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Golden Ticket Show In Progress. Tip 55 to join the show
Date: October 14, 2022
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It isn't about keeping anything or any part of yourself hidden. It's that some things are not relevant to your current relationship, and could even be hurtful to the person you care about to share. Do you want the details about how good Amy was at sucking dick? Do you want to know how loud Marci was and about that thing she did with her tongue? No. Obviously. And your boyfriend doesn't want to hear that about your past either.
Except for the part where she doesn't actually hang out with him anymore. Yeah it's “cute”
Y’all only been dating a month….honestly I’d wait to see how serious things get before telling him…like young relationships are still really fragile so there’s not any good reasons to rock the boat now.
Salvageable. Hilarious
Yes. But in your view is there anything I can do to make things better? I was thinking of messaging her to say I need to unfollow her because I have feelings and realise I made a mistake, but I’m also worried that will come across as desperate. What do you think?
Don’t sleep with drunk women ?♀️ And you just directly quoted that your life wasn’t ruined. You know whose lives are? Millions of women daily. And you know what they never get – justice.
When's the last time you were kind to yourself?
Have you ever said “It's okay for me to feel this way.”
Honey, they worked very naked to make you believe the things you believe now, you will need to work very hard to get yourself out from under this burden.
It starts small. Look in the mirror and be kind. Make a mistake and forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for decisions you've made. Forgive yourself.
No one is perfect, no one. No one makes the right choice every time. No one knows all the answers. The only thing you can do is focus on being kind to yourself while you figure things out.
Give yourself permission to be who you need to be. Give yourself permission to be happy. Give yourself permission to fight for your needs.
You are worthy of a soft life full of love, you always have been. You are worthy of kindness and compassion, especially from yourself.
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I have seen older people act like that. I have seen 22 years old being mature. Being honest in a relationship has nothing to do with age.
It sounds like you are actually a liberal but for some reason don't want to identify as one.
Your boyfriend is also stupid. Some states don't have an income tax, though three are purple states and one is a fairly liberal one. And the tax man gets his due no matter what. New Hampshire and Texas don't have an income tax but have some of the highest property taxes in the nation. In contrast states like Indiana and California have property, income, and sales tax and because its a balanced approach neither one of the taxes is overly burdensome overall.
Its okay to break up with soemone who is fundamentally different than you.
It is the right decision. I always find it so odd when people make comments like 'don't let politics into things' etc but in this day and age politics is literally about making decisions about life or death, or how you live your life fundamentally. I don't see how they can't come into play and with something like a relationship you absolutely have to be on the same page about the big things. He sounds like he's going to get more extreme in his views and you should really assess things if you don't share the same values.
She never specified how their accounts are shared or not, how their incomes are managed etc. It may be a usual thing to use one another account and consider the money to belong to both.
Maybe he doesn't want to actually bring left overs, maybe he doesn't like the cooking…
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Meet up with sister and tell her, she is the reason that less time is spent with the family and the next time she says anything against your wife, you will go no contact with sister!!
Have you just… Told her you don't have any income?
He probably just missed out on a bunch of porn and tiktok virals.
He didn't miss out much. He probably has social anxiety and a lot of people have that when they leave home or try to make new friends in different settings.
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Curious OP if your comfortable, what state do you guys reside in? In my state she wouldn’t be able to leave the state with the kids. Also it’s placement you want. Joint placement. Custody is a bit different. It gets confusing. But yes talk to a lawyer depending your state different “rules” come into play. Some states take cheating into consideration. My state doesn’t. But in my state you can’t move out of state or more than 2 hours away when there is joint placement.
Some of my teeth are too close together for floss, so I use interdental/soft pics and they work great!!!
You can’t stay with someone like this. If you do, you are complicit.
The context matters??
You’re deflection. Why is it even a question if who he loves more? Why does a choice have to be made? Just because the fiancée wants it that way?
When it comes up now it can will almost feel like an insult to him.
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And the doing it for hours every night
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Keep the dog lose the boyfriend. What an absolute asshole.
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ESH, imo. Why did y’all have two kids if you’re in a position to owe your MIL 5k!! That’s insane to me. I know shit happens but that’s crazy to me. Your MIL acting nasty and passive aggressive sucks and your husband shouldn’t have argued with her but if she’s like this regularly it’s understandable that he snapped. Also, sounds like you do most of the childcare. Yes he works but childcare is a full time job and you two should be splitting that down the middle once he gets home.
