If you were afraid of karma or her brother consequences, you wouldn't be in this mess to begin with and would have drawn the line months ago, when it first started. You seem to enjoy playing with fire ? and know you will get burned, if you continue these shenanigans! Believe it or slurp it lol…
If you want to be more kind to her than she deserves, tell her, without sugar coating it, that the next time she even implies it, you'll tell him. Type up the message, so that you can send it with the press of a button.
Either it stops, with that, or you'll stop it. Getting involved in cheating ain't ever worth it. It's inviting rot into your life. Like stepping on a six days dead dog in the street and walking indoors with your shoes still on. Ain't worth it.
Personally I don't think a baby that young would be affected by Stuff happening in the same room, but idk a huge amount about babies so I could be wrong. Either way, pretty gross that he didn't clean up properly.
He might desire you greatly, but he surely hasn't known you long enough to love you.
He could be unstable emotionally. Or, he could be consciously trying to set you up. Either way, it doesn't sound like a relationship you want to continue.
I would say move on! It was an honest mistake and he seems sorry, and I think you’ll forget about it for the most part in time. He didn’t mean to call you by her name.
If I were her, I’d be very confused and fed up after not getting a response for over a day about a sensitive conversation topic that it probably took guts to bring up with you. I’ve been ghosted by many men and it’s a familiar horrible feeling to many women. I think she assumed you were not receptive to her opening up when you didn’t respond
Who are you trying to convince that to me or yourself?
At this point get a DNA test on both kids. I can tell you for certain your husband will want to test both kids regardless of what you may say. Have you told your husband yet?
The standard medical definition for adulthood is: • young or early adulthood (approximately aged 20–39) • middle adulthood (40–59) • old age (60+) • young old (60–75) • old old (75 and up)
Hi. You do have a choice. She either respects your marriage or you will be divorcing her. End of story. YOU NEVER INVITE STRANGERS INTO YOUR HOME FOR SEX. Do you realize how dangerous that is for your daughters? Every stranger increases the risks of your daughters being abused. What if one of the strangers is a sociopath or psychopath and starts stalking or harassing her or her family?
Open relationships have a 92% failure rate. Why? Because someone always gets jealous or one of the original partners leaves the relationship for a new partner. The odds are horrible, and without both partners on board with it, your relationship will fail. So, is she willing to end your relationship? Usually, when a spouse brings this up out of the blue, it's because they already have someone in mind they want to cheat with. She just wants to legitimize it and not look like a cheater.
Only around 5% of couples can successfully have this type of relationship. The odds are horrible. The couples who do talk at length about boundaries, expectations, and consequences. You need to agree on potential partners, and that means meeting with them, reviewing boundaries and expectations, and getting to know them. You don't just jump right in. That's irresponsible. You also don't pick someone you already have feelings for or want to cheat with. You have to make sure the partners have a clean health record. You need to discuss the type of sex allowed or not allowed, protection used, what happens in case of a pregnancy, what types of feelings are allowed and not allowed, what happens if someone develops feelings, how often hookups are allowed, where (not in your home or in their home) you meet up – usually a hotel, do you have a relationship outside of the sex acts, are you allowed to go out in public with this partner, what about family and friends asking questions about them, how long are you allowed to have a relationship with one particular person, are you allowed to spend the night with your partner, how much time are you alotted to spend with this partner both having sex and with free time hanging out, etc. It is very involved. Open relationships are supposed to enhance your relationship, not detract from it. If your sex life decreases with your partner, then what?
I don't recommend this for you at all. Not giving you a choice is unfair and selfish. What makes her need for polyamory more important than your need for monogamy? I suggest individual and marriage counseling for you both. I also suggest possibly seeing a sex therapist. Maybe the therapist can give you suggestions on spicing up your sex life.
Could your wife be a sex addict? Idk. If she refuses to go to counseling before acting on this request, tell her to leave. You don't leave the home and don't let her take your daughters either. Her lifestyle that she wants will put them in danger. She doesn't have safe boundaries for either herself or them.
Talk to an attorney asap. Find yourself and your daughters a therapist. Stand your ground. If she wants to cheat, she can leave.
I swear I hear and read quite often US parents that are upset their children learn another language ( not necessary Spanish)… like bruh.. tf is wrong over there.
As for your “problem” – keep teaching the kid. Conversations with a native will do him good.
