Why would you get back with this guy?? He is willing to cheat on you, doesn't put time in for you and makes you feel insecure. What does he do that's actually good for you??
Invite who you want to your birthday but I'd leave both the bf and his friend out personally.
Fair point and one I did not consider yet. There is not really a reason. But not telling her feels like being a bit overly protective, a tendency I do have and which annoys her at times.
Do you even want to go after your entire family have been insulting you over this?
2 years almost
Brush, in addition to his abusive behaviors and anger issues, does your partner show signs of having a strong abandonment fear? For example, a few months into your relationship, did he start showing strong jealousy over harmless events involving other men — or try to isolate you away from your close friends and family members? He would view your spending time with friends/family as your choosing them over him. Moreover, he usually would hate being alone by himself.
Your parents are concerned that after 2 1/2 years he cant/won't commit.
He's 30 yo. He's had enough time to decide what and who he wants to be with.
Inform him that your goal is marriage and kids. After 2.5 years of sampling the goods it's clear he doesn't love you enough to marry.
Nor is he a good friend .
He knows that further delay may destroy your chances or make it more difficult to obtain your goal (when he decides not to marry).
He is very selfish, entitled, and shows zero empathy for you – he should set you free to find a life partner that's ready for marriage.
It's time to stand up for yourself.
Inform him that you are going to immediately start dating again in order find a life partner. Maybe you'll still be single when he's ready – maybe not.
In the interim, you are just roommates and he sleeps on the couch. Stop being his buddy, lover etc.
I immediately have an issue with any partner that uses the word âoverreactingâ. Theres no such thing. Youre reacting based upon the beliefs built in you throughout your life and thats normal. All that matters is that you truly feel its valid and yet hes invalidating it. Doesnt matter what the subject of emotional turmoil is.
True enough. To be fair, she hasn't divulged anything like that since… but who knows, she could always do it again. I've known her for 15 years. I'm damned if I cut contact, damned if I don't.?
It's nothing to do with time away from their partner. It's time by themselves. Some people really value that solitude and space, others don't. It has exactly nothing to do with how they might feel about any significant others in their life at the time. There's really not much more to it.
I just wanted to address your comment regarding the bridal shower. A shower is normally organised by friends and family of the person and can often be a surprise. Is it the gift giving the only part you disagree with?
No he says his mom does like me sorry that is unclear in the og post ?
Stop calling it expressing your opinion instead of being controlling. That's being manipulative. All round about ways of saying you want to control her. You're applying pressure while trying to relabel it as concern. Stop it. The problem lies within you, not others.
The thing is in one sentence sheâs telling him all the things me and her are doing and in the next sentence heâs saying sheâs the best sex heâs had and she just thanks him for the comment. Am I over thinking that or is she say all the stuff about me to make him jealous ?ââď¸
Nah fuck that wish them a shit life
I will make sure to