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Kao, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
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I'm curious if the majority of people here haven't lost someone that they had a fucked up relationship with before. Losing an abusive parent, losing a friend that betrayed you around the time you find out they betrayed you, it's all a pretty complicated mess of emotion.
The advice you seem to be getting is something along the lines of “Walk away. That's self-respect.” Maybe it is. Maybe it isn't. Don't feel trapped there if you need to get away, for sure. But also don't run if you feel the need to stay.
Everybody grieves differently. Were I in your place, I'd be in shock on top of shock. I'd probably be derealizing as an unconscious defense mechanism. As such, I probably wouldn't make the decision in the moment I ultimately felt was “right.” But if that's what happens to you, that's okay. Stay or go. Take care of yourself. Do what you feel you need to for yourself to feel “whole” or “good” or “secure.” If he pulls through, you can revisit whatever choice you made. I hope you have that chance.
You are not showing the intellect or maturity of a 23 year old if this is how you think.
My aunt and uncle had to “divorce” so they could get him into care because her income was just enough to be ineligible. It’s a horrible thing but they had no other options.
I too have been doing everything due to my husband’s disability and it is soul sucking. There’s no me time, us time or fun time.
Speak with a counselor to help you process all the emotions and feelings. Speak with social work to find out about other options.