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Hi all! we are a couple – Leo and Lia. our guest, ‘s name is Sarah. let’s get acquainted!, 18 y.o.
Location: Poland
Room subject: Goal #10 bj from Lia front Sarah; Goal # 35: Butt Plug Sarah; Goal # 40: Butt Plug Lia [50 tokens remaining]
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Live Live Sex Chat rooms Hi all! we are a couple – Leo and Lia. our guest, ‘s name is Sarah. let’s get acquainted!
Date: April 1, 2023
Let your mom know how you feel and what you know about this guy, then drop it. It's your mom's life not yours. She is an adult.
Wow I had similar happened. Then saw his private discord. Yep they were cheating. Well flirting and planning too. I got lucky it was only a year into that relationship tho.
Just tell your mom your findings from the guy's social media.
Your mom has been single for years she is lonely. I get that the guy is so much younger and you are afraid he is using your mom to fill his sexual desire.
Talk to your mom understand how she feels and explain to her your concern. The guy probably did something right that caught your mom's attention. Since you are grown up and independent, she may have found herself suddenly free and lonely and needs a companion.
So maybe it is best her to start looking for a potential husband. It could be this guy or some other guy who is stable at appropriate age and doesnt come off as pervert.
You write “I had medication prescribed for these episodes. John started asking me to tell him before I took the medication […] He then started convincing me to not take it when I said I needed it.”
So you have prescription medication that you need for your mental health, but your boyfriend wants to control whether or not you're allowed to use it. I know Reddit likes to call lots of innocuous things red flags, but… Even completely ignoring the bigoted and blackmailing brother and sister-in-law, I'm not getting a good feeling about this situation. At the very least, you need to tell him in no uncertain terms that he has no say in your medication.
Your partner can't process the grief he has. So, as a way to try and deny it he is trying a number of very toxic and frightening coping strategies. The denial of the pregnancy outright, the idea you cheated, these are ways to depersonalise what was lost, distance himself, convince himself he doesn't have to care. And with the degree of denial it requires and the extreme abusive behaviour he is demonstrating to you right now, I think it basically qualifies as a protracted mental breakdown. Extreme grief can lead to PTSD style problems and denial and violence are very common manifestations of it.
He knows, on some level, if he goes to therapy they will tell him that this is all on him. That what he lost was real, that this is a coping strategy that has gone toxic, that he has to face the loss properly. And he doesn't seem able to do that. He would chose your potential death [which be real what he is doing could lead to] over facing that part of himself.
He is broken. Just completely and utterly broken. And you can't help him with it unfortunately, this is the time you need to leave for your own protection.
I think the approach to write to her is good, or maybe just show her this post since you have already written it. She knows something is wrong, she feels that you are hurt, and she wants to help you!
There where two persons you trusted, and one turned out to be a monster. But the other one is your mother! She will not break your trust, she will do her best to catch you, she so wants to be there for you. Yes, she will have problems understanding that he did that – like you had. Because it is so awful! Please just show her your post, send her the link, and wait until she read it and calls you.
I mean… it's quite a lot of time to spend religiously on yourself. 1 in 4 weekends you're completely gone on your own…. I'd find that a little much if my partner did that. Would you feel weird if 1 in 4 weekends your boyfriend and his daughter spent an entire weekend together from Friday evening to Sunday evening, uncontactable, and you were excluded because the point was for them to spend time together? Maybe you wouldn't but it's still kind of intense don't you think? I'm not saying you're wrong, and your bf is being a total baby trying to sabotage it, but… it's still a lot.
wat?
Use your new strength to suplex the bastard to give him a taste of his own medicine. Joking aside you should leave him
Yes that’s true, we have been together for 1,5 year
Truth without compassion is cruelty.
If you joined there is no guarantee you will be stationed together. It makes for a good argument to the CO, but ultimately it’s based on what the military needs #1. Always.
Please don’t put yourself in a position to be financially dependent on someone if you are so uncertain. Especially a military man who may be transferred out at any time.
There is 0 guarantee he will follow through on any financial agreements; the military is highly unlikely to hold their member accountable to any such arrangement. In fact, in 20+ years I never saw it happen beyond deducting child support from pay. Plus, this is fraud, so you will have no real recourse because this marriage would be considered a “contract marriage” (getting married for the benefits). Yes, it happens very, very often, but it is still theft from the federal government. Just be aware of the reality; you would be participating in defrauding the federal govt. even if they do play loose and free with their money.
A LOT of young military do the “legally married for the benefits” thing & you haven’t known him long enough to even trust the proposal. He probably heard about it from some guys and they push the “great idea” way to save more money. Which they usually end up spending on partying anyway.
Have you guys discussed any of the following:
-Will you be expected to pack up halfway through your degree if he gets transferred? Will he cover two households expenses if he is shipped out and you stay for your degree?
-What about children? Will he push you to have two children? Just so you know, he will also get dependent pay for a wife and up to two children monthly. Again, HE gets that pay. Not you.
-Household duties? These guys tend to be more traditional in the misogynistic sense (not all, but many start off that way), so are you to manage everything at home except finances? Including finances? Is he clean? Trust me, just because he’s military does not mean he is clean. And his dorm room doesn’t count as they have to keep it clean and orderly.
-Money management. Discussing finances and how they would be/need to be handled? Joint account? Separate? Do you know his current income, savings, or financial situation? Does he have debt? Does he have a child or owe child support?
-Did he tell you how much his dependent pay will be? Remember: that is dependent pay that goes to him, his account. Not you and 0 guarantee you have a right to that, so he could say it’s $200/mo and do whatever with the rest. Or worse, you won’t have access to any money and he will just cover everything until he gets angry at you and kicks you out.
I’ve gone over some of the key discussions you guys need to clarify and these are some of the worst case scenarios I’ve seen irl. Truth be told, as a veteran myself & from a military family, things could get way worse than this.
As a woman, I suggest you stay independent until things feel right and align with your wants/needs/desires.
As far as you joining the military; yes, things can be shit for women in the military, but if you do choose to serve you could continue to make the military safer for the next group of women. It’s also likely to be better if you just stick to a life away from the military except during working hours. There are other steps to take when deployed, but I’ve written too much already.
A lot of military are pretty great, but there is a dark undercurrent of shitty shit that gets overlooked or covered up. This proposal for a contract marriage from a guy who needs “to get his life together” & you’ve known for 5 months is beyond risky, so at least consider the above in earnest before deciding.
Honestly reddit makes me glad i met my husband as a teenager because Lord knows. The shit people post and what partners expect as normal and even what the posters perceive as normal in these relationships are INSANE!
I'd Honestly laugh in a dude's face if he said this nonsense to me because it has to be a joke.
If my bf called me something like this in anger, I'd break up with him on the spot.
First, is this is not a pattern of abuse.
Second, what did you see on her phone? Why were you on her phone?
She is not an abuser based on what you’ve typed. However, the fact you said this “broke” you means that this is a hot boundary for you. So, yes imo I would break up, but you have to follow through and not use this as leverage to push or pressure her. She was sexually assaulted? That means she lost her voice, her power, her autonomy. That’s a powerful thing to lose, so waking up in a potentially similar situation can put someone in survival mode.
I would help her find support, not just therapy but a support group. I would also look for someone to check in with for yourself: friend, therapy, a hotline.
In a good relationship, that goes both ways. Boyfriend isn’t taking her feelings into consideration.
The gender stuff is a red herring. Ignore that and it's more obvious that he's just another controlling weirdo. Like he wants you to be weak and dependent on him because he feels more comfortable that way. He also doesn't care about you doing thing that you enjoy, just that you do things that make him feel like he's better than you. This would be a no from me.
This is really strange to me, all the way through.
You fell, and got muddy. That's not awesome.
So, when you got back the host offered to help you so that you didn't have to be dirty by lending some clothes to you.
And now your boyfriend is upset with you. Because you accepted sensible help from the person who was in a position to help you.
I…what?
No. He's wrong, and there is nothing more to it.
That said, it may be worth figuring out the why. Why is he unreasonable about something that has such a very obvious cause-and-effect chain as this?
Is there jealously involved? Combative rivalry? (over you?)
I…there is something more under the surface here. Something made him see red over something massively simple.
Seriously. If one of my guests need a change of clothes in my home, I wouldn't think twice about lending something for them to wear. Male or female, young or old. Doesn't matter. I would lend them something to wear.
Did I mess up somehow?
It's poor form to ask someone out while they are working. If anything you leave your number.
