I (29F) upset my partner (29M) by saying the scheduled blowjobs feel like a chore. How do I make it better?

Hi! My partner (29M) and I (29F) have been together for 10 years and have 2 children together.

My partner and I had a discussion a few months ago about how we can make each other feel more loved. I asked if on the weekend he can wake me up with a coffee as he is up earlier than I am. He asked if I can give him a blowjob every Wednesday. I was honestly fine with that arrangement and agreed!

I used to love giving him blowjobs and I’d be very into it. But I’m finding with the Wednesday schedule, I’m less excited. It’s always the same time every Wednesday, no romance leading up to it etc. It’s starting to feel like a chore. I wouldn’t mind if it was quick but it’s 30-40 minutes and sometimes I’m just exhausted and have a bunch of chores left to do or I’m tired.

Today, he woke me up from a nap (I had a bad nights sleep) at the scheduled time (I told him it was okay). And I was really cranky and didn’t want to wake up. I eventually got up and he said he didn’t want it anymore because I didn’t look like I wanted it. That’s when I opened up and said that it’s feeling more like a chore. This hurt his feelings and made me feel really awful.

We briefly talked about other solutions but he has a strong preference for routine and likes it being at the scheduled time. I hate the routine aspect because it makes me feel trapped but at the same time I just really regret saying anything because I know I hurt him and he’s never going to feel the same contentment for the Wednesday blowjobs.

What can I do to make it better? I just want to go back to normal. It’s something I’m happy to do for him. I also hate making dinner but I do it because I love my family. To me it’s the same thing like that!