I always tell them that if they want something casual tell me, if they want something serious tell me.
Just because you tell them that doesn’t mean they know themselves well enough or are capable of trusting you enough to be honest, ie they’re not emotionally available, even if they wish they were or are trying to be.
So of course therapy can help, but something you can do yourself is google how to tell if someone is trustworthy and how to tell if they’re emotionally available. Read articles from reputable sources and put together a list that speaks to your values and boundaries, the strongest values and boundaries you have now are often what you got the least of or what hurt you the most in the past. Just keep in mind no one’s perfect so people aren’t going to get everything right and if you expect these things from others you need to do them yourself.
That said, once you have the list, it can do three things for you. One, help you better identify behaviors of yours, of others or both that are untrustworthy or undermine trust from the get go, so you can work on those issues directly or end things before you get in too deep. Two, it can help reassure you or others or both where you can trust each other by highlighting already present trustworthy behaviors. And three, the more you use and refine the list, the more the information will become second nature, such that in time you won’t need it. I also have a genetic list that can help get you started. If that interests you, let me know and I’ll send it your way.
Basically you told him that you don’t know if you want a kid right now, while he does not want a kid right now. He’s gotta protect himself since you two aren’t on the same page.
I always tell them that if they want something casual tell me, if they want something serious tell me.
Just because you tell them that doesn’t mean they know themselves well enough or are capable of trusting you enough to be honest, ie they’re not emotionally available, even if they wish they were or are trying to be.
So of course therapy can help, but something you can do yourself is google how to tell if someone is trustworthy and how to tell if they’re emotionally available. Read articles from reputable sources and put together a list that speaks to your values and boundaries, the strongest values and boundaries you have now are often what you got the least of or what hurt you the most in the past. Just keep in mind no one’s perfect so people aren’t going to get everything right and if you expect these things from others you need to do them yourself.
That said, once you have the list, it can do three things for you. One, help you better identify behaviors of yours, of others or both that are untrustworthy or undermine trust from the get go, so you can work on those issues directly or end things before you get in too deep. Two, it can help reassure you or others or both where you can trust each other by highlighting already present trustworthy behaviors. And three, the more you use and refine the list, the more the information will become second nature, such that in time you won’t need it. I also have a genetic list that can help get you started. If that interests you, let me know and I’ll send it your way.
Falling into a sunk cost fallacy is worse than breaking up when op is clearly not happy
Basically you told him that you don’t know if you want a kid right now, while he does not want a kid right now. He’s gotta protect himself since you two aren’t on the same page.
What is this, Victorian England? Yeah she should see a doctor because she's horny. Perfectly normal comment