Tell him to do it. He’s doing it so you go “omg nooo don’t, I’m so sorry you were right this whole time! I’m so sorry I was arguing with you” yada yada.
So yeah coldly tell him to do it and dump him
Talk with her about these issues individually. Make sure that it is outside of the apartment in a relaxed atmosphere. Tell her what you want specifically. Ask her to start taking a walk with you daily. You start doing the healthy grocery shopping. Ask her to close the cats out when you go to bed. If she isn't willing to acknowledge how you feel or work together for a mutually satisfying solution to these issues, then get the hell out of her apartment! Moving in together is a trial run for marriage or domestic partnerships. I think you know all you need to at this point.
A 21 year old with a 16 year old is somehow okay though?? It's not, I have personal experience.
What's weird is your judgemental tone. Do you think people just stay inside in winter??,
Before we split up…. is it bass as in bass or bass as in bass?
Break up with her like an adult, don't just ghost her.
Tell him to die mad about it
why did you tell your coworker about your crush? what were you hoping to get out of that?
Tell him his dick is small and when he gets upset just say it's a factual observation. I'm sure he won't like that one very much.
In all seriousness tho, these “factual observations” are better left unsaid. You've told him they bother you, so he obviously just doesn't respect you. Maybe tell him about your ED (ONLY if you feel comfortable with that) and tell him that his comments are putting your mental health (and physical health) in jeopardy. If he can't accept that? Show him the door.
Saying things like “you're the perfect size” or really any reference to size can feel condescending even if that wasn't the inent. Just stick to letting him know how much you want him inside of you or how good it feels. There's a million different ways to communicate that so you should have trouble with that.
Also, something that has helped a lot for myself & my girlfriend is the incorporation of toys. It keeps things interesting, we get to shop for what we want to use together and when the new toys come in the mail or is on they way, it becomes exciting, gives us something to look forward to & it keeps things fresh.
Remember boys, toys are your ally not the enemy
Yes. This is the way.
Also: he lied to you. Point out that he needs to do what he says he’s going to do it’s important to you that he’s reliable.
No, this seems to be the only other thing he cares about.
Well, he also cares about fitness, but he doesn't get upset if I skip a few days at the gym, and he usually uses compliments to encourage me instead of these big negative feelings. I've gained weight, and he never made me feel bad about it.
Well ok, do everything but the divorce then
He understands that he's hurting you with this behavior. He DOES NOT CARE. His goal is to make you obey and do as he wants.
You need to leave. You admitted that he has done this since you were at university. You have allowed this behavior. He has escalated and you have stayed around. So staying with this man and appeasing him does not work. Since that does not work, and you know it does not work, and he has betrayed his vows to you by abusing you in this manner, there is nothing to gain by staying in a marriage with this man.
You are not being treated like a wife, in a marriage. You are being treated as an indentured servant, or chattel property. You can't be a good wife to a man who doesn't treat you like an equal partner in a marriage. Also, those people he has made you cut contact with, they're still there. They still care about you I'm sure. This is what controlling abusers like your husband don't realize, those folks that he worked so hot to cut out of your life? They're still there. They didn't cease to exist.
Just be careful, this can be a physically dangerous time for you. Recording videos without his knowledge can help you get away and get the legal help you need.
Why? I’ve said my piece to both of them, and don’t feel so infatuated anymore. I’ll certainly give the other woman space—won’t initiate any conversations, but if she could still be my friend (big if) why shouldn’t I be a friend too? I really believe, now, that I won’t harbor any romantic resentment. I just hate to lose one of my only female friends.
why are you even posting here? you are a cheater & got cheated. karma just came in for you LOL
stop it all & take care of your husband. if you are not happy with him go for MC or leave the poor man.
OP, he is a full-fledged narcissist. The first clue is he’s cut you off from all friends and family. ⬇️⬇️⬇️
“A narcissist is a characterized by a lack of empathy or entitlement, grandiosity, superficiality, egocentricity, validation and admiration seeking, reactive sensitivity to criticism or feedback, envy of others or belief that others envy them, a need for control and dominance, rage at times of frustration, disappointment or stress, incapacity for and disinterest in deep, long-term connected intimate relationships, a tendency to shift blame onto others and not take responsibility.”
this book changed my life literally last week. opened my eyes in a way i can never come back from.
It is valid to be upset she would appear to enjoy doing these things with other men for money but won’t do with you out of love and a desire to please you. Assuming you have also done things for her that weren’t your preference, but did out of love and a desire to please her.
He's a dick head imo. I'd end things. No reason to be mean to you for something that wasn't even your fault.
Yuck.q
“I knew before I ever made things this serious with my fiancee that she and I were inherently sexually incompatible, yet I decided to feign compromise while actually using it as justification to harass her daily for sex or otherwise to allow me to do something I agreed I wouldn't do while we were together and then whine about how unfair it is when I don't get my way.”
That's you. That's how you sound. And for the record I love sex and porn, and I'd never last with someone who didn't feel comfortable with me watching porn in any capacity, or who had too low of a libido. But what I sure as hell wouldn't do is know that, decide to still date them, and then spend just about every day trying to change them. She's repressed/conservative in the sexual department but YOU are just creepy and pushy.
Stay broken up and go get a fleshlight. That'll be there for you whenever you so choose.
So if he's trust worthy, you don't need to be jealous of these women. They're being disrespectful but they aren't a threat unless your partner is the kind of person that will cheat on you with anyone that gives attention.
Tough one. Of course we should love our kids more than our spouse. So that is unfair for her to say. If you can afford two properties then moving back and forth seems like a good solution.
Throw that envious (put in any random curseword) out of that group chat.
He doesn't deserve getting coached by you.
He discredits you towards your fellow students, undermining THEIR prospects of prosper in your field.
I mean this gently, it’s not your job to care anymore.
It’s wishful thinking to get wrapped up in whether or not this is what he “really” wants. It is what he wants, because he did it. Looking for reasons it isn’t real, or it’s a mistake, something he’ll regret, or that he will change his mind are all thoughts that serve to protect you from the truth. For reasons that you aren’t wholly privy to, he doesn’t want to be with you anymore.
Maybe he is experiencing some of those feelings or questioning his actions. Maybe he’s not. It’s entirely possible he was questioning the relationship for a while. Maybe he really does want to focus on himself. Whatever the case, he has decided to put distance between you and that analysis.
All you can do now is focus on yourself. Don’t wait to move forward in your life thinking of yourself as a single individual. Be friends if you feel you can, but put up the necessary barriers so that you don’t fall into the trap of just waiting in hope. If he has regrets, he will express them on his own time. In the meantime, I would take him at his word out of respect and put a little distance between the two of you. I suspect he needs some space as well.
I'm confused… you were invited to the reception? soooo go to the reception. you'll get to see your gf in her dress with her hair and makeup done and get to dance and hang out during the party part of the wedding. The ceremonies are usually boring and your gf will have maid of honor duties before/during. communicate with your feelings to your gf and then let it go cuase its not your wedding. hav fun at the reception.
I don’t think women will ever understand what it does to a long term partner’s mental health when they find out the woman did all kinds of things with other men but they’re off limits to him.
Just another naive idiot who is scared to be alone so they rather stay with someone who clearly doesn’t give a shit about them but hey you want to keep saying “I don’t know what to do” hey you want to be a dumbass stay
I thought the punchline was gonna be “now i'm at my wife's house”
no?? you are not a victim, if anything you’re a perpetrator
you should have said something along the lines of “this is not about me, this is about your health. you need to be able to see our child grow up. I want you to grow old with me. I'm worried that if you don't start living a more healthy lifestyle, you won't be able to do those things. is there anything I can do to help you?” THIS is the mindset you should be presenting when talking to her about her weight. and yes, completely ignoring her questions would've been the correct way to go about it no matter how many times she's brought it up. eventually she would've accepted that it has nothing to do with her attractiveness. she would've stopped asking if you didn't “play the game”. but frankly, now it's too late and she most likely thinks all you care about is whether you find her hot or not. and you can't un-say the words so it pretty much doesn't matter what you do at this point.
It's the man's birthday, and you're kind of making it about you. Him responding to family and friends on his birthday is to be expected.
Now, if he was on his phone the whole time? As opposed to just ten minutes? I could understand you being upset.
I think you might be overreacting.
A lot of people here seem eager to give you “permission” to no longer be attracted to your partner, which seems odd, because while you obviously have every right to reject your partner's transition and walk away, that's absolutely not what you're asking advice on.
