I can confirm. I made that mistake once and never again. While trying to help him, he got me into depth and before you know it he decided to leave. It took me three to four months to recover.
I can't get a woman my age. Either they have boyfriend's or don't want to be with an autistic person. When I met her, she seemed to have the maturity level of a 30 year old woman and that's why I began dating her
You could go to a therapist together… I think some people are afraid of initiating therapy, so going with someone you trust feels safer.
Clearly, she’s under a lot of stress and pressure from school. Make it about that—and less about her having a “problem”. If you approach the subject with an interest of seeking help together to better find tools so you can both manage your stress and lives better as a team, she’ll be less likely to reject the idea.
Once shes comfortable going to therapy with you, she may feel more courage to seek therapy on her own for her childhood trauma.
The main thing is getting in the door and breaking some of the stigma and fear of going. And if you propose something from the angle of “teamwork” she’ll feel less judged, less self-hatred for her struggles.
A final thought: My sister is on the high functioning autism spectrum. Sometimes suggestions she views as fair or neutral-fact in her effort to help, tread over my sensitive feelings. Sometimes her cool-headed reactions leave me feeling like a hot-mess in comparison. But I know its not her fault, or her choice. Things can be lost in translation between people on the emotionality spectrum. Which is why me and my sister have worked so very hot to make sure we understand each other. She tries to leave room for people to react to stressors naturally, to ask questions and listen, and offer solutions consensually. And I remind myself that if she’s blunt, it isn’t on purpose, and to not self-loath because I’m more outwardly emotional than she is. I also need to keep in mind that though she doesn’t show it, she internalizes stress and it doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting her (it manifests physically in her case). We both apologize when we accidentally offend the other. And she knows when I’m stressed and emotionally reactive, that intense phrasing can really hurt me. We’ve come a long way.
OP, I wish you the best of luck! I hope she makes it in to therapy. We all need it sometimes.
He seems a bit clueless.
If you had gaslight in your home, they would be dimming all the time.
I can confirm. I made that mistake once and never again. While trying to help him, he got me into depth and before you know it he decided to leave. It took me three to four months to recover.
I can't get a woman my age. Either they have boyfriend's or don't want to be with an autistic person. When I met her, she seemed to have the maturity level of a 30 year old woman and that's why I began dating her
You could go to a therapist together… I think some people are afraid of initiating therapy, so going with someone you trust feels safer.
Clearly, she’s under a lot of stress and pressure from school. Make it about that—and less about her having a “problem”. If you approach the subject with an interest of seeking help together to better find tools so you can both manage your stress and lives better as a team, she’ll be less likely to reject the idea.
Once shes comfortable going to therapy with you, she may feel more courage to seek therapy on her own for her childhood trauma.
The main thing is getting in the door and breaking some of the stigma and fear of going. And if you propose something from the angle of “teamwork” she’ll feel less judged, less self-hatred for her struggles.
A final thought: My sister is on the high functioning autism spectrum. Sometimes suggestions she views as fair or neutral-fact in her effort to help, tread over my sensitive feelings. Sometimes her cool-headed reactions leave me feeling like a hot-mess in comparison. But I know its not her fault, or her choice. Things can be lost in translation between people on the emotionality spectrum. Which is why me and my sister have worked so very hot to make sure we understand each other. She tries to leave room for people to react to stressors naturally, to ask questions and listen, and offer solutions consensually. And I remind myself that if she’s blunt, it isn’t on purpose, and to not self-loath because I’m more outwardly emotional than she is. I also need to keep in mind that though she doesn’t show it, she internalizes stress and it doesn’t mean it isn’t affecting her (it manifests physically in her case). We both apologize when we accidentally offend the other. And she knows when I’m stressed and emotionally reactive, that intense phrasing can really hurt me. We’ve come a long way.
OP, I wish you the best of luck! I hope she makes it in to therapy. We all need it sometimes.
It sounds very odd to me, sex doesn’t require all those conditions to be met. He’s just making up excuses.
I’d try counseling and/or give him an ultimatum. He needs to satisfy your needs or you’re going to get them satisfied elsewhere.