I just ignored him and gave him the silent treatment all morning
That's not the way to go. It's incredibly childish and no better than him yelling like an idiot. You should have gone to him asked what's wrong and discussed, not contronted, that you are aware that not everything is always rainbows and sunshine but you do not tolerate yelling. It leads to nothing and is a tactic to make the other person scared, which will obviously not happen in your household.
I was going to confront him but confrontation is not my strong suit, especially with him, and I chickened out.
Why are you with him if you're scared of him? Not to mention that being married to you feel like a trap to him. Lovely.
My father was abusive when I was a child … unfortunately I see a lot of my dad in him, especially when he gets loud with our daughter.
Don't stay married to someone if you think your child will suffer.
yikes. why intrusive though? we got lunch after our breakup so have not cut each other completely out of our lives
It is the degree to which you are upset. Feeling horrible and wanting to vomit because of a pretty minor transgression. It is not rally proportionate
Yeah, I don't understand why he needs to be babied through this. Being away from his newborn and his wife is crucial at the moment to make sure they don't get sick.
He chose a bad hotel to make her feel worse and to maybe get her to cave and invite him home and apologize profusely. But she shouldn't feel bad for doing this. He needs to stop sulking and making op feel bad for being safe.
He should already know as a parent that it's his responsibility to keep his child and his wife safe. Babies catching the flu is terrifying enough, but COVID?? That should be enough to keep him away without sulking and pretending it's his wife's fault. He is a dad now and should be able to reason why he shouldn't risk getting his wife, his baby, and his wife's elderly parents sick.
Tell him. You aren't insecure or jealous to be very taken aback by the fact that his female friend is testing the waters, more than once, for at least a threesome/polyam relationship and has openly said that she talked to him about having sex with him, and he responded in a not-negative fashion. I mean, if she “asked him a question” about sex & he responded, he already knows about this…right? His response wasn't extremely trustworthy…right? You could also tell her “hey, knock it off with the sex talk. it's really weird and feels like you're fishing for a sexual relationship” Her: I'm just joking You: Jokes are funny. This feels like you're jokingon the square, and i want you to stop.
I think the moral is, if you're the messenger, make the message nice if you don't want to get shot
If there was ever a case for an ultimatum this is it. Your gf almost certainly has something going on that is beyond Reddit's pay grade. But you can't fix it for her. If she refuses to go to a doctor then all you can do is walk away.
I’ve been in a extremely similar situation! My partner was trans
I just hope the best for him, even if that isn’t ever me
I really hope that OP takes your advice. What a vile person that “friend” is.
He gaslit you the whole year ? good riddance, now you don't have to be friendly, just polite for your kid
Possibly, but don't take the bait. Even if this is just a temp job it's never great to get fired for something like office fraternization. Nothing positive ever comes from trying to date coworkers.
Kiss the fupa. Yall will think I'm crazy but I have had 3 kids and I have put on some weight and I'm not saying my man wouldn't love me if I was skinnier but he's always touching me. And not just the fun bits like my butt or breasts but he grabs my thighs. He touches my belly. And yes he kisses the fupa. That's what tells me he's not only accepting of my weight gain but appreciates me and maybe even enjoys it a little. And it's the same with him. When we were in high school he was super skinny and honestly he's much more attractive now that he's put on the dad weight. And i tell him all the time how sexy he is and wolf whistle him and such. Just be super into each other. ALL of each other.
Who is coordinating your medical appointments and care routine? I’ve had four surgeries in a year and fuck me that is a lot to do ? sorry for swearing, I’m Aussie lol
I do care coordination for my job and also for my own MS. It is crazy exhausting.
You have to ask yourself. Is this the life I want in 5 years? In 10? What if it gets worse?
You need to talk to him. Get therapy . Make him prove it to you. That is not okay and you are better than that. I wish you the best. I know it’s naked and I’m sorry
Don't chase that's bullshit.
“Hey any chance you wanna go on a date Friday?”
Thanks..I don't know, I'll really think about this.. but on the other hand it's also true that he wasn't always like that, he has been heavily influenced by the people he sees everyday..that's why It feels more like having to deal with immaturity rather than with his actual beliefs
I don’t think it’s just the depression. Because he wouldn’t be so adamant about you not touching him. And I took meds after my husband died for six weeks. And they may cannot feel it as well, but they don’t kill the desire. They just don’t allow you to finish very well. And they wouldn’t make him act like that to you physically there’s something else going on.
So you are worried that leaving is the wrong choice because she will not have you as her coping mechanism and will turn to alcohol and possibly die and won't cope without you.
