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Date: November 1, 2022
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Ok lol, thanks for the response. This is reassuring. Tbh, i even told her this i hate the texting game cause of this, whre if the person doesnt text back its like, “is he/she ignoring me? Did they not see it? Am i getting ghosted?”
Like i said im terrible at texting too, not as bad but sometimes i forget so im definitely giving her the benefit of the doubt. I dont want it to sound like i want a response in 5 minutes. I dont mind if it takes an hour or 2. But i will say i do start thinking the worse when it takes like half a a day.
This is just karma honestly. She was far too young for you when you got together and you did treat her like crap. I think she's outgrown this relationship and you but just doesn't want to be the one to end it.
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He sounds like a great partner!
Maybe he learned some of that from having been a great friend first – you know? You might just be very lucky for having found him. Genuinely kind people tend to have tight and emotionally meaningful friendships.
That is extremely fair of her to ask. You should respect that and do it.
Note – I hope the baby is sleeping safe, from the way you wrote this it sounds like she might be cosleeping which is extremely dangerous. That’s the only issue I see here.
Okay the problem with this is that the way he's acting means that you don't have the right to say no.
All of him pressuring you, harassing you, saying you're unfair, etc. isn't something a loving partner would do. He isn't giving you the right to say no because you've said no. And he's still pressing you about it. He also lied when he told you he loves your body type at the beginning because he clearly doesn't. And hasn't.
You're not being too picky, you're allowed to want to have a man that loves you for you. And I think this should be a glaring red flag and you probably should not continue the relationship. Once you get married I can only see it getting worse, because he very well could feel like you are obligated or “owe it to him” as his wife to do what he wants. Please don't let him do this to you.
I’m on the other side here. Emotional attachment is different from physical.
It was a question, not a demand, no ultimatum, no manipulation. You can say no and talk through it. Your feelings are shaken because you are assuming she is the one way you pictured her as your partner. It’s a bit one dimensional. When you really get close to someone you get to know them, more of them, but not all of them. You learn as you go through time. There will be things you like and don’t like.
Personally, I would take this as a sign that she feels that comfortable and secure with you to bring something like this up. Just talk through it. Share your feelings and that you’re not interested in opening up the relationship. Put effort into reconnecting if you want to stay together.
u a real one for this comment ?
Your “friend” doesn’t sound like someone reliable who you’d be able to ask for help from. Sounds like someone who shrugs shit off and can’t take responsibility, if YOU damaged the car, you fix it, even if it wasn’t your fault you were driving it. Now the friend who owns the car should’ve said something like “oh I’ll pay half” or something because yes to be fair you were doing her a favor. It’s also like financial stand point based, if the repair won’t take any skin off your back but might hurt hers then yeah just do it.
Girl, you gotta work on boundaries.
If your boyfriend associates with shit people, chances are he’s a shit person. If he can’t set boundaries for healthy friends why should you allow it in your orbit? That’s a you issue, you picked him.
Your sister is a grown woman. She has fully control over her lady bird. Not a single human on this planet gets to decide what’s right or wrong for said lady bits. Not one.
You sound very anxious and bordering on controlling. I’m gonna be honest – I think you need to work with a therapist because this sort of reaction isn’t healthy for you or your relationships. You may want to explore why you feel like this, why you pick your partners, and why you worry to the point of causing multiple relationship conflicts over something that really doesn’t concern you.
I say this all out of kindness – there is a way to live and let the choices and troubles of others not cause chaos in your world.
It’s not healthy to have one friendship without which you will “collapse”. You’re making her an unwilling participant in your own self-torture.
Why?
By the way: I gave the backstory because now that I left my state, I don’t really have anywhere to go back home to. My parents don’t have room for me in their studio apts and I only have 2 brothers who also live in small apts with their significant others. And I definitely don’t have enough money saved up to just go get my own place. I feel stuck and I don’t know what to do.
I also feel like I pushed him to that point with the fighting and leaving. I know it’s not my fault but he’s not doing a great job at making me feel like it’s not.
Also she may have thought you were surprising her because you felt guilty about something. Maybe her mind was going all over the place and thought you cheated on her so were trying to make it up to her ??
Wow. Your husband is a massive A$$.
His behavior with you and this group of friends for 8 years is abusive and infuriating.
2 hours and he didn't give I flip about you or your feelings. Fudge him and his stuck up friends and their bit(y wives.
Ignoring the glaring issues with this guy, a brazilian date sounds awesome if you BOTH did it.
I can only imagine laughing at each other and then supporting one another through the aftermath. Genuinely sounds like a hilarious memory.
Actually talked to her about how an open relationship would not be a good environment for children. I believe that it is best for childrens emotional development to grow up with two parents who are committed to each other. She disagrees. Even going as far as saying that a kid would not notice anything. That was insane to me.
Did you happen to discuss what led to you asking this?
You should tell him. It is important for your husband to remember your birthday and to celebrate it. It is upsetting when they forget and hard for us to have to remind them.
Going forward to the following. Explain to him that he needs some help and that this is important to you. Sometimes people need visual and audio cues to remember important things and doing this should help. Does he forgot other things?