Why are you acting like that’s some big sacrifice? That’s completely normal behaviour for people in long term relationships, not some big favour she’s done for him. The fact they don’t live! nearby makes it worse, because clearly she’s not having to give up any of her time the rest of the year.
So what if she finds is strange? That’s not a reason to say no to something that’s important to your partner’s family.
It’s not narcissistic at all to want to celebrate being sober with your son and his partner if it’s meaningful to you. Frankly, it’s weird how much you and others are trying to diminish that in this thread. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing for someone to want to celebrate, beating alcoholism is a big deal for people.
Thank you! I honestly thought I looked fine when the orthodontist said I still looked swollen so it was really surprising! It’s been 4 years and a half since I got the surgery and feeling happier than ever! It was a pain in the ass but best decision ever
I'm probably going to go against the grain here but Jenna is being incredibly rude. There' a difference between staying at a hotel and being a guest at a friend's house. The latter means I want to be as little trouble as possible and not to be waited on hand, foot and fingers.
I've been very fortunate to stay in friend's houses longer term and I always offer to cook at least one meal (or buy takeout/take them out for dinner), and tidy up after myself including doing the dishes (or emptying the dishwasher). I've had one person stay who, like Jenna, sat around as if she as at a hotel. She's never staying again.
I think you should say something along the lines of 'Jenna could you help me in the kitchen please?' or similar. Make her feel useful 'Jenna could you peel the potatoes please'.
It’s amazing how he’s made himself into the victim here. I’m sure your comment hurt, but it was 100% true. And he’s twisted it into you being the bad guy because he’s manipulative. You shouldn’t be crying and asking him to come home, you should be ANGRY. You should be telling him exactly what it will take for you to continue this relationship, because right now you don’t have a spouse, you have a child who refuses to be present in the marriage and in general adult life.
OMG! I can’t believe the bulk of these comments. It’s not the fact that she left him that’s the problem you pillocks! It’s that she didn’t express any concern whatsoever.
If your SO is not feeling well and you’re about to leave them for two days wouldn’t you fuss over them a little? Make sure you can make them as comfortable as possible before leaving? Because that’s what people in loving relationships do. Unless the OP has left that part of the narrative out, it doesn’t sound like she did any of that. It also doesn’t sound like she’s contacted him since. No text saying I’m here safe. No happy new year I miss you. Not even a hey I won’t contact you until the morning because I want you to have a good rest. Nothing (again unless OP has left that out of his narrative).
OP don’t let people gaslight you into thinking your feelings are unreasonable. Once you’re well I suggest having a conversation with your wife about the situation and ways to improve your communication and frankly for her to show you she cares about you.
She's fresh out of a relationship and it's creepy to invite yourself over. You seem like you're just trying to fuck her and ditch and it shows, because you're not even willing to meet her somewhere neutral for drinks.
She chose to get drunk with this person that is a decision she made sober. It is simple that she displayed a behaviour and attitude that imo is not conducive with a long term partner! You may in fact be correct that she was assaulted I have not argued otherwise you appear to have some experience here and are making this personal! The fact that this was not a long term relationship her dismissive it doesn’t matter is quite an indicator of attitude. OP was not rude he neatly extricated himself from the situation and I stated why that was a good decision! If she doesn’t have to explain or communicate anything why would OP be open to further contact. You can’t have it both ways what happened was/is enough to stop a talking stage OP did so respectfully and decisively!
Handling it wrong would be driving his car into a river or physically fighting him. You’re handling this just fine. He’s ridiculous for trying to make you feel bad
I’d say this is less about “freedom” and more about the financial implications of purchasing a house with someone you’ve been with for less than a year.
Just break up. Well and truly. No contact, no visits, no faking in front of her parents (WTF? that's pretty deceptive and cowardly, No?), no fucking.
Is this just fluff speech so I don't off myself? WHAT. Have you threatened to harm yourself?
Completely ghosting her would just hurt me more than anything since I don't really have any friends and rely on her the most. Welp, cutting contact is going to suck, but here we are. And it's not all about you, you know. Yes breaking up is hot but you can't keep fucking around with this 'relationship'. It's unfair to both of you and is just going to prolong the pain.
When you say you're unhappy with something in the relationship, and your partner blames you and calls you “ungrateful” and “disrespectful,” what he's saying is that your proper role is to shut up and act happy. He wants you to be silent, not comfortable.
