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Birth Date: 1979-12-27
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Date: October 12, 2022
I think it depends on your other options. It doesn't seem that her reason for taking the trip is to find a different guy.
It's more normal not to have a lot of sex partners. For some reason, people think it's normal to have a bed post full of notches.
Honestly, I just fell in love with your guy there. His lie was not a bad lie.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Wow okay… I never thought I’d be here soliciting advice but I am stuck in what feels like a rock and a hot place and potentially blew up my relationship in the process.
I (28M) have been in a relationship with my girlfriend (28F) for a bit over 6 months.
We had a rocky start to our relationship but things have been amazing. I am convinced she is the one for me. I genuinely do everything in my ability for her… take her on dates, buy flowers, gifts, everything. I truly love her.
We have had talks in the past about what would happen if we got pregnant. We agreed that we would want to buy a house and get married prior to starting a family. We are both pro-choice and that was the working consensus that we had.
Her period was late by a couple of days while I was at work and she asked if it was okay for her to take a pregnancy test. I told her that I wanted to be there for the test (it was a Wednesday, and typically I go over her apartment and spend Thursday-Sunday morning with her before she has to go to work. She is a RN here in the US working 3 12hr shift while I am in business sales working in office tues-thurs). She said she couldn’t wait for me because she was so anxious about it.
I was in the middle of a work call with a prospective customer when I get a picture of a positive test back. Reddit, it was like in those movies where a bomb goes off and the actor is temporarily deaf and all you hear is the “eeeeeeeee” sound. I experienced every emotion under the sun of being scared, excited, happy – to, no way I can’t do this right now and everything in between. After the prospect called my name 3 times I told him something came up and just hung up the Teams meeting.
I immediately pack up my things and drive over to her apartment where she is happy and excited and tells me she wants to keep it.
I very calmly bring up the conversations we’ve had about this before in the past and state my position. I tell her I don’t think we are in the best place for this financially, we should move in together first and stick to our original plan.
She gets disappointed at me and brings up how I’ve always wanted to be a dad and I should be excited about this and meet her at her level.
The conversation dies down a bit as I voiced my concerns and trepidations but I essentially tell her that at the end of the day it is her choice and I will be there for her 100%.
I wake up the next day and reality hits and a fire lights up under me… before this I was struggling with motivation at work and the first thing I did was gear up and decided that I was going to do everything in my ability to be the best dad I could be. Since my job is commission based (50-50 split with salary) I reach out to everyone I’ve talked to before and start generating sales like I never have.
Since then we began looking at buying a house and realized that even with her perfect credit score it would be a stretch to purchase a house with the way interest rates are right now. So we started a savings account together.
The issues start where as the next couple of days go on she keeps bringing it up and asking if my position has changed and if I am excited about it or not. I keep reiterating my past words about how I don’t think this is the right time, but still reassuring her that she has my support. We went to our first ultrasound on Monday and found out we were at 6 weeks.
On Tuesday she tells me that she scheduled an appointment with Planned Parenthood for the 10th and that she is going through with the abortion.
I genuinely do everything in my ability to make her comfortable. This morning she woke up feeling nauseous and I brought her water to the bathroom and offered up to make her some toast or something to eat.
It all came to a head today where we had a follow up appointment with the OB/GYN about the pregnancy. He was incredible and understood that we were uncertain and treated the appointment as if we were going through with the pregnancy.
As we leave the office she turns to me and asks if anything has changed on my end as we were in the car going to a new local restaurant that just opened up. I tell her that no, that I am still in the same position and again express my points of the time and how she would still have my support and I would be the best dad I could be. She is quiet the whole way there, we have a semi-good time there eating the food (Korean corndogs – absolutely delicious!)
We get back to her place and we lay down and turn on Game of Thrones. She pauses the show and proposes that we give up on the house search, I move in, and we try to make it work.
I bring up my points again and she essentially blows up on my face and says that she is getting the abortion, but also does not want to be with me anymore because she cannot look past this and see me in the same light anymore.
I tell her that I could still warm up to it and to give me some time and reassure her of my support. She tells me that my support does not mean anything if I cannot meet her at the same level of excitement and happiness that she is at currently and I might as well have been telling her directly to get an abortion and just tell her straight up that I do not want to do this. In the heat of the moment I tell her I don’t.
She says it is over and calls me a AH. She leaves her bedroom and is currently in the living room while I am still in her bed in shock as I write this out.
So Reddit, did I mess up for voicing my opinions, fears, and trepidations while going through this and essentially blowing up my relationship?
I think what clearly happened here is that you misread her waiting for you to make the first move as her being timid and shy.
Oof, high school me feels so this so nude. I wasn't shy, I was waiting for the guy to make the move. Bc high school. Half of high school boys you have to push off they will just go for it.