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Date: October 8, 2022
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I don't think I can deal with these posts or this sub anymore
Okay quick review:
She wants a semi open relationship She actively planned out a lied about going out with work colleagues She went to a house where there were 2 other guys she didn't know She knowingly took a mind altering substance which regularly causes arousal She took off her watch like she would before sex (she didn't message you so not pre-sleep and pre-shower could only be post-sex at some guys house) She ONLY admitted to a blow job after serious prodding (It doesn't take all night to give a blow job) and admitted she knew it was wrong but had “promised”
I could come up with 4 more things to make you see even more wrong but I shouldn't have to… Your girlfriend put herself first, cheated on you, placed herself in serious danger with a guy she's been flirting with (who she shouldn't even be in contact with), lied repeatedly about what happened and only came clean after you said you would work past it.
Your love and respect for your girlfriend are 2 things you don't share with her. If your girlfriend cared about you she would never have gone to this guys place.
You need to tell your girlfriend that you have figured out how to move past this by leaving a lying tramp who may have gotten an STD with her actions if she was actually honest about how far she went (I am hard pressed to believe a blowjob takes 6 or 7 hours AND requires a watch be removal.
Do not bring a child into this until he is well and truly sober. I know what it’s like to have an alcoholic parent, it causes life long trauma and anguish.
Then have you shut down any further flirting with the other guy
It's not cheating, but I can tell you it's a dealbreaker anyway. He is allowed to do whatever he wants, and if that's what he wants to do, I am equally entitled to not stay with someone who yanks it to people we both see in person.
What a wanker, like literally. Totally unacceptable to say shit like that to anyone, out loud, in words, where people could hear you.
Hahaha!!!
Maybe you're just not into her?
Yikes , all you can do is come clean and except his reaction. But it is a big lie. So tell him asap.
No judgement here but you're living in a fantasy, that's why you don't want to leave. Stop looking at your bf with the rose colored glasses and look at him for what he really is. A liaf, abuser and cheater who not only has zero respect for you but put your health in jeopardy and wasted 2 years of your time.
Find anyone you can who can give you a place to crash, make sure you have your support system ready to go (if you have one) and dump his ass and leave him a copy of the STDs exam. Don't even give him the opportunity to blame you, shame you or gaslight you. Block him on everything pack up all your shit walk out the door and never look back.
This guy isn't even worth your time, love or care. You're better off alone than with a partner who will do all that to you. Wake up, you're acting like you have a loving bf. Again I'll repeat this, look at your bf for what he is, not what you want him to be. He's a real piece of trash.
It’s difficult to know the truth. People grow and learn from previous relationships. Also different personalities bring out different things in each other. People have different values. And each relationship exists within its own context and time.
If this person is actually an ex and not a troll… your boyfriend could be different with you than he was with them due to all of these factors.
Alternatively his true nature might be as described. Keep a look out.
If he didn't being up the specific (!) issues he's talking about in the last 8 years, I think it's safe to say he won't bring them up from now on either. I would leave him.
You can't trust him to be truthful and upfront about things that bother him. He didn't bring them up, but somehow you're the one who falls short. That's bs. He didn't bring them up either because there are no issues, or because he isn't actually committed to solving them/making it work with you. And he said he isn't willing to commit to you (in the form of marrying you), until those mysterious issues (he doesn't tell you about) are fixed. I kind of feel like it's the other way around: You can only truly work on things together if you have a strong bond and both partners are committed to each other (not necessarily in the form of marriage).
I wouldn't stay in a relationship with a person who says they can't commit to me after 8 (!) long years. He doesn't really want to marry you. For whatever reason. To me the reason wouldn't matter. Find someone else. Someone who actually cares about you, and cares about you enough to communicate with you about problems / issues (+ their feelings, needs, worries, hopes). Someone who loves you and wants to build a strong, lasting bond with you, will communicate with you if things aren't working for them, so that you two can try to resolve the issue. You are still young. You'll find someone else, I'm sure. I wish you the best!
Well since the guy being asked to give that comfort said it wasn’t fine, I’m going to assume OP is downplaying how long this takes and how often they need it.
Thank you. He might have been joking, idk, I'm not good at picking up when someone is joking so :/
Go see her face to face and talk it out.
