When I read the part about him telling you how suicidal he is without any emotion, all I could think of is that he was trying to get you to be alone with him. So that he could hurt you. I’m so glad that didn’t happen.
How much more do you weigh and how much taller are you?
It sounds like you literally pinned her to the bed, dude. If she's not physically able to get up on her own or push you off, you're using way too much force and I'd have probably gone for a tap to the crotch if I were in that position.
You've been dating and presumably known each other for all of a month. You are near strangers. It doesn't matter what bond you've formed in that time. When there is someone on top of you physically preventing you from leaving, sometimes you panic and survival instincts kick in. You need to stop being so focused on “disrespect” and consider how you'd feel in her situation, think long and hot.
Although it's not the best reaction, I just want to comment that there see several situations in life where one might not know how to react. Many people are uncomfortable or afraid of confrontation, and avoid it even in situations where it would be useful or good.
I don't think the friends reaction (or the lack of any) shows in any way that they would have been supportive of the bashing
I think his choices reflect a deeper issue. I recommend he see a therapist (or a new one if he has one) because sometimes being fixated on such dark and violent scenes is the result of trauma and mental illness. I can't imagine him looking at them every damn day and feeling good, never mind anyone else. I also wonder why a tattoo artist would be willing to ink these horrible scenes. They are clearly disturbing. I love how people always use the controlling card when they want to disregard their SOs feelings of being uncomfortable. Do you want to be with someone who is unwilling to hear your point of view? Do you want to be with someone so focused on violence? That's what he is displaying to others…violence. What is going on inside him that he feels the need to adorn his body with such negativity? It's depressing looking at that. I feel sorry for you. Love or not, I couldn't do it.
His unwillingness to listen to your compromises and his behavior suggests he is very controlling and not particularly empathetic. Be careful when someone shows you these sides of themselves. As you pointed out, a child shouldn't have to look at these images every day. It would do damage in some capacity.
I would walk away. He is too focused on darkness and violence. I can't imagine he's mentally stable or healthy.
the only other date i’ve ever been on was with my (now) ex when i was like 15. so when we were children? i don’t even know how to act right lol but i’ll try! but i think i should take it slow too but wow i’m nervous!
this is what i was thinking too. his sister, whom he asked to shoot his music video told him why not just ask me to be in it when he “joked” her about it too, he just kinda brushes it off. thanks i was beginning to think i’m a bad person for feeling off about it.
Would have been easier to go with Williams Johnson or Johnson Williams. The way we do in South America or at least Spain when parents decide to join last names. But, props for having the balls to stand up against tradition and your FIL
You have my complete sympathy. I am in the same point of view as you and would have same reaction to this behavior for a few reasons: 1)a tactile sensitivity disorder is incredibly mood altering when from the outside it appears a light brush or tap causes distorted reactionary chaos. Its unexplainable because with this condition you're on guard and defensive of your physical pain and emotions. They are just making a game out of being ignorant and defensive of that ignorance. 2)The game play is not with you it's at your expense 3) someone who is competent in relationships doesnt consistently use triggers of anxiety to build a wall up around their partner then blame their partner for having it up.
I have CRPS which is another sympathetic nervous system disorder and any sting of pain on the outer most layers of skin seem to send shock waves back through every other layer of skin down to the bone. Its primarily on my legs but has been moving around as much as I do. I broke a bone and it was not as painful as kicking my knee into a suitcase corner. I hate massages to this day because one guy wanting to give me a massage always poured the lotion directly onto my back instead of into his warm hand first. This is real.
Your partner has a decidedly selfish wall up when it comes to prideful lack of self awareness and the apparent belief that his jokes at your expense mean hes funny. Take yourself seriously. When you calm down you should give him no closeness or affection and when he asks why tell him because you cant trust him to treat your body as gently as you would and you arent going to risk being blamed for your reaction. This makes him completely in control of how he behaves and in control of how you behave which is how he is showing you he wants it to be.
It sounds like you don't have much of a relationship anyway so why are you still together? It would have been kinder to finish with him before you shagged anyone else.
Too late for that now, tell him, leave him and get some help for your own trauma
Then I'm thinking whatever happened to make her brain click with this realization would have been something a while ago, if YOU are the cause of this realization it would probably be something small and harmless that you wouldn't remember that she's avoiding making you feel bad about because she doesn't want to ruin other relationships for you. However if NOT then y'know, not much you can do then ask.
