but she is actively miserable and a different person when she is on birth control
Have you talked to her about this? If she has negative side effects she should talk to her doctor about them. Birth control isn't one size fits all, there are many different kinds and it's normal to have to experiment to find one that works right for you.
he says that but also says he cant break up with me, hes unhappy without me and he really does act in love. this is why i feel so frustrated. is it definetely mot worth trying to fix?
You've tried breaking up with him before BUT the difference with this time is that you are seriously fed up, done, and will not be accepting his pleas that he'll be better. The other times you decided to give him another chance. That's your fault. Even though he's a dummy doesn't mean he deserves a complete ghosting. Just tell him straight up and if he fights it, follow up with you said that last time and nothing has changed. Sorry. I'm moving on, goodbye. Etc However you want to put it. Lol But that the finality is obvious and unwavering.
Good Luck OP on your singledom. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need and what everyone deserves.
You have sex tapes of you ex on file. And you really lacked the ability to describe a kinky blowjob? Shut up. Drunk and horny you was excited to show that video. I hope she quickly comes to her senses and gets out of there
Hi, person with multiple autoimmune conditions here: leave him. It’s scary enough on your own, but it’s worse knowing that he will never support you. If he is willing to throw away your marriage over you having a chronic condition, that likely means he was always willing to throw away your marriage over even the slightest of inconveniences.
Get him some activated charcoal tablets. These will help with the flatulence.
Everything sounds as if it’s within the realms of being normal, if inconvenient for him and unpleasant for you, but of course a check over with his GP would probably be a good idea just to be sure.
Also can we just point out that she was drunk, Hugh on ecstasy and the brother decided to hook up with her. Dude, you just don't have sex with anyone intoxicated and/ or on drugs. You just don't. You make out but then you stop because that person is in on frame of mind to consent probably. Which sort of validated OPs description of his brother as a garbage human.
Just talk to her again and try to get the main reason why she's upset. Just ask her, it won't hurt to ask. Hope everything works out though. I guess I'm just built differently. A guy watching porn isn't a big deal to me, but some people have issues with it. Maybe your girl does to but it just never came up in conversation
Seems a very superficial condition to hinge getting married on. A person's physical appearance will change as they age and experience life. Is your boyfriend going to accept you no matter what those changes entail? Or is his love conditional on his ideal image of you?
If it's the latter, I'd probably reconsider marriage.
Here's my take. It's not necessarily inappropriate for your mom to talk about her trauma. But doing it at a family occasion is probably not the right place and time. Your mom needs to talk to a therapist and deal with her trauma. I'm sorry it was so off putting, especially if she's never done that before.
Maybe talk to your brother's gf and see what she thinks about it? If that's not too awkward. She might have a different way of looking at it.
I would also try to have some compassion for your mom. She's dealing with foundational trauma and it doesn't always go smoothly. You have a therapist and that's awesome.
The fact that they’ve been fighting for two days and are not speaking may also be a sign of incompatibility.
Btw him being financially responsible and most of the other things you stated (besides the culture and ethics) have nothing to do with compatibility. I think you meant to say “ do they have similar views and expectations of finances ect…”
It takes a lot of work, just as any healthy relationship. Start doing new things, or surprise eachother randomly. As in going out and/or in the bedroom. But most importantly, keep talking.
Pretty grim that at 22 he had to learn what basic boundaries are. That's if we humour that he didn't know what he was doing was wrong which… yeah. I don't. I think it is much easier to assume he was cheating and that all of this is lip service.
Kind of absurd he maintains contact with her. The symbolic thing to do would be cut contact, especially given that yes, he had feelings for her and that is why he continued to chat with her. He is meant to be showing he takes that seriously and yet he insists on that dynamic, one that probably only changed because she happened to get a partner?
I know that is extremely cynical on my part. I am being very hot on him. But honestly I think it is kind of sad you have to go through this at all, it really should be more obvious to someone his age.
In all kindness – block her phone, her email, her IM, DM and whatever other M there is. Her life is no longer worth your time and energy. She no longer exists in your world.
What she said a week ago is irrelevant. It could be true, it could be a lie, she could have been sparing your feelings. It honestly doesn't matter which.
Go eat food she hated, what movies you like, go on-line your own life.
Have you told him what you want? If you have laid out your expectations and he is not meeting them, then you have to decide if that is a failing or not. Since he is in university, you have to assume he is smart enough to understand you but is just not bothering with appeasing your needs for romance. Maybe he just doesn't love you as much as you like to believe. Are there other red flags? 'Cause his lack of effort for you is a big one.
If you want the romantic gestures in your life, you may have to find it in someone else.
Oh, it’s not his ego that radical feminist comment that like has nothing to do with headphones? I didn’t read about that in the suffrage movement or the third wave or any of the waves honestly but OK… He doesn’t like women and you’re married to a misogynist, who is going to teach your child to not like themselves if they are women, or do not like women if they are a man. Opie really decide if this is some shit you want And make decisions accordingly. You are a parent now you are responsible for teaching your child what a healthy relationship looks like you are not the only one getting beaten down in the situation, so please choose wisely.
i think you should probably figure that out with someone who isn’t a decade older than you. by the time you are his age you’ll be disgusted with him
but she is actively miserable and a different person when she is on birth control
Have you talked to her about this? If she has negative side effects she should talk to her doctor about them. Birth control isn't one size fits all, there are many different kinds and it's normal to have to experiment to find one that works right for you.
he says that but also says he cant break up with me, hes unhappy without me and he really does act in love. this is why i feel so frustrated. is it definetely mot worth trying to fix?
