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Room for online sex video chat BettyAnes
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Date: October 27, 2022
DUDE. You want a conversation about breaking up with your psychologically unwell gf to change her mind about having kids. How is that not an ultimatum? No matter how you phrase it, your intentions are the same: procreate or I'm leaving you. That is disgustingly exploitative and manipulative. Genuinely just leave her. She deserves better.
Thankyou !
If you want to indulge your insecurities, go to the hotel and ask for a copy of the receipt from his “recent stay” for business reimbursement purposes. Maybe they’ll give it to you, if it exists at all, or maybe you’ll never know because of privacy laws. Hardcore proof is the only way to confront anyone. If you really have your suspicions, this is one way to investigate on your own. Can’t call him out without proof of suspicious behavior.
If you can’t handle dating a baddie then that’s on you go find a boring girl who wont do this if that’s more your speed
Fuck that. Ghost his ass. Especially if you're worried about his reaction
If he's there alone then he's going to be doing more than just talking, guaranteed.
My parents are out of town
simply asking that can be a relationship killer.
most of the advice here is that it won't work long-term, so it seems worth a try.
Sometimes people just aren't as easy to buy for as you think. My partner and I have pretty much stopped buying each other gifts because we don't know what to get each other anymore and we've been together for 19 years.
Maybe you can throw out some hints or just outright tell him you'd like x, y, z. Like if there's something you like that you see, turn to him and say “look how cute/ nice this is!” Or just say if you're struggling to get me a gift, I'd be happy with this.
Are you a fellow AITAngel redditor?
gtfo troll
That’s great for you guys!! I think I would end up staying home with a baby but in some situations I think it’s better for the woman to go back to work… and the man to stay at home. For example, when I was born my mom was making more money than my father. Still, he fought for his professional life.. when he should have just stayed home for awhile.
Enjoying is a step toward orgasm – if you aren’t enjoying yourself (anxious about how your body looks etc) then you aren’t in the right mindset to achieve orgasm. It’s not about giving up orgasms at all. I very much agree with you re many women have experienced selfish partners
How do you know the ex was his last option? Bc he said so? Anyone with a brain would say this in this situation.
Agreed! As a sexworker, I would never have sex with anyone outside work besides my husband. Sexwork isn't a free pass to just have sex with anyone.
Alright, thanks for the advice man, I really apreciate it.
It's a shitty situation, but do not post anything on social media about it, and definitely don't look on your ex's
Find new focus really. Shit happens. Draw a line under it, chalk it up to life experience and move on as best you can
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Lol.. My God these comments are mind blowing. People here actually condone what she's doing? Your house isn't a fuckin hotel for goodness sake. You are friends with her, you offered to mitigate her pain and loneliness by extending your company to her. The VERY LEAST she can do is contribute to the household chores. Nothing less is acceptable. This isn't a retreat or rehab centre for her. She came for company, not to “recover”.
She's selfish. Plain and simple. She's ignorant and she's a horrible user. Doesn't take much to see why the ex probably broke up with her.
Tell her you feel taken advantage of. Tell her that you are also on a holiday season relaxed mode and as such you don't want to be picking up after her like a child. People need to stop this tiptoeing around issues because they fester and become resentment. If she wants to on-line like a vagrant without cleaning or cooking for herself, let her go back to her shitty place. This is unacceptable.
She shouldn't be going around saying that…. it'll only solidify the idea of it to your son….
yeah. that's what i said too – leaving is a fine reaction even if he's trying to repel people as a less healthy coping mechanism
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What makes the rest of it wrong? Should she not question and ask why he felt this way?
Me: wow, this comment breaks everything down and is very insightful.
Also, me: aaaaand, of course he didn’t respond.
I’m reading his comments and he doesn’t sound old enough to have facial hair. Let alone a 10 year relationship.
OP, if you read this comment.. talk to your girl about this in a serious way. If she’s hoping you’ll come around.. she’s wasting her time and it’s not fair to her.
Idiot and asshole
I bet you she doesn’t think so.
Sounds like you’re in different places in your life, he wants to establish and make something of himself to set up his future which is a very smart and commendable thing to do, and you want a ring. You don’t talk about wanting to spend the rest of your life with the man of your dreams, just want a ring, and honestly doesn’t sound like you two are that compatible
Get therapy for your issues, then decide what to do about him
Well yes but without a time machine there's no way for him to do that now.
