Your wife is enabling her son. In his mind he knows he doesn't have to endure the consequences of his actions and is very likely to keep relapsing while she does. The actions of her son are also affecting your relationship with your wife. Abusing soils everything it touches, not just the life of the person in question.
Your wife has made it clear she's going to keep enabling him. So the ball is back in your court. You have the choice of inviting that endless drama into your life or not and walking away from it.
Tough luck, at this point breaking up and chasing your career definitely seems to be the right call given the information presented.
I would advise against resorting to Long Distance Relationship if you can help it… speaking out of experience that's way too demanding, stressful and depressing. 1 month old partner? Unless you're really into them just look for new people in your new area.
And this is true whether they're married or not. If they online together, who gets the house? It's not necessarily just whose name is on the deed or mortgage – the unmarried partner who does repairs or pays part of the mortgage or utilities could have a stake. What about future kids? Child custody can be a nightmare.
And on the subject of kids, it's much easier for a father who was married to the mother to get fair custody. If she gets pregnant and they break up before the baby is born without ever getting married, he's going to have to petition for paternity. By the time paternity is confirmed and the court hears his case, the baby will probably have already been born and in mom's primary care. The court requires extra steps when the baby has never had overnights with the other parent. It'll cost extra time and money to get 50/50 custody.
Not that he'll care, of course. A man as selfish as that has no interest in being a present father.
I hope that my ability to predict the outcome of that sort of rhetoric makes it clear what he is using it for. Because the reality is him taking advantage of you consoling him, the convenient 'interpretation' of you being sympathetic as an opportunity to push boundaries, is the entire function of this kind of manipulation.
He is likely very well practiced given he is building a silly anime harem. I hope this is enough to shake you loose of that fishing net.
Do see what’s waving in the breeze? All the red flags. And I only got 4 paragraphs in.
OP this IS your future. He has not healed from the traumas he is currently enduring. That takes work and time away from it. Living with his mom forever will put you and your future family in the same situations that both you and he grew up with.
Oh this is no big deal, this is the part of the relationship where you just bite the bullet and silently hate him the rest of your life.
….I was being sarcastic. you break up with him, you are at this point. It’s been 8 months and you hate him physically and emotionally. Time to end things and move on.
I was thinking the same thing. Unless you're a high risk pregnancy, you're allowed to be fairly active. It gets harder, but I've never been super active at a wedding reception.
Just continue as you are. You don’t have to put your wedding & life on hold for the lady that is pregnant, just as she doesn’t have to put her life on hold for your wedding. Send the invite, she may decide not to come, or to only attend the parts that she is able too. I don’t think you need to make an issue out of it. You’ve enough to think about. Ultimately lots of things could change between now & the wedding for your guests/yourselves.
I think the other comment about a link to watch it online if she can’t attend is an excellent idea!
The moment you two start bickering/fighting… end the conversation. Bring it up another time when the two of you can communicate in a calm productive manner.
Once you feel things are escalating, all you need to say is:
I don't like fighting with you and I feel like one is developing.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to become a fight.
We can talk about this again, but for now I think we both need to cool off.
Then go do something else for a couple hours. The goal is to dodge the escalation, stopping the fight.
And when you reproach the conversation, if its the same story, you leave it at that, then address the deeper layer next time. Such as:
I have an issue when you do this. No progress? Okay, now I want to talk about you invalidating you taking me seriously. No progress? It makes me sad that when I open up to you, you disregard it. And so forth.
Also, maybe tone down the inside jokes because you've clearly found a trigger. Sometimes it is all fun and games, other times it can explode and result into something bigger.
And a final piece of reasonability is… Choosing your battles wisely. If you're nit picking every little thing, of course that is going to result in endless fights. Choose wisely what you want to address, make sure it is actually important and not something petty.
Then remind yourselves… You're married. You love each-other. You don't want to work against each-other. You want to work together… The goal here is to love, not to fight. In that case, go do something nice with your wife to remind each-other the purpose of your relationship, each-others companionship.
All this from your insecure boyfriends narrative? Me personally, would ask the room mates what really happened. This feels more like you got drunk, still held a grudge against boyfriends from earlier arguments and being nice to the friends. Insecure and somewhat controlling boyfriend (source; argument about male friend) decided to make you the villain because you don't remember what happened
I mean luckily I was asleep for the whole thing. I just woke up and someone said the time and it was noon and I was expecting to be done by 10 and was just like wait what? My Gyno was really snotty about the whole thing bragging that she made my colonoscopy the next week easier because she detached it… and I’m like okay that’s great and all, but why was it attached and not discussed in the first place? It just sorta reaffirmed that doctors don’t generally know what they’re doing and you have to stay on top of your own treatment and care
Your wife is enabling her son. In his mind he knows he doesn't have to endure the consequences of his actions and is very likely to keep relapsing while she does. The actions of her son are also affecting your relationship with your wife. Abusing soils everything it touches, not just the life of the person in question.
