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Date: December 19, 2022
Did he ever think that maybe his friends are exaggerating? I mean honestly I would probably be a little grossed out if I dude I wanted to date told me that. Not sure he understands that that isn’t an accomplishment in most people’s books. Not trying to judge but 100 people?
Yeah I live in the dirt
It sounds like it's a big mistake for her, but you have to accept it and not double the mistakes by making a similar one… with her. Get away from the toxic chain and not a party if it.
You've thought so carefully about this, that seems so rare to me. You deserve and can do much better for yourself.
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This is not a healthy relationship. He used sexual coercion (which is SA) to get what he wanted/s from you. This isn’t how love works nor is it how’s it’s supposed to feel. You’re not ready to be in relationship and he needs to stay away from all women.
Ewwww , he’s a dickhead.
GTFO , you’ll find some who respects you
Omg what do you want to hear?
Most people here already layed it out for you clearly. If you are looking to hear somwthing else here goes:
she was keeping them there in case you want to have sex, always be prepared
she was hiding them to surprise you with some sexy time – but with condoms;
-she was having them there for some alone toys action
she really doesn’t want kids so thats an extra step of protection. Y’all not having sex is the first one, this one is the second
On a side note. I think you are handling this in a very mature way. If she can find some way of address your concerns to some extent and wants that then sure go for it.
Masturbation is fine and you should not let that be up for debate. The part that is for the couple to decide together is porn usage. Ask her if that's the real issue? You can decide as a couple if you think porn is ok or not (i personally do not think its good gor relationships and my partners have always made spicy videos with/of me for alone time) But you should be able to jerk off without any complaint from her about it, it's normal and not harmful
You don’t have sex too early, you stay around when your needs aren’t being met.
On and off for three years in a long distance relationship makes you sound like there’s a reason you can’t find a stable woman near you. There’s more to this post than he’s sharing.
I suggested it before a few months back,he of course wants to do penis in vagina sex but i just cant lose my virginity you know,its bc of where i live you know.And yes im aware it needs lubrication to do it and warm up but its the only thing i could suggest,since i dont want to lose my virginity yet.
Society has made you think that way. Who’s to say what is wrong and what is right? Society says it’s wrong, as do most people in your life (I assume), so you say it’s wrong, too, because you’ve been conditioned to think that way from birth. I’ve got my personal thoughts on what’s right and what’s wrong, and they’re not dictated by society or by anyone else.
I often find that people who decide how you feel about them for you to be quite insufferable.
You know how you feel and now she’s making you doubt yourself. Sounds like mind games she’s playing
i would pay a lot for some of that right now
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I don't even care about any of that. What I care about is your wife is putting your infant daughter in the bed with her.
This is a terrible practice. Your daughter could be accidentally suffocated, #1. #2 is poor sleep hygiene for everyone involved.
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You got this
Samantha is a huge, huge mess you should stay as far away as possible from. There's no woman in her right mind who would be in (unrequited) love with someone for 8 years, not really have a relationship “because all the good ones are taken” (I see you buy that flattering crap and you should be smarter), get employed at the same workplace just so she could see the guy she loves every day while pretending being friendly with the wife. That's not love. It's pure obsession and it's creepy af. But Samantha isn't the real problem. The real problem is that it took so little (a bit of flattering from one woman really) to make you sway. You're intrigued, empathetic towards Samantha, romanticizing the whole situation…and that's a bad sign. If you love your wife tell her everything and get Samantha out of your life.
Therapy is probably a good idea. You're also unlikely to get 'better' advice than your dad, because hes 110% right.
I think you know the answer to this yourself. He needs time to work through his trauma? What is he actively doing to work through it? Counselling? Anything else? Trauma doesn't just disappear without working on it. And he had six years to work through it – which he clearly hasn't done and is also proof that it doesn't just go away.
I think he's just trying to buy more time until you're not willing to wait anymore or until it's too late for you to look for someone else if you wanted a family. I wouldn't put up with this.
If he’s serious, then he can tell you what he's doing to overcome his trauma. If he's not doing anything you have your answer.
Any aa anniversary celebration. It’s exactly an hour. Sometimes a few go out to dinner afterwards but generally not. If so gotta eat anyways.
Someone told me, if you are not his priority then he shouldn't be yours.
I know it, but I want to try one last time
Advice from a 68 year old guy together 50 years with my wife. JUST TALK!
