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Date: October 5, 2022
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She is a grown woman that has every right to her decisions (even if those decisions are mistakes) and you are just letting her know because you feel it is the right thing to do. You are right, one of the possible outcomes is that she hates you for it and still goes for him, but you are doing what you know is correct towards someone else without aiming at gaining anything for yourself. You can have peace with yourself no matter the outcome.
Leave and don’t look back.
Cry more bigot
No, move on and keep it for yourself
I'll agree that there are a number of red flags in OPs retelling. But try to keep a few things in perspective:
When she got the text from her ex, did she tell you or did you see it? Because if she told you, that's trust.
Knowing that she had the text, did you monitor her behaviour for any sudden shifts? Because if you look for something very hot enough, you'll find it, whether it's there or not. And the things you do find may seem far worse than they would have appeared normally.
Have you seen her in a depressive episode before? We all wear our emotional distress in different ways. Shutting down and keeping to herself are classic depressive signs. Being on her phone might be how she copes. And the snapchats may not even be sent, she might be practising faking a smile so she can work up the strength to hide how horrible she's feeling around friends or co-workers – but around you she doesn't feel the need to keep up a facade. And that too is a sign of trust.
Again, there are several red flags here, and the majority may well be right. And of course that's something you need to be prepared for. But allow for the possibility that she's being honest. I've had ex's who were horribly toxic, liars and cheaters and abusers, and I know the effect they still have on me to this day when I think about them. For all you know, he could have been a narcissistic violent sociopath, the kind that has all the charm in the world in public but is evil behind closed doors. And if he hurt her – and I mean really hurt her – her reaction could anything.
I suggest you sit down with her and ask her to tell you exactly what he was like, the sort of things he put her through. It's possible that it's something she's never discussed with anyone before, and talking about it may help. Don't be so ready to throw your relationship away, or you're no better than what you fear she is
Presumably she thought you might be in a suicidal crisis or having a breakdown.
Cut off all contact with her. But make sure you are working on your mental health and cooperating with your therapist.
i’m confused? is it bad to spend christmas with your mom?
You saw the red flags from the beginning. You stuck it out for a year hoping love would be enough.
It's not.
You don't love him anymore. He sounds irritating tbh; I don't blame you. Leave him and find someone who can and wants to communicate.
Damn, you beat me to it!
[Cat puppet stares into the camera awkwardly]
Thank you, I did show my boyfriend the screenshots, I mean it doesn't change anything as he was on my side regardless, but I do feel better 🙂
Thank you, I did show my boyfriend the screenshots, I mean it doesn't change anything as he was on my side regardless, but I do feel better 🙂
Pull the giant stick out of that person's arse and hit them with it, it should be ok too, because obviously their shit doesn't stink
Chase the bag, not hoes. New chapter, more grinding and working on my self. She could’ve been my right hand but nope. She threw away 6 years of friendship and a year relationship.
“Well I don’t like it when you don’t shave/do shave” let him decide in his own head what he means by shaving and don’t elaborate.
At just 5 weeks in I'm so glad I have experiences like this to look forward to soon ?
I don’t think that she is that kind of a toxic person but when this is the issue she acts without thinking. I will consider talking to her about it.
That makes sense
I agree, I'll get it sorted for the kids, just sucks that woman complain about dead beat dads, while woman are out here using kids as weapons…… In terms of her with the harassment, can this be sorted too? Example being, if a court order was put in place but she makes an alias and does the same, I can't exactly do anything can I?
We can’t pick our family
Some people gift diamonds, some other get you sex toys! I have plenty of diamond, and huge box full of toys! Some are for me and some are for him. ❤️
I was under the impression that Lilliana was OPs legal name and Lilly is just a nick name for OP and Baby 2.0s legal name.
It sound like the sex should be the least of your concerns. Reacting to a partner with disqust and idiocy is not a loving and caring relationship. You should had talked about her reaction and how you felt.
10% of the time she responds like that? It should be 5% and then she immediately apologizes or works it out with you.
