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Date: December 13, 2022
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It will take time, getting over a breakup won’t be quick or easy. However, there are things you can do to keep busy so you aren’t thinking about him. Spend time with friends, go out and have fun, you can use this time to focus on yourself. It might seem hard at first, but take it one day at a time, and it will get easier
“Don’t have sex with me when I’m on Ambien.” “I take Ambien every night.”
From a sex life perspective, you two could have figured that out together and had sex prior to you taking your pill.
But regardless of that, he knows you’re drugged up and has sex with you. “I didn’t realize” doesn’t hold water when he knows you take it every single night.
Tell your friends. Your discomfort with confrontation is nothing compared to the discomfort he is bringing the women (and apparently teenage girls) in his life. The dude is not okay, and it is not okay to just let him go about his life without ever saying anything. His friends need to get up in his face and call him out on his disgusting behavior.
he says no sex happened and it’s not really cheating.
Even after getting caught he’s still not taking accountability, definitely not trustworthy. Giving him another chance unfortunately tells him that it is okay for him to treat you this way, especially if he’s a narcissist.
I was paid well to be a nanny to a baby. Your wife isn’t being paid anything, plus she doesn’t get to go home at 5pm.
Taking care of a child is mentally and physically exhausting. Decompressing was only possible during nap time.
If my nanny family had excepted me to also be their maid while the baby was napping, I would have quit.
So, here you are describing the problem to people outside of the relationship. His motivation is probably the same as yours.
hello random stranger. We are currently dating and we are very happy. It turned out that I can accept her past. Thank you for the judgement despite what I wrote was all QUESTIONS.
It's not uncommon for this to happen at all. I truly don't know what books you had at your school.
Had to stop at 5 because, literally what the actual fuck? But all of those are. Hope you didn’t think of those yourself.
How long were they married before she came out as gay and also aren’t best friends supposed to tell eachother important secrets, like feelings of being gay, early on?
I’ve been with him for 2 years
Are you sure she is even pregnant?
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Ok
The petty answer is that next time he comes to you complaining, be it over text, on a call, or in person – don't respond to it. Either keep quiet or start another topic altogether. When he gets upset (because he certainly will), tell him “the way I genuinely and sincerely respond to your complaints makes you upset, so I decided to stop responding to them at all.”
The responsible answer is that next time you genuinely and sincerely respond to his complaints and he gets upset you remind him that he told you to respond however you normally would and that if he has some specific boundaries he would like for you to respect then he needs to use his grown up words and communicate them. Otherwise what he is doing is unfairly holding you to a standard and expectation that you a) have no knowledge of; and b) did not consent to being held to.
Then inform him that you are now enforcing a boundary wherein if he should continue to hold you responsible for his poor/lack of clear communication of his needs then you will simply start ignoring his complaints completely and he will have to find someone new to dump his shit on and hold to unreasonable, and uncommunicated expectations.
I would leave. It never stops here. And there is so much trickle truthing. Soon you are going to find out there were blowjobs involved. Soon a confession of gang bang.
He was not remorseful and openly engaged. Came home at 5am. 4 lap dances take that long?
Gifts are meant to be something that you can pick out selflessly with the other person in mind. They cannot control what they receive. He’s being an ass. Maybe don’t buy him presents because you can’t win the game he’s playing.
He’s a fucking psycho, wtf? It’s 100% normal to cry at any funeral. Nothing embarrassing at all about displaying grief in that context
Ideally
divorce is not an ideal situation. he should get full custody bc she proved herself to be untrustworthy
Let’s say you guys do this and it all magically works out or you close it early because it doesn’t seem to work. Why do you think having had that experience will keep you from having feelings to exploring again in the future? What will be different that time? Will you decide to shut it down mentally next time?
Have you discussed 3/4 somes so you are experiencing / exploring together?
Maybe doing this is the easiest way for you both to move on. It’s posted again and again, the insecurity that comes from just being asked for an open relationship – before it even happens, destroys the relationship. How does he really feel? Would he get any enjoyment from hooking up or is he 100% appeasing you?
If this is a question you need to post about I’m not sure this is the relationship for you to marry into.
I do however hope that she is in some kind of therapy. I thinks it’s ok to discuss her mental health with her and make sure she is happy and has the help she needs for her body dysmorphia
the question is why did he catch feelings for you? why is he attracted to someone so young with such a vastly different life experience
Why are you asking for details about this person she dated while you weren't together?
I wasted 5 years on a muslim man, sweetie it is mor worth it and he fidn’t even try to dictate what i wear. If you don’t align culturally and religiously it’s never going to be worth it. Also most islamic rooted cultures are still very oppressive to the modern day woman. Yes some women choose it but also how can you not when you have been groomed since you were in diapers. Get out now while you can
Right she called Carter her ex bestfriends (TOXIC ex boyfriend) and in the next paragraph said they have a lot in comment. No….I think it's just you
Idk I might but nothing else points towards low T
Your friend has a problem. It has nothing to do with you. 20 years old is not a child. Her situation was definitely a good comeback. I think some separation time is good for you both. Sometimes you outgrow people. That's just what it is and a lot of people learn that around the early 20s. There's a whole new set of best friends waiting for you.
You are 19. You CAN do without him. He is NOT The One. The One would never EVER hurt you intentionally and if unintentionally then he would kiss your feet and blow on your wound and beg, he would beg, for your forgiveness.
“Support my poor decisions reddit”
NTA. He's an idiot.
Then he should be mad at himself not you. He never gave you a specific time, and you never agreed to a specific time, so since it fell through that’s poor planning on his part, not your fault. It’s not job to sit around and wait for him. Let him know it’s understandable that he’s disappointed but if he wants to blame someone, he should look in the mirror. The lesson here is that if he wants to see you, he needs to work it out with you so you’re both okay with the plan, not switch things up constantly and then get mad when it doesn’t work for you.