The truth about “seeing someone a certain gender” is that, when a change is sprung up on you like that, it takes time. One of my partners is NB and at first it's something I just stuck to out of respect and because I did in fact see manifest their refusal of binary gender roles, in their daily actions. I still slipped though, and my brain often said “that's just an insert binary gender though”.
Two years later, it's entirely organic to me and makes no less sense than the stock market or credit scores – humans construct new concepts or refurbish old ones all the time.
Give yourself time.
And also, at least in my experience, the longer you are in a relationship the less gender is something your brain keeps reassessing and declaring. Ten years of marriage and I absolutely no longer look at my husband and categorize him as “behold! A man”. He's just name. I have this fully formed sense of his unique personhood and mostly see him as just him, specifically. So I think the anxiety of gender perception is moot at that point.
You are getting triangulated by a person with a P.D
It never gets better it never ends well. So end it sooner
I don’t like being tickled but sometimes I like tickling other people harmlessly and very little
Maybe all you can do is be honest about this experience and say you might feel like checking in to be sure more than you would otherwise.
NTA- he punches holes in the walls at your parents house, spends all his money on weed and beer, promises you one thing and does another (while screwing over your grandma, then gaslights you for being younger… girl, run.
I’m sure those men are rather pleased you ‘weeded them out’.
This is exactly why I always recommend living with someone prior to getting engaged/married. The person you see on dates/ sleepovers may well not be the same person who you on-line with.
If it is new then there may be a small adjustment period and maybe some residual stress, but if you think you are actually seeing the real him for the first time then it is probably a sign of incompatibility.
Keep in mind that he is having the same experience living with you for the first time and may have discovered some things about you that he didn’t realise and doesn’t like, which are leading to the poor attitude and behaviour. Doesn’t excuse it and the result is the same however.
Treat this time as a test of your compatibility and if it isn’t good enough, act on it. This is exactly why we date in the first place, but too many of us have ignored and tolerated the small but obvious issues that only get worse over time and lead to the same result, just in a much more difficult way.
If it is a big enough issue that you are on reddit asking for advice, it is not a small issue, unless you genuinely believe it is out of character and temporary. Be wary with that line of thought though because temporary very easily morphs into permanent.
As someone who used to be similar with my own partner before i became medicated, all you can really do is show him how much you've changed through actions rather than words, itll hurt a lot some days but thats what therapy is for. He shouldn't have to be your therapist for these feelings and so dumping this on him will be too much, if you've already apologized for everything youve done to him and thanked him for everything hes done for you then all you can do is take therapy and accept your guilt, be a changed person and do better for the future ahead of you two
I can't recall being very happy tbh, I think I had gotten out a similar but not as bad situation not super long before… Seems I'm a prime target for manipulation ?
Living together isn't going to work. Ask him to move out.
It totally seems like a fidget spinner
you sound like a fun person lol good god
I guarantee anyone called ‘Prada’ was not workings as a ‘waitress in a pub’
Honestly I’d throw all my shit in my car, and drive back to my home city and get a new cell phone once I got home. Delete my social media and find a new job at home where I have a support system.
I know it sounds extreme but I’m not trying to be some strong woman in a city where I have no support system.
Don't forget getting the place all dirty because she's covered in mud. Your boyfriend's, an idiot.
Interesting, what do you think I should do? Just ignore it or say something?
Your boyfriend is acting like a fucking child and I wouldn’t have the patience to deal with it.
Holy wall of text.
doing our laundry separately we are getting closer and closer to on-line in roommates
So you're getting closer to being just roommates because you won't do his laundry? It seems like he wants a bangmaid instead of an actual partner by the sound of this.
Honestly he sounds violent and extremely controlling. I would look into getting out of this relationship.
Yeahhhhh nah, you don’t really love her. Let her go find someone who will.
I don't like to wear mine either but my husband doesn't like it
It shouldn’t have needed to be brought up more than once “hey I don’t like that, it hurts” doesn’t mean keep doing it
Okay, you have to be trolling us.
Because that's absolutely not how therapy works. No therapist is going to tell a straight girl to have lesbian sex just to see how she likes it, or tell someone terrified of heights to try skydiving just to see how they feel.
That is just utterly absurd. So either you're trolling us, or your therapist needs to lose their license.
So she thought she was stringing you along, lied about her feelings and intentions with you and sent pics to a guy she knew was in a relationship?
Seems like a keeper /s
Op, this chick is a big red flag
She may very well only have pretended to like the behavior, it's an unfortunate fact that women are raised by society to never put thier needs first, never make a fuss, “don't be a bitch” and be easy-going. It can take a lot of us a long time to really find our best voice in relationships and stop putting our needs and wants behind the other person.
Don’t do it. You’re not in a relationship, you’re barely dating. You were not exclusive.
This might not actually help your situation, but I'd go for malicious compliance: if you're “allowed to bring anyone home except for an atheist”, try bringing home a 48 year-old lesbian with a shaved head and face tattoos, and throw in a few other qualities that your dad might hate just for the fun of it. Just make sure she's not an atheist first.
She'll make your boyfriend look great.
Nope, he just needs to be out.
Someone who physically abuses them and then calls it an accident and refuses to take responsibility for their actions absolutely is not someone who will get better, or someone who even wants to get better.
The fact that he asked if she had done his laundry is telling that he wasn’t doing any laundry. And he has the audacity to complain about how she folds his clothes! That is a brilliant moment to deploy “okay I’ll let you get on with doing your own laundry exactly the way you like it from here on out.”
Send him back to mom and tell her to finish raising her son.
I wouldn’t even want to remain friends under the circumstances.
But does that mean you don't tell your family either? Surely both families know at this point, including siblings?
OP this is not about sex. You are getting a masterclass in how emotional blackmail works.
Emotional blackmail is when someone uses your feelings to control your behavior or persuade you to see things their way. Usually by withholding affection, showing disappointment, or being unavailable.
Right now he has all of the power and control in the relationship. Take a gigantic step backward. Don’t contact him. Period. If he does not contact you, you have your answer.
But I’ll bet he does. Wait 3 days before responding and then be even-keeled and quietly review your options. Do not react to what he says. You will start to regain your self-respect and control
He may take it to the next level, that’s emotional brinksmanship a discussion for anther day. Good luck OP.
He might or might not, either way he doesn’t sound as invested as you do. I’d break it off
He said it should be obvious even without explicitly telling you. I think it was pretty obvious you didn’t want him fingering you considering you kept redirecting him. His blaming you bc he can’t regulate negative emotions. So he’s making his unpleasant feelings your fault.
Sounds like she's insecure that it might make them look cheap ?♀️
Just ask him about his wife
I already confronted her once and she gaslit me
I don't think OP was in her plans at all. OP basically said that “She was in no place to get into a new relationship but I inserted myself into that role regardless.”
Hmh I didnt take it that seriously at first since it was so fast. But maybe he in fact isnt joking.
Thats another issue we should discuss
Any other information?
Kick him out Add post to chat saying it wasn't true, even if they don't believe and offer to chat to them 1-1 if they don't believe you or want to ask questions. Contact your college in case he tries anything sketchy
Thank you for responding.
I completely agree in that we argue over very immature things and I shouldn’t have answered the question to begin with. That was just dumb of me and something I’m learning (to be fair, this is my first relationship as well).
To be clear: my partner was making fun of me in front of me, not behind my back. It was a dynamic we had as friends and it’s something we’re both shifting from.
He saw his friends a few days before, he was just unintentionally shutting me out of the conversation because he’s also not used to having me there. I agree that if this continues, it’ll be a problem but I strongly doubt it will.
As for the driving thing, I didn’t drive. I don’t believe in drinking and driving and only pulled far enough for my car to no longer be visible from his window. I was only disappointed because I was stuck sitting in my car alone until I sobered up. And yes, I was testing him and it was stupid of me to offer something I didn’t actually want but I also knew he just wanted to go home and I also didn’t want to deal with the logistics of picking up my car either. So ultimately, I would’ve been okay with either option but was sad by the fact that he didn’t say anything and just let me get in my car knowing that I drank the amount I did. But thank you, I won’t bring this up at all. I think you’re right in that it’s not necessary as he didn’t do anything wrong in the situation.
Suspicious as hell. Take the lingerie out and confront her when she comes home. 6 outfits?? For real?? Don't let her take the kids and go get a divorce lawyer asap.
This is it then. He’s using it as a prop. Sounds like he’s well worth pursuing. Good luck again. ❤️
You’ve been with this guy for almost 6 years. I doubt a miracle is going to happen to motivate him to change. His level of cleanliness i& hygiene different than yours. You either accept it or you don’t.
