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Chlo, é ♡︎, y.o.
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Date: September 5, 2022
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Incompatible, break up, and don’t date so days after coming out of a long-term relationship. Can’t heal by investing in new person right away
THEY WERE ON A BREAK
I don't know, she's such a good person with great intelligence but I just can't understand why this would bother her this much.
I mean… your MIL carried those babies inside her body at one point (the eggs that became them were already present inside your wife when she was in her mother's womb). It's just showering. It's completely practical to shower with them, and completely impractical to do so with clothes on. I don't see the issue at all. I don't know why our culture is so weird about this stuff. Maybe a heads up from your wife would have been nice but I don't see how it would have been absolutely necessary to clear this with you.
I'm not sure why people are thinking this is racist. He clearly is attracted to more pale women. What's wrong with that? Not everyone likes a tan.
What do you mean by “the relationship became co-dependent”?
Here’s the definition of codependent:
co·de·pend·ent /ˌkōdəˈpend(ə)nt/ : characterized by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.
Not seeing any evidence here of addiction, illness, or emotional over reliance on each other.
Instead the guy dumps you and you end up having a hookup and remorse sex a few weeks after the breakup.
One hookup resulting from a combination of drinking, unmet needs, and emotional confusion is not the same thing as a good reason to actually start dating again.
The guy up and dumped you when he got stressed out. He will do the same thing again next time, and all the excuses you invent for why he did it won’t change the fact that he thinks this is OK behavior or the fact that you let jim get away with it.
He's asking you to come so he can pressure you to have sex with him. No two ways about it. If that's what you want to do, then go. If it's not, stay away.
Don’t go, not worth it
Would you feel uncomfortable if your gf's daughter started walking around in her underwear? Or a family friend when they visited?
I think it's common courtesy to wear more than just underwear if you live with other people that you're not romantically engaged with.
Thank you! That’s a good advice! What’s the percentage of our income should on average go into joint account?
She is projecting real strong.
When you plan a wedding, you're allowed to make certain rules about the wedding day. Insisting on a child-free event is a decision you're allowed to make.
However, she's also allowed to make decisions… like avoiding someone she may feel has insulted or slighted her. You said they were angry and there could be several reasons why. They may feel like you've insulted them because you're intentionally excluding family. Or maybe they're upset because attending without the baby will incur more expenses (all day babysitting for an infant isn't cheap). Who knows?
You're both entitled to your feelings, of course, and you can also be angry for whatever reason you want. However, you're getting to a point where you've started to act in a passive-aggressive manner with her. By messaging her “So you're not coming then?” when it's been explicitly stated that she's not attending, you may come across as trying to start a fight (regardless of whether it's your intention or not.) If she really does have anxiety, then pushing for communication when she's not comfortable will only exacerbate the situation.
My suggestion for resolving the situation is to literally do nothing. Forcing some sort of confrontation will backfire. In time (perhaps after the wedding), she will let you know if/when she's ready to interact again. Of course, when you see her in person, be friendly, but only pursue more intimate/intense conversation if she initiates it.
No. No one to fall back on
I probably should have told him beforehand but I don't know if what I did counts as hiding. I just feel like a terrible person right now
If he decides to keep it I think just about every gun owner would also suggest he take a firearm safety course and have some way to lock it up so the sister can’t access it. Hope everything works out for you.
The only question is: Did you know about those nude pictures of yourself (that they existed)? If not: How came them to be? The only way is that he took these pictures with hidden cameras without your consent. And if he took pictures of you in secret it is quite safe to say that all these other women have no idea about those pictures too – and that your fiance planted cameras at their places.
If you knew about your pictures (that they existed), it is a safe bet that those other women know too. And that they gave your fiance those pictures of their free will. Which only raises the question why he is sharing nudes with other women when he is in a relationship with you?
One of these scenarios is criminal and the other is just cheating.
Honestly the jail has nothing to do with it. I know some great people who had been in jail. I know some crap people who had been in jail.
As a 19 year old you shouldn’t be dating a 25 year old. You’re in really different phases of your life, and a 25 year old trying to meet a 19 year old is most likely looking to use your body.
This is of course a generalization. But you’re on Reddit because you felt red flags. How would internet strangers know more than you, we know neither of you. Listen to your gut. Find someone closer to your age.
Do you make a move every single night? She may just not want to every day. How do you respond when she says no? Do you get huffy and annoyed or sulk (which is common on this page of “I don’t understand why she says no”). Because that right there is a very effective libido killer. Do you hold hands and cuddle and kiss without making more moves?
Because here are two scenarios.
You’ve finished for the day. You’re tired. Your partner grabs your hand on the couch. And you know he wants sex. Because he never initiates intimacy without expecting it leads to sex and he does it like clockwork every night. But you’re tired so you say no. He gets huffy and you have to defend yourself. Like you’re going to be badgered to change your mind. So the next night when you’re tired and he touches you, you scoot away. You don’t want the row. You don’t want to have to defend yourself. You’re uptight waiting for the row so there’s such little chance you start thinking “I could fancy a go”. And it compounds every evening until you’re rarely having sex and you’re both resentful.