You've expressed your feelings. If you want to keep giving this a chance, wait and see if he changes his behavior. If he doesn't, assume he's not going to change. (Or keep having the same argument over and over if that sounds more fun to you.)
It's unlikely it's a deep fake with all of these fine details being so accurate. It's much more likely he made this video for someone and was scammed. Especially as his outfit was exactly the same as well.
Since you are very mechanical, how would you handle this if it was a work problem? Establish a process w/checkpoints, etc.? Maybe expound from that.
Many great suggestions here already – even a combination of regular calendar reminders & recording every time you do something in a note pad on your phone so you can refer back to it would help.
But as for an app that can suggest thoughtful things to do for her? I'm not sure that exists. I would suggest listening to your wife & making notes on your phone to remember for later. IE – she mentions a new restaurant that she would like to try, make a note. she mentions that she is frustrated that the towels aren't folded, fold the towels. She mentions that its been ages since she was able to have a relaxing bubble bath, buy her some bath oil & take over the bedtime routine for your kids so she can have that bath. If you are at the store, text her – “hey, I”m at the store. do you need anything? craving anything?” Its OK to ask her for ideas. Its OK to say “is this something you'd like to do?” Google articles about things to do where you live! (pretend you're a tourist) – that might spark some fun date ideas.
Its really about paying attention to her & listening to her instead of assuming that she will tell you what she needs.
As for “maybe I'll get more of what I need from our relationship as well.” – it sounds like maybe both of you are not communicating your needs to each other. Counseling so you have a safe space to express those needs & then how to both give to each other could be a great idea. Counseling is not just for when things are awful. Counseling can be a great tool for going from “we're OK” to “we're doing great.”
Go to the police and get restraining order…she sounds crazy and obsessed. Don't talk to her. Block her. On everything . Don't accept calls. Don't answer new friend requests. And tell your boyfriend to do the same. Eventually she will go away but if she doesn't then she is dangerous and get police involved.
Sounds like your fiancé comes from money. He might be the ex but he is still the mother of his child. There’s nothing wrong with your soon to be husband to still want to support his ex. There was love there once maybe they aren’t in love anymore doesn’t mean he still doesn’t love and care for her. Love isn’t always romantic. YTA you were out of line. It’s not your apt, not your money, and not your place. She had the apt even before you were in the picture that’s what your soon to be H chose to do. I think you acted trashy.
What was I supposed to eat? Nothing. When I say there is nothing in this apartment I mean it. They only get enough food for him and his brother to eat. Which is enough for 1 meal a day. I didn’t know I was staying there for 5 days. There’s a limit on how much I can eat. I tried to buy my own food but he wanted me to buy his presents instead so I only have $11 and that’s for an Uber home
Absolutely not. I put up with a lot of verbal abuse with my ex & that sex life was even worse.
No. I always said my ex wasn’t a bad guy he just wasn’t good to me. For some reason I was the verbal punching bag. I stayed much longer than I should have because I feel like relationships are work and they deserve to be worked on but that’s not going work if it’s one sided. So I found the engagement ring and said no I can’t do this.
She needs a lot of consistent therapy. There’s a lot going on that is beyond your scope of capabilities.
“Hey, can we talk? I’m bringing this up because I love you. I am not blaming or accusing you of anything. I want to discuss and work through this as a couple. I can see you’re in a lot pain and it kills me that I can’t help you. I don’t think you’ve noticed: you’re taking you anger out on me and it’s affecting my mental health. I want to be here for you, but I think you should talk to someone who is trained to help someone who experienced trauma like you have. Would you consider taking to a therapist? I’ll be by your side to help you.”
She’s right. Listen to her. For most of my life, I’ve read historical romance novels. Some of the authors get somewhat graphic but believe it or not, I skipped over those parts. The interesting parts of the books were about the setting, or the clothes, or the food the author describes. The books are not anywhere near porn. And they definitely didn’t turn me on. Many of the authors have degrees in literature or history. The books are more than just sex/love stories. I actually learned a lot about the regency era and about Victorian customs, and other interesting things not related to sex. My husband knew I read these books and even though the covers sometimes showed muscular men, he knew it was just a story. Nothing more, nothing less. You can pretty much guarantee your gf isn’t wishing you were one of the characters or that you’re lacking.