Anyway couples counseling would help you two communicate about sex if it's too uncomfortable.
Thank you for being understanding, although the rest of the comments are on her side (fair enough I may think).
To answer your question, we are in a long distance relationship, which makes it very hot to make plans because of a couple issues (money as the main one). We sure meet for our anniversaries, but not for the holidays and such (Easter, Christmas, New Year's, birthdays) as she spends them with her parents as a family tradition.
That means she isn't able to send much texts on these situations. My friends invited me and I accepted because I see friends every few months. If she were here irl, I would've talked about inviting her too, and I know my friends would've accepted it! I love including her in what I do if she feels comfortable joining me.
I mean I would argue that he was intentionally doing something that he knew would cause you physical discomfort first, and he continued doing it despite repeated pleas from you to stop. Just because he wasn’t PHYSICALLY touching you doesn’t mean he wasn’t harming you in anyway. You had to get up and leave the room and he still followed you and cornered you just to do it again, and it sounds like you hit him in reaction to it. You did everything you could to leave the situation before hitting him. I don’t want to go so far as to say it was self defense but I think you’re downplaying what he did too.
I agree, we weren’t fighting as much before our baby was born. I think there were little signs but have since been amplified. It’s almost like she was waiting until she felt I had no choice but to stay to act this way.
You did the right thing by ending it. This relationship was doomed
That’s why you dump a cheater the moment you learn about it
Well looks like I’m joining the downvote team because the fiancé is no saint and given that it’s a genetic illness and his mother is also mentally ill, sounds like if she had God forbid mentally ill children or her had a problem it wouldn’t go well. She’s not a saint sorry. And in this situation … he needs one and they exist.
He didn’t leak anything tho
DING DING DING!!
Bro, you don't deserve to be treated that way… this is a ??? just because if she gets used to treating you like this AROUND OTHERS, then the future is bleak if she decides she can walk all over you…. if she needs more time with her gfs and less with you, blow off some dates and go work out and play CoD with the boys, invest in yourself now.
No, I do not agree. It's a different dynamic when it's your parents, versus just a friend or something. It's nuanced.
Even if you're an adult, you might still need them in your life and lean on them, it doesn't mean condoning their every action. You're free to cut off parents over infidelity if you like, or indeed for any reason, but I strongly feel that it should (as much as possible) stay between the parents in an attempt to not let it impact their relationships with their kids. I understand the mum's hurt, trust me, but I also think she's putting OP in a terrible position, when he's an innocent party in it.
I'm saying this as a kid of parents that split up, in part, because of cheating.
Plot twist.
Good lord.. he obviously cannot be trusted. Your own mother thinks that they had sex.. hell, they still could be. Please leave this shit show. I’d say he has proven that he is a piece of ?
does assuming im 20 turn u on? you’ve only said it about 100 times now
im actually not, sorry to burst your bubble. but i am a woman younger than you who likes to date younger men, and this talking to a wall esque exchange reminds me why i do…older males have the worst ego and zero logical argument skills?
Ralph Wiggum: haha you're in danger
So listen to your dad. Put on your big girl pants and go.
Ya the flowers are the trigger, but they aren't the reason.
Your boyfriend can't show up for you, and has demonstrated that repeatedly. I love the stereotype that woman are a mystery to men, and yet, here you are, being very clear about the exact thing that you want on your anniversary, with enough flexibility that he can get the flowers at a number of locations, and still…nothing.
He isn't putting in the effort, and that is why you are upset. And it's not going to get better. Even after this incident, still…nothing.
So, at 26 years old, is this how you want your life to be? To have a partner who last minute won't come get you from the airport, who isn't interested in mutual sexual satisfaction, who can't do the bare minimum to celebrate you, or your shared relationship? Just end it.
Thank you! The first part is exactly what I feel that's why I really wanted to go together 🙂
Whether it’s to you or not, are you comfortable sharing your life with someone who’s lying daily… how do you continue to trust her before the resentment and paranoia ruins it anyway?
Your take is 15-30 years out-of-date.