You’ve been with this guy for almost 6 years. I doubt a miracle is going to happen to motivate him to change. His level of cleanliness i& hygiene different than yours. You either accept it or you don’t.
You’ve been with this guy for almost 6 years. I doubt a miracle is going to happen to motivate him to change. His level of cleanliness i& hygiene different than yours. You either accept it or you don’t.
Agree, but I’d still say it’s more benign than an outright affair
It's not normal to argue that often. It's a sign of incompatibility. You have to ask yourself if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Monthly arguments? No thanks.
Also, all household jobs are the responsibility of both people in a fair relationship. Supposed to be a team.
It's not normal to argue that often. It's a sign of incompatibility. You have to ask yourself if this is how you want the rest of your life to be. Monthly arguments? No thanks.
Also, all household jobs are the responsibility of both people in a fair relationship. Supposed to be a team.
Agree! By what logic do black cats and golden retrievers get along naturally?
Genuine question .. Do women wear lingerie as part of their going out outfits? Like is it possible that she might be having a few nights out with siblings while the parents babysit, and just wants to dress up for nights out.
You are a walking red flag. Get therapy.
Just ask for her phone when she gets home at least ruin her fun time.
based on how he talked he seemed to have vendetta against “women” in general. Didn’t like my mom or sisters, or really any woman for no reason.
Please avoid any man in future with this mindset….
I always have handled everything, the kids are from my ex and I was doing 100% of everything back then. It's a nice relief now that my bf does a load of dishes or takes the trash out sometimes so I feel bad for complaining. He says he needs to help more but he has issues getting motivated.
The cuddles before sleep is all I want. I'm happy that you have found something that works for you. How did you reach that compromise?
I get men that message me on-line, work friends, people I've known a long time. I know the grass is greener and all that. But when they say they love cleaning and cuddling it makes me feel sad. They know I'm in a relationship and I tell them I'm not interested in them that way.
You were right. I finally reached out and he responded. Thank you for the advice I truly appreciate it.
Your friend is right and yes, you are an asshole. She doesn’t owe you sex, and the fact that you see it as her “giving her body away” is a pretty strong indication of why she isn’t ready to sleep with you yet. Your attitude is gross and misogynistic.
your friend is right. funny you had to point out that she's “liberal leaning”…
have you ever done something and not really loved the end result? even a dumbass liberal wouldn't be so stupid as to do the same thing again and expect a different result…
It seems like you want your cake and eat it to. Your new girlfriend is being too polite in her approach to this situation. The whole point is who is most important in your life now your ex or new girlfriend? You are still hanging on to her your ex for a reason. She your girlfriend may feel that you are not committed in this relationship. She wants your undivided attention. You cannot serve two masters and because of this your current relationship is doomed to fail.
This is DOMESTIC VIOLENCE.
And it is NOT your fault. Not even a little bit.
Hes an asshole, sorry to say. He has no business punching anything and having a fit over new laundry baskets.
You are never required to do your mans laundry. Every chore should be shared, of course.
My husband is doing OUR laundry (I dont like how he folds my stuff either lol) and he isnt a big fan of laundry, but its just some weird routine he has on Sundays and since our washer and dryer isnt working, he totes the stuff over to the laundromat every Sunday morning and takes care of it. I am the one who ENJOYS doing laundry but I much prefer to do it at home, myself. To me, its a pretty lazy chore, if its done at home anyways.. i just set it and forget it, and then later, switch the clothes, and fold a load. I can usually keep up with “family laundry” pretty easily by doing a load a day, at home. Thats our deal. When we have our machines working, I do the bulk of it. When the machines dont work, he does it.
Thats what “shared laundry” means to us. I mean, at home, my husband sometimes throws in a bathroom floor mat or whatever, hes not a bump on a log about it. Its not some firm expectation either way. I do it when he doesnt feel like it, and he does it when I dont want to. Thats how we work.. we also share all other chores, because we both on-line here. We both clean everything and do dishes. Usually if I cook, he does dishes. Sometimes I do both, sometimes he cooks and does dishes. We just all try to take care of our environment.
I want to address the punching the car issue. This is violence. Its called domestic violence because it happened AT HOME, and in response to a domestic dispute. It was actually a form of assault. You were assaulted. If he punches anything, or has you so anxious (because he punches stuff) you cant seem to say anything right, its assault.
Assault is when you have reason to believe you might be injured in that scenario..
Battery is what its called when you are physically hurt.
Please, move out. Get a restraining order. Be safe.
Right now your only focus should be on your safety.
You need to leave this guy, asap. Leave this relationship and DO NOT look back.
Idc if its been 8 years. If anything, its been 8 years LOST to you, that you could have spent in a healthy non abusive relationship. Leave him, now. Get out while you can.
Why…is it split 65/35? She does 65 and you do 35? What are your responsibilities? Who gets the kids up for school, pick up/drop off, who makes lunches and dinner? Who cleans, laundry, dishes? What about weekends – how are you involved with her and the kids.
You didn’t answer my question about how she receives and shows love. When is the last time you did something special for her, with no expectations? Something that she loves, not just something YOU like and thought she’d like it too.
He absolutely doesn't respect you, because if he did, you wouldn't have had to strengthen that boundary. He doesn't get to have his cake and eat it, too.
Good for you.
Make it clear to him that you are not interested. Matter of fact, put it on writing. And then never, ever, ever again fish from the company pond.
Since you are still dependent on your dad, you've to toe the line. Especially if you intend to go varsity. No point getting into education debt if your dad is willing to pay for it. Just ask yourself, how many people are willing and able to pay for your education?
Him not washing his hands is pretty disgusting. This isn't just a one time thing either, he admitted he never does. I mean sure sometimes you can make an exception, like let's say you are about to go into the shower where you will get your hands wet and soapy anyway. But being on a date with a woman that he presumably also touches knowing he just wiped his ass is just nasty. And the fact that he never does it makes me question his hygiene habits in general. Then the eating popcorn like a toddler? That just shows that he has no manners. Eating a snack as if you're starving is just not classy at all, especially if it's a shared meal. Dropping the food everywhere and being careless again makes me question how clean he is and talking with a full mouth is also disrespectful. Not to mention that he does all this in the early dating stages when people generally pay attention to show off their best side, so i really don't want to know what happens when he gets more comfortable.
Just shut the fuck up
Why are all these women staying with men who verbally abuse them
You’re in a abusive relationship. He doesn’t respect you. Sounds like negging. Love is respect.
Has it occurred to you that your mom is completely right and that this guy isn’t good for you? She sees how your relationships is & knows it’s abusive. She wants you to get out before things get further out of hand. It’s likely that your whole life was better before this guy came along, but you think he’s somehow worth everything you’ve given up for him.
I did seem like either the mom is constantly telling her she gave up a life…… or this was a creative outlet for the mom to let all of this out! I agree with you completely
Absolutely this, I don't know why more couples don't do this
70 kg is hardly fat. It’s your body , do with it what you will. Tell him you find it hurtful. He will stop or he won’t. You will stay or you won’t. If the extra weight bothers him , He will either stay or he won’t.
My 1st husband and I had only one account. Growing up, I was led to believe this normal. Unfortunately, when I kicked his rotten butt to the curb,the very first thing he did was drain the account. Leaving me with 3 boy and 0$. I will NEVER allow that to EVER happen again!
My current husband and I have separate accounts and 1 joint account. Working out perfectly.
Don't ever let anyone manipulate you into believing that separate accounts are financially abusive. Keep track of what you contribute to the joint account. Make sure your fiance is fully aware of the consequences of unilateral excessive withdrawls. Please don't make the mistake of using the joint account as a savings account either. Open your own savings account for that very purpose.
If your fiance is in any way adverse to any of this, seriously reconsider your relationship.
She got mad at me for not talking on facetime since I was trying to sleep.
she feels not loved, and how she feels like she wants to end her life.
Time to move on. Break up, block her, and go no-contact. Tell her parents what she said about ending her life just in case she means it (in addition to saying it to manipulate you).
this comment took me out ?
Then find some integrity.
Overall I realize that herpes isn't that bad
The common cold isn't that bad but I'd still be pissed if someone was like “well you didn't ask if I was sick so I thought it was fine to come over and make out with you”. And obviously something that will stick with you for the rest of your life is a lot more serious than that. It absolutely is a major breach of trust, it's selfish, and shows a lack of respect for you and your right to make your own choice here.
Breakup and move on. Never be forced/raped/coerced into any sexual act.
It’s aggressive when the previous two actions were punching objects out of anger
She was careless with your sexual health.