Yes toxic relationships with people like this almost always have a guilt element, one that puts all the emotional work on one partner.
The only way forward is to acknowledge that you don't want this for the next 10/15 years, adding children and a divorce into the mix.
High stress literally cuts down your life expectancy, just for fun facts.
She has made you responsible for her emotional needs, you in turn will be exhausted, frustrated and resentful that she doesn't take responsibility for herself.
The only way out is to stop, stop giving into guilt, embrace being the bad guy, plan your responses to threats, advise her family that you are doing this and pass the responsibility for her to herself and her family. You will probably be labelled as the bad guy, people will stop talking to you and will blame you if she does anything to herself. That is life, it isn't fair and no one promises it will be.
The alternative is that she never gets help for her insecurities, for her lack of emotional regulation, that she never develops her own coping skills without you. You are holding her back from growth. That growth is very hot, horrible and she will resent you removing your support.
Plan to move away, block pretty much everyone, start fresh, get some therapy to help with the guilt and any other issues that come up. Research co dependant relationships, emotional vampires, drama triangle, victim mentality, all useful to inform you of how the dynamic works between you. It helps with objectivity to understand that some people are like this through trauma though that isn't always the only reason, but that doesn't make it your responsibility to be the carer.
Don't let guilt and worrying over other peoples problems make your life choices for you.
I'm glad you've taken this comment to heart. The most important thing is, surely, that Sasha is providing love and warmth to your son and grandchildren. It's up to their parents to disciple them in these small, relatively harmless, moments. Punishing a toddler well after the incident isn't going to teach them anything.
Please be careful not to create or stir up further disharmony between your son and his ex. Your grandchildren will benefit from a civil co-parenting arrangement and only suffer if there is drama. I'd recommend not going to his ex with this kind of petty thing, it will just make her anxious too.
Jesus Christ why separate bathrooms when you are married??? Weirdest thing I've ever heard! It's not a big deal, just flush it ? my god, just wait till the kids use the toilet, your hubby needs to chill the fuck out.
My son forgets to flush all the time, he's afraid of the flushing noise tbf, I'm forever walking into a stinky bathroom or I sit down & the damn kid has missed the bowl & now I have a wet arse ??
I told her “I’m not going to stand up to my family and I’m not going to tell you to leave”
No, clearly there were major underlying issues in the relationship revolving around you that caused it to fail, not “honesty”
You are hiding behind a lack of information to try and weasel your way out of taking responsibility for your actions and it paints you as a self centered manipulative person, and those features are what cost you the relationship, coupled with your harmful fetishes.
Girl what ? you can’t just tell somebody to shut up when they correct you??? I didn’t know you were in my head and knew exactly what I was saying! You must be equally as charming.
Your schedules aren’t compatible with each other, which is extremely important in a relationship. She likely feels you are abandoning her because you spend more hours of the week talking to your friends through gaming than you do with her. If you wanted to make this relationship work, you’d be wanting to find time for her. I wouldn’t want to be with someone if I only got to see them for a few hours twice a week when I lived with them. It seems like you’re not comparable and you need to decide which is more important to you.
I just wanted to make sure she was comfortable if it came to that sort of a decision.
I call bullshit. That isn't pragmatic, that's “Try to see things my way. I'm so logical”
You're not Spock.
No level of strategy will solve this.
If you're allergic to cats, don't date cat owners.
Monty Oum learned that the naked way.
Making a no-go zone makes cats want to go there more.
Source: I am allergic to cats.
Deathly allergic? And you never knew that until she moved in. Never been in contact with any other cats before? Break up and let your girlfriend live her life with her cat.
I did explain why I made her go through the buying process, but I don't think it helped, She is also very aware of why I'm stressed and in a bad mood, we are both in the loop of every facet of each others lives, so nothing is a secret between us,
Try to let the past stay in the past. He doesn't continue to do this now, so you need to trust him and let his past decisions go. You need to trust him and stop letting porn be an issue since neither of you use it anymore
I personally think she’s been irrational and is failing to see that we both have to compromise in order to have a wedding where both our families can attend.
All I’ve been asking is she just accepts doing it in July.
Here's the thing… If she “just accepts doing it in July”, I am clear on how she is compromising & what she is giving up. But I am not clear on what YOU are giving up, or compromising on here.
