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Date: October 11, 2022
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As a woman with high ptsd/anxiety/bi polar im telling you to leave her. You are important. And sometimes when we have these panic attacks or outbursts we really can't help it.
But it sounds to me like she may need more help than you can produce for her and I mean that in the sincerest and kindest way possible. You're mental Matters as well so please don't drain yourself into someone who can't see they need more help than you.
Her mental health overall is HER responsibility Not yours
I hope you find your answers and strength soon.
My current bf and I had sex within the first week of dating each other lmfao
Troll
She probably is a little jealous, but that's of no consequence if your boyfriend is solid.
Keeping this guy that you clearly don’t want on your hook is cruel to and wasteful of your precious time. I’m getting the sense you don’t want him to find someone else, but that’s what happens when you break up. His friends are checking in because you’re hurting this young man and they care for him.
She doesn’t seem to care because she probably doesn’t. She cares about k-pop. So one positive from the event is you realized she is this way and is most likely not your life partner.
Gonna recommend when reading a post this weird, check the comments because I can guarantee it's a troll reposter. This one here has been posted from the opposite gender perspective, and I also remember one with more details about talking to the date before meeting up. They aren't even trying to hide it anymore, incredibly disappointed that they haven't tried to spice up the story at least ):
It’s not greedy to ask for reasonable things that make you feel happy. You can say things like. «I love receiving back rubs, it makes me feel happy and comfy, could you rub my back please?»
By saying «I love xyz, it makes me feel blabla» you also encourage future behavior that you want (as well as boundaries). It can work as a user manual for what you want and how your bf can make you happy.
Things that would be greedy, on the other hand, is acting like a gold digger and things like that.
Husband and brother are identical twins not in the post but a comment.
Edit: don’t suggest dna testing that’s not an option
WTF? Why? You can't just say it isn't an option without a legitimate reason for why it isn't an option. If you are faithful a dna test would, legit, solve this entire argument… So why not?
Also, the whole point that the DNA test wouldn't be able to distinguish between twins falls apart pretty quick after a simple google search…. AKA, YES THEY CAN DISTINGUISH BETWEEN HIM AND HIS BROTHER.
I hear you, clearly being selfish with something that would help the both of you. If he can’t handle stuff like this he wouldn’t handle a baby at all. You do what’s best for you and baby.
Yeah I think you are right, would it be okay if we messaged?
Lol not after a week, maybe when you move in together and starting to split bills
It genuinely sounds like your girlfriend wanted to sleep with other people but didn't want to feel bad.
I personally would cut my losses and take this as a learning experience but it you truly believe an open relationship from the age of 23 can turn into an open marriage and a subsequent great life together, then by all means stick it out.
Sounds like she planned to get pregnant from him. What was a woman her age messing with a 24 yr old if she wanted to have kids right now.
I'm not perfect either
I have ALSO never “accidentally cheated”
If you give me Ally’s number, I would love to let her know what a piece of shit she is
I think when you’re at the point where being around these people makes you want to act like they do, you should leave with your personality and your values in-tact.
That's a long time together …are you sure she wants to be in a relationship? She sounds like she's very independent and very secretive and doesn't want to share with you.
Why would he need a privacy protector in his line of work? Super suspect!!!
Unreliable narrator. Noun. Def: One who tells an autobiographical story while crafting every element to achieve a desired reaction from the audience, regardless of the facts. e.g. -> u/ThrowRAlima
I mean, he should be embarrassed. And he should be ashamed that he not only doesn’t do anything about it, but that he is now just throwing a blanket over it. Seriously- don’t coddle him. Just tell him that it’s gross and if he doesn’t know how to wipe his ass at his age, then he should figure it out real quick.
Hmmmm……true…..the interesting thing is that she didn’t really mention PPD, she mentioned being overwhelmed and was influenced by her parents, nothing about PPD. Now all of a sudden in talking to him, she had PPD.
This is not your fault!! He is being abusive and manipulative. Instead of trying to fix this it should be a HUGE RED FLAG WARNING to you to drop this relationship.
