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https://www.instagram.com/dannarhodesx/
Date: October 9, 2022
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We were on a break vibes here.
I have a coil in, take the pill and also ask him to wear condoms. The chances of an unplanned pregnancy are 0%. I am taking every step I can to ensure I am not in this situation which is why I have no idea why he came out with this conversation.
You’re just going to make her like him more. You might be out the country but acts of revenge have a way of showing back up in your coming relationship. He’ll be happy he didn’t move for you if anything. She’ll just know other women want her man. They’ll simply have a stronger relationship knowing that you’re out of the country and no longer a threat to what they have.
And what if he had talked to you beforehand what would your reaction have been? Would you have supported his decision or would you have shit him down? I’m guessing the latter which is the reason he didn’t discuss it with you first.
Well, that's embarrassing…
Yikes. This can’t be real
Please do not kink shame your husband. This is stuff he looked up and you weren’t supposed to see it. Obviously you aren’t into his kinks, but if someone opened up your brain and found your deepest darkest fantasies I’m sure there wouId be things you might not want everyone to see. I am a sex and intimacy coach and people fantasize about things to feel various things: naughty, rule breaking things might excite him. Doesn’t mean he wants to do any of the things he’s looking at. Please don’t jump to conclusions. I would highly recommend seeing a relationship coach to help you both out of the dead bedroom and to gain a better understanding of fantasy and sexuality.
So she hurt your feelings by leaving early. And you couldn’t believe that there might be a valid reason that she had to leave like she did. And instead of reaching out and saying something that shows your interest along the lines of “last night was fun, can I take you on a date sometime?” Or addressing why she might have left early. INSTEAD you decided to text her that you are interested in someone else? What do you expect? You have obviously not been clear or honest with her and now you are mad that you are getting the same thing back? Sounds like you need to do some self reflecting here. Be honest, she didn’t hurt you, you hurt yourself.
So, the guy had a crush on you in school, and you knew this, but you preferred dating shitty older guys and assumably gave him no attention. Now you are interested after you've shown your true colors and it surprises you that he's telling you to fuck off?
That's what lost you? This whole story seems whack. Normally, when one person has a gut feeling or accuses the other, they are cheating and feel guilty ( they wouldn't kick out the other partner for this) or there gut is absolutley right.
I'm sorry but if a doctor told me I was infertile and then my wife was pregnant shortly after, red flag.
Wow that gives me a lot of clarity, I should've thought about this. Thank you, I'll apologize to her again!
If you stay friends with him you’ll end up in a hospital or dead.
you don’t want to stay with her, you want to stay with the idea of her
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That’s because it’s not true. Genetics, particularly recessive genes, don’t work that way. At all.
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N I wasn't telling you to go through their phones, I was asking if they text ,sorry. Do you live at home
I'm worried for you that she's a fairweather fiance– that she is great when things are easy and will let you down when things are very hot. Marriage is supposed to be about merging two lives. I kind of get the sense that, from reading this, she essentially wants to live like she always has, as if she's single, with no compromise, but come home to you.
She also has said that she doesn’t really understand the value of just sitting around and staring at each other in her words
Well, marriage is basically just sitting around staring at someone for the rest of your lives, so. She kinda has to get used to that. But really, there are sooo many things you could do together, as you mentioned, that you would still be able to do from bed. She doesn't want to watch a movie or play a card game or listen to a podcast or something?
A year is not a super long time to know someone, I'd encourage you to not start or discontinue wedding planning until this is resolved. I also think you should think about if you could spend the rest of your life in this relationship, assuming it will stay exactly the way it is. Then, think about what your ideal relationship would look like, and talk about it with her. “I've really been missing you lately and it makes me sad we're not getting quality time together. I'd really like it if we could have a date night every week, even if it's just at home, and talk to each other for 30 mins each night.” Or whatever.
What you want is reasonable and I hope that you can get it.
I am over it. I’ve decided not to go. She keeps bringing it up.
