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Dakota, 22 y.o.
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Date: October 11, 2022
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Sounds like he’s doing it on purpose
Yeah that was stupid but i thought that since i didnt do it then i have nothing to be afraid of
Have you tried just planning a date? I know part of you probably wants to see the initiative from him, especially if he used to take lead there, but is just plan a date. Could be simple, dinner and a movie, or something random/new like checking out a rock climbing gym. Maybe if you force your hand a bit and he has fun, he’ll be inspired to keep the momentum going.
He needs therapy to work on HIS insecurities. For you, a bit of therapy may be good to get the encouragement you need to remember that your will is worth as much as his will, and when it cones to your physical well-being, your will is actually more important.
You KNOW that swimming is the medically best choice for you, you know that your doctor would even confirm that if you asked him, but you don’t need to. But meditate on these facts and strengthen yourself so as not to cave in view of what your husband wants. He is very unreasonable with his desire to tell you what you can and can’t do at the gym.
I will go as far as to say you will grow increasingly unhappy in your marriage if you continue letting his insecurities rule what you do. And it can go as far as you wanting a divorce. (Been there, done that.)
Your marriage would benefit a lot from his getting therapy and developing a healthy sense of self-worth.
What are his answers to those questions? Because those are yes/no.
I'd get out. There's a ton this woman needs to work through before she can be a good partner in my opinion. Immediately jumping to “assault” language is a pretty serious red flag, given the circumstances.
I'd also save those messages just in case.
This dude is close to 40, has never matured and never will.
Dump. There's people your own age capable of adulting better than this oversized toddler.
If this is how she deals with conflict, just imagine if you two actually had a real disagreement that you have to work out. You know the situation better than I do but this behavior is a big red flag. If it were me, I would stop texting her. If you don't hear back after a couple weeks, just move on.
I'm very sorry, but he's right.
More importantly, I think you're missing the crucially important context that this man is NOT your “partner” and you definitely aren't “in love with each other”. I'm pretty sure that you don't understand what love is, at least given when you've written here. And to be clear, I'm not trying to be mean . . . you're still relatively young, and you have time to figure this out. But I suggest that you end this relationship, because at this point you're ascribing characteristics to it that are in your imagination, rather than recognizing the reality of what you have created with this person, and you're not doing yourself or him any favours dragging out what has become something very unhealthy, unless you are willing to start from scratch and completely redefine things.
The whole point of a “situationship”, as I understand it, is that it is casual, no-strings, and neither party owes the other anything. That is the literal opposite of a partnership. It is a mutual convenience, and you literally admit that you're supposedly only doing this until you each “find someone else”. And yet despite this you expect him to “take care of you”? That's something that even people who are in casual-but-defined relationships don't do. Taking care of someone is something that happens in serious, mutually supportive relationships.
And frankly, it doesn't matter how much more money he makes than you. He could be a billionaire. His money isn't yours, and he isn't your boyfriend. He asked for that way back at the start and you very specifically told him that you didn't want that, and then made it even clearer by getting touchy with other men in front of him. When you changed your mind, he made it clear that he was no longer interested – likely because you had hurt him. And your whole “if the roles were reversed” bit is irrelevant. They aren't reversed and never will be. Also, in conservative cultures, men take care of THEIR PARTNERS. Again, you are not his partner. You're not in a relationship.
And in the end, I don't think you're ready to be with anyone, or at least not to be in a “situationship”. You're trying to have your freedom, but demand that he support you like a serious girlfriend, which is incredibly unfair. So the answer to your question is: you don't. What you're expecting is inappropriate and selfish. Either accept the boundaries of this situationship, or end it.
I've seen many friends go this route only to be denied by a new wife who took it all. Going for the money is just not a good life plan for happiness in this type of case.
Look man, if you want a female opinion I'll give you one. You need to know that women are always told to wait until the guy makes the first move, so you can't get discouraged if she isn't initiating things. We are told not to from a very young age. So you need to be the one ask her out. Make sure it's obvious that it's a date, otherwise she might assume you are just friends hanging out. If you don't make your interest clear soon, she will think you just aren't into her and she'll move on. Don't miss your chance.