Man said no salty men lol. You're the one that's salty you have to deal with your consequences
She’s launching giant red sacks of red flags at you. This one will probably get messy. What are you going to do?
Your boyfriend has no boundaries. That’s on him not his family. Also, your boyfriend lives in their house, they can do whatever they want… especially if you aren’t paying them rent or bills for the house. Your bf constantly makes time for them and doesn’t communicate that he does have his own life and can’t drop everything to spend time with them. It sounds like he doesn’t communicate that to them, so that’s his fault, not there’s.
What I’m saying is that it would be hard to sleep with a person I’m not intimate with bc of my deeper feelings for that person. How the fuck is that selfish?
The problem is that he's dragging her along. He says he'll get married once he trusts her again. What's she supposed to do with that?! Wait on baited breath for him to completely want her? What if in 5 years he says “nevermind”. Now she just wasted 5 years with someone who can't make decisions.
OP, if you read this I think you should have an honest conversation with your wife. Don't lie as it will make her question herself. Don't let her think she did something wrong. There is no way to make it less hurtful but be kind. Dont talk about what you plan to do after you break up. Your wife and your relationship with her may become bitter after this talk. Accept that you will lose her and that she and her family will cut you off for good. I don't think there's a chance to remain friendly after this kind of revelation.
I'm really sorry for OP's wife like may other commenters but I just don't understand why people keep saying one's DNA is not special. It might not be special for you but it can be special for that person. I have 4 year old boy. I know many here would call him just another crotch goblin but he is special to me. He's speacial to my husband and our families. He will be special for his friends and partner one day. So it doesn't matter if you find OP's DNA and thus biological child to be special or not. It will be special to him and continue to be just like that for others as they grow.
Adoption is not for everybody. Adopting just because you're not able to have a kid does not always end in a good way. We hear many stories where the seemingly infertile couple go on to have a kid just to neglect the adopted one. We see many extended families who do not welcome the adopted child. Also we see many adopted children who reunite with their biological family just to ignore the family that raised them. Having a biological kid has it's own risks. But maybe OP is ready to face these risks but not the ones that come with adopting. He says he doesn't want it. Also adopted children deserve parents that genuinely want them.
I'm sorry for OP's wife but it's not fair for her to be tolerated by OP just because they have a good marriage rather than being accepted as she is by another person. He may accept not having a biological kid eventually or he may grow resentful of her. It's not fair to that woman.
OP can divorce but it doesn't mean that he will be able to find a partner to have a kid with. Still he might be happy that he tried to make his dream come through even though he failed. He might be unhappier if he stays and just waits doing nothing.
OP, if you read this I think you should have an honest conversation with your wife. Don't lie as it will make her question herself. Don't let her think she did something wrong. There is no way to make it less hurtful but be kind. Dont talk about what you plan to do after you break up. Your wife and your relationship with her may become bitter after this talk. Accept that you will lose her and that she and her family will cut you off for good. I don't think there's a chance to remain friendly after this kind of revelation.
I'm really sorry for OP's wife like may other commenters but I just don't understand why people keep saying one's DNA is not special. It might not be special for you but it can be special for that person. I have 4 year old boy. I know many here would call him just another crotch goblin but he is special to me. He's speacial to my husband and our families. He will be special for his friends and partner one day. So it doesn't matter if you find OP's DNA and thus biological child to be special or not. It will be special to him and continue to be just like that for others as they grow.
Adoption is not for everybody. Adopting just because you're not able to have a kid does not always end in a good way. We hear many stories where the seemingly infertile couple go on to have a kid just to neglect the adopted one. We see many extended families who do not welcome the adopted child. Also we see many adopted children who reunite with their biological family just to ignore the family that raised them. Having a biological kid has it's own risks. But maybe OP is ready to face these risks but not the ones that come with adopting. He says he doesn't want it. Also adopted children deserve parents that genuinely want them.
