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  1. Here's what you do. Go to Home Depot. Get the smallest, cheapest wrench you can find, a hex key, and a screwdriver and give them to him. Then tell him you bought a nice car that's not running, but he should be able to fix it with what's in the bag. Sell the story, and when he tells you that's ridiculous, tell him good luck selling those pants back on eBay because what he's asking is equally ridiculous.

  2. I’m sorry this is like a 15-year-old’s rant. So try this don’t sleep with other people and then you don’t owe other people. I’ll forget it I feel like I’m in high school while I write this.

  3. Grow up and move on?

    You are dangerously creeping toward stalkerish territory. She is your ex and she had to promise to stay friends to get to break up?

    Work on your codependency, people get divorced after 20+ years of marriage and survive.

  4. As someone who grew up with narcissistic abuse her whole life, I have no reason to doubt that this is real. True narcissists are evil. They put their wants above everyone else's needs and then they gaslight you into thinking that you're the problem.

    I would also not advise couples therapy. Narcissists are so good at bending the true and can twist therapists to their whim. My parents went to therapy and my narcissistic father will still use things the therapist said as a way to manipulate and abuse my mom

  5. You are crazy and abusive he's not. He needs to leave you as soon as possible. You are totally and completely in the wrong and that you could even form this question is a testament to your insanity.

  6. Hello /u/thanonrow,

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  7. I only added the financial part because I thought she said I was a downgrade because of how he dressed, where am from good fashion taste is associated with money.

  8. So just because he got you off this morning means he doesn't have to try now? Pretty sure he also got off this morning. He's selfish and if he can't do the bare minimum to minimize your discomfort during sex I would be reevaluating this whole thing. You are likely in totally different stages in life as well which can lead to incompatibilities in other areas.

  9. I feel like any ex with this kind of relationship agreement is a no go imo! Could’ve been with anyone, why the ex?

  10. I feel that is a huge red flag regarding being sexual without your consent. They should be confronted about why they thought that was an okay action. There's no way to really tell what they are going through unless you ask and get their logic. If you do plan to be friends, I think those must be addressed. I would cease all types of sexual contact again if so and stick to it

  11. Limerence…so basically a teenager-like infatuation that you should just get over in a couple of weeks of getting denied by the person and breaking all contact with them. Sounds like a fancy name for being an immature idiot. And then there's like a whole subreddit for people with it… I didn't know it was possible to remain a mental child for so many years.

    Yeah obviously divorce him, he wrote it himself on the Internet that he only doesn't want to do it cause of religion (lol) and cause it would potentially cost him too much. Make some agreement on assets and children to avoid battling him in court for years and get out.

  12. That’s what I want. I want to have something that I have 0 doubts in and everything. Also time apart will help us grow and learn more about ourselves. I think I have my answer. Thank you so much for everything, this has helped me a lot

  13. Does it make a difference? Just the fact they are talking can break your heart.

    And I think this is the point, even if you say yes, things can be beyond repair after that. If they are willing to break a relationship with you and hurt you deeply, is it worth it to have friend and bf like that?

  14. I wouldn’t mention it on the first date but don’t hide it either. I think the way you are presenting it here as just not the right opportunity is the way to go.

  15. i promise you that is not a normal neurotypical / neurodivergent relationship. i know you two have been together for over a decade, but please don’t allow your history to blindside you into believing that this is what a typical (loving) relationship should look like. or even a healthy relationship, honestly. as women it is so easy to get caught up in settling for scraps because we believe that is all men are able to give. my partner and i are not perfect, but they move mountains for me and always have. they do their best to love me in the ways i need to be loved, and even at times where they don’t necessarily have the bandwidth (i have bpd, am on the spectrum, as well as a myriad of other diagnoses), they do things to show me love to the best of their capabilities.

    please just reread your own comment, because it broke my heart. would you want your children in this kind of relationship, believing that is how love is supposed to look or that they’re supposed to be treated these ways? you deserve the same love you extend to them, for yourself. you shouldn’t have to ask, and his words quite frankly don’t mean anything, when he shows no effort and you don’t feel cherished at all. the best 40th birthday present you could give yourself is the chance to be truly loved and understood by someone- the feeling of knowing someone likes you, without having to ask. the feeling of your quirks not seeming like a burden or an annoyance, but a gift. you don’t deserve another 40 years of this, and it’s never too late to start over.

    ❤️

  16. I think you’ve been more than understanding and fair. If you want to sell the apartment, put it up for sale at a price you think is reasonable. It sounds like she’s only delaying the inevitable. I feel for her, it’s so hot having your life uprooted and everything changed, but she can’t stick her head in the sand and ignore the situation.

  17. “At least it wasn't a semen jar.” Yes, agreed, but this is just more solid evidence that this is the darkest timeline. That our collective first thought was “semen jar.” Here we are 2023. Gonna get real weird with it.

  18. At this age it is normal, but you not taking her no for an answer is worrying. Let her go and move on. It is possible there are more relationship AND break ups ahead of you.

  19. The fact that you can write all that out and still not see where the problem is, just shows how clueless you are to the situation at hand.

