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Date: February 6, 2023
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Well , if he keeps bringing up the female figure issue then he is not satisfied with you and will probably never be. You don’t want that in a partner.
Does he has a wife or gf? make the same gift to prove a point to all of them. if they get mad, you have your answer.
Honestly, you dated as children, and as children had a child's understanding of love and relationships, which tends to be simplistic, and idealized and to not factor in a lot of real-life deal breakers that you never experienced or tried to live! with.
You're adults now, or just stepping over the line into adulthood, and now you're seeing your relationship with more mature eyes. You have other responsibilities now- work, family, friends you don't necessarily see every day at school. You understand the importance of getting enough sleep.
She's not just still operating as a child would, but she's obsessing and her behavior is controlling and abusive. You are not going to be able to stay with her long term if she acts like this. You're not making the choice between breaking up with her now or never breaking up with her. You're making the choice between breaking up with her now, and salvaging your mental health and relationships with other people, as well as showing her early on how destructive this behavior is so she has a chance to change it, and breaking up with her down the road after she's destroyed your mental health, alienated you from friends and family, and has spent so many years having this behavior reinforced by your apologies that she may never get the self awareness or correct it and have a happy life.
You need to break up with her, and if you want her to have any chance at happiness in the future, you need to be very blunt about what is wrong with her behavior. You need to call it what it is- controlling, abusive, inappropriate and delusional. You need to be clear that for the last however many months or years that you have been apologizing to her, she actually should have been the one apologizing to you. Tell her that her being so paranoid about you breaking up is because deep down she knows she has been treating you like shit, and knows she deserves to be broken up with, and if she was so worried about it she should have treated you better instead of badgering you with the question to make you feel guilty. If she feels the weight of what she's done, there's hope for her to change. If you protect her from knowing the truth about her behavior, she's just going to keep destroying relationships.
You are wasting your time.
He really hasn’t changed.
He does not respect your relationship or you.
Get your ducks in order and leave the relationship.
Out the door?
OP, take this from a non-religious person.
Hell on earth will not buy you a ticket into heaven. You are in what most women would consider purgatory at the very least.
You are being exploited, manipulated, financially abused, emotionally abused, and more.
A good man does none of those things. He donates to charity so that others think he is a good man. He cares more about his reputation than your happiness.
It is all about him.
On-line like you have one life. Be the absolute best person you can be. Because if you need eternal damnation to justify doing the right thing, then you aren’t a good person.
So, PSA it is the year 2023 and as hot as republicans are trying, you can still get a checking account without your husband’s permission.
You can even have your paycheck deposited directly to that checking account and he can’t do anything about it. Especially if you specifically tell the bank that your husband is not to be give any information about your account. Including if you have an account with that bank.
It is time to stand on your own two feet and become the woman you were meant to be.
Block him. He's not someone you should spend any more time on. You met in an unconventional way. Trust your gut, this guy is not for you.
He's found a way to end the relationship and he's happy about it. So cowardly really.
It's cool. None of us belive him either . Move out.
But you didn't think that until AFTER it started to affect you. It didn't cross your mind at any point prior to your break up that what you were doing was childish?
Nah, nah, nah, go back home and take all your games out of the box, remember to put them someplace safe, and then you replace every single one with his most age appropriate games, pack the box back up by the door and let whatever happens, happen.
I didn't diagnose anyone, I asked if they'd considered it – which I think is fair given that pattern of behaviour.
I’d recommend therapy as well. There are a lot of good techniques for helping couple deal with these issues (and DONT think you’re unique with this). One counselor once said. “When you’re nude, you’re hard, when you’re not, you’re not). The common advice is to plan for it (e.g., schedule it). This becomes important when Kids come along, as does weekly/bi-weekly date night. Also, exercising helps, so taking evening walks to get the blood flowing can help increase the urge. Don’t feel bad or guilty for taking care of yourself when needed. We all need that release from time to time, especially when the other person isn’t available.