His communication style makes it sound like he's not husband material (at least from my perspective). I would expect someone I marry to be capable of understanding the difference between my own personal values and preferences and projecting my values and tastes as the standard in general. Definitely don't marry him, even if in the future he changes his mind.
Next time he will pull the trigger.
Act wisely, leave, there's several forums with tips on how to leave an abusive partner.
Very typical, it’s a date with built in “deniability”. What does that mean? It’s 100% a date, but gives her the out of saying it was friends only if it doesn’t go well, or others don’t like it, or she regrets it later…
Be 100% yourself, with zero expectations but an enjoyable time, and don’t try “too hard” or overthink, and you’ll be fine. Make her laugh or try to, and stay very chill. It’s a trial date.
Has he built an art room in your house for his best friend?
Do you want kids?
Yes? – divorce him
No? – decide if you are willing to put up with all the other issues you’ve shared with us as well as give up having children. If not, divorce him.
He either doesn’t want children, or doesn’t want them with you. At 45 your chance of getting pregnant is like 3% and that’s probably WITH very expensive fertility treatments, not to mention the very increased risk of birth defects etc.
Grown men do not want to be your friend, sounds like you're already dating
Just because she is poly doesn’t mean that she wants to bang you both. TBH, a lot of poly people shy away from unicorn hunters and consider it unethical. If she is just sexting you, she may think it’s going to be you and her only. It’s not uncommon to meet the other partner, because it establishes that they really have an open relationship and the partner is less likely to have a jealous freak out.
Read up on ethical non-monogamy and polyamory. There are subs here. Discuss it with your bf. Then follow that advice in communicating with her. Be clear upfront that you expect it to be all three of you.
MFF threesomes always seem to turn into drama. Which is why unicorn hunters have such a bad reputation. It’s not the sex, it’s the shitshow that comes after.
I'm so happy for you and your husband 🙂
To be honest, she sounds a little narcissistic or at the very least, self-involved. Why is she so delusional in thinking your loved ones would skip your wedding? And the groom nonetheless? It's almost like she just wanted to ruin your wedding day by having her birthday on the same day and then making a fuss.
You're too young to be in a relationship like this. 5 years is way too long already and this issue is a big dealbreaker. It's not going to get better.
And don't feel like a douchebag. You're well within your rights to feel the way you do.
Vacation dick is never good in real life.
At least wear two condoms.
Any affordable on-line options you can recommend?
If he was refusing treatment and tormenting her with his illness for years, it is not reasonable to demand that she roll over and keep taking it. Mental illness is not a get out of jail card for treating people poorly. You have consequences. We don't know all he put her through. She stuck by him until she couldn't anymore. He needs to take responsibility and get healthy. If he gets into another relationship, it needs to be different.
So he cheated and then lied about the severity while DARVOing you to make it seem like you were the problem. Now you’ve unveiled his mask and see the true him. What will you do now knowing it was all a lie. You know have true agency to know his true intentions and behavior. So what will you do?
I was going to say he sounds quite narcissistic.
I had an ex like this. He could be ridiculous and very unreasonable but the minute I reacted and stood up for myself HIS feelings were hurt. I was always the bad person, he never took accountability for his actions.
OP this sounds exactly like your bf. He SHOULD HAVE APOLOGISED AND HELPED YOU LOOK FOR YOUR CAT.
People like this dont change.
That's a ton of words about something you've both been clear about.
Incompatible unless one of you shifts stances.
Why so? What's the worst that can happen?
I’m not saying he would ask my for permission
The girl was an “old friend” i dmed her too and it was nothing. And my dad has episodes every now and then but none were as bad as that night
Dude you're crazy. No.
I think we've always tried to be specific when bringing up any issues, which does help talk through things. But it's mainly “okay I understand and try to do better”, but nothing actually changes.
I've brought up counselling, many times, it's been agreed upon and then just slowly forgotten about so it never happens. I haven't thought about individual counseling to be honest.
True. Thanks!
I actually did do this. I was like her 5th relationship, she’s also my ex now, it lasted about 5 months. She had terrible boundaries and there ended up being more things. I’m just scared I’ll get into another relationship and i won’t be able to trust the person. Like my ex never cheated but she just didn’t ever make me feel like a priority whether it was regarding other men or just hanging out together.
