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Room for on-line sex video chat Elza01
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Date: October 4, 2022
it’s playing devils advocate with yourself. OP said she tends to view herself as ‘right’ so challenge herself and her views by viewing it from his side and challenging her to look at those views from a less one-sided perspective
Whatever brings in the bacon.
Another comment referred to OP's post history, seems like commentor is referencing to past posts that have speculated on OP's boyfriend's mental health/substance use.
Because it’s a guys night, and no one else is inviting their girlfriends.
she doesn't want to be with you anymore, she didn't get a chance to be on her own as an adult. it's over dude
He won’t take this lightly of course, hence my post to look for more advice before I say this.
There is no other advice. Your boyfriend doesn't give a shit about your health, or his own.
He's showing you who he really is here. Don't ignore it. Your boyfriend is extremely cruel, please see it.
I’m sure she is. It’s a really busy time of year for parents, especially for the ones going it alone. Hope it all works out for you.
See that’s a totally fair dynamic, if both people in the relationship agree to it, sounds like she has just decided the dynamic for them without asking what OP’s feelings were.
Why do guys all think of the same scams smh
Yup, and isn't it interesting how every single religious person has their own moral standard that seems to supraceed the religions moral standard based on their individual circumstances?
I'm not trying to be a dick, but I used to be religious too. What's the point in holding on to belief if your morality is literally better than your religion's morality? God is just the morality of a time long passed, a very useful way to hold people accountable and provide a moral baseline that is now outdated and unnecessary.
I hope she takes her gift back. He doesn't deserve it. He's not even doing the bare minimum at Christmas
Thanks for the eli5!
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The dog I know that attacked unprovoked was a Husky.
Gotta hold to your boundaries for yourself. It’s only less than a year. Bounce bruh
That's pretty much what I figured was gonna be the game plan I'm in no way about to huddle off into a rebound. This is for future reference. Like I don't remember where to find women that are “good” and on top of that my depression has left me to where I haven't been taking care of myself so I gotta start getting that fixed. Going running or start walking at least. Hopefully won't have to sell the house. She has places she can go but all my parents are on drugs.
He (HE) should have spoken up, rather than confirming it was okay and committing to the bit until the end.
Dump him.
And when he gets upset, tell him it’s because he can’t get rid of his past.
Change what you can, Accept what you cannot and worry about only what has happened not what may. I've found that for men and women both, we know the type of people they are, if they will cheat or not, if they will stand up for the relationship, or let it take fire. Sometimes we lie to ourselves, say we didn't know, didn't see the signs, etc. But we do.
With that I would say, either trust him or don't, but base it on his behavior, not theirs. If he is flirting back then by all means address the issue. Also, if they are saying disrespectful things about him or you, I don't see anything wrong with you addressing that issue with whoever said it. I know whenever I am seeing someone I always make it a point to bring them up however I can. Just so the girl who is flirting knows that I'm taken (or was when it would happen).
There is nothing wrong with having insecurities, and the.right guy is going to help you beat the insecurities down. Let him know when you feel he should address them and doesn't, but also, I wouldn't drag him into things that happen outside his sphere.
He doesn't trust you to not turkey baster yourself and hook him for child support.
Wink is technically a “friend” app which makes me worry I’m overthinking things
God this is fucking disgusting. Those poor women. I think the people we choose to interact with show our morals quite clearly and this shows me that your boyfriends morals are shit. At a minimum he's willing to look the other way at sexual assault ( that's what sharing nudes without consent is), at a maximum he's actively enjoying getting this content and lying to you about it. Either way him and his friend are both spineless.
God you really are infecting other people’s comments by defending this man to the death…. Did you even read anything she wrote in her post or are you just wanting to shit on her for giving her self some self love when he has been a shit husband for 20 years??
“He DoEsNt DeSeRvE tO bE aBaNdOnEd!” … but you think she does??
Child, I'm old enough to be your mother. I've been through many much bigger changes than that in life. 10 years from now, that year will be the blink of an eye.
Like I said, work on gaining some maturity before you even consider marriage.
That's really funny.
I would have text her back, “Who is this?”
When dad passed he was cremated. His ashes were in a urn
Family wise we all lived far apart and dividing them was not a option .
A dear man from hospice helped us all.
You go down to the nursery get a big pot r potting soil for roses and flowers. Look up your daughters birth month ours was dads birth month…you plant the rose bush.
If you have a yard plant in the yard. Dads roses were yellow.
Prune them if needed.. feed them as needed.. water them..
Talk to them about everything you want to tell or share with your father( yours would be daughter)
Flowers form and bloom you have the beauty of a smile from your father..(your daughter)
This way they are Always with you and bring you smiles and beauty. And a ear to pour your heart out your laughter share your day..
Your daughter is always with you in your heart.
And your still grieving. It takes time to heal there are many stages of grief we go through.