It will be too naked for her, which means that she is likely going to spend her day super uncomfortable. Do you have any idea what goes into a bride getting ready? She will probably won't sleep much, then she will have to be up at the crack of dawn for hair & makeup. If she is lucky, she might get a coffee & snack for breakfast. She will then be stuck in the heat in a dress that is made from super thick fabric that doesn't breathe, and is super heavy, so tiring to wear. She is probably going to spend a small fortune on hair & makeup (MUAs/Hairdressers charge hundreds of dollars) – in the heat her hair will fall & her makeup will start to slide off. Most brides don't get to eat a proper meal until dinner (if at all), so they end up dehydrated, hungry, lightheaded & with a headache.
She told you that July is too expensive for her family and friends, so that means if she “just accepts doing it in July” like you want her to, then many of her family & friends won't be able to make it (which is the same reason you have used to rule out all of 2025).
She has also told you that she doesn't want July because it will be too busy with tourists. So that is going to impact her ability to enjoy herself.
She agreed to move it to June 2026 which is a compromise on her part, since she is delaying it by a year which she didn't want, and it allows both families & friends time to save, and maximises how many people can come, but YOU vetoed it, because one week isn't long enough for YOUR family, ignoring the fact that it means her family & friends can afford it.
She agreed to move it forward to 2024, a compromise that would have increased her stress as she goes from having 2 years to plan the wedding to 1 year, but YOU shot it down as being too soon.
She is right OP – she has offered several compromises here but you have shot them all down because they don't suit your family.
Nope! The iud will do NOTHING to protect from STDs. Also, I would never leave protection of my body and unwanted pregnancy on anyone else.
Wear condoms. The iud is irrelevant. If she insists, end it.
You are already checked out and are just waiting for him too mess up again. Why waste time? Just end it now.
Nope! The iud will do NOTHING to protect from STDs. Also, I would never leave protection of my body and unwanted pregnancy on anyone else.
Wear condoms. The iud is irrelevant. If she insists, end it.
Setting aside all the comments about this being or at least looking predatory. If you are stressed financially you need a that doesn't cost gas and wear and tear on your car.
I vote reading or something
If you value your marriage, you stop flirting with this new bitty. The fuck you mean you can’t control yourself.
He might have a porn addiction. Ask him about it. If it’s something he’s had a problem with for this long more then likely he has a bad porn habit and can only get off to watching porn.
You know what? Id rather go down one someone than have them go down on me. Thats just what i like. Aint nothing wrong with that. Some people just prefer to give rather than take. Some people get the same thing out of intamcy in differnt ways.
Anyone of these comments are shitty alone.
As someone who comes from a long line of alcoholics and even married one: get out!
I personally am not kissing anyone with morning breath. This shouldn’t be such an issue. You don’t need mental help. He’s just saying that because he isn’t getting his way.
Because it’s her friends birthday and she doesn’t take naps like that not even for 10 hours straight it makes me think that she was out with her friend but lied to me about it that’s why
I'm just saying I get why a guy might ask.
That’s fair, it is much more common now.
But, it does still remain that there are SOME 19 year olds who are living on their own in a perfectly legal way, but if you found out a 15 year old was living on their own you would assume something was very wrong.
You said you don't know if you can trust her. Did she cheat on you? It seems she was honest and said she developed feelings but isn't going to act on it and is willing to quit. Most people would not even tell the other person, but she's being honest with you.
Someone actually said this is norma|
Hormonal contraceptives are not for anyone to decide except the person taking them. I.e. you. Also in reality they are no one else’s business.
Condoms as well you can’t force your partner to wear one. It’s completely up to him what he wants to do with his body in that regard.
Here’s the thing. You don’t have to have sex with him if he refuses to wear one. Equally he doesn’t have to have sex with you if you demand he wears one.
So it’s odd that everyone is making demands of each other in what should be a committed and open and understanding relationship, secretly or otherwise. Because ultimately do as you wish, and then just state your boundaries. You’re on the pill. If he wants sex, he has to wear one.
Ok. So if your wife has a male friend that she’s so close to she knows that his sex life is non existent, she knows they have marriage problems, he’s confided in her intimate details of their marriage etc. Then he cheats because of a sexless marriage & he tells her details of everything and turns to your wife for support.
You can’t tell me this wouldn’t bother you and that you wouldn’t be uncomfortable w their friendship going forward knowing that friend doesn’t value a marriage. You’d be ok w her taking w him on the phone or going to meet him to talk.
You’d be 100% ok w all that and not feel uncomfortable or threatened whatsoever by this now single male friend who confides in your wife?
Don’t say you’d be fine just to save this post. Be completely honest w your answer.
