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Golden Ticket Show In Progress. Tip 50 to join the show
Date: March 23, 2023
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If you're going to exclude your sister's partner from your wedding I can understand why she won't want to come. I understand that her bringing her partner is against your church's and your family's rules, but following those rules has consequences. I'm sorry your church and your family have put you in the position to deal with something like this at such a young age. This is not a situation where you can please everyone. There is a fundamental conflict in values between your church and your sister.
Whatever decision you make, try to see this from your sister's point of view.
Don’t bring kids into this world you don’t want. They don’t deserve it.
There are also two drugs approved for low libido in pre-menopausal women. A sex therapist could also help if you are committed to making this work.
Your BF is probably just blowing off steam but it sounds like a super toxic situation.
Walk out and never go back. This type of controlling unreasonable jealousy never gets less. It ALWAYS escalates
What was your end-game goal here? To make her so afraid to on-line her life and do normal things that people do every day, because some bad guy might rape her? Only go out if she is chaperoned by some strong man to protect her?
If that happened, it wouldn't be her fault for walking down the sidewalk, or taking public transportation home, wearing a dress, or any other reason. And it wouldn't be something for you to say “I told you so” about either.
There were so many things you could do to help protect her besides the one you chose, which was trying to take away her power and make her feel helpless. You could have bought her mace and/or a taser, ask her about taking some self defense classes or maybe concealed weapon permits and a gun if she is open to that. Empower her, not bring her down.
What will this prove? Why is this something you’re trying to prove to random people on Reddit? He could have had a crush on you, and you continuously rejected him, and he met someone he had a connection with and moved on.
Not to be rude, but mind your business.
Write down all your reasons for leaving. It will give you something to help keep you confident in your decision, and I guarantee with time you will look back on certain things and realize that they were actually pretty fucked up.
Right, it's such a leap that OP is the one who first mentioned her brother feeling unsafe around them, not me…
Also “unsafe” isn't restricted to physical violence.
Move along.
Your relationship WAS great until she accused you of cheating, violated your privacy, screamed at you, threw you out in the middle of the night, and blocked you.
Would you start a relationship with someone who acts like that?
There will be another time when you’ll have a private joke with a friend, stay longer than expected at work, give someone a hug, and she’ll do it again. Can you on-line with that hanging over you, with always needing to have your to-go bag packed and hotel money in your pocket?
She’s broken up with you. If she hadn’t, you should break up with HER. Unless she apologises, makes amends, and has a plan for regaining your trust, there is no future for the two of you… and she gives off no signs that she will not do it again. Get your things from her flat – with help of other family if necessary – and move on.
You didn’t do anything wrong. You could not have avoided this. And you cannot fix a relationship someone else broke.
They weren't in a relationship. Just spoke a few times when they met over the course of 2 years
Sounds fishy for sure.
So you started getting together with her while she was still in a relationship with someone else and now you are surprised that she is doing the same thing again? WOW SHOCKER, turns out you aren't 'special enough' to change her. She's just a garbage person and you are a fool for wasting so much of your life with her
These are just the consequences of your actions. Dump her
I'm really sorry to hear about your wife; that's a very difficult thing and medical school is no joke. She worked so hot to build a career, found a lot of fulfillment in it and now she may never be able to do it again. She is grieving and I don't know if she always wanted another baby or this motivated her to have another one but either way, it's a “2 yes or 1 no” thing. Full stop.
Something to consider: My first child was born perfectly healthy, my second was born with a condition so rare her geneticist has no idea what it actually is and she may be the only kid on the planet with her particular disease. We had no idea before she was born and it has been ongoing surgeries, doctor visits and health problems since her birth. I love her and I'm grateful for her but it's so, so hot. I can't imagine dealing with all of this plus having a serious, ongoing health condition of my own to deal with. Your wife is a doctor; ask her what happens if your 3rd child is born with serious health issues? Can you both commit the time and resources to caring for them? At what cost to your other children? I hope you are both able to make peace with whatever decision you make.