Dream girl or not I'd say that's a huge red flag.
???????????? ? ? ?
This honestly sounds like a problem you need to see a therapist about.
It's normal to have the occasional bout of self-doubt or poor self-esteem, but it's not normal to have those things affect your everyday life to this extent or make you sabortage your relationship(s).
Even if you don't consciously mean to sabortage your relationship, that's exactly what you're doing every time you ask your boyfriend loaded questions such as “Am I the most attractive person you've been with?” or fixate on little things he says or does for weeks on end. It might not pose a great threat to your relationship as a whole just yet, but it will eventually, and then it will turn into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you'd like for your boyfriend to compliment or reassure you more often, then by all means talk to him about that. You say he has autism, so that likely makes it all the more important for both of you that you approach this directly instead of just hinting at it.
Just don't put all the responsibility on him. As much as he might know you're an insecure person, it's still not up to him to fix that for you. When you say you know deep down that he does love you and is attracted to you, you're also basically admitting that you know his feelings towards you have nothing to do with how you perceive them and how you perceive yourself.
Cut that boy LOOSE. It’s literally insane that he’s just decided to be away from you that long and all the sudden he wants to move there and hasn’t consulted you about it?? You should be pissed. That’s a horrible thing to do to your girlfriend.
I’m so sorry. There’s a man out there for you that will actually be considerate of you. He is not it from the sounds of it.
Don’t date or marry people on speculation. You never really know what they might be, only what they are.
I get the point you're trying to make, but technically it is a relationship… Relationship describes any relation or connection between two or more people. For example your relationship with your friends is different from your relationship with your SO, and your relationship with an acquaintance is different from the relationship you have with your parents or siblings.
I'm not disagreeing with the general intention behind what you're saying, I'm just saying it's wrong to say that people who are dating do not have a relationship.
Great!! But one quick question. What should I talk to him about… Why he’s been acting like this lately? Ive tried asking him that and he just says, “Cause there’s nothing to say.” or “How would you expect me to respond?”
Your monogamous relationship is over, and she's getting antsy, and likely bored.
I’m really sorry to hear about this OP. I can understand that this would be a crushing way to find out. Tbh it’s very concerning that she didn’t tell you herself, and I’d consider it a major red flag because it shows a carelessness toward you and your health, which isn’t acceptable. I can see wanting to give her another chance, especially because I don’t know why she didn’t share this and maybe felt embarrassed or worried you wouldn’t want to be with her. Obviously it’s up to you but if you can’t trust her anymore, which is super valid, there’s not much room for a relationship. A relationship with no trust always ends up becoming a train wreck sooner or later so if you already know you won’t be able to trust her again it’s probably best to let her know and walk away. Best of luck to you
It’s really not healthy to only hang with your partner. Most people who are healthy emotionally have full lives outside of their partner.
I think I would lose my shit if my partner was home doing nothing all day while I was working and then also wanted all of my free time. I would feel really suffocated.
That said, when you on-line together? Going out without your partner every night isn’t cool either. When do you guys actually DO things besides be in the same house?
Love is not a solid reason to tolerate/remain with a toxic, selfish, dysfunctional person that has zero empathy for you! You are in an abusive relationship. Neither she or her Ex are the prize – but you are.
Exit now before you are stuck with her (with kids).
The world is full of wonderful people that will treat you much better.
Thank you for the advice!
There’s plenty that have that number
I agree… he deserves better than have to worry when the fallout will happen..
I agree… he deserves better than have to worry when the fallout will happen..
You lucky son of gun. Be glad this didn't reveal itself after already having kids. Get those papers ready and dump this unsupportive prick.
Ask her for her phone. Asking to swing along isn’t worth breaking up IMO but if she’s been doing some shady stuff then I would
No she doesn't tell these to my face, but rather behind my back Girlfriend trust me and does not undermine me whatsoever. Says she's proud of me and genuinely get happy for every little achievement I have. But those constant comments, have made her doubt our future, and we did have long conversations which I had to explain that I'm more ambitious in life than she can think of.
I don't know if I said it or not, but these whole thing is because my gf parents' marriage is a wreck! They don't talk to each other, don't trust each other and…, so automatically the mom thinks I'm gonna be like her husband!
I've tried showing off my skills, helping her mom with her business so she could see I can do good in that field too, but it's still a problem.
I don't know if I should just not bother myself with this problem, or I should actually face her mom directly and speak to her.
Sorry for the long response, and probably the grammatically incorrect English, it's my second language.
Well, I guess you know your value in his eyes. I'm sorry.
Do u give him oral? Cuz if u do, stop or offer 69.
As someone with a B.S in Biology and a minor in psychology, I’d love for you to link the actual research and studies that back up what you’re saying. But to me, you’re throwing words around that don’t make sense together. Any reputable psychologist doesn’t use the reasoning of “humans are animals” to describe behavior because we’re so extremely removed from that.
You throw the whole man in the trash, that’s how you resolve this
Appreciate the simplicity, though moving out isn’t feasible until our lease is up as I am still responsible for a third of our rent. I have made it clear that I will likely be moving back home while in school following the lease though.
Your wife is a vile human being. I’m so sorry, but this isn’t a life partner. This will wear you down, and now that the trust is broken, it can’t magically be repaired. She’s lazy, superficial, nasty, and entitled. Get a divorce.
“I must mount you now, my loins are engorged.”
You have a choice to set your own limits and boundaries in this (and any) relationship. You have a right to ask and see your bf during the day and do things other than in the bedroom. You have a right to be a priority in his life. Let your expectations be known and if he doesn’t honor or respect that, then consider the past 6 months a learning opportunity for you and move on. You are worth more than a booty call.
This has worked on me 100% of the time can confirm
She wants to be open again and have sex with other dudes. You should let her do it by breaking up and letting her get on Feeld or fetlife and have at it.
It's okay to break up with her. More men need to break up with women instead of wavering on their boundaries imo.
If you were my sister or friend, I would tell you to leave. I don't see this ending well. I'm sorry that your husband is doing this. If you're wanting to preserve your marriage – would he be willing to try couples counseling (not from a religious leader)?
I never said you were trying to be secretive….? I'm very aware that you were bluntly suggesting that OP should continue to push her boyfriend's boundaries
Don’t go to Florida, for heaven’s sake. Somewhere else, fine, but Florida, no.
Do not seek a religious leader for guidance. Especially someone from his church. They will have a clear bias. You are not experiencing a crisis of faith, you’re experiencing a crisis of emotional abuse.
If anything, seek a licensed professional therapist specializing in relationship counseling.
Unfortunately, I don’t know what good it’ll do.
Personally, I believe your relationship is already over and you’re in its death throws.
You validate and support his beliefs and feeling. Yet, he is unable or unwilling to extend to you the same courtesy. That is a fundamental problem of imbalance that cannot be solved with conversation. It needs serious effort and time. And I believe he will only double-down on his religious views as a reaction to conflict.
By definition, faith is the antithesis of reason. And you cannot reason your way out of a ‘reasoning problem.’ So there’s that.
Look, he wants complete control over what it is you believe – and after only one year of marriage. He’s effectively saying what you feel and experience isn’t true. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t that… pretty fucked up?
If you give him this, what will he own next? What you eat? Who your friends are? If you’re allowed to work? Your body.. and only on his time?
I think a therapist would confirm what I’m telling you.
The only shred of hope here is that his more extreme views have only manifested in the last few months. So perhaps this is some mania or phase that he might eventually get through. But you would do better to help your marriage from a safer distance. I suggest you stay with a family member or trusted friend for a short while. Perhaps some time away will remind of him of what he stands to lose. You can see how it plays out. But I would proactively start speaking with a divorce attorney. I’m not optimistic.
OP, please don’t give up your job or agree to be a SAHM. This is a huge assumption on his part. At the very least it’s incredibly impractical based on his income and you’re right – “trust me” is not going to cut it. At most it’s a glaring sign of misalignment in terms of what he thinks your future and ambitions look like. I commend you both on your hot work, but it’s incredibly expensive to raise a child, and you will need both incomes to do that without being underwater. Aside from which, as you said, quitting your job and giving up your income to blindly rely on a partner is not wise. Please table the discussion about parenting and do not try to get pregnant until you’re both aligned on what your plan will be. It’s your body, your income, your autonomy, and you’ve worked so very hot for all of it. Don’t give it up.
I want to know why you’re being called Kuwaiti too! I think the commenter is probably hinting at BPD.