I'm sorry for OP's wife but it's not fair for her to be tolerated by OP just because they have a good marriage rather than being accepted as she is by another person. He may accept not having a biological kid eventually or he may grow resentful of her. It's not fair to that woman.
OP can divorce but it doesn't mean that he will be able to find a partner to have a kid with. Still he might be happy that he tried to make his dream come through even though he failed. He might be unhappier if he stays and just waits doing nothing.
OP, if you read this I think you should have an honest conversation with your wife. Don't lie as it will make her question herself. Don't let her think she did something wrong. There is no way to make it less hurtful but be kind. Dont talk about what you plan to do after you break up. Your wife and your relationship with her may become bitter after this talk. Accept that you will lose her and that she and her family will cut you off for good. I don't think there's a chance to remain friendly after this kind of revelation.
I'm really sorry for OP's wife like may other commenters but I just don't understand why people keep saying one's DNA is not special. It might not be special for you but it can be special for that person. I have 4 year old boy. I know many here would call him just another crotch goblin but he is special to me. He's speacial to my husband and our families. He will be special for his friends and partner one day. So it doesn't matter if you find OP's DNA and thus biological child to be special or not. It will be special to him and continue to be just like that for others as they grow.
Adoption is not for everybody. Adopting just because you're not able to have a kid does not always end in a good way. We hear many stories where the seemingly infertile couple go on to have a kid just to neglect the adopted one. We see many extended families who do not welcome the adopted child. Also we see many adopted children who reunite with their biological family just to ignore the family that raised them. Having a biological kid has it's own risks. But maybe OP is ready to face these risks but not the ones that come with adopting. He says he doesn't want it. Also adopted children deserve parents that genuinely want them.
I'm sorry for OP's wife but it's not fair for her to be tolerated by OP just because they have a good marriage rather than being accepted as she is by another person. He may accept not having a biological kid eventually or he may grow resentful of her. It's not fair to that woman.
OP can divorce but it doesn't mean that he will be able to find a partner to have a kid with. Still he might be happy that he tried to make his dream come through even though he failed. He might be unhappier if he stays and just waits doing nothing.
please look up what top and bottom means?
It’s not realistic to try to prevent your partner from working with coworkers or customers of the opposite sex. Whatever these “past things” are, it sounds like they are the problem, not your partner’s job.
He is going to kill you.
Read that again and again.
Make a plan to get out and leave. You need to run and run far. Please. Save yourself.
It may also be that she is overly emotional or sensitive or just “not the right fit” for you. It’s ok if you want to leave. You don’t need a “reason” if you aren’t feeling it or the dynamic has denigrated it may be the best thing to do. You are very young and not likley to end up marrying or spending your life with this girl. Most relationships at your age come to an end. That’s not necessarily your fault.
Sometimes “logical” is used as a synonym for emotionally retarded or being an asshole. Talk to your friends and family, people you trust and ask if you are ignoring peoples feelings and coming off as mean.
If your logical, lean into that. Understand your not sentimental (I’m really not either – I throw away “keepsakes” and things others would value tremendously) and I can come off as an asshole because of it. But I learned to have a backstop and think about the meaning to other people. In regards to flowers and gifts if it doesn’t come naturally you can set classes dates, or buy 6 things and keep it in the gift draw for distribution. There are ways of implementing logical systems around peoples emotional needs that you don’t personally value (and therefore are easy to forget). Valuing the person though means you must somewhat cater to their wants/needs. Of course at some point that may be too much – you might not even be the writing a live! poem type and there’s a line between emotionally validating your partner and trying to be a different person.
But the biggest issue is you say your traumatised and shut down. That will affect you and your relationships. We survive until we realise we aren’t thriving and then we have to address our baggage. Trauma counselling is intense and I didn’t get there til 25. Your already knowing you have an issue there – your ahead of the curve in that regard. Most people don’t until much later. Regardless of your situation you should try to work through this. I didn’t realise how much stress it caused me personally until I got rid of it.
You used not meeting her parents as an excuse to not get your crap together. She likely didn't want you to meet her parents until you showed you were reliable and trustworthy.