She said she didn’t want to be the third wheel all the time while she was here, so while he is including me in some plans, I am not included in all of them.
he does eventually answer sometimes but im just so tired kept telling him not to do it.
there are more things that bothers me. i wanna end things completely but i’m scared that i might regret or i’m just bluffing. i’m having these unstable emotions when it comes to him I’m happy where we at right now but at the same time I feel like I’m ready to close this chapter and move on if he still kept doing things that I don’t want to be. I don’t like whenever he does things that bothers me cause it makes me feel so unhappy and its like a waste of time.
Lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer. And possibly a forensic accountant depending on how long he has been planning this, but your lawyer can advise you on that as well.
Yea tell on that liar. He's in his 40s and acting like he's a stupid teen that can still get away with not behaving like an adult. Screw him, tell her and let her know about his tinder too. Get him begging on record and share that too lol
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for your loss. I think we’re never really ready to lose someone we love, but we have to live with it. I still have family and people who I love. And I know they want me to feel better as well. So I try my best. Thankfully, therapy helped me with the process as well.
She's competing against your wife for your approval. Whether she wants to have an affair with you, or she wants to be “the better wife,” her behavior needs to be reprimanded.
I have a pillow on my bed to cuddle. Pregnancy pillows that are full Us are excellent for that. My husband stopped sleeping on the couch once i stopped chasing him across the bed in my sleep for snuggles
You can change your mind. Tell him that since you agreed to this you realized he's using your relationship to manipulate you. He should care that it's breaking your heart and putting you in a position where you can't even enjoy your own wedding because he's determined to prove something be including your father. Apparently he only cares that he gets his way, and that's telling you a lot about your future together.
Rather than wait for him to threaten to divorce you when you stand up for yourself in the future, it will be simpler to end the relationship now.
I'm not sure where you're getting that she can pursue her own career while he's in the military. Are you suggesting she doesn't move with him, that she keep the kids where her job is and he can come visit while on leave? Because then why bother marrying?
In my personal experience, a long term FWB who suddenly started lasted less time was doing so because he really didn’t care anymore. He actually used to have feelings, and as the feelings and chemistry faded for him, so did the effort in bed. YMMV
If your bf has stopped talking with his ex voluntarily, it seems obvious that your bf has grown tired of the drama. Why haven’t you blocked the ex?
The ex clearly has a lot going on in terms of still being interested in your bf when it’s not reciprocated. The very best thing to do is to block the ex, remove them from any SM, and ask your bf to do the same (if he hasn’t done so already). The thing is, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control how you respond.
Sit down with your bf and have a heart to heart conversation about this situation. “BF, I need to tell you that your ex’s behaviors and comments have affected me negatively. I know you can’t control them, and it’s in no way your fault that I feel this way. However, their continued contact and presence in our lives is becoming harmful to me and to our relationship. I would never ask you to remove a friend from your life, but it’s clear to me that ex is less of a friend and more of a former partner who still believes they can have a relationship with you. I am hurt and sad and angry that this person is so very negative towards me. I ask that you think about us and our relationship and our future in terms of limiting contact with ex. I cannot see a future where they are in my life.”
You need to be prepared to break up if your bf is willing to let his ex still be a large part of his life.
I'm gonna guess you never heard the saying “it's our house but it's really her house”. Don't start no problem where there isn't one.
This is abuse.
If you were afraid of karma or her brother consequences, you wouldn't be in this mess to begin with and would have drawn the line months ago, when it first started. You seem to enjoy playing with fire ? and know you will get burned, if you continue these shenanigans! Believe it or slurp it lol…
If you want to be more kind to her than she deserves, tell her, without sugar coating it, that the next time she even implies it, you'll tell him. Type up the message, so that you can send it with the press of a button.
Either it stops, with that, or you'll stop it. Getting involved in cheating ain't ever worth it. It's inviting rot into your life. Like stepping on a six days dead dog in the street and walking indoors with your shoes still on. Ain't worth it.
It doesn't seem like you are mature enough for a relationship.
Personally I don't think a baby that young would be affected by Stuff happening in the same room, but idk a huge amount about babies so I could be wrong. Either way, pretty gross that he didn't clean up properly.
He might desire you greatly, but he surely hasn't known you long enough to love you.
He could be unstable emotionally. Or, he could be consciously trying to set you up. Either way, it doesn't sound like a relationship you want to continue.
None of the above. You should be telling your wife that you'll support whatever decision she makes.
I would say move on! It was an honest mistake and he seems sorry, and I think you’ll forget about it for the most part in time. He didn’t mean to call you by her name.