Ask to take his phone and put a daily reminder in his phone on the week or two weeks leading up to your birthday with a daily reminder of your upcoming birthday.
Send him links to things you may like for your birthday. Or put a list on the refrigerator front and center as a visual cue to remember your birthday about a month from your birthday.
You do care and you want to be remembered. Good luck and Happy Birthday.
Wow. This sounds intense. I'm so sorry you're going through it.
I think the couples therapy is a good idea, even if it reveals too much has been lost to stay together. If you end up getting divorced, you want to know that you gave it every chance to work so you can part ways with no regrets.
That said, this part is concerning when describing a 31 year-old man:
he has no license so I chauffer him everywhere, I helped get him a job, I handle all the adulting and cleaning and cooking
If you are essentially acting as his parent, then the idea of losing you to another partner probably triggered some serious fears of abandonment, which is what caused him to lash out. Even if you can get past the present conflict, the imbalance in your relationship is probably not sustainable.
Right? I mean, she wasn’t going to hurt him or anything. She just wanted to take him for a walk and hangout which honestly would have been fine had she asked. But she didn’t. So I just came home to a missing dog and didn’t know for an hour where he was.
I have so many stories. LOL
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
My boyfriend (31m) and I (26f) have been in a relationship for about 6 months now. At the beginning it wasn't so serious but last month I decided to allow him to stay with me whilst he looks for new work and a new place.
It's been going really well till tonight. I mentioned if at some point, he would be able to remove the pictures of him and his ex girlfriend off his Facebook profile. They haven't been together for about 7 years now and he has atleast 50 pictures of them cuddling and kissing on his profile.
Originally when we began dating he told me he hasn't got round to it, and the reason he has yet to do so is purely out of “laziness”. I said I would help him remove them.
So tonight he initially said it was okay, then told me he has images of the holiday together (not so lovey dovey) and he'd like to hold onto those memories. I told him I have no problem with him keeping photos of the holiday personal, but out of respect of our relationship, within a year I'd rather they be removed for all our friends and my family to see. The holiday he is referring to was a holiday with HER entire family. I find it a little strange that he still wishes to keep them on his page.
When I asked why he wants to keep images of “her family holiday”, he flipped at me and called me a 'c**t'. I'm really shocked and I really don't know what to do. I'm surprised he reacted in that way and I've previously had to deal with a DV relationship. He's aware of all this and how my ex treated me.
It's scared me that something so small led to such harsh words and a overwhelming reaction. He could have responded any other way. But to be called such a word has completely thrown me.
I don't know what to do. If I let him get away with it, he will only think it's okay to do it again. He only apologised when I cried and told him I didn't want to stay with him. I don't know if I'm overreacting or if I was being out of order for suggesting his does such a thing. Looking for some advice. Thanks for reading.
Hopefully OP, this is only a hard lesson about confidential info and doesnt end up costing you your job. That aside, this calls for some serious soul searching about your relationship.
I really respect your attitude. I would: talk to him ASAP, as others recommended, especially since there might be a marriage happening soon. His fiancee should know about this important piexe of information about her future husband.
I would also highly recommend finding an attorney that can guide you through what to expect in terms of his support, at least financial. Raising a child is no joke and hopefully you both can find a solution that works for everyone.
I wish you the best of luck!
The first paragraph of your OP said you were literally flirting with the guy at a party and then almost kissed him.
She’s still in contact with him OP, she never ended it. She’s still being unfaithful and you are being played like the fool you think you are. This woman thinks very little of you. Run.
Dump him
I am in therapy and actively working on myself. It’s just that sometimes the road to getting better is hard
I’ve done this before. Take the guy’s number, don’t give him mine, get away ASAP, never call, hope he gets the hint. Whereas telling them I had a boyfriend/was engaged/married usually didn’t phase them and led to more badgering. “Take my number anyway, call me if you need a friend ;)” kind of shit. She used a defense mechanism, she wasn’t unfaithful to you – what do you think you should be worried about?
The guys I never called never approached me again, but your fiancée might not be so lucky. Ask her how you can help her feel safe.
Your relationship is brand spanking new, so I'm not sure why her calling it “fresh” is a problem.
She has chosen her career before she knew you existed. If you aren't comfortable with it, you need to move on down the road. She is a badass, and doesn't need you dragging her down.
Don’t even waste your time.
Talk to her. Ask her what's up.
Divorce your husband, and call the police on his coworker. “Hubby” clearly doesn't respect you at all, or your grieving process, and coworker literally committed theft
YAWN…. “informed population” is one of their keywords.
I would be really grossed out if a guy with a gf was blatantly checking me out. I would feel really sorry for the girl.
America would be a guess.
I have adhd inattentive, which is the proper term, no longer called add & I would never do this. If u love someone u dont forget their preferences, esp if something makes them physically ill. I wasnt on meds or in counseling for 37 yrs. I do alarms & notes.
he may also be a narcissist, but that's because my dad is properly diagnosed, and I see my partner acting like my dad a lot.
Ding ding ding. Narcs resist therapy & psych meds. My step dad does this.