You’ve finished for the day. You’re tired. Your partner grabs your hand on the couch. He knows you’re tired. The next day he grabs your hand. You’re still tired but there’s emotional intimacy building because your needs are understood. So actually you think you can advance this versus having another early night. So in response you move in for a hug on the couch, or say you’re going to bed a bit earlier. And sex happens. Her need for emotional intimacy before sex was met. His need for physical intimacy was met.
It may be she’s just shattered at the moment. So the above maybe too much. But pressure, sulking and lack of emotional intimacy are typical libido killers for women, and poorly understood by men, and it’s triggered by moving in together, so may be of some help,
I accept that I am more comfortable being in control. I also would stress that my communication skills are garbage. I do not believe I should be in complete control over our finances. In fact I relinquished financial management to her for the most part. I just strongly feel that both of us should have veto power on big purchases and shouldnt be made to feel uncomfortable about making them. If the roles were reversed I would drop it and maybe find a better time to talk through it.
I am being completely sincere when I say that I strongly believe I just kind of react and say the immediate answer to the question posed to me rather than supress that innate emotional response and logically convey that I would rather talk about it later. After decades of therapy and pills, this might have improved somewhat, although I am thoroughly convinced that I have no conscious control of this.
I wont lie to her and tell her otherwise. I wont promise to something that I dont believe I am capable of doing. That probably makes me a coward and that is probably true too. I own the labels people attribute to me. It is their truth.
I’m sorry. Definitely get a lawyer ASAP. The legal and financial issues are above Reddit’s pay grade.
If you leave the house now and then he decides he doesn’t want to sell, you may have to buy out his interest. If you don’t have piles of cash, that could put you in a bad spot, such as having to give him your share of the business (and thus all future profits) instead. And you know AP is going to want your SBTX to keep that big fancy house for his replacement family.
Who owns the business now? A lawyer can guide you on whether it’s better to own 50% of the business or just have it in the divorce judgment that you get 50% of the profits, based on your circumstances. I would prefer the former in most cases for a bunch of reasons, but there may be risks to owning 1/2 of the business too. Ask if there’s a way to prevent the AP from getting her hands on the business. Remember that if he marries her, his future income and increases in the value of his interest will be community property with her. Not to mention he’ll probably want to bring her into the business and push you out eventually.
Keep in mind that however much you think your STBX wouldn’t want to hurt you or your children, his AP is about to have access to your finances and your kids. She doesn’t give a shit about your financial security or your children’s futures. She will want every penny she can get her hands on fur herself and her future children with your SBTX. Right now your SBTX thinks he can have his cake and eat it too, but eventually he’ll try to cut out family #1 in favor of family #2. You will want to make sure not one penny that should be going towards your kids’ education is diverted to his new family.
Gather up:
passports, IDs, birth certificates, and social security cards for you and your kids;
6 months of statements for all the bank accounts and investment accounts;
recent statements, loan balances, and payment histories for all loan and credit accounts (mortgage, cars, credit cards, etc.);
the settlement statement from your home closing;
several years of tax returns;
logins, passwords, and account numbers for every financial account;
in case your STBX decides to get cute with the money, his social security number, DL number, issuance date & expiration date, and passport number.
And tell your kids the truth. If the truth makes your SBTX look bad, then he should have made better choices.
He needs to see a doctor. I'm a vagina haver, but this used to happen to me. I would vomit and pass out, especially during orgasms. Found out they were just super intense orgasms. But that was after going to the doctor's and having tons of tests done to make sure I was okay.
I am in a better place, and had I never seen this, I'd been in an even better headspace. I came to the conclusion that he was just asexual, he even explained he lacked an interest in it. So now I'm feeling that he just wasn't attracted to me, and that was the issue, and it took 6 wasted years for the issue to resolve.
but you didn't pull any 'shit' – it's not a good idea to ski after a boozy lunch of course but the rest of it is normal.
she hit you then supposedly cheated on you (according to her – either way she actively went out to hurt you)
Her actions speak louder than words. She's an abuser
Good luck
run oh my god hes been grooming you since you were a kid
She’s not being taken advantage of, this woman knows exactly what she’s doing. Please, hurry and tell these women before they get too involved with these unfaithful men. Maybe drop your friend too.
And while at the brothers you’re removing all access his has to your accounts and moving your money to new account?
Cause while I hope he gets the help he needs he can never have unfettered access to your money again, and honestly you should require him to pay you back.
But also take a moment to consider that he successfully hid a gambling addiction from you and that their could be more hidden.
You’re about to start chemo, focus on that and plan something romantic for after.
In the meantime, keep it simple. Hold her hand, look her in the eyes, and very sincerely tell her how much her support means. Get some flowers. Handle a task or chore, if able, you know she hates. Take something off of her plate.
Use your words, be sincere, and stick to simple while you through a process that really can take it all out of you.
He sounds miserable and like the only way he feels better is to knock you down when you’re up