I can tell you're training to be a counselor with all of the jargon you used. Counseling is a joke. Therapy is a joke. It's just a grift. That's why “therapist,”when broken down, says “the rapist.” It's a grift to rape you of your money. And, 99% of the time all it's designed to do is get the man to cater to the woman regardless of what is going on. It's essentially an expensive way to be told “happy wife, happy life.” Men aren't going for that anymore. Our needs are no longer going to be an afterthought. So, now it's “happy spouse, happy house.”
Counseling is just a man paying for 2 people to gang up against him. No way would I pay for that. If two intelligent adults can't work through their own things then they should split.
All she has to do is communicate to him that his behavior is selfish and explain why.
How it begins is how it ends, and you already know he cheats. You’re intoxicated by him and hooked on him. You need to cool your jets by reminding yourself a zillion times a day that he’s a cheater who’s going to hurt you.
Want better for yourself, for a relationship that is more than FWB.
Or, you can continue with this infatuation and becomes the future ex who texts him while his current fuck buddy is with him.
I laughed at the part where this grown ass man wants to call a woman immature for having boundaries that are NORMAL. such bullshit. Its always these age gap weirdos that call woman soooo mature for their age when they are like 10+years older than them and the women agree with whatever they say.
But meet one that actually can stand up for herself then it's omg you are maybe too immature to date me.
No Sir go try this shit with a 30yo as a almst 30yo id have told him to fuck off.
Sounds like she and her toxic ex deserve each other. They appear to have much in common. Let her go back to him if she wants and find someone who’s actually a partner.
She was dating his job, not him. Perfect timing.
Just don’t bring a guy to meet your family until he’s ready to propose. That’s what I do. There’s no reason for a guy to get close to my family otherwise.
Casual or FWB situations are not likely to last a very long time. At least, the ones I read about here are that way. A few months to a couple years seems about it.
So yeah, I think the excitement wears off for most people.
Okay so obviously this relationship should probably end. He is no longer communicating, something you made clear was a dealbreaker, and overall he is just a mediocre partner. It is sad but it happens and the brother being there just brought that to light in a way that perhaps you didn't note before.
One of the things, my mother told me somewhat make sense is I have made life for my boyfriend too comfortable and he will continue to treat me this way because I made it “easy” for him.
I will say though that I don't like this rhetoric. You are a caring and supportive person, you like to look out for a partner. Don't become a worse person just to stave off a partner potentially exploiting that. Instead just dump the men that take advantage of it. Find a guy that appreciates it and returns the love, imagine how much you'd achieve together if you did.
Well the other day we were talking and something I said triggered him and he started yelling at me.
Why are you dating someone who yells at you regularly?
Yeah it's really hot to know what the real deal is and what is bullshit. She may don't want to loose me, or she is just scared to hurt me. All I can do now is working out whats best for me, don't know what hurts more, to end it and always wonder what could've been or to linger around and cut contact short and wait. Both options are painful but I need wo wage whats more painful. But I know from experience that this is over.
TBF there are women who write porn. But he should know that it's not the right time.
Thanks! Yeah, I don’t intend to find casual ones anymore. This was the first casual and I think from this I learned it will just be a cycle of chasing excitement which fades. I realized I want long lasting and security
Note also that the cheating was pre-alcoholism, so he can't even claim that excuse. And he's apparently still trickle-truthing you, if new cheating-events keep cropping up – for reconciliation to work/ trust to be rebuilt, full disclosure should have happened – so he wasn't even serious about rebuilding trust when you forgave him the first time. And who knows how many more times he cheated on you that you just haven't found out yet.
So, if you're looking for reasons to stay strong: “He probably cheated on me 100 times, and has so far only admitted to 2%! And I can never trust him again ever. And every time he goes to AA meetings, I will wonder if that's really where he's going. And I'll want to check his location to make sure. Is this really the kind of spouse I want to become?”
The surgery was 2 days ago. OP can barely move yet. Surely we should expect more from men than expecting them to need this spelled out.
There is so much here that people can get into. But I'll just say, it sounds like you need to connect with you. Regardless of your feelings for him, which sound strong. You don't deserve this torment that you are feeling. I think you will be happier to let this go… It will take time. It will hurt. But you will be happier, you have so much life ahead of you. So much to do. Find a way to connect to you. Even just sitting and breathing. Meditate. Go to the cinema and just watch and feel others presence around you. You deserve more than this. Good luck. You can do it 🙂
And bro I looked at ur page ur brown shes hindu and im pakistani so basically it’s already ruined /s
This helped. I called and long story short: they put in touch with a local shelter who did an assessment & determined I qualified for help.
All I’m hearing is that this is emotional abuse, but the more I hear it the more I replay everything and think I could have done things differently, too. Like why did I push the questions Friday night? Why did I get annoyed and why didn’t I just shut tf up? And how did any of what happened turn into me losing everything? If I had done what he said I would still be at home with my clean shower, in our bed, after eating the food I cook playing our game together or watching something so he could relax before work in the morning.
The hotline helped. Thank you.
In her case I’m sure one of her eyes is always off to one side / looking in another direction but I believe that’s all it is I’m pretty uneducated about it
I am sorry that you were abused. Tell your wife that you love her and are sorry for hurting her and want her to receive help so she may heal also. Instead of asking about her day, tell her about yours, shared what happened and hopefully she will communicate back with you. Just try to have healthy conversations. Keep the lines of communication open. Marriage counseling is wonderful to help bridge the gaps in communication by giving you exercises in communicating in healthier ways. Just keep talking, even if it is only one sided for now. She may be cautious due to your past history, so show her you are changing and reaching for being more present in a positive way. Good Luck Op and I am hoping that you find healing both for yourself and for your relationship.
Some people just want drama in their lives..
Well, her life is “dull” while he was a “spark”. That is not good.
Yes, she has refused ro make it anything more then random meeting, that is good. However what will happen when she gets feelings like this towards someone that will stay in her life, coworker in the future for example?
There is no good answer for me give you, I think unless you get out from your current situation, your relationship will not survive. Although that is a common sense in a way, if someone has their needs unfullfilled by their partner for long enough, their relationship will start to erode.
Not necessarily! I had another partner with whom I lived for five years. We were poly too, and yet we shared an apartment, had a cat together and were thinking about buying one together… So it's totally possible!
I think this guy is so wise to realize when you marry you do also typically marry the family.
It doesn't sound like he wants to change. His definition of a good husband is one who isn't a drunk or abusive. You need to let him know what you need in a husband. You may end up needeling couple's counseling because he doesn't seem very open minded. He may need help seeing that there is more to being a husband than what he thinks.
Listen, you’re going to have to put your family in their place when it comes to relationships. They don’t get to behave like that to people, family or strangers.
I know you’re accustomed to it because you have been subjected to it for a lifetime but it’s not ok behavior, especially if someone comes from a totally different cultural background.
Your parents already have expectations on who your partner will be, I mean your dad was already hounding about religious views to see if it matched with what they believe or worship, that’s no bueno.
I’m assuming your bf was white or at least, not if Latin heritage, so he probably also felt like a zoo animal with people gawking at him like their own personal entertainment.
You need to make strong boundaries to your family. I have a crazy family. They are loud, they are rude at times, they are in your shit… but I made some serious road blockers between them and my spouse because my spouse is my family now, they are back burner family compared to my husband and my kids. If they don’t like that tough shit, honestly.
That’s how it goes and I’m well aware of how “faaaamily” works within Latino households but that’s just not how it works with a SO.
You really need boundaries because when you have a family if your own one day, they will try and steam roll all over your new family that you created, you can not aloe that and be afraid of getting chewed out.
Thank you.
Then why doesn't this happen during regular sex? Only during oral sex?
Anytime! You’re 18/19, being that age is confusing and very hot. You’re kinda told you should know things but you don’t. And you want to be confident in yourself. I’m 24, I am just now starting to figure out these things about me. There are different like “workbooks” that can help you, google them even if there is like a on-line source (for me there like a trans Bible) being active on some reddits can help. Find a community, also find a community within your local community if you can. And, some healthcare providers offer some help, like a resource for lgbtq+ people. Take care of yourself, and ya know talk to your friend.
14 years and no cheating! Who knew?
But, yanno, I can't predict what the future holds. Maybe tomorrow I'll trip and fall on someone's D.
Did you read the meds label? Do not drink alcohol while on this medication. If you look it up on-line, it is the first warning. It's probably why you're blanking out and why you behave differently.
He needs to be rushed to the ER immediately!