What you’re doing wrong is not leaving. She believes she can continue the behavior because thus far it hasn’t cost her anything more than an argument.
You made a boundary; she trampled it. If you don’t enforce it, you might as well have not said anything. Retrieve the ring — she has s violating the promises that ring represents, and is therefore no longer entitled to wear it — and end the engagement.
I never said I can do whatever I want, and judgment is warranted in some cases. When your partner is scared to tell you something because of how judgmental you are, then yeah, I’m going to judge him.
Oh shut up. You can preach all the “it’s in the past” crap you want. Actions have consequences and one of those is that future men in your life will look at you different. Don’t believe me tell any prospective partner “ hey a few years back I got gangbanged and we filmed it to enjoy later” promise you’ll be single soon after
Why not ? Do you think he deserves not to be accountable for wrecking your life without consequence ? Good luck, OP .
I agree with this. If he doesn't trust you to go on a cruise with your family and he breaks up with you, let him. That's a ridiculous level of jealousy.
And if he doesn't break up with you, break up with him. You're very young, you shouldn't be wasting your time on guys like him. You have many years to find a guy that would never in a million years treat you like that.
You could bring it up but it's likely you'll lose both your friends when you do. Talk to your friend again, find out if his feelings or motivations have changed. How long do you have left on your stay?
She's trying to Wingardium Leviosa your D
How childish does he sound! I think you know the answer to what he did.
How often have you been late?
Did you text him to let him know you're running late?
He does so much for you… like what? What do you do for him?
Okay, I'll try my luck. Just fyi I'm not from the US and if I fail this, I'd be repeating the year, not just retaking a class.
That's really rough. I know it can be intimidating, and obviously you have some real disadvantages. I also have an anxiety diagnosis. I know everyone's journey is different, but anxiety is something we can learn to live! with and even (to a different extent for each person) overcome with the help of medication and/or therapy.
Also keep in mind that anxiety makes us weigh the negatives more than the positives. Height and acne aren't the only things women care about. And as you get older (especially past 25ish) you'll see that most women stop caring about those things entirely. It becomes much more about your personality and if you want similar things in life.
Do not move back in with your boyfriend. He doesn’t respect you or your feelings and that behavior is supported and reinforced by his parents. So unless you plan to be walked all over by these people I would break up.
This whole post feels tailor made for this subreddit
Thank you so much! It’s true I really do not have to disclose things that I do not want to! I appreciate your insight. I do not know them at all but I have FaceTimed one of them. He seems nice and very very handsome. But I’ll be using protection because I don’t know them x
And YOU are old enough to also know better
Yes it’s a deal breaker. Maybe if it was once I could see intense individual therapy and couples therapy helping get over it but he made an active decision for 6 years to be unfaithful. Every account made, text sent, even the decision to log in that day was a conscious decision he made to cheat.
You were “away for work.” You don't say how far or for how long.
When you left, you did not consider yourself to be in a relationship with her. Your post says “… when I was going to come home, I was planning on maybe starting an actual relationship with her.”
You weren't there and the two of you weren't in a relationship. I don't understand why you thought she would be waiting for you.
On top of the fact that he's just this perfect guy. No he's not! He's an absolute piece of shit cheating on his partner and clearly not caring about the damage it would cause to his two kids.
Not sure why a lot of the comments being replied to the post are deleted, but to answer a few that I saw in the inbox: I do usually do nice things for her, but most of which involve treating her to food and taking her out to dates. Although I recently planned a trip to Boston for valentines and paid for most of it.
Speak your mind to him girl, I hope you didn't put out after that pathetic display of remorse… he is too comfortable and doesn't think he needs to work to impress you anymore
Controlling behavior. Gonna be a nope from me.
You can now see the bright side. It was a blessing that you couldn't have a kid with him.
Nope, nope, nope, nope, NOPE!