Go to court and if you have to you prove you have not contacted her despite her best attempts, then walk the heck away. You two are obviously toxic together and incompatible. Use this time and space to look at things more clearly and work on yourself.
Get a better GF. She has made it clear she expects you to support her family. Unless you want to do that for the rest of your life, escape now. And if you marry her, your money will be going to them one way or another. Why should you work so her family can skate by?
kissed and fucked.
He's asking you because he wants to have sex with her. Like what kind of answer are you looking for? He wants to, and most likely will, fuck her.
I understand you're in a bad situation. You don't want to lose your family, you're married to an absolute abomination of a man, you're pregnant. Honey I'm sorry. It's bad. I think advice depends on what country you're in. Like i'm in Canada. If i were you, I would get an abortion, then crash with some friends until I could get on my feet. You're young. You can bounce back in a very hot second.
If you're in a more repressive country it's more difficult. Do you have anyone to reach out to? Aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, siblings? Anyone who might be open to helping you get away from this guy? Even if you barely know them. Class mates? Teachers, professors?? literally anyone. Reach out.
She owes her cheating husband? Why does she owe him? Could you connect those dots for me?
You didn’t do anything wrong and you handled it well. Tell him soon that you had to drop a client and explain why.
Nope, absolutely not! Getting your education should be your highest priority.
If your boyfriend also sees a future with you then either he can stay longer or given the flexibility of him working from anywhere, he cam travel back and forth to still regularly see you during the time you finish your education.
You don't know him long enough to know if he isn't toxic (a lot of toxic partners only start showing it once living together). And even if he is an emotionally healthy and mature person, that still doesn't mean you both end up being compatible. A lot of relationships end because of a whole bunch of varying reasons that have nothing to do with a relationship being either healthy or toxic.
I see nothing wrong in trying to be helpful to vulnerable women. It doesn’t make you a creep. Getting an Uber account isn’t relevant and may be dangerous for you if you can’t choose your passengers at night in an unsafe city.
You’re a great guy! Superhero’s don’t always wear capes.
This guy sucks. Why? Because he is a douchebag. There are guys other there willing to put in effort and give you everything you want. Fuck this guy
He is kinda different when we are together in person, he talks about us , but it depends too because he if he is frustrated because of a.gsme and I want to cuddle he will tell me “and I want to win” and makes me upset, or if I ask something ( i am an overthinker but I can most of the times control my thoughts) he can get frustrated because of the question or if I ask more than one question but all the questions are related he talks like I am annoying him, I already talked to him about it and he says it's his normal voice, but I told him the tone he makes sounds like he is annoyed if I ask anything :/ What do you mean he has a small world? If you can explain please
WOW… run my friend. This was just a preview of coming attractions…
He cheated. It's over.
Yeah I don’t know why people think fighting is normal or “healthy.” I do not fight with my husband. If we have an issue (which is rare), we talk about it like adults.
Therapy, therapy, therapy, OP. Fighting every week is not normal and your husband makes a valid point about not wanting to have sex while you aren’t at a good pt in your relationship. Sex is a bonding activity. If he doesn’t want to be close to you in that way rn, there are deeper issues you’ve gotta address—in therapy.
Rather than having her cut him off, cut her off.
I’m honestly not sure if we are on the same page about moving forward anymore. I don’t necessarily agree with his comment but if he wants to propose I’m all for it. At this point with how he’s handling any conversation around the topic I feel like I have two choices; don’t mention it and hope the time comes or leave now so I can start the healing process faster.
I would just be concerned for the other guy as well. I mean everyone would be on your girlfriend and her friends ass if genders were switched. A guy showing his guy friend some girls tits or vagina is disgusting and thats the same with the opposite gender. I wonder how your gf or her friend would feel if guys were doing this same thing to them without their consent.
I would definitely bring it up based on her reaction to it. Not even considering how morally wrong it is what her friend did.
all of you need to leave the disability and the child fucking out of it. you have creepy eugenics mindsets about who should be allowed to have children. just because OP struggles physically and mentally doesn’t mean that she’s not perfectly capable of taking care of a baby.
