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BradBronton, 36 y.o.
Location: Knunyah
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Date: October 17, 2022
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Dude. You’re talking about your future, and your dreams of becoming a doctor, and contrasting them against a guy who has so little respect for you and your dreams that he wants you to give them all up for him, and honestly, he probably won’t even be your boyfriend in two more years even if you do give up your dreams for him.
DO NOT GIVE UP YOUR DREAMS FOR THIS BOY. He’s probably threatened by the possibility that you will be smarter than him, or more successful than him, or by your pure ambition, or something like that, so if he can hold you back to his level that will be better for him. For now. But eventually, he will want to hold you back in other ways, or you’ll grow to resent him for being an asshole when you gave up your dreams for him.
If he respected you and your dreams he would offer to reschedule the trip, or to do a different trip with you after your chemistry class. Or he’d go on his own and send you selfies and snapshots saying “love you, wish you were here, I hope your class is going well!”
Stick to your dreams. I promise you, that at my age when you are a successful doctor, with a beautiful family, at no point will you look back on things and think “I really wish I had skipped that chemistry class and gone on that trip with that guy… what’s his name again?…”
But if you do skip the class to go on the trip, I bet within a year that you and what’s his name will be broken up anyway and you will regret skipping that chemistry class.
Honestly, get your reality glasses on. You’re 20. If you lose him, you don’t lose anything but a guy trying to subvert your dreams. You don’t lose everything. You lose everything when you give up on your dreams for a guy who wouldn’t do the same for you.
Break up, you deserve better. She’s an emotional cheater. You deserve better, don’t play her mind games. She’s allowing it to happen, you already lost her.
you clearly have a lot of self worth struggles but I can tell you right now you need to tell him you have feelings for him. Let him decide what’s good for him.
I can’t stress enough how much you deserve to feel happy and if there is a chance this could be a part of your human experience that is positive or happy, you need to jump into it fully.
Just message him to come over and when’s he’s there just tell him how you feel and ask him if he’s interested in moving towards a relationship.
You have zero things to lose but you have so much to gain
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People want “breaks” from good relationships bc they feel they can have a better experience alone and then if it doesnt work out for them like it does for their significant other they get upset…. makes no sense to me. You took a break, she didnt say she was going to be alone and barren, she went on w her life and experienced things without you. You cannot blame her for living her life.
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Wow. You're ruining your relationship so that you can save up to buy a house but refuse to just rent an apartment? This is not going to end well at this rate.
I second the other commenter. You need to go on a getaway. Spend a week at some hotsprings or fly out somewhere warm for a couple days.
If one of my parents cheated on the other….I wouldn't have to be given an ultimatum. I'd cut out the person that betrayed the family. No brianer.
I'm not going to even read this whole thing, you wife sounds exhausting an abusive. Being able to find people objectively attractive is normal. Finding a celebrity attractive is normal. Hurling things at your boyfriend and dumping buckets of water on his head while he's sleeping is not. Marrying a guy, demanding that he be attracted to only you, ever and pretend he's never been attracted to a single other person in existence is not normal.
You didn't break her trust, you are acting like a normal human being. You need to get out of this relationship and she needs intensive therapy. I think if you hadn't been struggling with insecurity when you met you might have realized then how intensely unhealthy this relationship and her views were and bailed then. It sounds like she isn't interested in helping herself, so you need to help yourself. It isn't to late to get out.
Exactly. For pity/sympathy, to paint himself as a victim
I can’t see comments on Reddit for some reason
So down he became straight up
I would have literally laid the divorce papers on top of the crumpled car hood.
I’ve thought about this myself, however return flights alone are generally 1-2 thousand and so I’m not sure if it’d be worth the risk if I then end up still wanting to go there on the visa.
banger title
I’m so sorry you’re in the situation. Six months into a marriage she basically became married to somebody else. She gave everything she had to that guy for that time that she was there. And she came back to you, but she still kept him. I mean there’s cheating in the area as being basically a psychopath and being two different people. I don’t see how you get overcoming this. You talk about your dependence on her, is it so much that you were through basically what you know away. I think you should ask her to move out and give yourself some time, but even with that, I have no idea how you can go on with this person.
Then I guess you just have to online with it. More accurately, I guess you're choosing to live! with it. Which, I mean, you have a right to do that. But you can also choose differently. =)
yeah I'm not going to do it, I'm less drunk and mad since I posted.
I'm sorry but the gender of the attacker has nothing to do with the matter being discussed: it is claimed that women are victimized violently more frequently than men. All statistics shown in this thread say that this is false. Saying that it is men attacking seems to be attempting to muddy the waters and ignore the above stated statistics.
I don't really have a dog in this fight, just thought I'd point out that, while the above commenter has been downvoted, no refutation has even been attempted to his actual point.
OP, get the tattoo. If your husband of that long really considers leaving you over that, good riddance. I was also with someone who tried to police my appearance – tattoos and body hair and clothing. I'd be willing to bet you notice other ways he's controlling, too.
In a healthy relationship, there's definitely a need for attraction, but if one tattoo makes him question whether he's attracted to you at all, that's a big red flag.
I replied to another comment saying this, but my boyfriend HATES two pairs of pants I bought. I'm 32, he's 31, and these jeans are ripped and patched with fabric and lace, they're high wasted and cut off at the bottom. They're “what the kids wear these days” or whatever. He'll bust my balls over them, but at the end of the day he's not going to leave me or tell me I'm unattractive. On the other hand, he shaves his head bald because his hairline is God awful. I also bust his balls saying I can't believe he got women back when he had hair. At the end of the day though, I think he's so attractive, and while I think he looks much better bald, I'm also not going to leave him or tell him he's unattractive because of it. That's how a healthy relationship should be. We've built a loving relationship and at this point, there's very few physical things that would make me leave. He's my best friend, and he is regardless of what he wears or looks like.
We set our mutual boundaries well over 20, the better part of 30 years ago. I don't understand people who have boundaries about checking each other's phones, search histories, friends of the opposite sex etc because they aren't something that concerns me – I find facial hair and tattoos deeply unattractive, my husband would be doing something to purposefully cross a boundary, it would be an act of betrayal and it would be the end of the relationship. One of his was that I didn't dye my hair a certain colour, I've respected that.
Ew! The worst kind adult is a momma’s boy. Just gross.