Well, your dad’s not acting very Christian by doing something like that. Jesus loved everybody.
Sorry dude, too bad. It sucks, but not getting my sympathy.
Your marriage will literally depend on him having a job or not.
Job hunting is a pain, but you have to suck it up and keep at it.
You can't roll over and give up.
As far as the man who likes to tell people how to run their lives and offends you: When he says something offensive, you look him in the eye and say, “Why would you say something so offensive and off-putting like that to me?'
People like him depend on everyone else being nice and not wanting to make a scene, of sorts. Turn the tables on him and call him out on it in a nice way. He'll get the picture if you do it a couple, three times, and will stop.
The second man… Whenever he has you “cornered” in a conversation and you want out of it, you simply look over his shoulder at “someone” and say, “Oh, yes, excuse me. I need to go! Have a great day!” And then walk away. Period.
What I don't understand is why you end your post asking about having a successful relationship with them? If you don't like them, why on God's green earth would a relationship be worth pursuing???? i mean… Really?!?!?! Is this where we are now in the dating pool?
In a healthy parent-child relationship, there's a recalibration that starts to happen around your age, where your parents have to learn to see you as an adult in your own right and not a child who's dependent on them and who they have rights over. Even the best parents can struggle with this! I love my mom, she's fantastic, but we had a conversation after my first year of college where I told her I was flying halfway across the country to on-line w my boyfriend for the summer. She was like “oh, I'm not sure that's a good idea, I don't want you going that far for that long.” I had to tell her “I understand your concerns, but I need you to understand I'm not asking your permission. I'm telling you what I've decided to do, because I'm an adult and I get to do that for myself now.” And she was shocked and a bit upset for awhile, but it needed to be said. I'm 37 now and she still gets a bit hover-y sometimes (she has anxiety, it's a thing) but all it takes is a gentle reminder of “Mom, I have a mortgage.” for her to remember that I'm a whole-ass adult now and she'll ease off.
I said all this to say, your mom's behavior is NOT normal nor is it healthy for either of you. You're at a stage where you should be increasingly independent (to the extent you're capable of, ofc) and you and your mom should be realigning your relationship, maybe not into full equals but out of parent/child into adult/adult. Your mom is refusing to allow that. Her level of surveillance is not at all normal for your age. She has kept you overly dependent on her, and that's not doing you any favors. It's time to start setting some boundaries, maybe talking to a family counselor about it to help ease your mom into the idea.
I'll add one other thing. You've made a point of saying how much your mom does for you, how great of a mom she is. But I want you to hear me when I say, that doesn't counteract the harmful things she's doing. It's not a scale where being controlling is suddenly OK because it's balanced out by being supportive. You can love and appreciate the things she's done for you, without using those to excuse the bad shit she's also done. People and relationships are complex. You can love the good parts and still address the bad parts. It doesn't make you ungrateful or a bad daughter.
If you take a plant and stick it in a closet, it'll still die no matter how much you water it, because water alone isn't enough to sustain it. It's a hot lesson to come to terms with, when you've got an abusive parent – my father was an alcoholic and abusive, but I have good memories of him too and he did teach me some important life lessons growing up. Those things don't cancel each other out.
If she has a pulse, she can find a companion for the night. I don’t know what that’s meant to prove. And it sounds like she’s projecting her cheating on her boyfriend. She seems real nice.
She’s going to cross the line eventually and you’ll get to pick up the pieces. Then she’ll throw away what little progress you make together when she gets back with him. Then they’ll break up inevitably and you get to start at square one.
Best of luck!
What's stupid is he is allowed to have other sexual partners and you are not using condoms
Also he has the condoms and some have been used so they are probably not as bad for him as he says they are.
That is just asking for things to go badly.
JFC! Do you not have people in your life that thought that maybe moving in with your new boyfriend is a bad idea? Leave this guy and then stay single for a while and work on your self esteem so you don't make the same mistake twice
Nope.