Any spouse would be uncomfortable with this friendship now and going forward.
Not… NAKED WOMEN! No!
She said she wants to die and you didn’t call 911?
I’m trying my best, I really appreciate her and value her beyond words. She is an amazing person and sometimes just waking up and starting a conversation with her makes my day better.
I would never get violent or be mean towards her, that isn’t in my nature just like trying to date or do whatever isn’t either.
But I get what your saying, maybe faking a smile and pretending things are going as they were will help me adjust to that. I don’t wanna make a mountain out of a molehill, and cause drama that neither of us need. Thank you for the advice!
That is a “hell no” from me. Especially, with the history you described combine with her motive for wanting this. Her motive has a childish not seeing the forest from the trees feel to it. Also, I would have too much of a hot time trying to convince myself that that is my sister. It can have whatever legal name, but in the end, biologically, I would be be the baby’s mother; which is exactly how it would show up as on a DNA test.
It's time to let her go. By the sound of it, she's just using you as a soundboard to complain about the choices she keeps making. Or worse, you're her emotional support punching bag.
What else is there to your friendship? What does she bring to the table that GIVES you energy instead of draining it? When was the last time you were around each other that you actually had fun together?
Insanity is the act of doing the same thing over and over, but expecting different results. In that sense, she's insane. She's not willing to learn.
If she's causing you mental stress, that means her behaviour is toxic. You don't need toxicity in your life. Let her sink or swim on her own, without dragging you down.
I asked for advice I didn’t ask to be shamed. It’s almost like depression amongst other mental health disorders exist. I go to therapy .
You dont. Thats disrespectful
If you plan to stay married, than accept it.
If you cant than divorce her
Dude is also a straight up idiot posting those pictures on Facebook.
This. I lived this. My motto was “it’s not sporting to kick a man when he’s down” plus subject my kid to a father, who was unable to support himself. But the minute he was working and had healthcare I asked him to leave.
Honey, he is a loser that being almost 30 went for someone barely adult. Just block that creep and move on, he is not more than sea waste in an ocean of better men
The limited time he had to spend with you he spent it helping you with your stuff. There is no wrong or right way to cope with a breakup, only mature ways. He has chosen to try being upbeat and positive. Let him live and allow yourself room to grow too. Who knows, maybe you will cross paths again but for now, just be happy for him and yourself. This could turn bitter really quick if you don’t let it go.
“Yeah if the right women comes along”
He clearly does not see you as the right woman or marriage material.
If it's just a weekend getaway why can't your boyfriend come with you?
If it's an optional work trip why are you so bummed you can't go?
I think you wanted to go on the vacation and “make a mistake” during it with one of the guys who've shown they don't care about cheating and you're just upset your boyfriend was smart enough to catch on.
Now if you went and a “mistake” happened it's be very clear it was intentional. I hope your boyfriend wises up and dumps you sooner rather than later
Yah know, when my wife and I first got together. A threesome came up, she’s been in one, a FFM. I of course was like we should do one, she explained that it wasn’t the greatest experience. She’s not attracted to women. I pushed a little, wanting a FFM. She had mentioned doing a MMF, and was even like well if you did a MMF I’d do FFM. I was like no way dude that seems so awkward and just unsexy for me. Then it was like a duuuuuh/epiphany moment for me.
She. Is. Not. Attracted. To. Women. I. Am. Not. Attracted. To. Men.
A threesome doesn’t come up anymore, and never really did after that conversation. But my thoughts are a threesome for me would be all parties being attracted to each other and having fun. Regardless your bf is insecure, small minded, and just selfish. Good luck.
Ok, cardiologist…
Again, different strategies for communication. Some people can do long distance, others can't.
This is weighing in on your self-esteem. If you want, you can think about it logically (are the emotions I'm feeling right now worth the effort I put into this relationship? Would I value/feel valued in a local relationship?) It's your choice
This is so freaking idiotic
It's also a pattern in his choice of words, the direction he chose to go for the insults. It's a pattern that an abused person will see, I don't blame you for not.
Unless you found more than the 4 comments I have, I'm not seeing anything super focused on the parents.
Make a mass group text.
Add all the evidence every single one.
And say
” Me and (ex name) didn't end amicably, he cheated on me with a co worker, and the fact that none of you bothered to ask how I am tells me all I need to know about the kind of people you all are. I am done with all of you, just though you should know the kind of person you keep in your company”
Then block every single one of them.. they ain't asking how you are or say hi there not your friends