I actually did do this. I was like her 5th relationship, she’s also my ex now, it lasted about 5 months. She had terrible boundaries and there ended up being more things. I’m just scared I’ll get into another relationship and i won’t be able to trust the person. Like my ex never cheated but she just didn’t ever make me feel like a priority whether it was regarding other men or just hanging out together.
She cheats on you and it's your fault?
No man, that's hard garbage.
You asked for a serious answer : leave him alone… seriously
6 months??? AND then to bring a kid into the world? Holy shit. Lol
A big part of adhd is object permanence. It’s embarrassing but I have a walk in closet full of clothes and I could genuinely only tell you about 5-10 items off the top of my head. But if walk over there and stand in the doorway looking at them, it would come back to me. Granted when I turn around it’s all gone again but still.
I bet he remembers what a great day it was and how beautiful you were, but when he remembers that day he’s remember you, not a dress lol.
I have tried to move on more than once. When he hears. I have had a date with someone else he always shows back up in my life. I know I should get away from him, and I am trying again. I just am not doing well at getting over him.
She's reposted this on new accounts with slightly different changes in age and context for almost a week now on a daily basis. She's crazy.
The issue here is that he lied to you. He told you he had a gift for you but it was a gift someone else gave him that he didn’t want. If she hadn’t given him the hat he’d not have got you something. You were also sick and he went out of his way to tell you that another woman hand made him a gift. There’s nothing about this gift that is about you. He gave away something he didn’t want and he made sure to let you know that he has other options. Also, he’ll get the thrill of knowing another woman made that for him every time he sees you in it.
If he’d come and said “x made this for me. It’s not my style do you want it?” it would be a whole different story.
Isn’t this technically sex trafficking?
I don’t exactly have expectations of her to be replying constantly. It’s just tough that we are awake at the same time a couple hours a day and of that time she can’t reply to me. We have always been very close and connected and I think the 3 weeks with minimal contact has started to play in my mind a bit.
Personally, I have a scar from mine and the last year I had it, I was extremely suicidal. It was absolutely awful for me. So it isn't exactly “easy” and a great choice for everyone.
Well for one thing-you need to acquaint yourself with all the things your wife would physically have to go through during pregnancy. It's easy to have a romantic vision of pregnancy when you aren't the one whose ankles are swollen to the size of a grapefruit and you have to pee every 15 minutes. It's a huge physical strain for months. I would highly recommend you talk to people you know who have had children about what the pregnancy was really like physically.
Then there's the delivery which again there are health risks involved, contractions can last for over a day, plus a lot of tearing in a delicate place that takes time to heal. There is the psychological stress of that happening to your body. And the hormones. And that's all if things go perfectly well, which it very often does not. Add to that because of her age, she might need help getting pregnant, so there's the doctors visits, tests, shots, and of course cost.
So after all that, you might end up with a baby. Might. Because stillbirths happen. And it isn't guaranteed that she will even get pregnant.
“It was just the tip, stop being so dramatic”
I agree with much of what you say, however I'm can't get behind the sentiment that he would be in the wrong for being upset that OP wants to buy on her own, especially as he wants to own his own home one day.
Her boyfriend by the sounds of it has little support network from family and if he lived with OP without a rental agreement or owning a share of the property he may not feel secure in the relationship or his home.
OP is well within her rights to buy her own home but her boyfriend can be upset about this and still be a good boyfriend.
He's angry you found out and are holding him accountable, and aren't outwardly broken up over the entire thing. People who are abusive won't think rationally, so you can't try to understand it.
So I follow labor law — you’re going to want to screenshot any texts or emails that are harassing, and look into whether you’re in a one-party consent state for recording. If you are, it is fully legal to voice record any conversation you have without the other person knowing. I suggest you start doing this. (If you have an iPhone or Apple Watch, Apple has a voice memos app that can be used for this. Apple Watch is great for doing it discreetly, too, you can add the widget for it to your watch Home Screen and just tap it to start recording if something feels sketch.) For anything you can’t record, write a contemporaneous memo email immediately after and send it to (and from) a personal email account.
Yes, tell your friend as well. Having corroboration of “they told me when it was happening” is helpful, but it’s not likely to be admissible in a court setting, should it come to that. (Hence, the other documentation.)
Tell your gym this man has been stalking you. Ask for their help in keeping you separated.
And yes, you have to tell your HR. And document their response, and any retaliation that might come from it. It’s super illegal for anyone to retaliate against you! Even if it’s not an HR person! Fun fact, HR is also not exempt from one-party-consent recordings.