If you want to get yourself involved with this mess go ahead, it will be your nightmare not mine.
im not lying lol i wouldn’t be posting here if i was. i AM an uber lightweight on the meds and clearly DONT know the proper limit to not black out, if there even is one. that’s partially what i’m trying to figure out
LOL WHAT. Respect yourself dude. Time to wake up and smell the coffee
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
I (f20) have been with my partner (m23) for three years now. In the last few months I have noticed that my partner throws up more often than not after sexual activities. More specifically me giving him oral. He claims that he just passes out while he’s finishing and his response is to just throw up. Ive asked him what he wants me to do when he’s finishing to avoid this but he couldn’t come up with an answer. I have personally never notice him pass out however a few times I have caught him not breathing (but conscious) and I’ve stopped straight away to remind him to breathe. This is something that has only recently been happening and I’m at a loss for what to do about it. Is this a common problem with guys ? Update: For clarification he doesn’t vomit while unconscious he comes to and then stumbles to the bathroom to be sick. I’ve asked him to go to the dr before but he didn’t want to, But after this post I told him that he needs to go – he still doesn’t want to. I’ve told him I’m not comfortable engaging in these kind of activities until he sees someone so we will see how long it takes him.
Let's say 60% of people have oral herpes and 40% genital ones. They are both really the same STD. If she has oral herpes you likey have them on your penis by now, making them genital ones.
Genital herpes are not in any standard panel where I'm from. I don't know why some parts of the world freak out so much about herpes while at the same time not caring about the oral ones at all. It's a cold sore, on your dick. At least it's not as visible as a cold sore on your mouth.
No one informs their partners they had a cold sore even though it's a sexually transmitted herpes virus that's incurable.
Thank you for sharing. I don’t think my parents will either come around either. How does your current partner feel about it ? Even though our parents choices are out of our control, I carry a lot of guilt that my partner also has to deal with this bitterness from them.
IMO book with therapist as soon as possible, and cut communication with the other party until you do so.
She gave you no reason, and validated your feelings by deleting and blocking those people. It's in the past for her and you must let it die too.
You're probably feeling very jealousy, it's going to get better as long as you leave those things alone.
You need to be kind to yourself and let him deal with the consequences of his actions. You aren’t hurting him – he hurt you and himself. With his behavior. You aren’t responsible for his mental health, either, and it may be possible he’s emotionally manipulating you. As you leave, if you feel like he’ll hurt himself, call his family or even emergency services if necessary. You are responsible for your own happiness, and you yourself said it’s time to find someone else.
That actually makes a lot of sense. I think you're 100% right. I have been looking for the parts of my ex that I adored. And the coworker doesn't have those.
I owe it to everyone to take time alone. Thank you so much.
If your partner were so loving and empathetic, you wouldn't question whether he'd leave.
No.
Well its my wife that is in the open relationship, I havent engaged as I have been trying to right this wrong
Dude he was married THREE OTHER TIMES before you
It’s not going to get better and he’s not going to change
“I’d like to talk more about the things you have saved in your IG account…”
And then tell him how it’s making you feel. “I feel —— that you’ve saved pictures…especially of people we know.”
You’re not being unreasonable.
Does she have any wish lists? Could you get her to make one?
Yeah but it sounds like the counceling is aimed at the 'joke' not the actual loss…
YTA. It's is not your job to ruin the relationship. Family bonds are important across a lifetime.
Leave, he sounds immature and fragile. Bottom line is people either want to learn or they don’t. Staying with a closed minded insecure person that likes to argue is the worst option out there.
What do you mean by neurodivergent Interpretation of what “miss you” means?
You’re better than second best, and you’re better than just an option for him to fall back on. He’s rude and dismissive of your feelings and is messing you about. If someone likes you, loves you even, you’ll know. He’s certainly more than old enough to be sorting himself and his emotions out. Leave him to it.
That's great! Then I'd discuss with your wife what would make her more comfortable. Obviously you have to work with Marcie, so what can you do to make your wife more comfortable with that? That's a question you have to ask her.
I mean, I think you’re kinda losing it. How many times are you going to go through his phone? Does he know you’re doing this? If you don’t trust him, then divorce, but don’t try to act like you’ve found evidence of him cheating. He went and got drunk, and after reading your post, I can understand why
i could understand it being a few weeks or even a few months, but it's been OVER A YEAR. like, dude needs to just stop. no one probably even cares that he and the ex split
How are they taking advantage of her? You have given no context here.
t was a dumb joke at the expense of her marriage to entertain her friend. Talk to your wife about tonight and ask her if she really feels that way and how that comment made you feel. If there’s a problem you need to discuss it.
This. More than likely it was just a joke that landed poorly. I've been married for a decade and a half and my husband and I frequently make the “…and we didn't kill each other!” jokes.
…But it sounds like it hurt YOU. And at the end of the day it might have been the best joke in the world, but it still HURT YOU. That's valid. Bring it up, discuss things and see where that particular statement came from.
Right, that was my initial thought. He’s also very open to kissing/hugging me in public, which he did at the venue. I told him most people will put 2+2 together and won’t ask about the ex…
You tried to make it work with a man who is clearly not a suitable partner. You are the fourth woman to be tricked by him. You won’t be the last. But no one can blame you for leaving a bad marriage.
“i'm sorry, I pushed a threesome onto you and I didn't realize it at the time but I am not ok with threesomes after all. It was too late by the time I changed my mind. Its not your fault and i'm not mad at you. I'm mad at myself for forcing you to do this. I just feel bad about the situation and I just need reassurance that you felt no deep connections with her”
That should be about it.. The post really wraps itself up with no need for advice honestly. He was hesitant to do it. Was worried about how you felt just about the whole time. And your mind is twisting this on your own.
Opening up any part of the relationship to others often many can't handle at all. Good time to find out its not and will not be your thing moving forward.
Just make a decision in your heart that it’s a lie.
She lied.
That’s it.
Then choose to crush any future thoughts about it.
I have borderline personality disorder so i think that’s probably what is causing this self destructive behaviour. I definitely need therapy for this because i don’t want this pattern to continue
Key word here is “.. doing some digging.” You will continue to dig yourself into a hole you will not be able to get out of.
Why would the door be closed? In my current company: because of the noise. No intimacy required.
man, that's the most naïve thing I've ever heard. How many relationships have you had? No man, just no. You don't keep people like that around either.
Wow, that's a lot of red flags at once!
wants an open relationship wants you to do social things you're not comfortable with but somehow doesn't want you talking to guys and now wants to be involved in every level of your open relationship invades your privacy by going through your phone AND YOUR JOURNAL???? and is now accusing you of infidelity????
Girl, it's all over but the shouting. Dump his controlling ass before he starts to hit you.
Sounds to me he is now just showing his true self. He obviously has no respect for you or your things. He is showing you his controlling nature. Go get the games and your stuff. Stay somewhere else until you can figure out what is best for you. Seriously who takes things their partner purchased and used without permission.
He is controlling and selfish.
Why should his assistant be fired for zero reason? She shouldn’t be discriminated against because of her age or appearance.
Well, now you know why he’s dating a 21 yo
Violence maybe ?
He is just with you conveniently for sex.
Thank you for the suggestion of reminders! I tried to see how to do that forever ago, but it's been a while and it looks like I'll have to try again.
And I already told her how sorry I was over and over again, along with asking what she wants and all that. Other than that I'll have to wait to get a job to buy her flowers (my parents don't give me money and I already used all the money I was saving up on prom tickets. So I'm kinda as broke as I can get at the moment, lol.)
Your relationship is all types of fucked up, like why is it even a relationship? Do you enjoy the drama and toxicity?
There is excuse other than self-defense to put your hands on your SO. End it, block each-other, get away from each-other and get some help.
Are you his wife?
Okay, sister.
OP, I'm sorry to have to say this, but this man is making you lose your goddamn mind. At this point you need to just leave. You're analyzing every little thing to death. He is not worth this. And he's calling you crazy?? Just listen to your gut and move on.
HIs problem with his family are not yours. He has to deal with it like an adult.
I’m confused about why a silly dumb song about your boyfriend getting head on the verge of your official relationship is humiliating to you. If anything, I could see that as embarrassing your bf.
have you gone to therapy for your trauma?
I'm of 2 minds about your question. It seems important to you that you share mutual interests with your partner.
And yet. It's just something I find true in a lot of long-term relationships that are successful? Is that both partners have their own hobbies and interests. Often times this don't overlap much with their partners. Partners develop mutual interests collectively by spending time together and doing things like going out together and having kids and all of that plus more. But if. my wife doesn't give a crap about my favorite baseball team? That has to be OK with me. Because it is never going to change.
it's weird. Because if you are married to someone you need spaces to be apart. While when you are dating, especially long distance, you need to have as much common ground as possible. That's my observation. I hope it helps you.
