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  1. You are right I should stop comparing myself to others but in the same time one of my needs would be to feel appreciated by my partner

  2. thank you so much, do you think i should wait some time before I take this action? it’s been about less than a week since we last talked and i’m wondering if it will wear off??

  3. Uhh… you dumped him… and now you want support from the person you hurt? What is happening with this generation 🙃

  4. This is true though, and medications are all different for everyone. After all it’s the brain you’re messing with. It’s extremely common to have both anxiety and depression, and it is extremely common to be given one or the other to try to find a solution

  5. Whew this whole situation is wild af. Take some time ALONE and really decide if this is gonna make you happy long term. Forget about how it was prior to the secret kids…that’s no longer relevant. Are you gonna be cool with possibly having to a build a bond with all these kids? I’d honestly consider a legal divorce. If them kids sue and he can’t pay won’t that financial burden roll over to you?

  6. Honestly its better to have the honest conversation with her that you think you might have feelings for him before they get in deeper and she develops stronger feelings for him. You have to be ready that she might react badly but it would be way worse if you secretly pined after someone she got serious with.

    I would personally tell her how you feel but say that if she genuinely sees something real with this guy you'll back off but if there's a chance he may not be the one for her would it be okay if you pursued him. Then if she says back off, for the sake of your friendship do so.

  7. You guys have lost your curiosity about each other. Buy some conversation cards from Amazon. Heaps to choose from. They are a great way to get you interested in each other again.

  8. You are young and inexperienced, so don't take the following criticism too hot. Everyone fucks up when they are teenagers, myself included. A few crash and burn relationships is totally normal.

    First of all, lying about who you are is a terrible way to handle relationship issues. You have to articulate your issues with your partner if you can have any hope of solving them.

    It sounds like you are seriously overthinking things in general, and ending up as a very push-pull type, withdrawing you affection, then returning, which can be exhausting for the other person.

    You should probably move on, as you guys are likely to fall back to your old patterns of you get together again. If you try to learn from your mistakes, you will grow as a person, and your next relationship has a much better chance of success.

    The only people who will always fail at love are those that keep blaming everyone else and who never learn from their mistakes.

  9. Do you’s get any help? Carers or anything? You can have time apart for activities and things. You don’t have to be together all the time.

  10. u/apimpnamedlofty, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

    Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.

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  11. Your feelings are valid, you don’t seem to be a priority to him.

    If it’s like this after 2 years, it’s unlikely to change. Are you ready for a lifetime of this?

    I’d break up now before you spend any more time with him, the longer you wait the harder it’ll be. Find someone who’s as serious about the relationship as you are.

  12. Hello /u/zeropepsilove333,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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  13. Hello /u/hufanean,

    Your post was removed for the following reason(s):

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    Posts must:

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    request advice in real situations involving two or more people

    We are enforcing the two rules listed above by making all titles use the following formatting:

    [##X][##X], [## X][## X], or [##-X][##-X] where ## is the age and X is the gender (currently M, F, T, A, NB, FTM, MTF but more can be added). You can have more than two ages/genders listed, but you must have at least two. Here is an example:

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  14. Don’t cut them off. These people have lost their homes and their country is being carpet bombed and thousands of your people and their people are being slaughtered. I understand how people are. Family members can be ridiculous sometimes. But they have no one else. They are in a tough situation. Put aside your personal feelings for a moment and consider how tough this is for them. They are basically exiled from their country. The country lost 15% of its territory and the Russian army is rampaging across Ukraine.

    Try to think of this as you decide. They really have nothing left. Without your boyfriend what do you have left? Some of these people left the country literally with only the clothing on their backs. That’s it. I can understand how can these people be so ungrateful.

    But then again we don’t think of the help we are getting but what we don’t have. Yesterday I was communicating with a person who would have been homeless on the streets. This friend and his or her family gave this person a place to stay and a car to use. Yet this person couldn’t think past that what was missing. The person responded how dare you? I am just venting. I asked that person make sure your friend never reads this post. Because you owe them big time.

    Don’t remind them of any of this. You are helping them for yourself. You can’t grab an Ak 47 and go off to the battlefield. This is your way to help.

