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It takes two to tango and acting like OP is somehow just the nagging wife that is pestering her oh so hot working husband reeks of misogyny, even if we’re getting a fairly one sided story here. Regardless of the circumstances, it’s unacceptable to speak to someone you love like this if you don’t mean it.
Even if you do mean it, this was explicitly hurtful and not the way you speak to someone you love. I don’t think OP was in the right to further pursue the argument after he walked off, but to act like this all OP’s fault is just ignorant. The guy either wants out and has for a while, or he was an insufferably hateful dick to the woman he’s supposed to love more than anything.
Is he stressed and is that potentially affecting his reaction? Sure, but no one deserves to be spoken to like that. And if you disagree, please never get into a relationship. You’ll really hurt someone’s feelings, a lot.
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This is not about a new man and wether he is more interesting. This is about her autonomy. And she should definitely value her autonomy higher than her bff's need to control her.
I’ve been rewatching Smallville and finally got to the season he’s a regular in.
Yes, you should tell him, and then he should dump you.
You are probably right, he is being unreasonable. I would never ask him to change anything for me, and neither should he. But I really love him, and I hoped this could work. Especially when most of his demands are considered quite normal in this kind of situations where we online. I'll talk to him again about this, hope to find some way to reason him about this.
I didn’t mention but her ex boyfriend worked at McDonald’s and was very mean to her so she probably has a hot time forgetting
This is absolutely not any excuse. You don't go around being abusive to any service waiter/waitress etc just because “once upon a time I knew someone who worked at McDonalds, so all of them are scum” unless you have an IQ equal to how many fingers you have.
One brought her food out and it was cold and she slammed it on the ground so nude everyone looked at us and she yelled “UGH you idiots can’t do anything right”.
It should go without saying that the servers aren't responsible for actually cooking or preparing the food – one has to wonder if the reason isn't because all the local places know her and deliberately do it out of spite at this point!
Even tonight (the reason I’m making this post) she ordered a bunch of food from doordash and put it on a fake card I believe and just gave them the wrong address to a sketchy part of town just to get them lost while she’s cackling
I mean, beyond this being (I'm pretty damn sure) Illegal, it's callous behaviour which I don't even understand why you're tolerating over and over again?
The way she would make me wood and help in the game showed she was a very loving and caring person
This has to be the most arbitrary way of deciding someone is “good”. It's like saying a guy in a sketchy unmarked van with a balaclava handing out sweets is being kind.
Look, fact is this girl is horrible. Just because she's nice to you she clearly isn't to other people.
It doesn't matter if they're strangers on a street, or those providing you with a service – you don't just treat people like that with zero courtesy, not being polite and shouting etc.
If I were you, I'd be giving a very hot break on this boundary and make it clear to her – you either stop this childish behaviour, or we're done.
Shouldn't need further advice or hear it off more people when you already know yourself it's unacceptable – but if you needed that validation, well you've now got it.
He gets praise for doing it well? Is he a dog? No, he is almost 30!!!!
Just a correction here: her cheating back then wasn’t a “mistake”, it was a deliberate choice she made. She doesn’t get to forgive herself for it, she fully knew what she was doing and knew what the consequences would be, and still chose to do it. I’m not even gonna comment on the trip she went on but you need to recognize that it wasn’t necessarily just a one-off mistake and if she made that choice once, it’s very possible she could do it again
I think you should sit down with the builder and have a ball buster of a conversation. “As you know, we have cameras on the property. I heard your extremely inappropriate conversation with my husband. Regardless of whether anything he told you is true or not, we are only 30% through this renovation, and I am no longer comfortable working with you. Do you have any suggestions for how to handle the situation?” You may be able to wrangle some discounts or something out of him by putting him on the defensive, especially if he said anything out of line. You can finish off by letting him know that since your husband wants to be a big shot he will be handling the project going forward, but if things get fucked up because you were no longer in a position to manage the renovation properly, you expect to be fully compensated for the error, as you would not feel comfortable having them complete any repairs. (I'd get that in writing!) This should at least clue the builder into being on their A-game for the rest of the renovation.
I'm not sure how you handle finances as a couple, but fuck ups have consequences. In addition to having the responsibility of managing the project solo, I recommend that your husband pay for a larger percentage of the repairs personally. I can't say to what degree, but at least enough to cut into his personal or play money.
Finally, it's a great lesson in the virtue of professionalism for the builder. There's no reason to be talking to married clients about their sex life unless you're in the therapy business.
Well done for getting out OP. That was a brave and strong thing to do. Getting out from a situation like that is harder than people realise.
Positive vibes going forward
The way to move forward is to work on your own self esteem. There’s nothing else that would be as beneficial and to not do it will be damaging to all areas of your life.
He's feeling very insecure and lashing out at you and your daughter. It's decision time for you, do you want to commit fully? He has stated his boundaries, you can state yours. He's the adult here, he can learn to compromise with your daughter.
Can you get to the Philly bus terminal? I will reserve you a ticket….
There's a few things here. First, let me disclose that I'm the first person to come here and say that opposite sex platonic friendships can absolutely work, including with exes. But like anything else, context matters.
Here, unless there's more you haven't provided, I'm not seeing anything too concerning on the surface. The question I have is whether or not she views him as an ex that she talks to, or as a legitimate platonic friend that she used to be in a relationship with. That matters. I know how you view him, but we need to be honest about the situation. To this point, she's been transparent and honest, and they're not talking about anything inappropriate.
They talk like friends do. To address your premise regarding objectives, there's a difference between romantic relationships and friendships. If your best friend wanted a life traveling around the world but you want to build a family, would you stop being friends with them? Of course not, because it doesn't impact you on a day to day level like it would if you were in a relationship.
At the end of the day, this is either a deal breaker for you or it's not. If it is, then end the relationship. If it's not, there's nothing you can do except discuss boundaries. You can't demand she stop talking to him. Good luck.
I have. It's heartening to see that you're taking advice on board and have the intent to remedy the situation. Good on you.
As an Indian Mom myself, if there's one thing i can state strongly it's that firm boundaries are a necessity in one's marital life. My husband and I set them with our families when we got married (quite rare in Indian families, I know). We are slowly stepping back from our kids' lives and letting them enjoy their independence as young adults now.
There’s an episode of Web of Make Believe on Netflix that basically focuses on this. A woman started dating a nazi and more or less got so absorbed into it, she ended up becoming one of the big faces of modern day alt right and nazism. Now she’s out.
People do get out, they can realize the crazy. I don’t really have advice, all I’m saying is there can be hope
Did you make it clear that you were thinking of these outings as dates, as opposed to just hanging out with a friend from work?
Maybe it’s selfish to feel like i deserve closure because he doesnt owe me anything but i also feel like that would have been the healthy thing to do just to communicate why he feels the way he does..