  20. I am more concerned with your first line. “He wasn't the best boyfriend”. He still isn't the best boyfriend, and he probably won't be going forward. He didn't stick up for you.

    You deserve better.

  21. Do not go back. Seriously.

    The red flags are there. The pain is there, and it will just keep coming up.

    Just don’t. Move on, find someone better.

  22. That’s my point OP needs to decide if he is ready for that commitment. They’ve been together almost a year and he still lives at home now is as good a time as any

  23. Just to warn you what comes next is going to be quite critical, and I'm just a redditor with limited understanding of the situation, but this is my take on the situation:

    I just want my current partner to love me and believe me and for us to be happy

    You can't bend a person to the future you want with them.

    I want to have a family but I feel like I’m not good enough for him

    The fact that he is making you feel this way is a RED FLAG. Regardless of your indiscretion early in the relationship, this is a red flag. He has a right to have trust issues, but it's not okay of him to specifically make you feel “not good enough”.

    He always thinks I’m talking to another man when I’m sitting home alone working all day.

    And this confirms my fear, even when reading your original post, I was worried your current boyfriend is manipulative. Not only that, he is gaslighting you. That's what this is, it's ~1 year after you talked to your ex, the clock has run out on him being allowed to punish you for this. He is allowed to work on trust between the two of you, but he needs to treat you as an equal partner and he isn't.

    I’ve pushed all my friends away

    Have you? Or has your boyfriend manipulated you into this? It's a pretty standard MO for a manipulative boyfriend to attempt to isolate you from your friends (and family).

    If we break up I will be completely alone and afraid no one will ever want me.

    Reconnect with your friends, you aren't alone in this world.

    I can’t talk to my ex unless we break up. I’m afraid if that happens and for some reason we do come into contact, he would never accept me into his life after contracting this std.

    That fact that you so desperately want to talk to your ex means you aren't currently in a good relationship. It sounds like you need to get out, no matter how scary that sounds.

    Also, I don't recommend immediately attempting to reconnect with your ex. You need to spend time healing from everything you're going through, you need to spend time knowing how to be happy as a single person. In fact, it's very likely you shouldn't contact your ex at all.

    I know the anxiety of thinking you'll never find someone ever again is VERY REAL. But it's typically unfounded no matter how bad the odds feel. As someone that's gone through some version of this, there's light at the end of the tunnel. To get to that light takes self-care, reconnecting with friends, getting therapy, doing things that make you feel good about yourself (grooming (hair, clothes, make-up, etc), food, exercise, hobbies, friends, etc, etc).

  24. It honestly tells me a lot. I understand it’s hot to break a 20 year long friendship, I really do. I just wish he could comprehend the severity of his friendship

  25. Well ain't that the consequence of your own actions.

    You love her so much to was entertaining other women??

  26. You have said it is a dealbreaker for you.

    So end it. It's as simple as that.

    Don't claim that something is a “boundary” for you, then act surprised when someone keeps crossing it, even though you have done nothing to enforce it. If you are going to say something is a dealbreaker, then you need to be prepared to actually follow through on it.

  27. Yeah it’s almost like this second story is made up a little bit to make her look better after her ATA post.

  28. Ok. Setting aside how sketchy this looks to me. Frankly, you need to get out of the relationship, get a restraining order. I mean, c'mon, hiding pics in a disguised folder, likely trolling your social media to download older pics, and creepily taken pics WHILE YOU ARE SLEEPING, covertly?!? Now lets address the older pics: Are they pics you are aware of, i.e. from your social media, or pics you've NEVER seen before. The connotations of that has a much deeper and sinister meaning. You bring the file up, screenshot it, making sure you get the file path in the screenshot, so they can see that it is, indeed, hidden. You screenshot the older pics of you and the sleeping pics. Trust me, these will build a case. IF the older pics aren't yours, then find out the date they were taken. People up and down the post have given you ideas of how to do that.

    And FFS move! If you have people there in town, ask if you can start checking in with them, leaving and arriving from destinations, to and from home. And keep your head on a swivel. Be situationally aware of your surroundings.

    Yes, I know I sound like I'm trying to instill a sense of paranoia in you, but, if you don't have one now, then you are only endangering yourself, AND it's not paranoia IF THEY REALLY ARE AFTER YOU!

  29. I don't believe this, because there is no context I would ever speak to someone like this over a mistake this insignificant, no matter what else had happened. If you would, there is something deeply wrong with you.

  30. The downvoters here should be embarrassed. OP mentioned wanted to call out someone for abuse they did as a child themselves and it could really bite her in the ass for trying to do that. Your comment is offering important perspective on why it’s a stupid idea to want to try to publicly ally humiliate an abuser when she like has severe abuse herself.

  31. I am not desperate but I'll admit to being needy and clingy. He has nearly left me before tho and it wasn't for that, it was because he was sick of my mood swings. He likes the neediness and clingyness because he likes knowing how badly I need him and how I depend on him. I know I have insecurities and they are bad and I'd be lying if I said they haven't got in the way of our relationship before. Everyone on here has been telling me to look into therapy so I probably will at some point. I don't want to push him away but at the same time I don't want to be his second choice

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