Sounds alot like my boyfriend with the farting, always smelling like weed and sweat, the attractiveness?You need to talk to him and communicate girl, thats the only way yall are gonna find a solution
When it comes to break up. Her next venture is the least of my worries. My focus is the future as a whole and if we don’t for other reasons then that’s that. Regardless of with her or not. My feelings persist.
I mean yea sure sucks to think of her with someone else. Especially if she went back to him. But I’m just selfishly thinking of myself in my hatred for myself.
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As someone who since got too drunk at a Christmas party and spilled wine on their bosses white carpet….I’d probably just find a new job. Take it as a sign from the universe.
no, especially since there were no words exchanged through a talk of it being a relationship or not. safe to assume that it wasn't. it was more of a friends with benefits situation, you could say.
Fuck you and take my upvote
A guy you've been seeing for 2 months doesn't get a say in how you're “parenting” your dog.
How the fuck is she ? I’m the only one sticking up for her. You all are gross.
Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to respond ❤️
Just because the “vast majority of men” doesn’t mean it’s not misogynistic and sex-negative.
Yes but he failed to disclose and was having unprotected sex. I wouldn’t be cool with that and I don’t know anyone who would be.
OPs bf needs a therapist. His HIV clearly has turned him into a head case considering he has a mental breakdown anytime OP brings it up and he is horrible at communicating around it.
Firstly…. Adult life….
You're still a child. At 25, you JUST STARTED adulting.
First, stop thinking about your parents during sex. That's weird.
Second, marry her so you can get over your self-inflicted issues or leave her so she can find someone who will provide what she needs.
Good luck.
Y’all have 4 kids and no stable relationships. Please stop.
I would like to know the reason. Sounds off.
He seems super busy with projects and work, but the fact he hasn’t reached out since that day has me feeling down.
He didn't reach out before that day either, based on what you're saying. So… have you reached out again? or did you get cold feet because you got in your head about the songs and stop reaching out?
We don't have enough context to know what's happening. What do you want to happen? Want to text? Text. Want to hang out again? Ask him to hang out again.
Why forget each other… why not try at a real relationship…move in together…go to therapy together and separate
He literally TOLD you that he does not see an issue with what his brother is doing. You literally typed that and didn’t think twice about it?
If after all this you are staying with this guy, and prefer to sit in the warm misery, then maybe that is what you truly like, cause no one who has an ounce of self respect or wants happily would stay with him.
Thank you for your reply I just didn't want to feel like I wasted those years or hurt her but you may be right with giving new girl a chance
“He doesn't want dudes to see me without him”
Uhhh diddums? Tell him to suck it up buttercup and exercise in a way that works for you.
That’s totally where I’m coming from instinctively, I think. It just feels a bit unnatural for me personally, to feel like I’m controlling any aspect of his life. But you’re right though, it was necessary to make a big deal out of.
If he can’t legally own a gun for himself there’s probably a reason for that, probably legal, and also probably constitutes felony possession. You would also probably get in trouble since you purchased it for his use. Honestly the dude sounds like a massive red flag. They don’t tend to take away a person’s right to own a firearm for no reason…
What is the boundary that he crossed? Was it infidelity?
The way you described your relationship it's over, and it has been over for a while. You just haven't told him, yet. I think it is time to let the cat out of the bag. Share your feelings. Don tolerate behavior that compromises your morals or makes you feel badly about yourself and your relationship. As you said, your child is growing up in this unhealthy environment. They will see every negative thing that is happening in your home, and it will form them into the person they will become. Don't start their young lives off by giving them trauma and parental damage.
Same law exists in the US. Home invasion is by definition a violent act so naturally even lethal force is reasonable at that point.
I know but he’s gone. Someone going through a divorce told me you have to separate the man you fell in love with from the man you’re divorcing. He is not one in the same.
You know, technically marriage makes husband and wife family. How disgusting! How could you sleep with a family member by marriage? It’s clearly incest by decree of marriage.
He is getting mixed signals. You spend time together and say you care. But you don’t have sex or initiate communications. You might want to take it slow because of past experience, but sounds like he is running out of patience.
I’m a female with lots of male friends and a lot of women have problems with that, which is a them problem. Nothing inappropriate has ever happened with any of my male friends and I’m now close mates with all of their wives.
