Stay who you are. It worked didn't it? You found someone you liked and she and her parents evidently liked you. You have not been given any reason to change. If she had a reason that would be helpful, but she's not choosing to tell you or doesn't know herself. Let it go, move on.
Sometimes it isn't you. Many time it is, but sometimes it isn't. You're both young, and many young people are sold on ideas that aren't realistic. You can do it all on your own. Story book love. It'll just happen on it's own if it's 'right.' All sorts of magical thinking and picture perfect ideas that you lack the experience to know are fantasies made up in marketing departments to sell you on something. Maybe she bought something that made her feel it just didn't 'feel' right. Maybe she cheated on you or was ashamed of doing something she couldn't tell you about. Maybe she has a personality disorder or suddenly realized she's led her whole life doing what her parents wanted or any number of thing.
Regardless, move on, be happy with yourself, and if you're happy with yourself you should be able to find someone else happy with you. If you're not happy with yourself you're not going to find it in someone else. So be good with yourself and move on. If she figures it out, maybe listen – if you want to – but that shouldn't be something to rely on and it certainly isn't something to blame on the next person.
Maybe you can ask her how she’d feel if you had a collection of phone numbers you and your buddies collected over a summer on some trophy board at your place to give her some perspective on how it makes you feel. Her response might give you some clarity. Emphasis on “might”.
Drop her. If she was that excited about dating you exclusively this would not even cross her mind. Don't complicate your life and justify why, the first time someone shows you their true colors believe them.
Second, yes. Been married for years now. At no time have I ever persecuted my husband for mistakes he made in previous relationships. Actually, I don’t know what mistakes he made in previous relationships because they had nothing to do with me. We’ve made enough mistakes during our relationship that I don’t need to fix ones that didn’t happen to me.
I mean, you have your own needs? If she’s not giving it to you (literally, I guess, in your case lol), then what’s the problem with finding them elsewhere, without actually cheating on her at all?
It’s possible to be in love with someone and to have them not meet every single one of your needs.
I'm a little concerned by a lot of these comments.
Yes, you should probably bring it up. But I wouldn't stay with someone who was willing to make me preform sexual acts in my sleep, without my consent or any talking about it prior.
That just is sexual assault. Sure, a lot of people are saying in THEIR relationships, it's normal. But it is clearly not for this relationship, as you are feeling grossed by it and was the first time it happened.
If you decide you want to stay with them, that is your decision. But a long conversation needs to be had about consent, boundaries and what their intentions were.
Personally, I wouldn't want to continue a relationship after that. After all, in my mind, how do I know they'll stop? How do I know its the first time? How do I know it won't progress?
well he seems pretty attached to me , he says stuff like ''the only thing i look forward to everyday is talking to you '' , ''you're the only thing thats worth being happy over'' and ''i'll keep on loving you even if you stop loving me'' etc…
OK thanks for clarifying, I thought SIL remove her daughter because there were racist comments made about daughter specifically.
It seems odd that she would claim that your husband made these racist and homophobic comments to his mother who would be offended on behalf of herself, her wife, & her granddaughter, all of who would’ve been affected by those comments.
If you’ve had a good relationship with SIL otherwise, I have no idea She would say all of these things, but it’s probably best to make other plans for a flower girl.
As much as you want them there, weddings are stressful enough without intentional drama being piled on top of the bride and groom. Sorry you’re going through this, that sucks
My gosh luv, he calls you ugly, rejects your advances, is an overall asshole, and you stay with him? He has somehow convinced you that you don’t deserve better but clearly you do. Why do you like this jerk?
You talk to your fiancée and come to an agreement on what exactly to tell your MIL. Your fiancée needs to be the one to MIL and unless she wants you there for support, you stay out of it.
But the gist should be 1 it’s our life, our way of dealing with the stresses of life and it’s working for us 2 you are a GUEST in our home, so start acting like it or you will not be welcomed back 3 return the PlayStation now, or pack your stuff and walk the fuck out of the front door
Yeah, do tell her but jeez dude this timing is awful. Feels a lot like a bait and switch to wait til after the wedding. People's sex drives are different, and it's an important aspect of compatibility. Maybe she'll do okay with less sex but if she really needs it this often you've set this marriage up to fail by waiting til after the wedding to start to sort this issue.