Well you are putting words in my mouth. This particular situation is just talking about guys who have this issue. Obviously women have part in this too, but the comments I initially responded to are suggesting (some) men somehow can only do all of the initiating or none of it and can't find a middle ground. That's just untrue, they can put in effort and learn. Clearly the woman should also learn. But they're just talking about their/the man's experience, so I'm just responding to that.
A couple's sex life can only be good if both partners are putting in the effort to learn and grow with each other by communicating, but imo these guys that can only do all or nothing aren't learning to grow nor are they communicating.
Are you really short of friends? She’s trash. She’s trying to sleep with your man. Woman up and call her out on her bullshit. Get better friends and don’t let people walk all over you.
I introduced my partner to my family pretty quick. I knew she was the one so why not? Plus I want my loved ones to meet each other.
Like… It's been a year. You can do much better than someone who isn't fully opening up to you. Whatever their issues, it's something they have never sat and addressed it with you knowing you have an issue with it. You can choose to wait or realize both your values don't align.
You’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and she sounds extremely controlling and manipulative. If your GF doesn’t get help for her attachment issues you run the risk of being stalked by this girl for ever (or until she finds a new victim) and it could escalate. She is not acting rationally and unless she gets some professional help to deal with her issues I would stay well away. The way you’re dealing with her isn’t helping her.
Clearly, we aren't going to agree. I would think that someone who was clearly taken advantage of by a predator would deserve support from their supposed life partner.
I'm not attacking your religion at all – just commenting that if you can't stick to your moral codes, it seems silly to be preaching to others.
Yes. The wife is a child and in no way responsible for her actions. Same if a man is seduced by another woman, he holds no responsibility for his actions. None of us can say no to anyone asking us to get hot /s. Way to infantilise women
He hasn't spoken to you in months?? Because he a narcissistic POS, he probably thinks that if he gives you this treatment about the texting you won't do it again out of fear he will stop talking to you ??♀️.
Honey I think you need to contact a lawyer and leave, even if they haven't been physical his reaction to the texts would be enough for me and the not talking.
When he sitting down, say you don't want to talk so listen, I'm filing for divorce, this behaviour the not talking is absolutely ridiculous because you got caught doing something inappropriate. I am not putting up with this anymore, I'm exhausted, so go get your sugar mama ?
He will either just ignore you, or flip out saying your over reacting, just stick to your guns
And say we are divorcing, we are divorcing.
Contact lawyer today get the ball rolling. He has zero regard for your feelings. Don'tet him worm he way out of it, divorce and be free, trust me once he gone you will feel so much lighter and not so on edge about everything you say and do
He hasn't spoken to you in months?? Because he a narcissistic POS, he probably thinks that if he gives you this treatment about the texting you won't do it again out of fear he will stop talking to you ??♀️.
Honey I think you need to contact a lawyer and leave, even if they haven't been physical his reaction to the texts would be enough for me and the not talking.
When he sitting down, say you don't want to talk so listen, I'm filing for divorce, this behaviour the not talking is absolutely ridiculous because you got caught doing something inappropriate. I am not putting up with this anymore, I'm exhausted, so go get your sugar mama ?
He will either just ignore you, or flip out saying your over reacting, just stick to your guns
And say we are divorcing, we are divorcing.
Contact lawyer today get the ball rolling. He has zero regard for your feelings. Don'tet him worm he way out of it, divorce and be free, trust me once he gone you will feel so much lighter and not so on edge about everything you say and do
Yeah, the thing is I have no idea how should I confront her. I have lost all hopes in this relationship and I feel like it would be great if I could catch her because it is getting increasingly frustrating for me and I do not trust anything anymore.
But like why would MY boyfriend find it weird that I was complimenting myself? Like if you love someone, you would want them to love themselves yknow?? Like why make confused faces and stuff. Doesnt sit right w me tbh
Bro, this is not the right question. You were in the same bar as your gf and some dude pressured her into giving him her number. Why wouldn’t she ask you to go to the bar with them after the first time this man made her uncomfortable? Does she feel confident that your presence would’ve resolved the situation? Because it doesn’t seem like it. And you telling her to change her number and banning her from bars tells us why she wouldn’t think so. She is not the one that needs to be redeemed here.
Yes, of course. But that doesn’t get rid of all the stuff (like discharge) that is actively flowing at any given moment. I don’t care that he doesn’t want to.
I do hope that people are satisfied with their partners. And that not reciprocating/receiving something would not create insecurities, resentment, unfulfilling scenarios etc.