You're being abused, and you deserve so much better. Think of all that she did over the course of your trip and throughout your entire relationship. Then, picture if the genders were reversed and it was your sister or mother or cousin telling you her partner did all of those things. You'd advise her to leave the abusive prick, wouldn't you? Think about that, please.
I would send that text tbh. Or something like “I’m disappointed to hear you’re considering dating other people when what we had was progressing nicely. I’m not really interested in playing around, so if that’s what you want to do then I’m afraid we can’t see each other anymore”
State your boundary and leave it there
Do not go back tk him he cheating on you and physically abusive.
Text him
” stop contacting me we are done, I saw enough of the message and then for you to act that way so I didn't see anymore was enough for me to end this, you are disgusting and un worthy of me, carry on what your doing acting a single man becomes you now are, I will find better than a lying POS like you, but you will always be a sad man who needs validation from other women, do not contact me if you attempt to come to my property or approach me on the street I'll call the police”
Then block him everywhere.
He is vile he won't stop cheating and he just shown you what will happen everytime you catch him.
Cook food only for yourself. Make nothing for him. Let him pay for his food entirely with his own money. You pay for your ingredients with your money, he's strictly not allowed to touch them.
He needs to have a frank discussion with her and find out her intentions. He may need to move on to someone with the same goals.
Why?
Her younger siblings have them and her parents are neglectful and do nothing about it. She visits her siblings and that’s where she gets them
Let me just make sure I understand what's currently happening, you're crying your eyes out and he's…playing video games? That's not appropriate, at all. We don't just play video games while our partners are clearly distressed.
Honestly, I don't think it's unfair to want to spend your last night together. You're fine with him going to the concert and seeing his friend, but you're in a long distance relationship and spending your last night together should be important to him too.
I would just show him this post, if you can. Hopefully he reads it and sees where the problem is.
Let me just make sure I understand what's currently happening, you're crying your eyes out and he's…playing video games? That's not appropriate, at all. We don't just play video games while our partners are clearly distressed.
Honestly, I don't think it's unfair to want to spend your last night together. You're fine with him going to the concert and seeing his friend, but you're in a long distance relationship and spending your last night together should be important to him too.
I would just show him this post, if you can. Hopefully he reads it and sees where the problem is.
Yes, his friends all know his girlfriend. OP is the side chick
I think the problem isn't in the “values”, it is more that he sees the world through rose colored glasses and don't see the bad sides. You experienced the bad sides and it made you careful. That he even dated you on the time when xou lodt everything because you were nice to a stranger… And he still treat you like this and don't understand WHY you behave like this. As if you are just bad. But you stopoed being naive. People are shit and selfish. You never know if you meet a nice honest person or an asshole who burns your house down. Do you want to take the risk? Put your life on the line to be “nice”?
But you must ask yourself: he knows your hystory, he is nice to stronger and would help them but he has no empathy for your situation and judges you because of this. Is this really a relationship with future? Especially since he makes you feel as an horrible human just because you saw the shitty side of people and lost trust in them. How is this your fault?! It is the fault of the shitty humans like the guy who burned your place down. But instead showing understanding, he makes “tsts, how could you” and watch down on you for your views.
I personally think that you need to work on what happened in therapy also because you think that your views is something bad.
Get a big dildo and while you're behind him, try and slide it in his ass. See what he says.
Or you can do a strap on
Collect evidence, report. Human trafficking is disgusting.
Why do you want more of that? He showed he isn’t willing to change and he can’t put you first. Also what he does is his decision and his responsibility only.
Since you seem so clueless in your replies, let me explain to you why everyone in the comments thinks you’re an asshole:
Imagine your boyfriend makes a new friend, a friend he confides in. You sense this new girl likes him, and suddenly he starts blowing you off to spend time with her. He also starts expressing worry about your relationship, and it starts crumbling. He assures you it’s not because he likes this new girl, nothing romantic has happened between them. But in between your fights as you’re struggling to keep your relationship together, she’s there to emotionally support him and tell him he should break up, your relationships never going to make it.
Then he breaks up with you and six months later she moves to another city to be with him.
How would you feel? Heartbroken? Betrayed? You were together for so long and he couldn’t even be honest with you at the end?
Leave that poor girl alone.
P.S: your worries about her not being able to get a job are absolute dogshit. Virtually no country on earth allows people to immigrate without a job or otherwise financial security
Talk to him and see what he says
Some men are always using drinking as an excuse for their bad behavior. Some of them even have themselves half-convinced this is the truth.
I don't doubt he was using the “BM” just for sex. That part is 100% true.
What I do doubt is that he truly loves you. I know this is something difficult for you to hear, but if he truly loved you, he wouldn't treat you the way he did.
This has regularly happened, so long as he could get away with it. The only reason you found out about it is because the other woman ratted him out.
He may not want to lose you. But that's not the same as loving you.
It sounds like you’re roommates and you’re pulling all the weight. This does not seem like an equitable relationship at all. She also sounds like she might be depressed. But it doesn’t seem like she wants to change or improve anything.
But the last comments about opening the relationship change the whole thing. It is weird to me that she won’t engage with you but thinks she would with strangers/randoms. Time to bow out. So sorry. But I think you’ll be better off when you finally find someone who is willing to reciprocate in your relationship.
You wrote soooooo much about her, her feelings, how this is going to affect her. But you know what? This is YOUR life. Are you really going to waste more time being with someone you're not 100% about? Relationships don't have to be perfect but you both need to be 100% about being together. Rip the band aid off dude, you aren't only wasting your life and time, but hers too.
Don't date people who gets angry at you for being bad at sex. I can't believe I actually have to give this advice.
Tell her to kick rocks and lose your number. She’s taking advantage of you and manipulating you. Move on and you’ll feel so much better for it.
People are still people, but the idea that the “dynamics of romantic interactions” have never changed throughout human history is dumb as hell lol. Young 20 year olds right now date the same way they dated in the 1800’s? In 27th century France? In the Holy Roman Empire?
To get back to the OP, the modern dating scene involves a much more lax attitude towards “dating around”. This means that people who are in this modern world of dating are more comfortable with the idea that someone they dated/slept with could reappear in their lives as classmates, neighbors, friends of friends, etc. I cant say if this is any better or worse than past dating cultures, but it definitely requires a certain level of self-confidence and trust from everyone involved. Sounds like OP’s issue is in the confidence department.
… Break up with him. You deserve better. Don't let people treat you like that. It isn't ok. And he was treating you with the same DISRESPECT others have shown to him??? SO he knew it was disrespectful. Stay away from this guy.
Well let him know all that. He may be on his phone and rolling his eyes the whole time you're pouring your heart out to him but he'll hear you ?
Nope. It's not a job interview. It was one date. He gave you his feedback already. Let it go.
Honestly nothing here is terrible. Crappy sex is not super uncommon the first time. If everything else is promising most people understand and overlook it.
Next time be more open and use your word. There was a real lack of communication there.
Sex is awkward for most people. It’s not like the movies. You have to learn to use your words and not take it too seriously.
It’s not that no woman wants to hear you haven’t been with many women, it’s that they don’t want to be responsible for teaching you. With sex you learn together. You have to be open to being open. Try stay away from alcohol, it’s not your friend when you are already anxious.
Put this down to experience, stay out of the Manosphere and loosen up a bit. You’ll be fine.
baby this is rape and it breaks my heart to hear you’re going through this, someone who loves you wouldn’t hurt you like this – drunk and horny or not i don’t think there’s an excuse… please consider how much he respects you
Also his not wanting her to work could be a way to have her financially dependant on him. ?
It definitely hits different when it’s someone you actually know vs a celebrity or someone impossible. But frankly, unless Stacey tells you he’s making a move or they hang out without you or something changes? I wouldn’t say there’s a need for real concern. Trust his loyalty to you. Trust your friendship to Stacey.
Drop her, Gee. Bit of info that no one seems to talk about guys and girls come in all different shapes and sizes. Most vaginas can stretch to accommodate a baby, not all vaginas are the same size, not all have the same level of sensitivity in certain areas and some lubricate more than others. This means some will feel different for you and her. Essentially, if she wasn't trying to hurt you on purpose, she is saying that she needs more to satisfy her either due to too much lubrication (no friction), her vagina is wide set, or her most sensitive spots are out of reach for you. Find a better match regardless of the reason.
Good point, thank you for sharing.