STFU
I got the impression that was a temporary arrangement during a summer internship and he's now back in college.
A great one TBH!
If I were her, I’d be very confused and fed up after not getting a response for over a day about a sensitive conversation topic that it probably took guts to bring up with you. I’ve been ghosted by many men and it’s a familiar horrible feeling to many women. I think she assumed you were not receptive to her opening up when you didn’t respond
Lol yeah she need to let it go
I would tell him that when the vacation is over and you are back home that you two are done. He's a mama's boy and he will never tell her no!
But that's dependent on the person taking their meds right? People still need to know so they can decide for themselves.
So you think it’s best I abort then?
Who are you trying to convince that to me or yourself?
At this point get a DNA test on both kids. I can tell you for certain your husband will want to test both kids regardless of what you may say. Have you told your husband yet?
You need to take better care of yourself my dude.
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Hi. You do have a choice. She either respects your marriage or you will be divorcing her. End of story. YOU NEVER INVITE STRANGERS INTO YOUR HOME FOR SEX. Do you realize how dangerous that is for your daughters? Every stranger increases the risks of your daughters being abused. What if one of the strangers is a sociopath or psychopath and starts stalking or harassing her or her family?
Open relationships have a 92% failure rate. Why? Because someone always gets jealous or one of the original partners leaves the relationship for a new partner. The odds are horrible, and without both partners on board with it, your relationship will fail. So, is she willing to end your relationship? Usually, when a spouse brings this up out of the blue, it's because they already have someone in mind they want to cheat with. She just wants to legitimize it and not look like a cheater.
Only around 5% of couples can successfully have this type of relationship. The odds are horrible. The couples who do talk at length about boundaries, expectations, and consequences. You need to agree on potential partners, and that means meeting with them, reviewing boundaries and expectations, and getting to know them. You don't just jump right in. That's irresponsible. You also don't pick someone you already have feelings for or want to cheat with. You have to make sure the partners have a clean health record. You need to discuss the type of sex allowed or not allowed, protection used, what happens in case of a pregnancy, what types of feelings are allowed and not allowed, what happens if someone develops feelings, how often hookups are allowed, where (not in your home or in their home) you meet up – usually a hotel, do you have a relationship outside of the sex acts, are you allowed to go out in public with this partner, what about family and friends asking questions about them, how long are you allowed to have a relationship with one particular person, are you allowed to spend the night with your partner, how much time are you alotted to spend with this partner both having sex and with free time hanging out, etc. It is very involved. Open relationships are supposed to enhance your relationship, not detract from it. If your sex life decreases with your partner, then what?
I don't recommend this for you at all. Not giving you a choice is unfair and selfish. What makes her need for polyamory more important than your need for monogamy? I suggest individual and marriage counseling for you both. I also suggest possibly seeing a sex therapist. Maybe the therapist can give you suggestions on spicing up your sex life.
Could your wife be a sex addict? Idk. If she refuses to go to counseling before acting on this request, tell her to leave. You don't leave the home and don't let her take your daughters either. Her lifestyle that she wants will put them in danger. She doesn't have safe boundaries for either herself or them.
Talk to an attorney asap. Find yourself and your daughters a therapist. Stand your ground. If she wants to cheat, she can leave.
I assume you live! in US?
I swear I hear and read quite often US parents that are upset their children learn another language ( not necessary Spanish)… like bruh.. tf is wrong over there.
As for your “problem” – keep teaching the kid. Conversations with a native will do him good.
Why are you acting like that’s some big sacrifice? That’s completely normal behaviour for people in long term relationships, not some big favour she’s done for him. The fact they don’t live! nearby makes it worse, because clearly she’s not having to give up any of her time the rest of the year.
So what if she finds is strange? That’s not a reason to say no to something that’s important to your partner’s family.
It’s not narcissistic at all to want to celebrate being sober with your son and his partner if it’s meaningful to you. Frankly, it’s weird how much you and others are trying to diminish that in this thread. It’s a perfectly reasonable thing for someone to want to celebrate, beating alcoholism is a big deal for people.
Thank you! I honestly thought I looked fine when the orthodontist said I still looked swollen so it was really surprising! It’s been 4 years and a half since I got the surgery and feeling happier than ever! It was a pain in the ass but best decision ever
I'm probably going to go against the grain here but Jenna is being incredibly rude. There' a difference between staying at a hotel and being a guest at a friend's house. The latter means I want to be as little trouble as possible and not to be waited on hand, foot and fingers.