Good luck. This sounds awful. Stay safe.
Then how she got there, who invited her, etc are questions you should ask the host or the girl to verify.
That is deeply untrue and sexist.
Not “someones” mine. I would gladly let him be my first if I could but I can’t take back what already happened. I agree it would be weird if he just talked about women’s virginities but he only does with me in private or over text.
Yeah right. The early 30's female can GUARANTEE me, that the sole reason men desire virgins is because of insecurity. Why not introspect on that a little, and realise things never are that simple. Here's a few reasons, again, none of them good.
Insecurity, yes , like you said.
Also religion and patriarchy, many men were taught to think of women as property, taking virginity being a sign of ownership. No insecurity here, just sick thoughts .
Another reason is ignorance/ paranoïa, some men were never taught anything about women's body and have wild misconsceptions engrained deeply in their beliefs, going as far as to think a women not being a virgin might compromise their paternity.
Jealousy also comes into play, when some men have had few sexual partners, they feel its unfair that their partner has had more. Again, not rooted in insecurity.
You could also have a less negative reason for desiring a virgin, being that the man is a virgin himself and wants to experience this new thing with someone who also does it for the first time. Not because of insecurity, simply for the uniqueness of the experience. To picture this better, its a bit like its more enjoyable to watch a new series or movie with someone who hasnt seen it yet and discover it with them, than with someone who already watched it all a few times. Just, being on the same level.
There's many more reasons and sometimes a few of them exists at the same time in a mans head, but please stop with the generalisations.
Get his sugar checked. NOW… Sometimes this happens with the sudden onset of diabetes, specifically the urine smell. It's from low kidney function due to excess sugar in his system.
That is great news. That removes the cause you documented that led to the break up.
Rebuilding trust will need patience. I don't think you've broken this irretrievably but you'll need to talk to her about how this can be rebuilt in steps. Sounds like you've already embarked on a pretty big step. You will need to do more once you're there but she's the one who has been let down so she'll need to be convinced you are the boyfriend she imagined.
That'll give her an emotional advantage should she care to use it as you two begin to work through this, because you're going to be doing most of the changing here. Be straight with her and don't be a doormat.
I really meant it, Good luck!
No problem re: being fried.
People who are scared frequently act out in anger. They may feel overwhelmed, in over their head with something they can't fix, etc. and the only way they know how to react is to retreat or get mad.
I have a lot of compassion for you. Don't make the mistake of thinking your bf doesn't until you've had that discussion. He may very well just be a dick but you won't know until you both discuss what you need and what you are both willing to give.
RemindMe! 2 weeks
We’ll that could be why. I don’t think I can say that you asking is going to be good, but it wouldn’t be wrong if you to ask.
This is helpful to think about and I appreciate your suggested approach. I don’t think I’d like to exchange it at this point but the weight of pretending to love it is eating at me. I think sitting down to talk about in the way you’ve suggested could be helpful. He’s probably sensing some weirdness.
I’m thinking you’ve just been done with the relationship and are using this as a reason to leave. Divorcing is fine, but I don’t think this would entail a divorce. Just a good talking to if you’re a healthy couple.
I went back and read your original post, I am not doubly creeped out by your ex. I start to wonder if his “excitement” about thinking you're a virgin is more than hyping it up as he claims.
I can't speak for your bf directly, but a lot of what you said about him strongly reminds me of pedophilia. Just follow my analogy for a minute. One of the unfortunate reasons that some pedophiles turn to the act, is that they're deeply insecure about their personality, finances, physical appearance, etc. And they fall to the abhorrent assumption that adult women won't work with them, because they can pick up on all their countless flaws (as any adult with ears and eyes would) and promptly break up with them. But children lack life experience. And that lack of experience becomes an attractive quality to the depraved person who doesn't want to be judged fairly by a discerning adult.
Obviously I am not accusing your ex of pedophilia. But I can't shake the feeling that he was ever so deeply hung up on the idea of dating a virgin because he is very insecure about himself sexually. He wants someone that doesn't know what good sex feels like. What a female orgasm is. Or for that matter, what a penis looks like. And that is a disturbing thought to me.
