Instead of stating your goal is to remain there until the kids are grown (kids who don't even exist, yet), point out that your parents and his parents live in the current area, and ask him if he would be willing to remain at least until the kids are all in elementary school at least. Look up the cost of child care in your area, and also in the area your BF wants to live in, and contextualize family helping with child care versus going somewhere else and having to pay for child care. Also see if parents helping you with a house down payment might make staying more attractive.
It's all open to negotiation, unless both of you want to be stubborn.
I read an article ages ago about child abuse. It fits here. It said one of the worst things you can do is to act as if a child is invisible. That’s what he’s doing. And. The comments about I’m just a terrible boyfriend are manipulative. Within communication, you can’t build a life together. He’s not mature enough for a real relationship.
Boundaries are rules for yourself. If you are setting rules for others then that’s control, not boundaries. You should have a boundary about being shamed like this. It’s not an okay way for anyone to treat you and I’d suggest leaving a situation entirely if he keeps crossing it.
But if you want to live with your partner, which most people do, then either the lower earner can't afford it at all, or the higher earner has to live in a crummy place even though they would prefer to spend more on something nicer.
Okay i am gonna say what i wish people said to me when i was together with my ex.
If you feel trapped, kick open that door and leave. You dont have to be unhappy. You deserve happiness and you deserve your own life. You are to young to get married. When you are 20 you feel like you are adult enough to get married, trust me you are not. Yeah marriages might work out when people are young but a lot of them dont. Please do not throw away your live because of someone that makes you feel like you have a shit life.
Also, make a plan before you actually leave. That will make it easier for you!
The guy kicked me out for a night because I refused to be a chauffeur for his friend. And this guy sounds like your guy. Total leech, abusive. And my guy cheated on me while I was at work.
I had to finish a short training course before I could leave him. Tolerated 3 months of his shit. He was starting to shove, kick, and throw things at me. I planned my move.
I hadn’t planned on leaving for a few days. But one day, I came home, and something inside me snapped. It felt like I had eaten a gigantic meal and could not digest it. I grabbed a suitcase and a box and bolted out while he was asleep.
Then I began a new and better life. I hope you find the strength to do the same.
yeah that’s probably why that is. i didn’t tell him why i picked up the shifts, so every time i told him i was going into work he’d be really confused ?. it does feel like i am trying to keep up though
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, now am in the process of returning said t-shirt lol.
After nearly 13 years committed to someone (we got married long ago in 2012), marriage makes ZERO difference if the person behind the marriage isn't interested in you as a person from the very beginning. I learned the very hot way that you can bend over backwards and TRY to get someone to want the life you do, but they never will. I've lived with the same person since 2011 and NOT ONCE have they EVER put forth ANY EFFORT to get a house together. Or save for retirement. Or hell, even WORK half the time. Zero planning for the future; all living for today (and letting all the responsibilities fall on me). You can ask and beg and plead all you want, and hey – they might even promise that things will change! But they won't. I found that out the hot way.
tl;dr – if someone is comfortable with their life AND not overly-attached to the people in it, you can leave and they'll be 100% okay. And that tells you all you need to know about the state of that relationship.
Thank you
Yeah no. 6 months isn’t invested enough to deal with this mental bullshit.
It's only an incompatibility if you let it be.
Instead of stating your goal is to remain there until the kids are grown (kids who don't even exist, yet), point out that your parents and his parents live in the current area, and ask him if he would be willing to remain at least until the kids are all in elementary school at least. Look up the cost of child care in your area, and also in the area your BF wants to live in, and contextualize family helping with child care versus going somewhere else and having to pay for child care. Also see if parents helping you with a house down payment might make staying more attractive.
It's all open to negotiation, unless both of you want to be stubborn.
Your uneducated wife just wants you for your money cause she is too lazy to work.
I read an article ages ago about child abuse. It fits here. It said one of the worst things you can do is to act as if a child is invisible. That’s what he’s doing. And. The comments about I’m just a terrible boyfriend are manipulative. Within communication, you can’t build a life together. He’s not mature enough for a real relationship.
Telling you what you can and can't do is controlling.
If he phrased it as, “I can't be with somebody who goes to bars without me.” It would be a boundary. He is describing his own actions.
So yes, it's a red flag and controlling.
He’s controlling, that’s the pattern.
Boundaries are rules for yourself. If you are setting rules for others then that’s control, not boundaries. You should have a boundary about being shamed like this. It’s not an okay way for anyone to treat you and I’d suggest leaving a situation entirely if he keeps crossing it.
But if you want to live with your partner, which most people do, then either the lower earner can't afford it at all, or the higher earner has to live in a crummy place even though they would prefer to spend more on something nicer.
Okay i am gonna say what i wish people said to me when i was together with my ex.
If you feel trapped, kick open that door and leave. You dont have to be unhappy. You deserve happiness and you deserve your own life. You are to young to get married. When you are 20 you feel like you are adult enough to get married, trust me you are not. Yeah marriages might work out when people are young but a lot of them dont. Please do not throw away your live because of someone that makes you feel like you have a shit life.
Also, make a plan before you actually leave. That will make it easier for you!
The guy kicked me out for a night because I refused to be a chauffeur for his friend. And this guy sounds like your guy. Total leech, abusive. And my guy cheated on me while I was at work.
I had to finish a short training course before I could leave him. Tolerated 3 months of his shit. He was starting to shove, kick, and throw things at me. I planned my move.
I hadn’t planned on leaving for a few days. But one day, I came home, and something inside me snapped. It felt like I had eaten a gigantic meal and could not digest it. I grabbed a suitcase and a box and bolted out while he was asleep.
Then I began a new and better life. I hope you find the strength to do the same.
yeah that’s probably why that is. i didn’t tell him why i picked up the shifts, so every time i told him i was going into work he’d be really confused ?. it does feel like i am trying to keep up though
Considering her “If you even have a crush, it's OVER” comment, it may be the latter.
Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, now am in the process of returning said t-shirt lol.
After nearly 13 years committed to someone (we got married long ago in 2012), marriage makes ZERO difference if the person behind the marriage isn't interested in you as a person from the very beginning. I learned the very hot way that you can bend over backwards and TRY to get someone to want the life you do, but they never will. I've lived with the same person since 2011 and NOT ONCE have they EVER put forth ANY EFFORT to get a house together. Or save for retirement. Or hell, even WORK half the time. Zero planning for the future; all living for today (and letting all the responsibilities fall on me). You can ask and beg and plead all you want, and hey – they might even promise that things will change! But they won't. I found that out the hot way.
tl;dr – if someone is comfortable with their life AND not overly-attached to the people in it, you can leave and they'll be 100% okay. And that tells you all you need to know about the state of that relationship.
Shit happens and it's likely not important
You’re no good at it then. I squirt from PIV