Please call hospice ask for someone you can talk to. They are amazing folks
Also get a rose bush. Name it after your daughter.
It really does help.
Really does. It gives us something to touch talk to and warm our heart when it blooms.
On your ex…. Let him wallow. Maybe some day he will realize what a mistake he made.
Focus on you . Hugs honey. Remember it takes time .
I thought strippers go by the hour considering it’s not a private show.
So do you masturbate staring at a wall?
He told you explicitly that he needs space so you give him space. I'm slightly concerned that you seem to have so little faith in your own abilities that you came to reddit for a second opinion on his request. Have you considered therapy?
Join some local groups and expand your friend group. Things you want to do, look into groups you can join to do them.
A partner should add to your life, you need to do things alone and get more secure vs needy, not meant in a bad way, just be a bit more independent.
You already have a great job, home and such, now build confidence and more friends.
Arguably the BIGGEST moron. I definitely realized, even while writing the post, that I make far too many excuses for someone that really hasn't added anything positive to my life. I will happily be the bad guy if it means getting away from this mess.
This sounds like a her issue. Maybe pelvic floor. NEVER DO WHAT SHE SAID OMG!! I honestly laughed out loud when I read about the dick thinning surgery.
Do you think your friends betrayed your friendship as well?
Take your wife’s advice and cut your dick off.
He said he nearly dumped her because of her looks so, yes he did say she's physically unattractive, at least that's what he believed then. If he no longer believes that then why not say that instead of 'you weren't meant to see that'.
That's like doubling down.
I’m not being dishonest about trusting my boyfriend. I didn’t look through his phone without his consent, I asked him if I could see it because he has gone through my stuff before, and because our boundary has always been that it’s okay since we have nothing to hide. Honestly I’m not sure why he hasn’t left. I’ve tried breaking it off various times because I realize that this is unhealthy and I have to be alone, but he won’t allow me to. I just hold a lot of resentment because he was extremely unkind to me about having friends that were guys, and he got upset with me so I cut them off, he got upset with me for having social media (I deleted it for him), and he doesn’t like it when I wear anything revealing so I try my best to be modest. I thought that maybe that meant he would do the same for me, and not keep stuff from his past. I realize this is unhealthy, I just get aggravated at the double-standard. Thank you for advice either way.
No need to be confused or guess. Ask!
He cannot cum BECAUSE he watches a lot of porn.
He is desensitised to anything except his own death grip so you feel like an empty barrel to him.
He needs to quit porn or he’ll never be able to perform with a woman.
If he won’t then I strongly suggest you dump him and find a man who likes to feel a real woman. You’re too young to settle for crap men.
Not only that, he is actually turned on by the SA. Guy is completely ducked up in the head.
Yep, in this story, he obviously manipulated OP into entertaining a fetish of his. Not such a great friend.
Oh, sorry. Re-read the original post and that makes more sense. Good for you. It also looks like you asked him for drinks the FOLLOWING weekend. Much better. His message sounded like he was interested, so I'm a bit confused. What was your last text exactly? There could be a million reasons why he hasn't responded, likely none of them to do with you.
He bought them for us to try out and we ended up not liking it. He said he brought them so we can give it a second try. I just don’t understand why he didn’t say it just like that from the beginning. The whole two reasonings didn’t make sense. Also, how do you forget you brought condoms? Maybe he did and I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. His whole reaction is more concerning that the entire situation.
I have not. I shall enquire however, if I go back to seeing psychiatrists etc.
I don't think they're generally wrong, I'm not denying I have issues and need help etc, I just hate that they blame it on childhood trauma (effectively my brother) when I remember having these problems long before I remember any trauma.
You're me 20 years ago
Turned out when all that behaviour, control and anger got put together by a therapist
BPD came out the other end (there were other serious bits on top)
The most poisonous part here you do not realise yet, is how utterly destructive the little bit of constant put downs affect your kids
By teens they will see you as a useless devil with a mother that is an angel and a martyr
She needs to not only be a victim of you but make sure everyone else is aware you're always the problem
You need to leave but that's a path you need to walk yourself, as nobody can push you there
This is personality disorder level dysfunction dude, theres no fix when the problem party can only blame you
Seems like this is more than just where does my bf life issue. You're 7 years into this relationship – you're entire adult life – and he's still putting his mom above you. Can there even be a future if he's sending all his spare and some of his spare money to his mom? You're not wrong to want a relationship with someone who has cut the umbilical cord. You're not wrong to not want to have to send money to your bf's mother all the time. Are you guys even saving? If you want kids how would you guys pay for that if all the money is going to mommy?
Honestly – I think you owe it to yourself to break up and then take some time for yourself and figure out who you are as an adult.
UpdateMe!