  15. Great comment.

    The only thing I'd like to add is a response to this:

    There’s no such thing as “love at first sight”

    That’s just infatuation

    Love at first sigh is lust. If someone mentions it, they're just a horny fucker (or were at that point).

  16. Why are you still with her? Please leave and find help. If kids are involved then please take them as well as they are not safe. Document everything she does to you, take pictures and report it!

  17. Sorry to say my bro but if you’ve only been together a year and the drive isn’t there I don’t think it ever will be

  18. After my brother-in-law's, sister, left me. His ex-wife, my now ex sister-in-law, came on to me. I was single, but I didn't want to sleep with anything that was that easy. I never cheated on my ex, and in 25 years she had three different affair partners and she left me for the third one and is married to him now. Me I'm still single, and happy!

  19. I'm biased because I'm in that situation, but I'm paying for an undergrad entirely out of pocket and working on top of it, everything outside of essentials and the occasional beer goes straight to tuition so I just have nothing left over to pay rent afterwards if I don't want to starve or literally online in a closet, I'm 29 and I still have at least 2 years left on my undergrad so I can't move out until 31 at a minimum, it doesn't feel good knowing I'll be in my 30s and stuck at home but I can't do anything about it right now unless I come into a huge windfall of cash somehow or some friend of mine offers to put me up for under $300 a month, I think it's totally fine to live! at home if you have other things going on, but if there's no motivation to improve your situation that's when I start to have an issue (accepting the reality of your situation and having delusions of success are two totally different things)

  20. no. i love him and see myself staying with him for a really long time. i’m a chronic over thinker and kinda have the mentality: if he’s cheating i need to get it out now instead of wasting years of my time down the road. but he told me how his ex would always go through his phone and find the littlest things to blow up about.

  21. You are doing to find and feel just how little she loves you if you choose option 2. This is monkey branching. Never be someone’s second choice. You will never be a priority for her going forward and she will always prioritize him over you.

  22. If you want to be in a poly relationship with her and don't think it will destroy you mentally, then do that. But make sure that you both have set guidelines and boundaries in place before proceeding .

  23. Okay while I mostly want to address the finances of this (are you still covering half the rent, bills, and groceries?) I do need to say with your child being this age this is just BS. If you truly wanted just your own space, the best option would be for you guys to just upgrade your space so you can have your own room. Are you going to be there for the night time feedings? Are you going to be there to put your child to bed? Are you doing the morning routine for him? Making him meals? Changing the same number of nappies, doing the same number of baths? Are you going to clean the house when you visit even though now it’ll be hers? What if there’s an emergency? What if your partner just needs someone to hold the baby while she showers or cooks or looks after herself for half an hour? Like there’s kind of no escaping here that while your child is this young, you moving out will make you a part time parent. It just will. Maybe that’s the dynamic that works best for your partner, with you part time parenting, but a space is a spade and that’s what it will be if you move out. Honestly with the added financial strain of an extra spaces rent and utilities, I don’t know how you could condone this idea. It seems like you’re young and stressed out and kind of panicking, you had a baby young and it’s launched you into a far later stage of life than you imagined. Maybe feel like you’re missing out on experiences. I’m someone who wants kids myself but always thinks “god but I won’t get to be selfish anymore, I won’t get to make any decisions just for me”. So I get it. Maybe your partner is being so understanding because she empathises. I feel for you. But a spade’s a spade. You’d be a part time parent and it would be a rather selfish choice. Maybe your partner will love parenting more to herself, and doesn’t have goals outside of that as to then facilitate this want of yours. Maybe your curiosity for more life has to offer will end outside of living alone and you won’t want to move country, date around, or the other things college entails. Maybe you’ll visit and things will run smoothly. Maybe this all works out perfectly for you guys and we just can’t understand and are wrong. I wish your partner the best, she sounds great.

  24. 5 months… It's early stage. Maybe you are not compatible with your current boyfriend? Do some internal evaluation and break up if you are really into another person. It's better to end things than end up cheating or something… Especially if the relationship is only at the beginning like yours.

  25. I'm not arguing about age appropriateness, but with the bit “he's known her since whenever.” There are people who end up dating or marrying their childhood friends, despite knowing them since forever. How is this different in that specific regard?