I've been very fortunate to stay in friend's houses longer term and I always offer to cook at least one meal (or buy takeout/take them out for dinner), and tidy up after myself including doing the dishes (or emptying the dishwasher). I've had one person stay who, like Jenna, sat around as if she as at a hotel. She's never staying again.
I think you should say something along the lines of 'Jenna could you help me in the kitchen please?' or similar. Make her feel useful 'Jenna could you peel the potatoes please'.
All I have is a helpful reward, take it for helping me laugh my ass off. This is fucking great bro ?
GL
true. i want someone who is sure of me. not this…
It’s amazing how he’s made himself into the victim here. I’m sure your comment hurt, but it was 100% true. And he’s twisted it into you being the bad guy because he’s manipulative. You shouldn’t be crying and asking him to come home, you should be ANGRY. You should be telling him exactly what it will take for you to continue this relationship, because right now you don’t have a spouse, you have a child who refuses to be present in the marriage and in general adult life.
OMG! I can’t believe the bulk of these comments. It’s not the fact that she left him that’s the problem you pillocks! It’s that she didn’t express any concern whatsoever.
If your SO is not feeling well and you’re about to leave them for two days wouldn’t you fuss over them a little? Make sure you can make them as comfortable as possible before leaving? Because that’s what people in loving relationships do. Unless the OP has left that part of the narrative out, it doesn’t sound like she did any of that. It also doesn’t sound like she’s contacted him since. No text saying I’m here safe. No happy new year I miss you. Not even a hey I won’t contact you until the morning because I want you to have a good rest. Nothing (again unless OP has left that out of his narrative).
OP don’t let people gaslight you into thinking your feelings are unreasonable. Once you’re well I suggest having a conversation with your wife about the situation and ways to improve your communication and frankly for her to show you she cares about you.
She's fresh out of a relationship and it's creepy to invite yourself over. You seem like you're just trying to fuck her and ditch and it shows, because you're not even willing to meet her somewhere neutral for drinks.
She chose to get drunk with this person that is a decision she made sober. It is simple that she displayed a behaviour and attitude that imo is not conducive with a long term partner! You may in fact be correct that she was assaulted I have not argued otherwise you appear to have some experience here and are making this personal! The fact that this was not a long term relationship her dismissive it doesn’t matter is quite an indicator of attitude. OP was not rude he neatly extricated himself from the situation and I stated why that was a good decision! If she doesn’t have to explain or communicate anything why would OP be open to further contact. You can’t have it both ways what happened was/is enough to stop a talking stage OP did so respectfully and decisively!
Handling it wrong would be driving his car into a river or physically fighting him. You’re handling this just fine. He’s ridiculous for trying to make you feel bad
I’d say this is less about “freedom” and more about the financial implications of purchasing a house with someone you’ve been with for less than a year.
Wtf is the Congo triangle? Did I miss something?
Bingo
Just break up. Well and truly. No contact, no visits, no faking in front of her parents (WTF? that's pretty deceptive and cowardly, No?), no fucking.
Is this just fluff speech so I don't off myself? WHAT. Have you threatened to harm yourself?
Completely ghosting her would just hurt me more than anything since I don't really have any friends and rely on her the most. Welp, cutting contact is going to suck, but here we are. And it's not all about you, you know. Yes breaking up is hot but you can't keep fucking around with this 'relationship'. It's unfair to both of you and is just going to prolong the pain.
Be kind, be honest, be straightforward. End it.
When you say you're unhappy with something in the relationship, and your partner blames you and calls you “ungrateful” and “disrespectful,” what he's saying is that your proper role is to shut up and act happy. He wants you to be silent, not comfortable.
You've expressed your feelings. If you want to keep giving this a chance, wait and see if he changes his behavior. If he doesn't, assume he's not going to change. (Or keep having the same argument over and over if that sounds more fun to you.)
Ask her how she would feel if you shared her nudes with all your guy friends
I'd guarantee she wouldn't feel the same way, especially if you said now that they're yours. You can do with them as you wish.
Honestly if genders were reversed, and you shared her nudes. You would very likely be looking at criminal charges
It's unlikely it's a deep fake with all of these fine details being so accurate. It's much more likely he made this video for someone and was scammed. Especially as his outfit was exactly the same as well.
On what?
