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CH, ΔSΞ, 35 y.o.
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Date: October 28, 2022
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I meant in the definition of uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry – in this case, you have set up a mental rivalry between yourself and the cat for who receives more affectionate.
This isn’t healthy. If you want your husband to express more affection, giving him more space to be openly affectionate and not judged for it, thus making your home safe for affection is more likely to do good than to telling him you’re hurt by the fact that he does baby talk with your cat and tell her she is loved.
You deserve to receive acts of love that work for you. You’ve stated that your love language is words of affirmation.
I don’t see anything about your husband’s love language though.
Are you yourself perfect to deserve the perfect partner? We don't stay with people because they are perfect, we stay with those that we love their imperfections and we can tolerate most of their flaws. Marriage has a meaning if u are religious or you guys want it for legal reasons. Otherwise it's a relationship, you don't need a piece of paper to tell you how to love your family and your partner.
This ain’t working for you. Let her go.
Because he's sleeping with her or hoping to. Come on you can't be that naive.
It’s not all good, op just decided to allow his gf to be able to control this part of his life.
Not even a thought anymore. Best case scenario she willingly leaves. I know how messy this could be
That’s only true in the case that she wants to take it to the absolute extreme and go through the whole process with courts and everything. Good chance she won’t want to do that, and that you don’t need more than 30 days notice. Talk to the landlord, explain the situation, break the lease or, if it is an apartment, move to another unit or something and leave her behind. There is a solution to this. Keep looking. Get a lawyer if you need to and get some advice.
Your “type” doesn’t mean shit. It just means who you normally tend to date… you can still find other people more attractive.
What matters is that she’s dating you, she wants to be with you, and she (presumably) finds you very attractive. Don’t start arguments that aren’t worth fighting, you could lose something really great.
So I'm a but surprised at the level of judgement against your girlfriend in the comments and my guess is that they majority of responses there are from men.
It sounds to me like your girlfriend is a people person that likes to help people, and also tends to see the best in everyone. I also suspect she is someone who finds it hard to say no to people or deny them hospitality – possibly due to her upbringing.
This is an upsetting situation for you both. It is right for you to feel upset about this. But I urge you to consider dealing with this with kindness and compassion and discussing it together – not acting like she is a monster. Because it is almost certainly quite upsetting for her too. No disaster happened and this can be a valuable learning experience. This is why…
Yes your girlfriend showed bad judgement. But I think it's due to naivety and not malicious intent. The fact that she came to tell you about it, and was transparent about how she became uncomfortable, and also how she adapted to deal with that, I think says a lot in her favour.
So as a less critical take on the situation: your GF was generous (offered kick ons to many people) and then hospitable and naive, and also trusting (kicking on with just that guy in tow). Then she was awkward, and unassertive, and put herself at risk (she was deeply uncomfortable but didn't feel like she was able to kick him out – because of the values that are often pushed onto women regarding the need to be sweet, and accommodating). She didn't seriously consider the possibility that he was interested in her sexually… And then she allowed him to stay on the couch even when it made her deeply uncomfortable.
I think it's very likely that she is dealing with a sense of hurt and betrayal. On multiple occasions in my own life, I have had men who I consider close platonic friends make a move on me when I am in a vulnerable position, and then deny ongoing friendship when I rejected their advances. I am now older and wiser – but also cynical and jaded. It's a difficult truth as a woman to realise that regardless of what is in your mind and your heart, that for some men women will always be a walking set of sex organs first and then everything else second. She didn't take you seriously because it would have meant accepting that was the case – and it's a very upsetting truth to accept.
This is a great opportunity for you to be the bigger person, to ask her how she is feeling about what happened, and what she learned about people and their real intents. And to talk about what she would do differently in the future. Also a good opportunity to address the fact that she is very accommodating, and she has the right to advocate for her own boundaries more than she does. this was not her fault, it is society's – we raise women to be accommodating and punish assertive women.
If you punish her and go into 'I told you so' mode, you will drive her away. Please use this as a teaching opportunity and show her that you are compassionate and there for her.
Then this will take longer, but work together about things she can do to restore your trust in her good judgement.
I think you’ve hit the nail on the head ???