Having said that, I know that you feel like you lost everything right now. And you did lose a lot. But you can and will recover. And it will take shorter than you think. His horrible reaction hurts a lot right now. But also, it ensures that there is no wound left after you recover emotionally. Because you will look back at this guy one day soon, and wonder how you ever allowed yourself to be with such a person who lacks compassion and empathy to such a degree.
You'll do fine OP. Take some time to yourself, grieve what you lost, and build yourself stronger than before.
This is a terrible idea, doing so will affect negatively your actual relationship and probably future ones too. When it get it on the internet you won't be able to remove
It is absolutely that fucking simple, but not that fucking easy, which is why we’re all here.
It is hard building up a new routine especially when you already have a tight routine.
Things you could do besides telling him is taking him with you in your routine. So share a bathroom and brush together shower together etc. I can understand that the shower might be an issue since you can't even share a room officially. Still this could motivate him to do it till it becomes a habit.
I know I needed to set up a new routine to become consistent with brushing my teeth and it took time.
What worked for me was moving my toothbrush from the kitchen to the shower. So I could shower and brush at the same time. This way I couldn't forget just before I went out
christ he’s a 40 year old baby
You never, ever ever get to tell someone else what they can do with their body.
if you are petty enough to break up with someone over a mustache, then you should obviously not be dating them.
OP, lots try a of good advice here. I am curious do you have any sense of what this guys wife might think? Also I why would your wife push this boundary by engaging in this game night nonsense. If she has any empathy after these discussions she would find a way to be busy those nights.
So, she can’t be held to her word; the answer is always what she wants, which is a no; and she can’t tell you what a yes would look like.
As others have said, shorten this living arrangement as fast as you can manage it.
It's not silly, trust me. I don't have the same kind of anxiety as you do, but I do have issues with socializing. Your exact situation wouldn't bother me too much, but if my anxiety was like yours, I can definitely see myself coming to dread these events, and eventually feeling trapped and, frankly, unloved and unimportant. I know my fiance would never do something twice once I told him it hurt me. And these events are hurting you, albeit not in a physical way.
You do what you feel safe doing, but please don't excuse your issues as silly or selfish. They are valid and important to you, and they should be valid and important to your fiance.
Everyone has a “concept” they're attracted to. Some people it's a physical trait. Some mental. Others are interpersonal kinks. Take care of what you care to take care of and go from there. For the weight thing, lets be honest. No one who is overweight is tricking anyone into thinking they're thin until they get their clothes off. So, if you're carrying a bit of happy eating, he already knows. And he's still with you. As for everything else, go with the flow. You're you. Love you for you. And find someone who will do the same. (As we get older, all those things show up anyway. 30's 40's, etc. Don't care. At some point, it all shows up.)
Does your campus have a counseling center?
No. It’s equally disrespectful. Just lower consequences to the perpetrator.
Why get on here just to dis and not be helpful? “Relationship advice”. She’s probably in shock or too upset at the moment. She posted for help, not shit.
Actions have consequences. Lying to your partner to convince him into relationship is a red flag.
This my biased take, but you can't tolerate it. If she has deceived you she needs to understand this unacceptable, and cease contact with people she has to you about. Not, because they are her exes, byt because she has lied about them to you.
If she refuses, do not waste your time on her and break up.
Thank you for your advice – I think you're right. Thing is – I've had a multitude of hobbies before I got together with him, but I've sadly fallen into a spiral of self-neglect and I've left those behind. As of friends outside… I've never had any unfortunately because of the way I am (hinting to my idenity) and the way my parents treat me, making it impossible for me to have healthy friendships without the involvment of my parents. They (my parents), very much despise who I am and they actively try to stop me from developing myself.
Thanks man
And yet you both keep getting older and he won’t commit. He proposed so you wouldn’t leave. He’s almost 50 he has a 10yo he doesn’t want another kid
Stop trying to be more than a FWB and if you cannot handle that, do the right thing for yourself and break it off. It’s gonna hurt, but I did what you’re trying to do. I made the fwb who didn’t want anything more become my partner and it is one of my biggest regrets. I regret it every single day cause they made their intentions clear and that anxiety you’re feeling? It’s gonna get worse. I’m sorry you feel strongly about someone and it’s not reciprocated, but you deserve someone with the same goal as you
No one else has told me a 4 hour lunch is unacceptable? Really what I'm getting is that it shouldn't have just been the two of us which I'm not used to because as I say I have one on one lunches pretty often, I like having a small circle. I'm not really sure what you're getting at tbh.