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Emily-XXX1 Public Chat Channel
Date: April 18, 2023
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Emily-XXX1 Public Chat Channel
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Okay, so a wuss through and through. Good for you OP
This guy sounds dangerous and narcissistic. Be careful leaving the house alone and get a stun gun, pepper spray or something to defend yourself in case he sneaks up on you. Keep him blocked on everything and don't interact with him whatsoever. He wants a response from you.
Start collecting evidence and tell your friends to screenshot his messages about you and email them to you. Tell them not to respond to him. Even in defense of you. He wants to keep this going and craves feedback. If he is harassing you, get a restraining order ASAP. Keep your evidence in a file for the judge. He/she will ask for proof of harassment.
Why are you with this girl
UpdateMe!
After reading the first paragraph, you have stayed in a relationship with a woman who doesn't respect you. Cheating is the highest form of disrespect a woman can do to a man
“because he became a better person now.”
How do you even know that?
And: a “now better” person may STILL ne harmful to you, your life and your future.
So he's disputing the validity of your feelings rather than addressing the change of behavior that you want. Your feelings are your own and not up for debate. Good job communicating those!
Your focus shouldn't be on helping him understand why you feel that way, your focus should be on communicating in a completely unambiguous about what you expect and will accept for behaviour. “Don't do that” combined with creating physical distance. Consequences escalating if he does not hear or respect your 'no.'
Why would you tell anyone this information? If you needed to work through something then you could have worked through it with him. No need to ask Reddit.
Why twice? If the first time isn’t a good experience then why try again? Is the first time with and another woman and the second time another man or something?
Please go to r/ebbie45 for resources. She works with women going through this. Do not let him know you're trying to leave. Even if you have to hide at a hotel and have the cops drag him out of your home.
How are you exclusive but not in a relationship? What are you guys exclusively doing… flirting, hanging out, dating? It seems like you’re kind of confused about it too, you should definitely define your relationship parameters better if you don’t know what they are. With BOTH people, so there isn’t this mass confusion.
You're seeing things clearly. I could barely get past the post title.
Thanks bro i appreciate the straight up advice.
BRUV COME ON
You have a child not a BF. He can chose to work at managing his adhd (he must put forth effort at work or he’s get fired). He’s not being a good partner. You’re tolerating it for years gives him no motivation to change . Sit him down, have a serious and honest conversation with him. He needs to understand that it’s a dealbreaker and is going to be me the relationship. That you feel like his mother not his gf and it’s a total turn off. Stop babying him, which includes taking him back and forth to work. I’m not saying don’t help him, supporting one another is important. But enabling him, that’s something else entirely.
Imagine you have a red handle next to you with the word “eject” painted right there. Pull that handle bud.
No, definitely not. I’m not interested in having any relationship if it isn’t with him, but before I was with him I had random crushes all the time. Everyone here thinks I’m trying to cheat to make the transition easier, that isn’t it at all. I don’t wanna date anyone. I just don’t want to be stuck on him for years like I was with my first love.
Sounds like she wants Friday night fever and he is not getting a clue. Her behavior is completely unacceptable and childhood. Just looking at the why rather than judging the how.
Lol yes I am
In case you’re really this oblivious, when he looks down while having sex with you he’s looking at your vagina and his penis going into it, not your stomach. The fact that that is what you think he’s looking at honestly makes me think you’re not mentally all there.
That sounds like a lot of fun.
It also sounds like a very low effort/low cost plan. Is it possible that you're reacting to that as well?
It’s just projection
This sub is female heavy and always empathizes with women over men. Everyone just automatically assumes OP is at fault, and that it's HIS responsibility to make sure they have a good sex life and the gf is just along for the ride.
I think I want an open relationship to be free to connect with people and avoid regrets about spending all of my young life in a serious relationship without ever knowing what it was like to online as an individual without restrictions and fear of consequences. It's not just about sex and that's not something I'd seek out, but I'd be okay if he did so long as we continued our honest and open way of communicating. So just looking for advice on what to do about feeling this way, how/if I should talk to him about this, and whatever other advice you think would be helpful. Thank you
This is what is going to happen, if you go through with asking for an open relationship. If your BF is monogamous and has any respect for himself, as soon as you ask he is going to break up with you. If he does agree to open your relationship, he will end up resenting you. You are a female, so you can throw a stone in any direction and find someone to be with. Your BF will be lucky to find a female to date/spend time with, unless he is within the top 10 percent of men. Women are fickle with those types of relationships and generally avoid them. When you meet someone new, you are going to get all these new relationship feelings, and your BF will become an afterthought, which will again lead him to resentment. The last thing that could happen, would be that one of you meets someone else and falls in love. None of those are happy endings for either of you. The best thing to do, if you can't be happy in the relationship, is breakup with him so he can find someone who wants to be with him and does not suffer from FOMO. Just know that once you ask, there will be no coming back, and your relationship will be forever changed.
No red flags I just always do a quick search if I’m involved with anyone just to be safe. I have had a stalker situation in the past. The police in my area are not helpful and I don’t have family close so better safe.