You only knew each other long distance before this. Maybe you are just less compatible than you realized over a computer screen. Also, maybe you are just better as friends. Being good friends does NOT automatically mean you are well suited as a romantic couple.
She’s in a relationship with this man. That’s why he has a key to her home and you’ve never been invited to step foot inside the home. Leave her be. She is no longer your concern. Seven years is a long time but you have to have some self respect. It’s time to let her go.
He may have many good traits, but he is also emotionally abusive, manipulative, and weird as hell. He is now operating on the philosophy of “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” If he truly loved you, he would not be treating you in this way. Now that he has shown you the entirety of himself, stop the milk supply and save it for the man that truly deserves you. It is no longer him. But maintaining a relationship with him will just prevent you from finding Mr. Right. Go no-contact and let him see what his foolishness has cost him. Who knows. Maybe that will cause him to grow a few brain cells. Right now, given his actions with you, he is doing the exact same thing for which he condemned you.
Just sit down and tell her straight ” I want a relationship where by we are financially 50/50″ or whatever you are comfy with. Finances are one of the hardest but one of the most important discussions in a serious relationship.
Me after work
Stay who you are. It worked didn't it? You found someone you liked and she and her parents evidently liked you. You have not been given any reason to change. If she had a reason that would be helpful, but she's not choosing to tell you or doesn't know herself. Let it go, move on.
Sometimes it isn't you. Many time it is, but sometimes it isn't. You're both young, and many young people are sold on ideas that aren't realistic. You can do it all on your own. Story book love. It'll just happen on it's own if it's 'right.' All sorts of magical thinking and picture perfect ideas that you lack the experience to know are fantasies made up in marketing departments to sell you on something. Maybe she bought something that made her feel it just didn't 'feel' right. Maybe she cheated on you or was ashamed of doing something she couldn't tell you about. Maybe she has a personality disorder or suddenly realized she's led her whole life doing what her parents wanted or any number of thing.
Regardless, move on, be happy with yourself, and if you're happy with yourself you should be able to find someone else happy with you. If you're not happy with yourself you're not going to find it in someone else. So be good with yourself and move on. If she figures it out, maybe listen – if you want to – but that shouldn't be something to rely on and it certainly isn't something to blame on the next person.
You broke up with her via text ? Ouch ! Yes give her a reason why. It’s way harder to move on with no closure or reason imo
Ohhhh, I did not read the post yet. The title is juicy!???
Interesting….. when the roles are reversed the comments are filled with on how it’s important for the S/O to go get therapy……. Huh….. weird……
The longer he waits for a diagnosis, the less likely he is to get a good outcome.
Maybe you can ask her how she’d feel if you had a collection of phone numbers you and your buddies collected over a summer on some trophy board at your place to give her some perspective on how it makes you feel. Her response might give you some clarity. Emphasis on “might”.
i mean gosh i really do miss him but im unsure what he wants haaha
and yes im a pretty busy person ?
Home girls going to get raw dogged by her coworker.
This is how it starts. Eventually you and Bob will fight and Sean will be there as a shoulder to cry on and a dick to bounce on.
Then youl post here you cheated on Bob and need advice. Only for you to get chewed out and thus you will double down.
Embrace it hunny. You're going to be that girl!
He did the right thing, and he did it kindly
Drop her. If she was that excited about dating you exclusively this would not even cross her mind. Don't complicate your life and justify why, the first time someone shows you their true colors believe them.
lol he doesn’t love you. Guaranteed he wants to fuck other girls
First off, I’m a woman.
Second, yes. Been married for years now. At no time have I ever persecuted my husband for mistakes he made in previous relationships. Actually, I don’t know what mistakes he made in previous relationships because they had nothing to do with me. We’ve made enough mistakes during our relationship that I don’t need to fix ones that didn’t happen to me.
In short
Fuck that guy
No. This family is obviously BAD WITH MONEY and monetary decisions.
I mean, you have your own needs? If she’s not giving it to you (literally, I guess, in your case lol), then what’s the problem with finding them elsewhere, without actually cheating on her at all?
It’s possible to be in love with someone and to have them not meet every single one of your needs.
That’s every relationship, in fact.
Agreed – but leaving doesn't even sound like a consideration here.
I'm a little concerned by a lot of these comments.
Yes, you should probably bring it up. But I wouldn't stay with someone who was willing to make me preform sexual acts in my sleep, without my consent or any talking about it prior.