However, I personally don’t see a reason to end a 7 year otherwise happy relationship over being eaten out. But that is my opinion.
My advice is based on my own experiences in a very similar situation.
Ask yourself why you would ever want to continue a relationship with someone that has lied to you over and over? A person that has manipulated you, not cared about your feelings or the pain that she has caused you? Someone that is happy to destroy your self esteem and damage you emotionally? Someone that puts herself first over you? Someone that will quite happily continue to do all this to you. How do you still think that you love someone like this? She does not love you.
The answer is probably connected to your own self worth, how much you value yourself, and issues that you have with yourself (which maybe subconscious). You some how you feel like you deserve this/there is no self preservation reaction. This could have originated in the way you have been treated in the past, or other experiences that you have gone through, especially in childhood.
This woman that is mistreating you is not the problem, you are the problem. Stop allowing people to treat you this way, see your own value and protect yourself from the unworthy. Learn to love yourself and look forward to a great future.
Obviously ditching her is a big part to achieving a better you and learning to value yourself.
I guess the silver lining is that you might not have a lot left to lose. Maybe you lay it on thick and tell her how much you two are still in love and working on fixing your marriage.
I am not 100% sure but maybe just to feel validated in my decision. I think I am struggling because I love him and the thought of breaking up our family tears me up
Yes there's so much wrong going on here. I don't know which is worse.
If you're waiting for her to tell him, keep waiting…
Time is of the essence, so “man” up and let the poor man know what he is dealing with…I implore you…
You say that she's a “loyal” friend to you, well you be a loyal decent human being now and show her what it is to have class…
When I read the part about him telling you how suicidal he is without any emotion, all I could think of is that he was trying to get you to be alone with him. So that he could hurt you. I’m so glad that didn’t happen.
If you're paying attention, you'd see it's not working for them.
just break up.
How much more do you weigh and how much taller are you?
It sounds like you literally pinned her to the bed, dude. If she's not physically able to get up on her own or push you off, you're using way too much force and I'd have probably gone for a tap to the crotch if I were in that position.
You've been dating and presumably known each other for all of a month. You are near strangers. It doesn't matter what bond you've formed in that time. When there is someone on top of you physically preventing you from leaving, sometimes you panic and survival instincts kick in. You need to stop being so focused on “disrespect” and consider how you'd feel in her situation, think long and hot.
Although it's not the best reaction, I just want to comment that there see several situations in life where one might not know how to react. Many people are uncomfortable or afraid of confrontation, and avoid it even in situations where it would be useful or good.
I don't think the friends reaction (or the lack of any) shows in any way that they would have been supportive of the bashing
I think his choices reflect a deeper issue. I recommend he see a therapist (or a new one if he has one) because sometimes being fixated on such dark and violent scenes is the result of trauma and mental illness. I can't imagine him looking at them every damn day and feeling good, never mind anyone else. I also wonder why a tattoo artist would be willing to ink these horrible scenes. They are clearly disturbing. I love how people always use the controlling card when they want to disregard their SOs feelings of being uncomfortable. Do you want to be with someone who is unwilling to hear your point of view? Do you want to be with someone so focused on violence? That's what he is displaying to others…violence. What is going on inside him that he feels the need to adorn his body with such negativity? It's depressing looking at that. I feel sorry for you. Love or not, I couldn't do it.
His unwillingness to listen to your compromises and his behavior suggests he is very controlling and not particularly empathetic. Be careful when someone shows you these sides of themselves. As you pointed out, a child shouldn't have to look at these images every day. It would do damage in some capacity.
I would walk away. He is too focused on darkness and violence. I can't imagine he's mentally stable or healthy.
the men in this comments section jfc
the only other date i’ve ever been on was with my (now) ex when i was like 15. so when we were children? i don’t even know how to act right lol but i’ll try! but i think i should take it slow too but wow i’m nervous!
this is what i was thinking too. his sister, whom he asked to shoot his music video told him why not just ask me to be in it when he “joked” her about it too, he just kinda brushes it off. thanks i was beginning to think i’m a bad person for feeling off about it.
his song is about an old lover.
Meanwhile, I'm over here literally begging my child to eat
He said he wanted me to come and help him shoot content. I was seeing it as him giving me a free pass in exchange for me filming for him.