Your wife has made it clear she's going to keep enabling him. So the ball is back in your court. You have the choice of inviting that endless drama into your life or not and walking away from it.
Tough luck, at this point breaking up and chasing your career definitely seems to be the right call given the information presented.
I would advise against resorting to Long Distance Relationship if you can help it… speaking out of experience that's way too demanding, stressful and depressing. 1 month old partner? Unless you're really into them just look for new people in your new area.
you're not my real mom. You can't tell me what to do.
Someone that truly loves you and wants to be with you would NEVER ask for NC.
and there is any kind of contention
And this is true whether they're married or not. If they online together, who gets the house? It's not necessarily just whose name is on the deed or mortgage – the unmarried partner who does repairs or pays part of the mortgage or utilities could have a stake. What about future kids? Child custody can be a nightmare.
And on the subject of kids, it's much easier for a father who was married to the mother to get fair custody. If she gets pregnant and they break up before the baby is born without ever getting married, he's going to have to petition for paternity. By the time paternity is confirmed and the court hears his case, the baby will probably have already been born and in mom's primary care. The court requires extra steps when the baby has never had overnights with the other parent. It'll cost extra time and money to get 50/50 custody.
Not that he'll care, of course. A man as selfish as that has no interest in being a present father.
I hope that my ability to predict the outcome of that sort of rhetoric makes it clear what he is using it for. Because the reality is him taking advantage of you consoling him, the convenient 'interpretation' of you being sympathetic as an opportunity to push boundaries, is the entire function of this kind of manipulation.
He is likely very well practiced given he is building a silly anime harem. I hope this is enough to shake you loose of that fishing net.
I guess its just my preferences
Do see what’s waving in the breeze? All the red flags. And I only got 4 paragraphs in.
OP this IS your future. He has not healed from the traumas he is currently enduring. That takes work and time away from it. Living with his mom forever will put you and your future family in the same situations that both you and he grew up with.
This dude sounds like trash. You deserve better. Time to listen to some Beyoncé and forget all about him.
Oh this is no big deal, this is the part of the relationship where you just bite the bullet and silently hate him the rest of your life.
….I was being sarcastic. you break up with him, you are at this point. It’s been 8 months and you hate him physically and emotionally. Time to end things and move on.
Breaks are break ups
I was thinking the same thing. Unless you're a high risk pregnancy, you're allowed to be fairly active. It gets harder, but I've never been super active at a wedding reception.
Just continue as you are. You don’t have to put your wedding & life on hold for the lady that is pregnant, just as she doesn’t have to put her life on hold for your wedding. Send the invite, she may decide not to come, or to only attend the parts that she is able too. I don’t think you need to make an issue out of it. You’ve enough to think about. Ultimately lots of things could change between now & the wedding for your guests/yourselves.
I think the other comment about a link to watch it online if she can’t attend is an excellent idea!
good luck & all the best for your future.
Grey rock method
But like why? Homie can’t just watch porn when he’s alone? Like normal men dude?
What do I do?
Stop fighting.
Well… No shit sherlock.
No, seriously… Let it go.
The moment you two start bickering/fighting… end the conversation. Bring it up another time when the two of you can communicate in a calm productive manner.
Once you feel things are escalating, all you need to say is:
I don't like fighting with you and I feel like one is developing.
Sorry, I didn't mean for this to become a fight.
We can talk about this again, but for now I think we both need to cool off.
Then go do something else for a couple hours. The goal is to dodge the escalation, stopping the fight.
And when you reproach the conversation, if its the same story, you leave it at that, then address the deeper layer next time. Such as:
I have an issue when you do this. No progress? Okay, now I want to talk about you invalidating you taking me seriously. No progress? It makes me sad that when I open up to you, you disregard it. And so forth.
Also, maybe tone down the inside jokes because you've clearly found a trigger. Sometimes it is all fun and games, other times it can explode and result into something bigger.
And a final piece of reasonability is… Choosing your battles wisely. If you're nit picking every little thing, of course that is going to result in endless fights. Choose wisely what you want to address, make sure it is actually important and not something petty.
Then remind yourselves… You're married. You love each-other. You don't want to work against each-other. You want to work together… The goal here is to love, not to fight. In that case, go do something nice with your wife to remind each-other the purpose of your relationship, each-others companionship.
All this from your insecure boyfriends narrative? Me personally, would ask the room mates what really happened. This feels more like you got drunk, still held a grudge against boyfriends from earlier arguments and being nice to the friends. Insecure and somewhat controlling boyfriend (source; argument about male friend) decided to make you the villain because you don't remember what happened
I mean luckily I was asleep for the whole thing. I just woke up and someone said the time and it was noon and I was expecting to be done by 10 and was just like wait what? My Gyno was really snotty about the whole thing bragging that she made my colonoscopy the next week easier because she detached it… and I’m like okay that’s great and all, but why was it attached and not discussed in the first place? It just sorta reaffirmed that doctors don’t generally know what they’re doing and you have to stay on top of your own treatment and care