Maybe she's lucky and can orgasm through sex alone but as someone who has had partners from 4 to 9 inches, I have never had an orgasm from sex alone. Most of us cannot and need oral or manual stimulation (fingers or toys).
It feels like too much is being put on having an orgasm from sex alone. If that's the be all end all for her, then you are probably gonna wanna walk away. You will never make her happy.
I don't agree with letting the friends make fun, that's not cool. If she was as ride or die as you say, she would shoot that shit down the second it happens.
Well I would tell her your question is nit disrespectful. Readon why your relationship is one thing and thing you have built together another.
Now you could end here (because that is truth), however you really must know I would say also that:
You don't mind if it at very beginning she has contacted him, all you really care about is whether she had communicated with past first month of your relationship, and as insecure it is of you you want direct yes or no answer.
If after this she refuses to answer it means she was is in contact with him. Do with this knowledge what you deem fit.
“Show up for herself” I like that ?
Show up for yourself OP!
You made it to season 2…i didn’t last but a few episodes. The rape s ends got to me…I am no prude, but damn if those rape scenes just being thrown in randomly…it was too much for me.
Yeah that's kind of how intrusive thoughts work. They're haunting. That doesn't mean I can't recognise that they're not correct.
I don't think it's remotely realistic to expect your partner to just shut down their senses completely because they're with you.
This is something that you should have mentioned on the first date because good luck finding someone who shares that belief and is also not lying to you.
What do you do to these thoughts? You manage them. You go to therapy or take medication but I truly believe this has nothing to do with OCD and more to do with your self-esteem.
idk men have been jerking off long before porn was invented so i definitely think it’s possible, it’s just that many people these days have conditioned themselves to need it
Then as you put it you are “wasting your time” he's expressed why and you still want it
Look up the book “Why Does He Do That?”
Good luck, OP. I hope you get out. He is a scumbag and you can do better.
Maybe even try in the shower? Then he can rinse his mouth if he needs without it being obvious
Don't feel bad about it, he might just be getting used to it. I'm sure he's not always smelling like daisies either. I saw your other comments about going for a check up which I think is a good idea, BV can cause odor and is an easy fix
I disagree, I’ve been not ready before and know what that feels like. I have my shit together best I can and have focused on myself for awhile
That's great advice but it won't wipe his memory will it?
He doesn't want kids period.
Thought I should add, he did write “love” in a letter on our 1 year anniversary. Usually he would just sign his name but he put that for a reason…maybe I missed that this whole time…but you'd like he'd say it and not write it first.
How do I post a photo? I’m new to this!
Yeah. Dude’s an AH. He could’ve easily played it off as a “I’m not really good with words, so I got AI to help tell you how much I love you.” Instead he laughed and tried to play it off as a joke.
I don't think you two should meet. There's a danger of getting sucked in. And I definitely don't think the two of you should get back together and even marry.
There's a reason you had to get away from him, and frankly, I doubt he has changed all that much, even if you have.
If you still don't want this advice, send me your phone number. I'll get on the phone with you and “communicate” by yelling at you. You can see if you still like it!
That's extremely manipulative of him, to refuse to answer and then blame you for not communicating.
Ok this is much clear . You need to get away from this person ASAP . My initial point around taking care of your mental health and seeking help / therapy / support still stands .
The less you think about him – the better it is . By being angry you are hurting yourself only ..
I think it's more the fact that she did not tell me for 2.5 years. What am I supposed to do with this information? Why do you tell me at all if you decided to not tell me before? It only makes it weird for me.
The fact that he did this, and THEN told you, tells me that he cheated and is trying to cover himself. There is a better chance he posted on a hookup site and they didn't use protection and he's trying to cover for the fall out. Ask him to see the receipt from the facility, the agreement that he isn't actually taking any parental responsibility and that it was strictly a noncontact donation. If he can't? Then I suggest talking to a lawyer and preparing yourself
If you love him in anyway…you love him. The question is, if he were to get help and you both were going to put in the energy to fix the marriage, would you stay? If the answer is you don't want to. Go. Truly. Relationships do not need to be torn to shreds of debris before people choose to move on. By that point the people are in such bad shape, it can't help but affect their children horribly. So, if you aren't in a space where this has any life left…pull the plug.
In my own similar situations, looking backward, all the drinking probably didn't help any of this type of stuff.
Info were you 17 when you got together? A 4 year age gap isn't huge but if you were still a kid and he could drink… But also yes, what you described is toxic. Honestly it's a good start to devaluation in a relationship that could turn towards abuse.
I just don't feel like doing it twice a week, thats all
Lying isn't a once off decision people make, it's a strategy that people use to avoid consequences. Fundamentally these people think it's ok to deprive you of all the information you need to make a decision that's in your best interests, if it means they get what they want. It's an incredibly selfish way of behaving because it means that the liar thinks their desires are more important than yours. It won't go away because it's a behaviour, not an event. Lying is also not an act of love, it's the opposite.
Furthermore, lying about small things means that someone will definitely lie about bigger issues, because the consequences to avoid will be greater. This is why you'll never be able to trust this woman. She's already lied about a relatively small thing to avoid consequences, then she continued to lie for weeks “trickle truthing” you as a way of keeping you around until she thought you were too invested for the truth to mean you would leave her. She is still lying to you now about her plans for Bob, who she has no intention of ditching, and will keep flip flopping on it until you're worn down. Or she will just lie and then keep talking to him and this argument will resurface every few months but you'll be even more invested then. You need to wake up.