That just is sexual assault. Sure, a lot of people are saying in THEIR relationships, it's normal. But it is clearly not for this relationship, as you are feeling grossed by it and was the first time it happened.
If you decide you want to stay with them, that is your decision. But a long conversation needs to be had about consent, boundaries and what their intentions were.
Personally, I wouldn't want to continue a relationship after that. After all, in my mind, how do I know they'll stop? How do I know its the first time? How do I know it won't progress?
I hope you're okay
well he seems pretty attached to me , he says stuff like ''the only thing i look forward to everyday is talking to you '' , ''you're the only thing thats worth being happy over'' and ''i'll keep on loving you even if you stop loving me'' etc…
That’s a very good point. Thank you for bringing your perspective. Congratulations on being sober.
Props to your mil for telling off her son
If this does go to divorce, stay in contact with her if you can, having an ally in a grandparent is very helpful
What will this information do for you? It’s over. Move on land tell your friends you no longer require updates on him.
I wasn't expecting gifts from him I only wanted to spend the day together watching movies and cooking dinner but he didn't want that
Are you willing to shave twice a day so that you do not have any stubble? Because the boyfriend is turned off by any facial hair at all.
And as a biological man also. I know. Shaving in the morning. That there is stubble that night.
OK thanks for clarifying, I thought SIL remove her daughter because there were racist comments made about daughter specifically.
It seems odd that she would claim that your husband made these racist and homophobic comments to his mother who would be offended on behalf of herself, her wife, & her granddaughter, all of who would’ve been affected by those comments.
If you’ve had a good relationship with SIL otherwise, I have no idea She would say all of these things, but it’s probably best to make other plans for a flower girl.
As much as you want them there, weddings are stressful enough without intentional drama being piled on top of the bride and groom. Sorry you’re going through this, that sucks
My gosh luv, he calls you ugly, rejects your advances, is an overall asshole, and you stay with him? He has somehow convinced you that you don’t deserve better but clearly you do. Why do you like this jerk?
Oh fuck no.
You talk to your fiancée and come to an agreement on what exactly to tell your MIL. Your fiancée needs to be the one to MIL and unless she wants you there for support, you stay out of it.
But the gist should be 1 it’s our life, our way of dealing with the stresses of life and it’s working for us 2 you are a GUEST in our home, so start acting like it or you will not be welcomed back 3 return the PlayStation now, or pack your stuff and walk the fuck out of the front door
Ooh, feelings hurt.
Is a guy any different? Whatever you answer, there's your answer.
Yeah, do tell her but jeez dude this timing is awful. Feels a lot like a bait and switch to wait til after the wedding. People's sex drives are different, and it's an important aspect of compatibility. Maybe she'll do okay with less sex but if she really needs it this often you've set this marriage up to fail by waiting til after the wedding to start to sort this issue.
Definitely sounds like you're as convinced it's a >poof< >gone< situation.
So do the blocks (make them REAL, not some soft-delete to trash), block the phone numbers, etc., and just know enough is enough.
You only knew each other long distance before this. Maybe you are just less compatible than you realized over a computer screen. Also, maybe you are just better as friends. Being good friends does NOT automatically mean you are well suited as a romantic couple.
She doesn't have “a lot of experience” with ANYTHING, she's 18.
Why assume years worth? A lot of relationships don’t even make it to a year lol.
She’s in a relationship with this man. That’s why he has a key to her home and you’ve never been invited to step foot inside the home. Leave her be. She is no longer your concern. Seven years is a long time but you have to have some self respect. It’s time to let her go.
He may have many good traits, but he is also emotionally abusive, manipulative, and weird as hell. He is now operating on the philosophy of “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free.” If he truly loved you, he would not be treating you in this way. Now that he has shown you the entirety of himself, stop the milk supply and save it for the man that truly deserves you. It is no longer him. But maintaining a relationship with him will just prevent you from finding Mr. Right. Go no-contact and let him see what his foolishness has cost him. Who knows. Maybe that will cause him to grow a few brain cells. Right now, given his actions with you, he is doing the exact same thing for which he condemned you.
Just sit down and tell her straight ” I want a relationship where by we are financially 50/50″ or whatever you are comfy with. Finances are one of the hardest but one of the most important discussions in a serious relationship.