This is not at all about the trip at the end of the day. Ultimately your marriage is in trouble and that's what the two of you need to address. I think you two need couples counseling.
We are only hearing your side of the story right now and while your feelings and thoughts are valid, I'm certain your wife has some feelings and thoughts of her own. You need to get it all in the open with a third party present to help you see through the weeds.
i feel like this is very victim blamey. it’s not like i’m feeling this way out of jealousy, it’s because the thing he possibly did is extremely disrespectful because we were exclusive at that point, he said the same thing. not only that but it would mean he lied to me our entire relationship. why would i want to be friends with someone like that? it has nothing to do with how much i’m over him.
Okay you are probably right and I'm just overthinking. I'm just worried that he will never want to move in with me…but I will take your advice and see where things go
How come you’re together for four years and she’s not going?
I’d be hella insecure too if my partner was headed off to meet everyone from his old life and I wasn’t included and have never even been to his hometown (or even met his family?). I’d feel like a dirty little secret.
I understand your feeling of wanting to get away from the world time to time, but I also feel for your boyfriend. If you have a life of usual late-20s people you are constantly going to stuff and not necessarily have time for each other's, especially if there's a kid involved, so that means that you probably only ever get to enjoy each other's company on the weekend, but then, you are not available 25% of the weekends, so maybe that's why your boyfriend is frustrated, he get to see you so little time ! As for solutions, i have none ! But I hope the others have ideas ^
A person cheats when they want out of their relationship. Cut ties and move on. Toss out all the pictures you have of her. She doesn’t deserve your attention or your love. To “love” is to “accept”. You cannot love a person that cheats. Cheating should never be acceptable.
He said a) he was starving so he wasn’t thinking about that and b) that he was with his teammates. Doesn’t seem like bad intention exactly but it is neglect and made me feel shitty.
I think your user handle is appropriate here. I'm disappointed in this whole comment thread (not you). OP wanted advice, not to get bullied. Words don't come out as readily and easily for everyone and sometimes the whole world can give you stage fright. Miscommunication happen, and she's asking for advice to make it better. This is not AITA!!
This. I'm a virgin myself, but I would be VERY uncomfortable if any future partners rub our sex lives in my ex's faces. Especially since I'm on good terms with most of them. Any partner that does that or wants to is not a good partner at that point in time. Hopefully, she keeps to her word on improving herself.
People say this but it's coming up to a year and I feel no different, sure I can cope with it a bit better but no where near where I thought it would be at this stage
It's just that there doesn't need to be any group planning beyond location and time.
I'll plan all my meals out for the entire stay. I'll sleep in my tent with my sleeping bag. I'll drink my own beverages and bring fixings for my own S'mores. I'll sit on my own camp chair while I eat them
Why must I concern myself about what someone else (another adult) brings on a camping trip to feed themselves?
Your friend is an idiot. I don't know what kind of mental gymnastics she typically competes in, but everything that you described is her own fault. She's a 25 year old adult, its not your responsibility to tell her things that she can or cannot do.
If I was you, I'd tell her she needs to cut the shit and go see a doctor if it still hurts like you told her to do a year ago, and that its not your fault regarding what happened to her.
Its astonishing to me how little responsibility some people take in their own lives and actions.
Allcats, make a huge point. It is clear that you do not have a realistic understanding of how therapy works and why it often does not work.
Therapy is not magical. Therapy does not change a person., a person can change, but it is hard as hell. If you get the worlds best therapist and explain to them your situation, they will understand that you are seeking therapy but hoping for magic. This is a recipe for disappointment.
Instead of investing in therapy for you husband, get individual therapy for you and possibly some for your kids. You want good things. Your husband is very unlikely to benefit. Therapy is another way to manipulate you.
First reaction: yes. It’s fucked up. After reading your description: yes, it’s very fucked up. He’s “joking” about you getting in better shape now. When you aren’t long distance he will be meaner, not nicer.
Yeah no break the fuck up anyway. Why he has nudes of anyone is gross. Of his foster sister is sick!
And jesus if she is a minor come on OP that's disgusting this man isn't marriage material he needs jail!
Even if she's 18! Or 19!
If she's been in his life since she was a kid this is utterly disgusting! And disturbing.
Its someone he shld see as family not getting nudes from and having deleted chats. If u were suspicious enough to snoop u know something is up!
Dont ignore the China sized red flag here and tell yourself this shit is normal. I wouldn't have kids with someone like this or even want to look at him!
I was planning to visit her in August 2023 as it's her son's annual vacation so that I can spend time with them.i am an Indian she is a Filipino. Please can we chat ?
Also, can someone copy and paste “Childish Badda Bingo” response to me?
They blocked me after I responded to their original comment (no idea why?? I guess… their username is a hint…) — so I was never able to see their response.
Honestly I have no intention of ruining my current relationship, when I say I can see myself marrying him I truly mean that. I struggle with anxiety and overthinking and seem to find things wrong when things are going well. It's why I've posted here, to help ease my concerns and reaffirm what I already know (that my ex was an abusive so and so and my current bf is a gem). I really appreciate your comment.
This is not at all about the trip at the end of the day. Ultimately your marriage is in trouble and that's what the two of you need to address. I think you two need couples counseling.
We are only hearing your side of the story right now and while your feelings and thoughts are valid, I'm certain your wife has some feelings and thoughts of her own. You need to get it all in the open with a third party present to help you see through the weeds.
i feel like this is very victim blamey. it’s not like i’m feeling this way out of jealousy, it’s because the thing he possibly did is extremely disrespectful because we were exclusive at that point, he said the same thing. not only that but it would mean he lied to me our entire relationship. why would i want to be friends with someone like that? it has nothing to do with how much i’m over him.