CLEARLY she can’t work rn, because she has a literal infant, but you have no idea if she would be able to get a job to support her child in the future, if the dad will help support, if other family members are helping support.
but bottom line is that the child is already fucking born. you people meed to realize that the problem is a lack of social support systems and not individuals with disabilities themselves.
you people disgust me.
If you're worried she'll hurt herself or she tells you she will, police do wellness checks and will make sure she's ok on your behalf, don't get trapped by any pleadings or what ifs, their an adult, everything your capable of they are capable of, you staying only buries your life under their bullshit as well ,if they need help, there's many avenues for them to get it themselves through therapy and what not
Don’t do it. You could open a joint savings instead or just keep your half of the savings in your name, but under no circumstances should you just hand the money over to him unless you’re BOTH switching to a joint finance system where you have equal access to ALL the money. The second that money goes into his savings, it becomes his money and if something goes wrong between you, you will have no recourse to get any of it back. It’s a huge financial risk to take considering you’re not married, so in the eyes of the law all of your property is separate unless specifically jointly listed (like a joint bank account).
This is seriously sketchy. If he uses the money for a down payment from an account that only has his name on it to buy a house it looks like he’s the one purchasing the house without your financial support/backing. I know you’re partners but it’s always good to keep agency over your own finances since this is the way you two have always and will continue (aside from half your paycheck!!)!!! to manage your money.
What are you doing, dude? It sounds like you're doing this to make someone else happy and avoid letting them down. Like there's a part of you that can' turn it down even though you're not entirely comfortable with it, because you don't want to upset anyone. I think you should consider whether you're actually doing this because you want to, or whether you want to want to because someone else might be disappointment if not.
Did you guys talk about why she wants to try a threesome?
Stop giving him your money. And see how he reacts?
You are in denial, it was not a single incident … it was 3
In the times where you have been included in the outings, has anything ever stood out? The way your husband interacts with them, or how they interact with you?
This is really tragic, I’m so sorry. Did he just present a facade to get you to stay in the relationship? How did he manage that?
If she is leaving because of a baby, she aint for you
Your intolerance of their set up tells me you should leave, without blaming anyone.
Nothing stops you reaching out and saying hi. Seems you're FWB at the moment (to her anyway). If you want this to develop or be something more. I think it's best to tell her.
Give us an update!! I hope you broke up with him.
Any advice?
Maybe move out of the neolithic era and join the rest of us in the modern era. You can leave your hubby and his friend behind in their cave.
He's wanting the wife that stays home and who does everything for their husband. A 1950's type of wife whose sole function is to cater to their husband.
The only crazy part is you're seemingly still interested in him
giving up on what?? you literally can’t stand him. not much to build on from there.
There's a book called “Should I Stay or Should I Go” by Lundy Bancroft that I think might help you make a decision. I'm sorry you're going through this.
I feel like you should concentrate on the relationship you have with your husband…not your friend's husband, or your friend who has a wife…considering you have a husband. It shouldn't matter if he likes you or not, you should hope he doesn't
Immature as hell. Then being passive aggressive by saying
“God I hate men who care about their videogames.”
Drop her like she dropped your character off the dragon lol.
Stop thinking about it that you cheated on him. One you were drugged. Two, you were piss drunk and therefore unable to give consent in the first place. So even if you weren't drunk, consent couldn't have been given. I think youre on the right direction with your own actions. Minimum seek help for yourself. Better if you can involve your bf. I hope he comes to understand and you two work it out.
He's mean. Please don't put up with this. End it.
my girl would chop my nuts off if i said that lmao
Girl I wouldn’t even look at that bitch let alone invite her to my wedding. I don’t understand how siblings get with their siblings partners. POS person that doesn’t even deserve to breathe the same air as you.
I support you taking the kids and leaving to your mom’s if that is an option. I’m not sure how long this has been this way or how many conversations you have had with him about expectations, but if you don’t do something to get his attention and motivate him into super speed action, he will not understand the sense or urgency.