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Tbh I hope so.
Thanks.
Actually, what everyone responding to this post is ignoring is that this guy has a low IQ. That is what is clear by his method and style of communication, the way he presents information and uses punctuation, and how he processes other’s replies to his post and comments and responds to feedback.
He likely has has a modest cognitive disability and responses should be compassionate and kind.
She didn't start the rumors, someone told their parents and the parents started to gossip
It wouldn't be stooping low if you include the note. It's a gentle way of letting her know that you are no fool!
Why do you need to quit school?
Imagine the worst possible things he can do to make you regret moving there and need to end the relationship – do you have a way out?
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You're welcome. It's not something I openly talk about as there is still such a stigma around schizophrenia, but it really is a long term thing to handle. I'm 37 now and it's taken me the majority of my adult like to find ways to work with it. Things such as learning what may worsen the symptoms, what to do if it happens, triggers, health in general, managing my physical disability as that can have a knock on effect. It's a long road but it's doable, you just can't be solely responsible for her… that doesn't mean you can't be supportive. I hope your sister gets all the help that she needs and that you and your partner can find a balance
I appreciate you. I’m done being silent and after she admitted through text messages that she knew I wasn’t his father im taking her to court anyways. I have the screen record with her number and everything that’s was said. Thank you a lot this is going to be my last post until all of this is resolved.
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No, I haven't spoken to her at all. He did add me to Facebook and said he wants me to feel comfortable to post or comment on his page, which she would definitely see. Is that something?
Well sometimes it’s like once she’s satisfied then that’s it
I did not know that, definitely another thing I’ll bring up
This isn't a relationship. Find local boys and go on dates. You're wasting your youth.
thank you i really appreciate this response. I’ve felt so awful lately even tho i know i can’t go back and change time and we both did things that maybe weren’t the best. appreciate it
I once had a “friend” like yours. She would hook up with my exes and make passes at whoever I was dating or talking to. Real friends don’t do that. You need to cut her off completely.
They’ve been spamming this for a long time now. They’ll make a new account and make one post and never comment then turn around and make a new account and repeat.
Honestly, I am very sorry I am sounding like a child and putting up things here.
But what about therapists being mandated reporters? Accessing CP doesn’t fall under that?
You need to go to the police when he gets back. If he hasn’t done anything he should be willing to go.
I'm really glad you said that.
Most addicts are addicts due to childhood trauma and aren't violent.
I wish that the “war on drug users” would end and policy would follow the evidence of countries like Portugal that treat addiction as a health issue not a legal matter.
OMG why haven't you already dumped his ass? This is not a good partner for anyone, certainly not for you. Be done with him. I 100% guarantee you his drinking will get worse until he hits bottom and finally admits it's a problem. You do not need to be any part of that.
she's very sensitive and gets upset if I draw a boundary too firm
She is allowed to feel upset, she is allowed to feel her feelings. That doesn't mean you have to do yourself harm by catering to them.
Put her number on your do-not-disturb list. Ask the hospital how to stop allowing calls to your room. “Mom, I am in the hospital and need to rest, I will text you tomorrow if I am feeling able to talk.”
She is worried but she is harming you with her actions. SAY NO. You are allowed.
You don’t need us to tell you. You’ve already asked the question to yourself because something inside of you had that feeling “something isn’t right here”. You haven’t done anything wrong, but you alone will know when things are going too far.
Trust that voice that’s telling you it might be time to pull back from this coworker a bit. Don’t use your wife’s vacation as an excuse. Marriage is the ultimate commitment. She’s there for you, not just when it’s convenient. It’s convenient to talk to this coworker because she’s there and you’re both feeling the same things, but it’s probably time to move on to relying on your partner now. There will be other chances for vacations.
I been married a long time, no hiccups. Your wife is your go-to. No exception. Ever.
You really only have two choices: (A) Either you both decide that you're committed to this relationship and do what it takes to fix it; or (B) you end it
It's certainly possible that you've just grown in different ways and are no longer compatible. It happens.
I don't understand the weed thing. You both used to smoke everyday, decided to stop doing it everyday. You relapsed, and he smokes once a week, but you're mad at him for this?
Is she on your bill, or do you send her money every month to pay her separate bill?
