Didn’t take that long in my experience. Ex bf went from punching his car to pushing me all the way up to holding me up against a wall by my throat but also including dragging me by my hair in front of the apartments we lived in. Thankfully we never married and didn’t have children.
When OP mentioned he punched his car after their argument I may have been superimposing my experience onto hers, but I immediately got all of the red flags.
Haha, right???? I love how much he's trying to justify cheating in the psot, especially in the last paragraph, where he says “I know both of them are in the wrong”!
There is always nuance, and I think OP did a decent job at putting forwards information without taking sides.
While cheating is wrong in all aspects, it is absolutely okay to to say you /understand/ why it happened. Understanding the reason, however wrong it may be, is just that, understanding; it doesn't mean you agree with what happened.
It's like this: Jill chests on Jack. Jack never did anything wrong, and is a model partner. It is, therefore, hot to understand why this happened. Jill is in the wrong 100% and is a horrible person, as she never communicated what's wrong and made a decision to do soemthing terrible. The relationship wasn't falling apart, it was a good relationship, now turned sour. Jack was great and is a good partner. There is no logical reason why Jill did what she did.
the other scenario: Jack cheats on Jill. Jack is a cheater. Jill, however, is a terrible partner who neglects Jack. Jill never helps with shared chores, Jill dismisses Jack every time when he brings up problems, Jill puts work on Jack and tries to get away from family dury. Jill does not put any effort in the relationship. Jack is still 100% in the wrong for cheating. But, it is easy to see the reason why Jack did what he did. Is it excusable? no. Does it give more insight as to what the relationship was like from the get-go? absolutely. Jack is still 100% a cheater, however Jill is also a deeply flawed partner. The relationship was bad to begin with and they're both bad partners. Saying Jill was a terrible partner too doesn't mean you are trying to justify Jack.
But this is the Internet, and the Internet does not do well with nuance, as you've said!
“Yes” to all of this – well worded.
Didn’t take that long in my experience. Ex bf went from punching his car to pushing me all the way up to holding me up against a wall by my throat but also including dragging me by my hair in front of the apartments we lived in. Thankfully we never married and didn’t have children.
When OP mentioned he punched his car after their argument I may have been superimposing my experience onto hers, but I immediately got all of the red flags.
Haha, right???? I love how much he's trying to justify cheating in the psot, especially in the last paragraph, where he says “I know both of them are in the wrong”!
There is always nuance, and I think OP did a decent job at putting forwards information without taking sides.
While cheating is wrong in all aspects, it is absolutely okay to to say you /understand/ why it happened. Understanding the reason, however wrong it may be, is just that, understanding; it doesn't mean you agree with what happened.
It's like this: Jill chests on Jack. Jack never did anything wrong, and is a model partner. It is, therefore, hot to understand why this happened. Jill is in the wrong 100% and is a horrible person, as she never communicated what's wrong and made a decision to do soemthing terrible. The relationship wasn't falling apart, it was a good relationship, now turned sour. Jack was great and is a good partner. There is no logical reason why Jill did what she did.
the other scenario: Jack cheats on Jill. Jack is a cheater. Jill, however, is a terrible partner who neglects Jack. Jill never helps with shared chores, Jill dismisses Jack every time when he brings up problems, Jill puts work on Jack and tries to get away from family dury. Jill does not put any effort in the relationship. Jack is still 100% in the wrong for cheating. But, it is easy to see the reason why Jack did what he did. Is it excusable? no. Does it give more insight as to what the relationship was like from the get-go? absolutely. Jack is still 100% a cheater, however Jill is also a deeply flawed partner. The relationship was bad to begin with and they're both bad partners. Saying Jill was a terrible partner too doesn't mean you are trying to justify Jack.
But this is the Internet, and the Internet does not do well with nuance, as you've said!