He’s deffo wanted no strings attached something for a while lol. I do all his washing and cooking and cleaning, and feel like I don’t get much in return. But hey, it’s ended so what does it matter anymore. I feel like once we move he might just drop me anyway
I don't really feel like making a full update. Things took a very grim turn. The other night after talking about this a bit, he went down a spiral. In terms of knowing that if he does this, he's hurting me and risks losing me forever and feeling like it was impossible for him to move on from this insecurity without trying to be with other people and feeling like my 'equal' (Ik its stupid but that's how he feels). But he ended up trying to end his own life. He felt like that was the only solution. That it would hurt me less than 1way monogamy and just giving up on us forever. Obviously, the most important thing now is to get him a therapist ASAP and to make sure he has a good support system outside of me so that going forward, if I need to cut contact then I'll know that he's safe. Despite the fact that he's been absurd, I do know that he's genuine. Even if we can't be together, I just want him to be safe and happy.
True, but she's also treating OP like a child too. Demanding that he go to bed and confiscating toys/remote/phone in punishment. That's utterly ridiculous behaviour.
One of the leading reasons people cheat. Their needs aren't being met while their partner gets everything. I get it. If you want to remain with him, you go first or neither of you get any.
You are not broken at all.
Some people are good at verbally expressing their affection, some people aren’t. Some people love hearing it, but for others it makes them feel some kind of way. And just because some people are good at dishing it out, doesn’t automatically mean they enjoy being on the receiving end (or vice versa). Everyone is different. Doesn’t make you (or him) wrong.
The thing you need to work out is why you don’t like it. That’s the important part.
Call the friend. And say you know he is cheating and will tell his wife. The friend will come clean. Either ask you to keep quiet or tell you it was your man.
Even if your girlfriend didn't have her own mental illnesses to deal with, unless she's a licensed therapist she wouldn't have the skill set to help you work through your depression. People who lean on romantic partners when they really need professional help tend to destroy their relationships. You both need medical intervention, so go get it.
Perfect response
I see three options:
1.) Have more sex.
2.) Explain that you're working through past trauma and that you can't give him what he's asking for now, and that his patience will assist you in your recovery.
3.) Break up as at this moment you two are sexually incompatible.
So am I right in saying you have absolutely no proof? Is there any actual evidence? Or is this all based on the letter from the mother and your convo with this woman?
What makes you believe them over your partner?
What was his answer to why he cares?
I'm sorry if I came across harshly suggesting you're wasting your time pining from him. I'm probably bleeding in my own biases from being in a very similar situation as you are in.
I agree that spiraling down the rabbit holes is exactly the issue. You're longing to go back to how it was, and coming to terms with the fact that it's not that anymore isn't easy.
But that's exactly what you need to do. He's not there for you right now the way you need him to be. Why that is doesn't really matter. What he says doesn't really matter either because him saying it isn't changing his behavior, nor meeting your needs.
The only way forward is through acceptance of the fact that he's not there, and through giving up the longing that it will change again. It either will or it won't. But in the meantime, all you can do is start to organize your life around the expectation that he's not going to be there, instead of around the hope that next week will be different.
She's doing fine as far as I can tell, we stayed friends kinda after breaking up on unrelated issues. But we did bond over me helping her with that issue and another therapist for her. And she helped me with talking about my emotions, opening up and such.
She's doing fine as far as I can tell, we stayed friends kinda after breaking up on unrelated issues. But we did bond over me helping her with that issue and another therapist for her. And she helped me with talking about my emotions, opening up and such.
I guarantee you'll be the only one doing the caretaking.
if she can't understand “The cat might knock it over and start a fire” I don't know what else you can do exc
Dude, if you want it to be over just break up. Now. There will never be a good time to end things and sticking around when neither of you seems happy or compatible doesn't seem like a good plan. Sure, it's going to suck in the short term – but both of you will be able to move past it.
You're missing that he's being controlling and verbally abusive. No partner should be calling you names or trying to control your every activity. He sounds exhausting.
If you read OPs responses she clearly states that he get her off about 80 to 90% of the time. She is only angry about the 10% when he gives up because it is taking too long.
For sure a first world issue. I didn’t realize I wasn’t allowed to ask for advice on the relationship advise channel if it was a first world problem…
are you 12?
No, just educated outside of the US where we know that STI’s can be spread by vaginal juices and under fingernails. The risk is low but not zero.
It sounds like he’s just not getting what you’re trying to convey at all. Tell him point blank, sometimes you just want to cuddle/kiss/hold hands/be physical, even if it’s not just sexual
This horrible woman isn't your friend. It is almost like she is competing with you for some unknown reason.
I would just stop seeing her. Friends lift each other up – she isn't doing that – she is doing the opposite. I feel that she wants you to slip back to how you used to be so she can feel superior.
Maybe she is just lonely and gonna cheat? Or she finally found someone that is interested in her and they’re not far away(but doesn’t mean she is interested in you)? Or she is rebounding. I don’t think it’s normal for ladies to go back to dudes who asked their numbers before to say yes, or maybe that’s just the pride talking. I guess it depends on her personality, if she has a strong personality and confident then she just kept in mind as potential partner if she is single. But that also make it seem like she kept you as a plan B which is not a good deal in a girlfriend because the next person that ask her number she will keep as plan B and she will be ready to drop you for any mistake. Just don’t catch feelings too soon my dude.