  26. I hate to agree with this, but I do. These kinds of situations make the hurt worse because you're holding out, and hoping for something that will either not happen, or will be so drawn out that by the time it does you've got nothing, but anger toward the other person. In the long run a clean break is a lot less painful than the long, drawn out, maybe if I give it time stuff.

    I know it hurts now, and it sucks, but it's better for you to walk away now.

    Also please remove your “friend” from your life because he is not yours or anyone else's friend.

  27. I'm pretty sure you already know the answer to your own question, but I'll give it, and provide some footnotes.

    It's over, and it's time for you to commit to moving on. “He who hesitates is lost,” says the old proverb, and you're proving it. You moved too late and too slowly.

    And if I can be harsh but affectionate with you for just a second, you did what all of us have done and treated her like you were the star of this movie and she was a supporting player: keeping your feelings to yourself set you up for where you are now, because suddenly now she's the star, and you're scrambling just to get a little screen-time.

    We've all been there. You learn from experiences like this. Hopefully you won't make the same mistake twice.

    Right now you're going through limerence, which makes it hot to date or function properly. Your brain is going to take some time to figure out a new normal: it can take anywhere from a few weeks to a few years. It's a form of grief for what you lost, and a particularly cruel form of grief because she's still in your life, just not in the way she was. Your brain and your nervous system were used to her being there in a certain way, and depriving yourself of that makes your brain feel a bit like a junkie deprived of a drug.

    It gets better. The more you establish normal routines for yourself (exercise, eating well and regularly, avoiding excessive alcohol or drugs that compromise your emotional filters), the easier it gets over time. One day you will wake up and realize you're happy again. But that might take some time.

  28. ur gonna get hounded by all the women of reddit since you don’t know to say the perfect things about this story. let me give it to you straight, if you’re actually honest about not having affection for this girl, then tell her that you can’t carpool anymore. You can make up a fake excuse or just tell her that you’re wife is uncomfortable with it and you understand her perspective.

    Hopefully, both your wife and F will respect you more and your trust with your wife can be rebuilt. I don’t think you should have to make extra effort to avoid her in the workplace, but I wouldn’t go out for drinks with her either.

    You can still be friendly towards this girl, but not necessarily friends. If you really don’t care about her like that, then this shouldn’t be a problem. she’s some young chick who’s got her own life to be busy with, she won’t be sad if you can’t be her best friend.

  29. Yeah seems about right. She's not your girlfriend she's just a hookup and treat her like that.

    Stay toxic king.

  30. You write that her boyfriend cheated on her with you. You don't even take accountability in the title: You had a sexual encounter with your sister's bf. You say “You feel like it's your fault.” While it's true that there are two people involved in this encounter, you were definitely partially at fault. Why were you hitting on him? Even as a “flirty person,” you must recognize boundaries and know what it means to go too far. Don't flirt with people in a relationship. You did something bad. And you know it, and that is why you feel like shit. He did something bad. You cannot get out of taking blame for this, though all of this is not your fault. Does he feel like shit? Or is he regularly cheating on her?

    There's no way that this ends well for anyone. There's no fixing this.

  31. Dad never agreed to 50/50. Mom barely agreed. OP getting 50% when he only invested 7k and took on no risk whatsoever is incredibly greedy. His parents are the ones who should never forgive him if he insists on taking 50%

    He invested 5% of the initial money so he should get 5% of the profits, which is MUCH less than the 100k his parents are offering. He should be thankful, they are offering him more money than he deserves or is entitled to.

  32. Seperate the finances into individual accounts and I'm going to go against the grain in this thread, but keep the joint account for bill contributions only. It'll allow you both to see how much each person is contributing to the bills. If the credit cards were taken out for both of your living expenses, not just yours, then it should be taken out of the joint. If it was only for your living expenses while he was able too cover his, take it out of your personal.

    And girl, learn from this. I'm married and I still have my own personal account in addition to our joint account. Always, always, always have your own money in case shit goes down. Don't let yourself get trapped because finances are messy.

  33. The advice will be to drop him. He doesn’t consider studying work. Guess what you do in med school?

    How do you think he’s gonna be like during dedicated? You’re gonna be studying all day and he’s gonna say you aren’t doing shit?

    What about clinicals? You’re gonna be working all day to come home and study, you think he’ll understand and be supportive?

