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Date: October 30, 2022
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How could I say it to her
Thanks for the contrast and understanding… I’m trying to arrange exactly this for her but she’s unhappy as she wants it to be on her birthday and no other day. I’m trying to compromise but struggling here…
This isn't applicable to the sub. You're asking for moral judgement, not advice. Please take this to AITA or something.
Gross I would have the ick
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You're all immature aresholes. Including you. How old are you again? Grow the hell up.
Interesting… the desire to protect the women in our (men) lives is innate. Hell, I even find myself looking out for randoms on the street.
Here’s my advise. Don’t rely on other people to protect you. Learn how to handle and shoot a gun and pack some heat in your purse or something. Go to the gym, get stronger, and learn to fight. If anything, bring pepper spray or a knife.
Always remember though, if you can get away from a potential threat, run.
Are you implying that she should take you out for your birthday?
What's the plan for your birthday? Is she invited?
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I very much agree on the wake up call, but there's a difference between talking down to someone and demonstrating how unhealthy their relationship dynamics are. Just my opinion. I don't think most people in abusive situations are helped by someone talking to them in a way that could mirror things their abuser might say.
I'm 36 and teenage colleagues have tried talking to me about their sex lives and it's so uncomfortable. I would never prompt them to tell me. I will listen if they do (like an auntie) and give them advice on being safe or staying healthy or whatever, but I'm not out here trying to get teenagers laid. The one who want to will do that on their own.
That's exactly how I read it. Any time OP spoke of the guy, it was all sunshine and sparkling. For the sister to even have made out with the guy screams of such disrespect on BOTH halves. I mean, sis sounds like she had some starry eyed dreams of tying this guy down. Getting pregnant within 3 months of getting with OPs ex is absolutely a baby trap, especially when vehemently against abortion.
On the other hand, the ex had all the chance to dip and say nah, I'll just give you child support. Sounds like ex has some codependency problems to not just go and be alone instead of staying unhappily.
You don’t help him.
You stop dating him.
He’s showing abusive traits. Do you think it would stop at that if he moved in with you? I think it would escalate to physical abuse.
Visiting once in a while is different to moving in together. He’s on his best behaviour when he visits.
He’s showing his true colours now.
He doesn’t love you. If he did he wouldn’t treat you like shit. Are you sure he isn’t just using you to get residency?
Break up before your self esteem is so low that you start thinking this abusive twat is the best you can do. He isn’t. You can do better.
And mental illness is no excuse to behave like a cunt.
Trying to control you through food is reason enough to break up.
Your boyfriend sucks. Dump him, you’ll find someone who will not only enjoy but celebrate and encourage you loving your body!
If your values don't allign LEAVE HER ALONE. She told and showed you who she was, believer her. If you stay with her you will likely end up even more unhappy and in a less than ideal situation.
You seem to think your options are ignore it or completely break it off. Why don’t you try to talk to her first?
Yup, prioritize yourself and your mental health/stability because no one else will.
Run
It's been 5 years and you aren't happy. When you ask for connection, he tells you this is who he is. So who he is is someone who leaves you dissatisfied. Why are you settling for this???
Run away from him now. He’s not responsible for his actions when he drinks? Then who is? If he says this he shouldn’t be drinking but it doesn’t matter because you need to leave before this happens again. Because it will, you’re not overreacting and you’re in real danger.