Okay you are probably right and I'm just overthinking. I'm just worried that he will never want to move in with me…but I will take your advice and see where things go
How come you’re together for four years and she’s not going?
I’d be hella insecure too if my partner was headed off to meet everyone from his old life and I wasn’t included and have never even been to his hometown (or even met his family?). I’d feel like a dirty little secret.
She is not.
I understand your feeling of wanting to get away from the world time to time, but I also feel for your boyfriend. If you have a life of usual late-20s people you are constantly going to stuff and not necessarily have time for each other's, especially if there's a kid involved, so that means that you probably only ever get to enjoy each other's company on the weekend, but then, you are not available 25% of the weekends, so maybe that's why your boyfriend is frustrated, he get to see you so little time ! As for solutions, i have none ! But I hope the others have ideas ^
What is good about the relationship? Genuinely asking and I hope you take time to really think about it.
Props to you I find it hard to do that
The last date he did exactly this and I just quit my sentence and stared at him in disbelief
A person cheats when they want out of their relationship. Cut ties and move on. Toss out all the pictures you have of her. She doesn’t deserve your attention or your love. To “love” is to “accept”. You cannot love a person that cheats. Cheating should never be acceptable.
He said a) he was starving so he wasn’t thinking about that and b) that he was with his teammates. Doesn’t seem like bad intention exactly but it is neglect and made me feel shitty.
I think your user handle is appropriate here. I'm disappointed in this whole comment thread (not you). OP wanted advice, not to get bullied. Words don't come out as readily and easily for everyone and sometimes the whole world can give you stage fright. Miscommunication happen, and she's asking for advice to make it better. This is not AITA!!
Animals are considered property and the co-worker is in receipt of stolen property. Filing a Police report will help if she goes to court.
It's in her post history, if it's still there.
You would probably get better feedback at r/hotwifelifestyle
DTMFA
This. I'm a virgin myself, but I would be VERY uncomfortable if any future partners rub our sex lives in my ex's faces. Especially since I'm on good terms with most of them. Any partner that does that or wants to is not a good partner at that point in time. Hopefully, she keeps to her word on improving herself.
People say this but it's coming up to a year and I feel no different, sure I can cope with it a bit better but no where near where I thought it would be at this stage
What does “think about our relationship” mean if not break up? What else is there to think about?
No one said that there should be no planning.
It's just that there doesn't need to be any group planning beyond location and time.
I'll plan all my meals out for the entire stay. I'll sleep in my tent with my sleeping bag. I'll drink my own beverages and bring fixings for my own S'mores. I'll sit on my own camp chair while I eat them
Why must I concern myself about what someone else (another adult) brings on a camping trip to feed themselves?
I'm going to be a bit brunt here.
Your friend is an idiot. I don't know what kind of mental gymnastics she typically competes in, but everything that you described is her own fault. She's a 25 year old adult, its not your responsibility to tell her things that she can or cannot do.
If I was you, I'd tell her she needs to cut the shit and go see a doctor if it still hurts like you told her to do a year ago, and that its not your fault regarding what happened to her.
Its astonishing to me how little responsibility some people take in their own lives and actions.
Facts.
She knows honey, he’s been showing her!
OP, stop blaming the woman. You married a man who cheated with his ex, then cheated on you. The common denominator is HIM.
Allcats, make a huge point. It is clear that you do not have a realistic understanding of how therapy works and why it often does not work.
Therapy is not magical. Therapy does not change a person., a person can change, but it is hard as hell. If you get the worlds best therapist and explain to them your situation, they will understand that you are seeking therapy but hoping for magic. This is a recipe for disappointment.
Instead of investing in therapy for you husband, get individual therapy for you and possibly some for your kids. You want good things. Your husband is very unlikely to benefit. Therapy is another way to manipulate you.
First reaction: yes. It’s fucked up. After reading your description: yes, it’s very fucked up. He’s “joking” about you getting in better shape now. When you aren’t long distance he will be meaner, not nicer.
If I were you I would tell him to kick rocks.
Yeah no break the fuck up anyway. Why he has nudes of anyone is gross. Of his foster sister is sick!
And jesus if she is a minor come on OP that's disgusting this man isn't marriage material he needs jail!
Even if she's 18! Or 19!
If she's been in his life since she was a kid this is utterly disgusting! And disturbing.
Its someone he shld see as family not getting nudes from and having deleted chats. If u were suspicious enough to snoop u know something is up!
Dont ignore the China sized red flag here and tell yourself this shit is normal. I wouldn't have kids with someone like this or even want to look at him!
I was planning to visit her in August 2023 as it's her son's annual vacation so that I can spend time with them.i am an Indian she is a Filipino. Please can we chat ?
don't seem to be as strong as they used to in our parents/grandparents time.
Well yeah, it's hard to be independent when you can't even open a bank account in your own name.
Also, can someone copy and paste “Childish Badda Bingo” response to me?
They blocked me after I responded to their original comment (no idea why?? I guess… their username is a hint…) — so I was never able to see their response.
Honestly I have no intention of ruining my current relationship, when I say I can see myself marrying him I truly mean that. I struggle with anxiety and overthinking and seem to find things wrong when things are going well. It's why I've posted here, to help ease my concerns and reaffirm what I already know (that my ex was an abusive so and so and my current bf is a gem). I really appreciate your comment.