Since you are very mechanical, how would you handle this if it was a work problem? Establish a process w/checkpoints, etc.? Maybe expound from that.
Many great suggestions here already – even a combination of regular calendar reminders & recording every time you do something in a note pad on your phone so you can refer back to it would help.
But as for an app that can suggest thoughtful things to do for her? I'm not sure that exists. I would suggest listening to your wife & making notes on your phone to remember for later. IE – she mentions a new restaurant that she would like to try, make a note. she mentions that she is frustrated that the towels aren't folded, fold the towels. She mentions that its been ages since she was able to have a relaxing bubble bath, buy her some bath oil & take over the bedtime routine for your kids so she can have that bath. If you are at the store, text her – “hey, I”m at the store. do you need anything? craving anything?” Its OK to ask her for ideas. Its OK to say “is this something you'd like to do?” Google articles about things to do where you live! (pretend you're a tourist) – that might spark some fun date ideas.
Its really about paying attention to her & listening to her instead of assuming that she will tell you what she needs.
As for “maybe I'll get more of what I need from our relationship as well.” – it sounds like maybe both of you are not communicating your needs to each other. Counseling so you have a safe space to express those needs & then how to both give to each other could be a great idea. Counseling is not just for when things are awful. Counseling can be a great tool for going from “we're OK” to “we're doing great.”
good luck!
He wants a threesome and your gf knows it, but is willing to tolerate it, to get a free trip. ??♀️
Therapy and medication
Go to the police and get restraining order…she sounds crazy and obsessed. Don't talk to her. Block her. On everything . Don't accept calls. Don't answer new friend requests. And tell your boyfriend to do the same. Eventually she will go away but if she doesn't then she is dangerous and get police involved.
Don’t listen to him, keep all pets ! And show us cats 🙂
Sounds like your fiancé comes from money. He might be the ex but he is still the mother of his child. There’s nothing wrong with your soon to be husband to still want to support his ex. There was love there once maybe they aren’t in love anymore doesn’t mean he still doesn’t love and care for her. Love isn’t always romantic. YTA you were out of line. It’s not your apt, not your money, and not your place. She had the apt even before you were in the picture that’s what your soon to be H chose to do. I think you acted trashy.
What was I supposed to eat? Nothing. When I say there is nothing in this apartment I mean it. They only get enough food for him and his brother to eat. Which is enough for 1 meal a day. I didn’t know I was staying there for 5 days. There’s a limit on how much I can eat. I tried to buy my own food but he wanted me to buy his presents instead so I only have $11 and that’s for an Uber home
Love doesn't pay the bills, do what's best for your future, try to help her get therapy if she not already in it
Please don’t insult her intelligence by assuming that you know how she will feel in this situation…we are all going to die eventually.
Absolutely not. I put up with a lot of verbal abuse with my ex & that sex life was even worse.
No. I always said my ex wasn’t a bad guy he just wasn’t good to me. For some reason I was the verbal punching bag. I stayed much longer than I should have because I feel like relationships are work and they deserve to be worked on but that’s not going work if it’s one sided. So I found the engagement ring and said no I can’t do this.
She needs a lot of consistent therapy. There’s a lot going on that is beyond your scope of capabilities.
“Hey, can we talk? I’m bringing this up because I love you. I am not blaming or accusing you of anything. I want to discuss and work through this as a couple. I can see you’re in a lot pain and it kills me that I can’t help you. I don’t think you’ve noticed: you’re taking you anger out on me and it’s affecting my mental health. I want to be here for you, but I think you should talk to someone who is trained to help someone who experienced trauma like you have. Would you consider taking to a therapist? I’ll be by your side to help you.”
She’s right. Listen to her. For most of my life, I’ve read historical romance novels. Some of the authors get somewhat graphic but believe it or not, I skipped over those parts. The interesting parts of the books were about the setting, or the clothes, or the food the author describes. The books are not anywhere near porn. And they definitely didn’t turn me on. Many of the authors have degrees in literature or history. The books are more than just sex/love stories. I actually learned a lot about the regency era and about Victorian customs, and other interesting things not related to sex. My husband knew I read these books and even though the covers sometimes showed muscular men, he knew it was just a story. Nothing more, nothing less. You can pretty much guarantee your gf isn’t wishing you were one of the characters or that you’re lacking.