Lying about a gambling addiction is not trustworthy. I hope this is your rock bottom and you get help, lots of organizations and therapists who are addiction specialists. No, the relationship isn't salvageable because until you deal with your core issues, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Talk to her about how you've been feeling lately. Just because you're depressed doesn't mean she can't be there for you. Breaking up with her would further your depression. I wouldn't be around people who joked about how she's better than you. It sounds like she fell for you enough to move to another Country to be with you.
You don't need all your passwords stored in a note. I don't know much about Apple products, but Google stores your passwords for you so you can easily log in. Even if Apple doesn't do that, you can still access someone's email and with email, you can update most passwords.
So like if I got access to someone's iPad, I could post bad things on their LinkedIn and other social media accounts to ruin their careers, order items on Amazon and have them sent to a charity's address (so they loo like a jerk when they try to get the items returned) while also deleting any confirmation email Amazon sends out, etc.
Also, why are you assuming he's not wresting a condom or that they got tested for STDs before September?
Na, that's on you.
I said he needs to start dating her again. Like when they started dating. You don't just invite a woman into your bed, you bring her out and laugh and joke and have fun. Make her feel the same way they felt when they fell in love.
Also I want to apologize to small breast woman. Obviously, I'm not versed very well in the porn topic, nevertheless I said very young looking faces.
I'm not sure if you mean I can't convince him because he doesn't understand or because I am in the wrong?
Quoting OP's reply:
As far as I can tell they are all pictures that were sent to him, theyre all in selfie mode essentially. None are creep shots or anything where someone is sleeping or something horrible like that.
I feel like it could be based of his fear of being like his dad.
Bob's not your friend mate. Don't know why you think he is, but he's not a friend to either you or your fiance. Friends don't host wedding celebrations for their friends, that the bride isn't invited to. Friends don't allow people to actively exclude and bully the people that matter to their friends. Friends don't sit idly by and watch their partner burn down the reputation of their friend and friends partner, for years.
He's not your friend. He's your drinking buddy. Sorry mate, but the solution is cutting both of them out of your life, and moving on.
Mine is on my big toe knuckle. She was on the couch, I was on my knees on the carpet. The edge of the rug rubbed through all the layers of skin on that knuckle.
Was basically an open wound for like two weeks
Yeah the thing is she has to do the court thing so we can’t tell if he is the dad until she processes it. It’s a huge fucking waiting game and it’s eating me alive
I genuinely didn’t clock what you meant by your comment took me a while haha ? yeah that’s probably a good idea
get a hobby that isn’t TV or video games. Dedicate yourself to it. Only time heals heartache.
“when she needed to” should have been before they ever had sex…
Bin him. Bin the whole man. What an evil git. He’s trying to guilt you into it. Newsflash: if he loved you, there’s absolutely no way he’d try and guilt trip you into a sexual act purely for his pleasure. He’s selfish and scheming. Get rid.
Either you are just a place holder or she'll always have a weakness for at least his dick, if not looking for others.
I guess you could ask what you can do to be a better dick. Though I'd probably just roll out.
You should’ve reacted instead if keeping it together “for the kids” cause now the kids will live! with a convicted felon instead. I hope you can figure this one out and I assume it will be in court over full custody. Good luck.
Hon, his issues don’t mean he can abuse like this. He needs to deal with his trauma on his own through therapy or something, not rely on someone that is 7 years younger and not a professional.
But if hr really cared about how this made you feel, he would listen instead of shutting you up.
Let him GO
Do you have even one of these selfies with him posted on your Instagram with him tagged?
My partner and I have been together for just over a year and we’re discussing engagement.
We won’t get married for a long time but it’s nice to know where you are at in the relationship.
He is lying to you and then just ignoring your feelings. I think it’s time to move on and be happy.
Actually there is wage gap. About 50k difference. But I have never ever care about that and I absolutely love what he buys for me! They gift I got are things he normally mentions he would like in everyday conversation, I make a mental note so I can get them next bday or Xmas. So except some socks, everything else are things he wanted