Yes everyone is always owed an explanation.
You've tried breaking up with him before BUT the difference with this time is that you are seriously fed up, done, and will not be accepting his pleas that he'll be better. The other times you decided to give him another chance. That's your fault. Even though he's a dummy doesn't mean he deserves a complete ghosting. Just tell him straight up and if he fights it, follow up with you said that last time and nothing has changed. Sorry. I'm moving on, goodbye. Etc However you want to put it. Lol But that the finality is obvious and unwavering.
Good Luck OP on your singledom. I hope you find someone who can give you what you need and what everyone deserves.
When you confront her about the condoms, demand access to her phone. I don’t get why you wouldn’t confront her immediately. Don’t be a doormat.
You have sex tapes of you ex on file. And you really lacked the ability to describe a kinky blowjob? Shut up. Drunk and horny you was excited to show that video. I hope she quickly comes to her senses and gets out of there
Hi, person with multiple autoimmune conditions here: leave him. It’s scary enough on your own, but it’s worse knowing that he will never support you. If he is willing to throw away your marriage over you having a chronic condition, that likely means he was always willing to throw away your marriage over even the slightest of inconveniences.
Get him some activated charcoal tablets. These will help with the flatulence.
Everything sounds as if it’s within the realms of being normal, if inconvenient for him and unpleasant for you, but of course a check over with his GP would probably be a good idea just to be sure.
Also can we just point out that she was drunk, Hugh on ecstasy and the brother decided to hook up with her. Dude, you just don't have sex with anyone intoxicated and/ or on drugs. You just don't. You make out but then you stop because that person is in on frame of mind to consent probably. Which sort of validated OPs description of his brother as a garbage human.
Just talk to her again and try to get the main reason why she's upset. Just ask her, it won't hurt to ask. Hope everything works out though. I guess I'm just built differently. A guy watching porn isn't a big deal to me, but some people have issues with it. Maybe your girl does to but it just never came up in conversation
Seems a very superficial condition to hinge getting married on. A person's physical appearance will change as they age and experience life. Is your boyfriend going to accept you no matter what those changes entail? Or is his love conditional on his ideal image of you?
If it's the latter, I'd probably reconsider marriage.
Here's my take. It's not necessarily inappropriate for your mom to talk about her trauma. But doing it at a family occasion is probably not the right place and time. Your mom needs to talk to a therapist and deal with her trauma. I'm sorry it was so off putting, especially if she's never done that before.
Maybe talk to your brother's gf and see what she thinks about it? If that's not too awkward. She might have a different way of looking at it.
I would also try to have some compassion for your mom. She's dealing with foundational trauma and it doesn't always go smoothly. You have a therapist and that's awesome.
The fact that they’ve been fighting for two days and are not speaking may also be a sign of incompatibility.
Btw him being financially responsible and most of the other things you stated (besides the culture and ethics) have nothing to do with compatibility. I think you meant to say “ do they have similar views and expectations of finances ect…”
It takes a lot of work, just as any healthy relationship. Start doing new things, or surprise eachother randomly. As in going out and/or in the bedroom. But most importantly, keep talking.
Honey, he cheated on you. I'm sorry.
Did she reply to that?
Pretty grim that at 22 he had to learn what basic boundaries are. That's if we humour that he didn't know what he was doing was wrong which… yeah. I don't. I think it is much easier to assume he was cheating and that all of this is lip service.
Kind of absurd he maintains contact with her. The symbolic thing to do would be cut contact, especially given that yes, he had feelings for her and that is why he continued to chat with her. He is meant to be showing he takes that seriously and yet he insists on that dynamic, one that probably only changed because she happened to get a partner?
I know that is extremely cynical on my part. I am being very hot on him. But honestly I think it is kind of sad you have to go through this at all, it really should be more obvious to someone his age.
FFS – Dating is supposed to be fun!! This has been 5 months of hell!
In all kindness – block her phone, her email, her IM, DM and whatever other M there is. Her life is no longer worth your time and energy. She no longer exists in your world.
What she said a week ago is irrelevant. It could be true, it could be a lie, she could have been sparing your feelings. It honestly doesn't matter which.
Go eat food she hated, what movies you like, go on-line your own life.
Stop letting her live rent free in your head.
Have you told him what you want? If you have laid out your expectations and he is not meeting them, then you have to decide if that is a failing or not. Since he is in university, you have to assume he is smart enough to understand you but is just not bothering with appeasing your needs for romance. Maybe he just doesn't love you as much as you like to believe. Are there other red flags? 'Cause his lack of effort for you is a big one.
If you want the romantic gestures in your life, you may have to find it in someone else.
What kind of man is he
The simplest answer is usually the correct answer
Run. She straight up said you're a placeholder, get out of there before she finds your replacement.
Yeah lol nobody hears about the ones with no drama.
They’re fine if you and your friends aren’t bad people. Mine was a blast; no strip club necessary.
Oh, it’s not his ego that radical feminist comment that like has nothing to do with headphones? I didn’t read about that in the suffrage movement or the third wave or any of the waves honestly but OK… He doesn’t like women and you’re married to a misogynist, who is going to teach your child to not like themselves if they are women, or do not like women if they are a man. Opie really decide if this is some shit you want And make decisions accordingly. You are a parent now you are responsible for teaching your child what a healthy relationship looks like you are not the only one getting beaten down in the situation, so please choose wisely.