I’ve stopped talking to people who admit they drove intoxicated. I think it’s a character flaw and the person who does it, doesn’t care about life
She said she didn’t want to be the third wheel all the time while she was here, so while he is including me in some plans, I am not included in all of them.
ongoing discussion
If that was going to work, it already would have. Right now OP's partner needs to be shocked into paying some damn attention.
Can I ask, are most of the groups he’s being “excluded” by exclusively or predominantly cishet men?
You shouldn’t propose, that’s ridiculous.
If ‘everyone’ is pressuring you to marry her then you should tell ‘everyone’ to marry her instead.
Be there for your kid and be a good dad and a good coparent, you don’t need to be a husband for that
he does eventually answer sometimes but im just so tired kept telling him not to do it.
there are more things that bothers me. i wanna end things completely but i’m scared that i might regret or i’m just bluffing. i’m having these unstable emotions when it comes to him I’m happy where we at right now but at the same time I feel like I’m ready to close this chapter and move on if he still kept doing things that I don’t want to be. I don’t like whenever he does things that bothers me cause it makes me feel so unhappy and its like a waste of time.
DARVO? What's that?
Lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer lawyer. And possibly a forensic accountant depending on how long he has been planning this, but your lawyer can advise you on that as well.
I somehow knew you'd try to manipulate your way out of this. No, these are results with your exact username, because you wrote all of them.
While I briefly have your attention, why do you do things like this? Do you have an addiction?
A tale as old as time my friend. Might as well go ahead an bite the Bullet and file.
This is what you focus on in this story? Ok
Again, I don't disagree.
Yea tell on that liar. He's in his 40s and acting like he's a stupid teen that can still get away with not behaving like an adult. Screw him, tell her and let her know about his tinder too. Get him begging on record and share that too lol
This sounds like the healthiest relationship I’ve ever seen here.
Thanks for sharing your experience. I’m sorry for your loss. I think we’re never really ready to lose someone we love, but we have to live with it. I still have family and people who I love. And I know they want me to feel better as well. So I try my best. Thankfully, therapy helped me with the process as well.
She's competing against your wife for your approval. Whether she wants to have an affair with you, or she wants to be “the better wife,” her behavior needs to be reprimanded.
I have a pillow on my bed to cuddle. Pregnancy pillows that are full Us are excellent for that. My husband stopped sleeping on the couch once i stopped chasing him across the bed in my sleep for snuggles
You can change your mind. Tell him that since you agreed to this you realized he's using your relationship to manipulate you. He should care that it's breaking your heart and putting you in a position where you can't even enjoy your own wedding because he's determined to prove something be including your father. Apparently he only cares that he gets his way, and that's telling you a lot about your future together.
Rather than wait for him to threaten to divorce you when you stand up for yourself in the future, it will be simpler to end the relationship now.
I'm not sure where you're getting that she can pursue her own career while he's in the military. Are you suggesting she doesn't move with him, that she keep the kids where her job is and he can come visit while on leave? Because then why bother marrying?
She sounds like she also doesn't know what she wants. She also sounds very toxic. Stop talking to her and move on.
In my personal experience, a long term FWB who suddenly started lasted less time was doing so because he really didn’t care anymore. He actually used to have feelings, and as the feelings and chemistry faded for him, so did the effort in bed. YMMV
Google some pictures of STDs and see if any match. I would suggest him getting it checked by a doctor also.
Though it is a very sensitive topic for most men especially when something might be wrong
If your bf has stopped talking with his ex voluntarily, it seems obvious that your bf has grown tired of the drama. Why haven’t you blocked the ex?
The ex clearly has a lot going on in terms of still being interested in your bf when it’s not reciprocated. The very best thing to do is to block the ex, remove them from any SM, and ask your bf to do the same (if he hasn’t done so already). The thing is, you cannot control the actions of others, but you can control how you respond.
Sit down with your bf and have a heart to heart conversation about this situation. “BF, I need to tell you that your ex’s behaviors and comments have affected me negatively. I know you can’t control them, and it’s in no way your fault that I feel this way. However, their continued contact and presence in our lives is becoming harmful to me and to our relationship. I would never ask you to remove a friend from your life, but it’s clear to me that ex is less of a friend and more of a former partner who still believes they can have a relationship with you. I am hurt and sad and angry that this person is so very negative towards me. I ask that you think about us and our relationship and our future in terms of limiting contact with ex. I cannot see a future where they are in my life.”
You need to be prepared to break up if your bf is willing to let his ex still be a large part of his life.