    You need supportive people around in med school. This guy doesn’t seem to grasp that..

  34. Well done for taking yourself out of the situation. It's really hot to do but you did the right thing for yourself.

    They're all fucking weird, you're right it is a really weird thing to do and I'm really sorry you went through that. If you aren't already in therapy, I would maybe consider that if this shock stays with you.

    I would consider going somewhere other than home for the time being if you want to continue this relationship… However I don't think these “friends” should remain in your life. Sometimes people come with friends as a package, so I would really consider if that's a situation you would risk again.

  35. i've dated someone like that. I've learned that lesson the hot way. Those with shit temper who ACTUALLY want to change, would've already been in the process of working on it. The fact that it's still this bad means that they're just looking for someone to put up with it.

  36. You can't buy a house with someone who is saying they are saving when they are in fact going into debt. That would be absolutely disastrous.

    I agree with the other couple comments that having similar financial goals is important. And I don't think this relationship is viable long term.

    If you do decide to stay with her do not move in with her until she gets her finances in order. And even then I would say you really shouldn't buy anything with her for like 5 years. It's way too high risk. She's not willing to be honest about finances and she's living at minimum $2,000 beyond her means yearly (that's IF this has been building over the last three years … The reality is likely much worse).

  37. I would definitely not be moving in with someone who couldn’t be bothered to see me more than six hours a week previously. My last relationship, we were still at one night a week at the four year mark, and a big reason why it ended is it still felt like we were very casually dating. Sure I knew him well enough, noticed patterns etc, but we were still living almost entirely separate lives.

    Sure, some people will essentially love-bomb each other and try to spend every waking moment together right away, move in quick etc. But I would also argue settling for breadcrumbs when you’ve been dating someone over a year isn’t much better.

    Six hours a week is not a lot of time together. It just isn’t. This is somewhat of a matter of personal preference and compatibility, but really I cannot imagine a scenario where that’s “a lot of time.” It would be different if they had been dating for a month, but they’ve been together over a year. If you’re at a point where you’re semi-serious, you should have a desire to see that person more than one day a week. OP’s guy cannot be assed. That’s a bad sign.

    And either way, this arrangement is not enough quality time for OP, which is really what matters here.

  38. Thats true. My question is now whether it ok for me to like other girls bikini pictures then? Its just a normal piece of clothing right.

  39. What exactly is the issue? Wedding planning is a nightmare, if I was the pregnant person I wouldn't expect the couple to plan their whole wedding around me, even if it was a super close family member.

    I'm also wondering what kind of activities you can do at a wedding reception that would exclude pregnant people. Wouldn't it also exclude old people, little kids, people with chronic injuries, etc?

  40. So sorry for you, but I think, she doesn't love you, just need a spare if the affairs don't work. Try to heal and move on without her. It needs time but you will be better. Best wishes for you. 🙂

  41. “This hamburger is great, aside from the rancid cheese.”

    It doesn't really matter if the rest of the relationship is great if you have a sexual incompatibility that you can't get past. And sexual incompatibility is one of the main reasons that couples split up.

  42. No I get it. You invested yourself regardless of the limitations you mentioned. It absolutely counts.

    Just let him go then. It's been so long, things won't change. Time to move on. So sorry

  43. Do you get your feelings hurt alot? I mean is he daily/weekly hurting your feelings? Im just trying to get a beat on why he wouldnt be mindful of them.

    My wife rarely gets upset so when she does i take more notice. If she was upset frequently and nagging me frequently it would wear on me to the point i wouldnt give in to it anymore.

    Low maintenance people dont like petty things.

    With that said if him picking thr place to eat is that important to you which is fine if that is what you like, you need to find a way of expressing this to him in a way that he can relate to.

    What ever is important to him and show him how you give him the things that are important to him, then tell him what is important to you. Let him know you love doing those things for him but also need it in return.

    Try and focus more on positive things in your relationship and find ways to work with his personality. Like tell him id like to spend time with you this weekend, maybe you can figure out some stuff for us to do. It would mean alot to me.

    After that he has to be willing to put in the effort and he has to decide if planning things frequently for his SO is something he is willing to do.

    Lots of communication but not in a nagging negative way.

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