Yeah I think it's OP that suffers from derealization if he thinks this will get better for him
The man literally calls her a cow and pig and grabs her by the chin and says “gobble gobble”. He didn’t even say one nice thing about her. There’s also not even 1000 comments.
He’s 23 years old. That’s not a child
She is incapable of anger in a mature and healthy way and tries to you instead
No, you’re right. This age gap and life gap is gross, and this dynamic is exactly why people are concerned when age gaps are present. This is not ok.
He’s completely disinterested in you & ghosts you if suggest an activity he doesn’t want to do – and it’s YOUR FAULT he doesn’t respond in those cases.
I’m curious- in what way is he an amazing guy? Amazingly selfish, sure.
just be honest.
Tell her exactly what you wrote here.
Breaking up is NEVER easy, no matter age, context, country… it's always hot but I found honesty was always the best option.
DO NOT Ghost, please, this is the worst thing someone can do.
I suppose if you want to give it a try you could buy a cell phone lock box and ask him to put it in at the beginning of the date. They won’t open until the timer is up so there’s nothing he can do but exercise his patience muscle.
And if he’s not a doctor on-call, it doesn’t really matter if he gets an emergency call. There’s nothing he can do to save someone’s life, so he can just wait for the outcome like everyone else.
This is why you don't stay friends with ex's, she probably said it to hurt you because you were talking about how much of a loser he is, yet that loser is having sex with her, my I also see your talking about getting back together? Why? Are you talking to your ex while in a relationship with another girl? Listen your relationship was and will continue to be toxic, you aren't over her because you have not left her alone, you need to move on. That special connection isn't so special it's just familiarity and thinking of what if, if you touch a hot oven it burns, and your thinking maybe the oven won't be hard this time.
No, he does put a lot effort into it. he’s eaten me out for over an hour before, plays with my clit, tried toys, etc. It’s not him, it’s literally me with a mental block. But yeah, I’ve noticed with the mentality of me needing to finish, it obviously doesn’t happen 🙁
Sooo say no?
If you read this post as if it were written by someone else, what would you tell them?
You’re still in the honeymoon/best behaviour stage. This WILL escalate, not get better.
Please really think about what you’re getting out of this relationship. You deserve so much better
If you stop watering a plant, it will die. You stopped watering your marriage, it died, and now you are watering it wondering why it’s not coming back to life.
It’s just not as simple as finally doing what you should have been doing all along.
Therapy, and I got a referral for couples counseling for me with the door open for her to join
More than likely, he does have somebody in mind that he wants to be with just like what you did a couple years ago. Sounds like you open Pandora’s box a couple of years ago now he’s ready to enjoy it. My concern is for the child as if you stay together, the two of you could become quite toxic due to your other people that you bring into the relationship and that’s not gonna be healthy for the child growing up in a toxic relationship. Good luck with your decision.
So you both are in relationships with others?
Any update?
engraved pen for a future job
Here’s the TL;DR that you can copy: Boyfriend is obnoxious and extremely one-sided and controlling. How best to kick his ass to the curb?
He's definitely sleeping with her. Or trying to. This is not normal.
You are proud of yourself that you “stopped immediately” – it smacks of self-righteousness. Yet, you also know that pride in such behavior is misplaced.
This is it. I realize it's very minor. I just didn't like that in the moment I had it in me. I wouldn't ever cheat. It was an episode of 5 seconds. Just the fact that it was seeking someone elses attention at all.
Alternatively, you have extremely low self-esteem and your past behavior confirms that you are worthless. You believe that you deserve to be punished and are punishing yourself. You've inflated this situation into a crime against humanity. Some people revel in being the “worst person in the world” because their low self-esteem twists perspective on what things they should take pride in.
This too. I have previously had a very minor case of anxiety (who doesn't). Always beat myself up pretty bad.
I see it as a flaw in my character from the past and I can't shake it.
It’d probably make me a little uncomfortable, but I understand his POV. I doubt he’d want to pay for his own hotel room.
Sit down and talk to him about how you’re feeling. Set up some boundaries (no sharing beds, no seeing each other hot, etc).
Going by my home state the “Romeo and Juliet Laws” start at age 16. And they’re not even laws, just loopholes. It’s still not ok for someone 20 years old to be sexually active with a 16 year old.
Thank you. I truly wish you the best and if he doesn't get help that doesn't mean you can't. Therapy would be great and help you deal with a lot of these negative feelings and hot times. Sometimes what I try to do is kind of disassociate myself when im in bad situations. Maybe try to listen to music or read a book when you're feeling down and try to get your mind out of your current situation
Wants more kids but not the responsibility of child rearing it seems. Coz if he leaves he won’t be there for his current kid 24/7.
I feel the same lol
Your message helps so much more than you will ever know. Thank you for taking the time. I needed this
It's okay on that front as I'm in Asia. I feel so sorry for my American counterparts, it's barbaric how they are changing the laws.