For one, you're both still kids and have absolutely zero reason to be engaged so young. I'm also not sure how you intend to transition to being an engaged couple when you still have to do what her Momma tells her.
I love the idea of delivering things on his address. He is a very stereotypical strong man, but he loves when I do something for him and he doesnt hide his emotions when I get out of my way to surprise him (and he very rarely shows emotions in front of other people, which makes me know he trusts me enough to be vulnerable).
And also, I agree: its better because the both of us will be focusing on work (and he will be travelling quite a bit) and so wont have that much time to overthink our situation.
Those were all great ideas, thank you so much! And Im so happy it worked out for you 🙂
Poor partner.
Dead kittens and baseball.
Have you ever been to his home?
Says the girl who doesn’t know where her car was because her pedo boyfriend stole it. Get a better life
He sounds mentally ill and weak. He’s just not a good person and not great people with shitty characters will blame others for their life circumstances. That’s it. Let him be angry. Protect yourself.
Your daughter doesn’t like you because you’re a literal predator. You shouldn’t be allowed near schools, or frankly any other human beings
im giving them something to look at that only belongs to him
Ew no. You don't belong to him at all.
Sounds like youve left one controlling situation for another.
Isn't there always lots to cut, stirr, peel, grate, weigh, sift, dice, roll or hammer during cooking? I have a tiny kitchen but I always make my eaters help with stuff.
{If he doesn't want to help, jank a cheese grater to his head (please be careful tho) whilst calling him an ungrateful person (the grater will help him become more grateful for your meals when you stop cooking altogether) and tell him you quit as his personal cook because you never applied for this job all on your own. /s}
It boils down to this, either you cook it together (or you alternate days), or you put your foot down and don't do it at all.
Communication is key here. Make sure you are clear and level headed, don't go into the conversation frustrated or tired and don't dwell on frivolous side ways of the main event. Make clear what you want and how you want to reach that goal. Relationship is being together with joy. Else it's just another chore that gets boring real quick.
I am not blaming it on it, I am suggesting something might have triggered it
It’s not his place to be worried about you anymore. Block him. You aren’t going to heal if he’s still blowing up your phone. For that matter, don’t see him this weekend???? I mean, come on.
The childish part isn't you not wanting to meet him. But why did you set the boundary at meet only in a group setting?
You clearly are uncomfortable with their friendship, so you need to re-evaluate the boundary you set. This friendship won't work with you actively trying to avoid him.
So tell her that you'll be more comfortable if she doesn't remain close friends with people she has had sex with. They both need to move on.
Credit to him though, I feel he is trying to give you the most respect he can considering the boundary you set. So all in all he does sound like a decent person.
you did this all yourself, reap what you sow and leave the poor woman alone, you do not deserve her and she deserves better
Sometimes we unfortunately realize what we had when it’s too late. If she can look at you with no emotion while you’re putting your heart out she has checked out of your relationship. Women will tolerate ALOT of shit but once they are done they are done. You should continue to work on yourself and become a better person for the future. You need to let her go because she’s already gone.
Bump
Sometimes the relationship isn’t meant to be. You can fight for something that isn’t meant to be.
If it feels wrong, then IT IS.
Yeah this loan would become your loan as well if you got married
He told me that his mom is a liar and manipulative, she has never apologized to him for any of her actions, she refuses to ever take accountability. She loves to pin her own children against each other and spent a lot of years pinning her children against her husband
Can you step back and read what you wrote? She's abusive and manipulative. You know this yet you try to be close to her (why the hell…)
So someone you know to be awful said awful shit. No surprise.
Do you have problems with people pleasing? I can't imagine being close to someone who abused my partner, even if its his mother. Tell him what was said and stop being around her. Stop helping her. Distance.
Issues when dating someone twice your age? Whaaaaaaat
This is such a fake story. So the SIL who hasn't even come out yet someone has the balls to do it in front of everyone at a dinner party, with her new GF there to witness it all even though she has no idea what the reaction would be.
Don’t use drunk as an excuse when you talk to her! Because it’s not an excuse at all…..
You tell your BF you cheated and face the consequences.
You leaned a life lesson to never cheat again. It could have been avoided by breaking up at the beginning. You didn’t need to cheat. Time to be an honourable person.
So Clark is a fucking snake
Exactly makes no sense
OP please do not marry this person, it really seems like you have outgrown each other. Marriage should be an enthusiastic yes, if that's not the case, don't do it ❤️?