Would have been easier to go with Williams Johnson or Johnson Williams. The way we do in South America or at least Spain when parents decide to join last names. But, props for having the balls to stand up against tradition and your FIL
You have my complete sympathy. I am in the same point of view as you and would have same reaction to this behavior for a few reasons: 1)a tactile sensitivity disorder is incredibly mood altering when from the outside it appears a light brush or tap causes distorted reactionary chaos. Its unexplainable because with this condition you're on guard and defensive of your physical pain and emotions. They are just making a game out of being ignorant and defensive of that ignorance. 2)The game play is not with you it's at your expense 3) someone who is competent in relationships doesnt consistently use triggers of anxiety to build a wall up around their partner then blame their partner for having it up.
I have CRPS which is another sympathetic nervous system disorder and any sting of pain on the outer most layers of skin seem to send shock waves back through every other layer of skin down to the bone. Its primarily on my legs but has been moving around as much as I do. I broke a bone and it was not as painful as kicking my knee into a suitcase corner. I hate massages to this day because one guy wanting to give me a massage always poured the lotion directly onto my back instead of into his warm hand first. This is real.
Your partner has a decidedly selfish wall up when it comes to prideful lack of self awareness and the apparent belief that his jokes at your expense mean hes funny. Take yourself seriously. When you calm down you should give him no closeness or affection and when he asks why tell him because you cant trust him to treat your body as gently as you would and you arent going to risk being blamed for your reaction. This makes him completely in control of how he behaves and in control of how you behave which is how he is showing you he wants it to be.
It sounds like you don't have much of a relationship anyway so why are you still together? It would have been kinder to finish with him before you shagged anyone else.
Too late for that now, tell him, leave him and get some help for your own trauma
Jen sucks.
Sending those pics to everyone. Drunk calling you like that.
What an asshole.
Stop spending your emotional energy on this person
Then I'm thinking whatever happened to make her brain click with this realization would have been something a while ago, if YOU are the cause of this realization it would probably be something small and harmless that you wouldn't remember that she's avoiding making you feel bad about because she doesn't want to ruin other relationships for you. However if NOT then y'know, not much you can do then ask.
Well you are putting words in my mouth. This particular situation is just talking about guys who have this issue. Obviously women have part in this too, but the comments I initially responded to are suggesting (some) men somehow can only do all of the initiating or none of it and can't find a middle ground. That's just untrue, they can put in effort and learn. Clearly the woman should also learn. But they're just talking about their/the man's experience, so I'm just responding to that.
A couple's sex life can only be good if both partners are putting in the effort to learn and grow with each other by communicating, but imo these guys that can only do all or nothing aren't learning to grow nor are they communicating.
If you had a daughter in this situation what would you tell her?
Women overall tend to stay with partners and take relationships more seriously as a commitment. Men overall tend to go “welp meh needs” and duck out.
Source please?
Are you really short of friends? She’s trash. She’s trying to sleep with your man. Woman up and call her out on her bullshit. Get better friends and don’t let people walk all over you.
I introduced my partner to my family pretty quick. I knew she was the one so why not? Plus I want my loved ones to meet each other.
Like… It's been a year. You can do much better than someone who isn't fully opening up to you. Whatever their issues, it's something they have never sat and addressed it with you knowing you have an issue with it. You can choose to wait or realize both your values don't align.
You’re in an emotionally abusive relationship and she sounds extremely controlling and manipulative. If your GF doesn’t get help for her attachment issues you run the risk of being stalked by this girl for ever (or until she finds a new victim) and it could escalate. She is not acting rationally and unless she gets some professional help to deal with her issues I would stay well away. The way you’re dealing with her isn’t helping her.
Clearly, we aren't going to agree. I would think that someone who was clearly taken advantage of by a predator would deserve support from their supposed life partner.
I'm not attacking your religion at all – just commenting that if you can't stick to your moral codes, it seems silly to be preaching to others.
Same here I thought I was the only weird one that thinks it's a green flag! To me it shows a lot of self awareness and maturity.
Yes. The wife is a child and in no way responsible for her actions. Same if a man is seduced by another woman, he holds no responsibility for his actions. None of us can say no to anyone asking us to get hot /s. Way to infantilise women
He hasn't spoken to you in months?? Because he a narcissistic POS, he probably thinks that if he gives you this treatment about the texting you won't do it again out of fear he will stop talking to you ??♀️.
Honey I think you need to contact a lawyer and leave, even if they haven't been physical his reaction to the texts would be enough for me and the not talking.
When he sitting down, say you don't want to talk so listen, I'm filing for divorce, this behaviour the not talking is absolutely ridiculous because you got caught doing something inappropriate. I am not putting up with this anymore, I'm exhausted, so go get your sugar mama ?