IMO it just creates more problems than it solves. It encourages partners to ignore other signs or words because “they haven't said their safeword, everything is peachy”. Not to mention that safeword etiquette is also grossly misunderstood by most people. The vast majority of people's experience of BDSM is via things like Fifty Shades of Grey, where the male lead gets mad at his girlfriend for “daring to safeword on him” and then he gives her the silent treatment. There are many, many other to increase and improve communication between sexual partners. Even a “traffic light” system is better (green for “this feels good, keep going”, “orange” for “I'm reaching my limits, back down a bit”, and red for “STOP EVERYTHING NOW”).
Telling people “just use a safeword” is neither informative nor helpful in itself.
I hear what you’re saying. She does feel shame. I’m sure it’s difficult to imagine that I don’t add to that. But truly, her shame is self-inflicted above all. I know her BMI because she announces her weight off the scale every morning and I know how tall she is.
I grew up fat. She grew up skinny. I have always kind of liked thicker women, to be honest. It really doesn’t bother me, but I do think it affects her health.
It seems to me I may just have really terrible timing.
That sounds gross and I would leave.
Just try someone new. You're 21. Date to enjoy yourself and learn about what you need in a relationship. Doesn't really matter who's right or wrong at this point. You're no longer enjoying the relationship. There's plenty of other relationships to be had.
There definitely sounds like there's some personal stuff that you need to work through yourself, but I still don't think you'd be out of line to let her know that her giving you gifts makes you uncomfortable. Maybe you could also try to use that same conversation to work out other ways for her to show she cares that would feel good for both of you.
I would suggest therapy. A therapist can help you manage your fear. Tell your boyfriend how you feel (tactfully), and tell him you'll go to therapy to try and manage it but it might not work, in that case you guys can work something out. It's important that you're coming from a place of compromise. Don't let this put a wedge between you, try to tackle the problem as a couple, it will make you stronger together.
Don't be with someone who tries to hinder your health and well-being.
You don’t know what karma is but you have a throwaway account?
You are obsessing, yes.
What you really need to ask yourself is if you are obsessing out of guilt or out of self-destruction.
If you truly feel guilty, yea have an honest conversation with him.
If its self sabotage, keep talking to your therapist and listen to them. You are trying to hurt yourself.
Only by being alone can you find someone else who makes you stop feeling lonely. If you continue this relationship she will never be that for you.
She's made her choices. Part of her is non-negotiable and it's conflicting with things in you that are the same. Bottom line is that despite anything you like about each other, you're not compatible.
Nah she’s been incredibly supportive. I just think that it might be a case of imposter syndrome. I think to a certain extent I don’t deserve someone like her, and assume the worst. Just low self esteem in general I guess.
As far as her moving here right now I mean it could be done. My folks have actively said they’d support it, even pay her way to get here. But that wouldn’t be ideal right? I’d want it to be in our own space on our terms you know? And in time it will be that way. I’m just scared of losing my mind along the way.
Lmao girl you’re 31…you’re too old to be this naive.
I know you said you weren’t pressuring her, but she said maybe some time in the future. The ball was in her court. She doesn’t want to. To bring it up in a teasing way even may have made her feel like she was running out of time and can’t directly say no, lest she risk losing you.
Women are socialized really early to be pleasing. Even when you deconstruct that it’s there.
I know you didn’t mean to pressure her but you did.
I'm not sure why she married you. Your previous post shows that she hasn't felt the same for some time before the wedding, but still went through with it.
Infidelity doesn't have to ruin a relationship, but it simply does in most cases. Trust gets shattered and it's never quite the same after that. You always will wonder what she's really doing. It's a really bad way to torture yourself.
I think you should walk away, for your sake.
My suggestion is not to tell him and end the pregnancy
He is not your friend.
My husband's mom met my dad once, at my husband's brother's funeral. Other than that they have never met or spoken AFAIK.
I dont think its too weird.
Your Boyfriend is just a Dick, and Abuser who happens to be ND. You are not his therapist and you don't have to stay with this guy and put up with it. He is Dangerous, take care if yourself.