I know a girl like this. She’s broken up two families for this sack loser in prison. He gets out and she dumps whoever she’s with and then He ends right back there.
She’s had two guys who divorced their wives to be in a relationship with her and she dumps them within a year.
She’s obsessed with the guy who she’s seen like 4 months out of the last 7 years.
I bet if they actually had a relationship it wouldn’t even last. It’s just some fantasy.
I bet they don’t work out long term and she’ll come crawling back. Don’t take her back.
Honestly, people with ADHD need to see very real consequences for their actions quite often before they can move on anything that might improve.
He won't lose everything, he can find a roommate like the rest of us do. You shouldn't eliminate something that will keep you both safe and able to improve without really think about it.
He is not a good partner to you right now. You need to decide how much of your life and your happiness you're ready to sacrifice for him now so you both know where the boundary is. That's the most healthy and helpful thing you can do.
It sounds like you need to be spending less time with him and letting him figure his stuff out. In the meantime, don't clean up for him around the house. Don't make his appointments for him, don't be his bangmommy.
My post doesn't show in the sub. 🙁
Age gap wasn’t the concern.
some rich kid that went right into a job at their daddy's business?
I mean you might be bisexual. I was in a similar situation with my ex husband and ended up telling him I wanted to be with him and also date other people especially girls. Except I had been married to him for 7 years and I grew up Mormon so my parents pressured us to get married when I was 19. It was too much for him and we didn’t end up staying together. Now though, I’m in a great relationship with primarily a girl, I have side relationships with a couple, and another man as well. I feel a lot better living the way I feel is truest to what I really want out of dating and emotional/sexual relationships. So my advice is really ask yourself what you want. If it is to explore this urge then be honest with your partner. If they no longer want to be in a relationship with you after the revelation that’s their right, but you gotta be honest about what you’re feeling.
You're both really aggressive.
That said, he's dangerous, and I'm sorry you went through what you did. I would distance myself from him as much as possible. If you have any safe places to go, then go there. If you have any visible injuries you should document them. If you're worried about getting a restraining order now, at least if things are documented it'll be easier to get one in the future if you change your mind.
Don’t act like it’s not a common trope to say men don’t get it. It’s weaponized incompetence that you’re not disagreeing with. No, it absolutely is ridiculous to put this load on her
I think you are probably right that he's in the closet but cannot come out for fear of homophobic family. Telling him that you were available to answer any questions if he was unsure of his sexuality was very kind; I wouldn't expect him to take you up on it anytime soon but making the offer clear is the best you can do. He may take years to come to terms with his sexuality but his depression and suicidality is a big red flag to me and you might want to suggest he speak with a therapist or other mental health resources such as the crisis line, counseling, etc. It's not your job to make sure he sees them but you might mention it in passing if you want. I know you offered yourself as a resource for him to speak to but he might not want to speak with you specifically (for various reasons, none of them say anything bad about you) so bringing up a third party option may be best. At most I'd bring it up once (or in response to him talking about his mental health) and then not bring it up again until he mentions it. I also recommend looking out for yourself and protecting your own feelings, I know he said he loved you but the truth is it could be years, maybe never, before this guy is ready to be in a relationship with a man. So I would just try to be gentle, patient, and understanding with him — it sounds like you already are! — but I second all the advice that you should set firm boundaries and don't let yourself be used.
It sounds like he's probably cheating on you truthfully. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this and I offer you my sympathies. I recommend therapy or couples counseling if you want to work on it together. I wish you the best
Yes, that's good advice, thank you!
The seemingly endless stream of activity useless men is baffling. I'm a 40 yo man and do the majority of house work. It's not hot to do. The output to appreciation ratio is very much in my favor.
Where are all these useless people coming from?
I wouldn't feel comfortable if my husband was lying to me about hanging out with a friend of the opposite sex. It's the fact that you feel that you need to hide it and lie to me about it that makes me think something's going on, not the fact that you have a female friend. And the fact that your wife is immediately victim blaming you for her actions is also suspect.
I agree with you. I would not feel comfortable in my relationship while they were still friends. But I also would no longer trust your wife or friend to tell me the truth about whether they were still hanging out.
???? what’s wrong with that
At 2 months you don't know him. But you gotta know him at least a little bit considering you spread your legs for him already in only 2 months