He will either just ignore you, or flip out saying your over reacting, just stick to your guns
And say we are divorcing, we are divorcing.
Contact lawyer today get the ball rolling. He has zero regard for your feelings. Don'tet him worm he way out of it, divorce and be free, trust me once he gone you will feel so much lighter and not so on edge about everything you say and do
He hasn't spoken to you in months?? Because he a narcissistic POS, he probably thinks that if he gives you this treatment about the texting you won't do it again out of fear he will stop talking to you ??♀️.
Honey I think you need to contact a lawyer and leave, even if they haven't been physical his reaction to the texts would be enough for me and the not talking.
When he sitting down, say you don't want to talk so listen, I'm filing for divorce, this behaviour the not talking is absolutely ridiculous because you got caught doing something inappropriate. I am not putting up with this anymore, I'm exhausted, so go get your sugar mama ?
He will either just ignore you, or flip out saying your over reacting, just stick to your guns
And say we are divorcing, we are divorcing.
Contact lawyer today get the ball rolling. He has zero regard for your feelings. Don'tet him worm he way out of it, divorce and be free, trust me once he gone you will feel so much lighter and not so on edge about everything you say and do
Yeah, the thing is I have no idea how should I confront her. I have lost all hopes in this relationship and I feel like it would be great if I could catch her because it is getting increasingly frustrating for me and I do not trust anything anymore.
Your best friend needs to get over it
But like why would MY boyfriend find it weird that I was complimenting myself? Like if you love someone, you would want them to love themselves yknow?? Like why make confused faces and stuff. Doesnt sit right w me tbh
I'd guess it might take them an infinite amount of time.
Bro, this is not the right question. You were in the same bar as your gf and some dude pressured her into giving him her number. Why wouldn’t she ask you to go to the bar with them after the first time this man made her uncomfortable? Does she feel confident that your presence would’ve resolved the situation? Because it doesn’t seem like it. And you telling her to change her number and banning her from bars tells us why she wouldn’t think so. She is not the one that needs to be redeemed here.
Her house, her rules. Accept it or move out.
He’s is telling you that he’s going to cheat and thinks there is nothing you can do about it.
Well, he can cheer but you should leave.
He doesn’t respect you. Don’t let yourself be treated like this.
He is my everything and then some. I totally agree about the therapy, not sure he would agree to going.
Yes, of course. But that doesn’t get rid of all the stuff (like discharge) that is actively flowing at any given moment. I don’t care that he doesn’t want to.
I do hope that people are satisfied with their partners. And that not reciprocating/receiving something would not create insecurities, resentment, unfulfilling scenarios etc.
However, I personally don’t see a reason to end a 7 year otherwise happy relationship over being eaten out. But that is my opinion.
No. When it’s over let it be over.
You will barely remember him in a decade. Let this be a step in finding your voice and valuing your own self respect over some guy.
You’re out here wasting your precious tears and time on someone who is cheating on you and rubbing it in your face for fun.
Would you tell your best friend to stay in this situation?
Thanks, gave so many opportunities to be honest about what she wanted. Now we’re 2-3 months back into being good and it hurts
My advice is based on my own experiences in a very similar situation.
Ask yourself why you would ever want to continue a relationship with someone that has lied to you over and over? A person that has manipulated you, not cared about your feelings or the pain that she has caused you? Someone that is happy to destroy your self esteem and damage you emotionally? Someone that puts herself first over you? Someone that will quite happily continue to do all this to you. How do you still think that you love someone like this? She does not love you.
The answer is probably connected to your own self worth, how much you value yourself, and issues that you have with yourself (which maybe subconscious). You some how you feel like you deserve this/there is no self preservation reaction. This could have originated in the way you have been treated in the past, or other experiences that you have gone through, especially in childhood.
This woman that is mistreating you is not the problem, you are the problem. Stop allowing people to treat you this way, see your own value and protect yourself from the unworthy. Learn to love yourself and look forward to a great future.
Obviously ditching her is a big part to achieving a better you and learning to value yourself.
Good luck, it is hot but worth it.
I guess the silver lining is that you might not have a lot left to lose. Maybe you lay it on thick and tell her how much you two are still in love and working on fixing your marriage.
I am not 100% sure but maybe just to feel validated in my decision. I think I am struggling because I love him and the thought of breaking up our family tears me up
This is very nasty on the sisters behalf
I don't understand what makes this a date?