However, what you’re describing has some odd elements and already a lack of trust because of past infidelities. You don’t seem to be jealous because he has a female friend, you’re jealous because he’s acting sketchy about his female friend.
I think it’s fine to have conversations with friends that are SOs aren’t privy to. Sometimes we need to vent or to talk to someone other than our SO. But there should always be honesty and transparency with an SO about our lives, and that seems to be missing.
I think you need to sit him down and tell him that you’re fine with his friendship; but you want to meet her, and his behaviour is sketchy and erodes the trust between you. So stop it.
I’ll go search it up??
3 years is a long time to still be talking about an ex that frequently. Sounds like your fiancé still has resentment and hasn’t fully processed it. He definitely needs some counseling.
why would you allow yourself to be subjected to someone as disgusting as this?
I would say you’re spot on with the hanging out at the house and drinking wine. Sometimes card games. But tends to be a lot of talking about their jobs, drama and other things.
We are going to a cabin next weekend to go skiing for two nights. Should be fun. Im a big snowboarder and they haven’t gone much more than 2-3 times in their life on average so I’ve already talked to the fiancé and told her im going on my own runs just so I can clear my head during the day. She was supportive and told me they’d hang in the lodge and drink hard cocoa lol.
On the times we “go out” they end up on the dance floor twerking on each other and I sit at the bar and make friends with the other guys who aren’t into the club music and subwoofers. I dance with my fiancé when she drags me out on the floor of course… unless it’s at a country bar where I take her out every song cause I know she likes to dance especially to that. I learned how to get out of the two left boot mindset cause she likes to dance. Plus, find it pretty fun myself.
Sounds like a bs story but if it's not, sounds like you two are at the end of the relationship but you should be warned, you should be 100% sure on separating with her or you can wind up full of regret!
My ex was controlling and emotionally abusive.
When I lose 10 lbs he got mad because it would “make me more attractive to other people”.
He already demonstrated where you are in his life. Believe him and move on.
Oh, and find some self respect too.
WHAT THE HEEEEEEEELLLL OOOH MY GAWD NO WAY AY AYYYYY WHAT THE HEELLL
She didn't give that bit of truth for no reason, mate. Someone has found out, or the AP is pressuring her in some way. This is absolutely her minimising the affair, trickle-truthing you, and trying to get ahead of the facts.
There is more to come for, sure.
He wants to bang his ex.
I can't wait for the edit or the new post to this story. The anticipation is worse than the 2 years we had to wait for the last season of Game of Thrones. Hopefully, it's not as bad as that, though.
No I'm friends with her friend and she knows that. I think she just has trust issues. She did give me some more info but it's a bit personal
She doesn't deserve her own money out of her own bank account?
I’m sorry but we both agreed on it when we first got together at 17. We are still young and planned to get married a little later so I’m confused about why she should avoid me. And I’m not saying she isn’t in her right and free will to break up with me. I just find the reasoning to not make much sense.
Just because an OP can back pedal does not mean it was not his intent. OP is a sack of shit.
If his plans were so important to him, he could have set an alarm and made sure y'all got up. He could have gone to bed earlier, even. The responsibility for missing plans isn't solely on you, especially since you didn't even know these were solid plans
He just said that that’s how he feels and I’m gaslighting him by asking him to provide examples.
That's not gaslighting. If you're doing something that is hurting him, how are you supposed to stop doing that if he can't even tell you what it is you did?
It sounds like you and your boyfriend need to have a real, adult conversation about where things are in your relationship. Because pretending that nothing happened isn't okay. You're upset, he's clearly upset and it needs to be discussed. If he is not willing or able to do that, it's time to decide for you whether this relationship is worth continuing or not.
Look, you had an agreement he lied and broke it. Just explain how it happened, snooping wasn’t intentional, but here you are. I think when your bring it up he’s going to be more worried about you finding out he’s lying than he will be about you accidentally finding something. Have an honest conversation is all you can do.
I wouldn’t want to give up my cats or my family either, so that’s not what I was asking if him . You have such a bitter tone and I don’t like it. Maybe u should live on your own.
Thanks ?
I totally know what you mean because I'm like that. I guess that's one thing we have in common. But it's hard seeing someone you care about in pain and not being able to do anything about it.
But I'll try to keep that in mind ?
This just adds more credence that society has become completely degenerate