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  1. Set firm boundaries. This is a person you're about you raise a child with. By the sound of it religion is going to be pushed very nude onto that child, so it's time for some serious talks and plans. It's ok if you're not working even if you're pregnant. It's also ok to like different things YOU ARE STILL BEING RESPECTED AND YOUR BOUNDARIES BEING ACCEPTED. Wanting you to wear a veil and move to the country that's the greatest known oppressor of women to me just sounds like he's decided he wants to keep you as a pet. Convertion is one thing. Finding God is one thing. Becoming religious is one thing. It also just sounds like he's lost and finding something to cling to, he very well might not be ready for all of the changes life is throwing at him.

  2. Divorce her immediately. She's a nasty person and wishes your son didn't exist. She will make his life hell and try to get you to see him less and less, until you no longer see him.

  3. We all learn with relationships. Most of the things you've said about him are things we should find unacceptable. Only give your time and energy to young men who treat you with respect and kindness. Never accept less.

  4. Does FTB somehow mean friends with benefits? FWB?

    Even if you don't date, having sex ( or doing sexual acts ) is still going to complicate things. I wouldn't do it with my closest friend group. It's a bigger risk, up to you whether you want to take that risk

  5. Yeah ur def right, i guess just because I’m insecure I’m afraid of being being told no cause I unfortunately have a huge fear of rejection but I mean I honestly should not care cause at the end of the day we’re not gonna see each other again if that’s the case so I have no reason to be embarrassed lol

  6. Tell her when you feel you can talk about it comfortably, “You wanna know a secret? You sure? Well, you were my first”.

    Though I don't exactly think that you “should”. It's good to be honest in relationships, I'll always advocate for that. A little discretion and self control goes a long way. She's fine with it as is, and you didn't 'intend' to lie to her in this context. 8 times out of 10, that urge to clear your own conscience for your own sake will just lead to complications later on. Be honest and don't betray your partner, but no one said they have to know everything about you. Tell her in 10 years when it has no potential consequences and you can both laugh about it.

  7. I don’t get why you’re resisting apologizing for doing something that made your girlfriend feel bad. Like… why is this nude?

  8. You have to be pretty dense to think making a comment like that right after the act is appropriate. And frankly, there’s much better ways to communicate that in general.

    If you had just gone down on her and she said the exact thing to you, how would you feel?

  9. Sounds to me like he is trying to work on this. If it hasn't become an issue – no worries. He's been on his own for a year, and it still makes him anxious? Good for him for fighting that. I also understand as someone who has literally never lived alone – it's not necessarily that he can't online alone, it's just that he is happier with another soul nearby.

  10. Yeah but denying them seeing a grandkid with cancer is no little thing. There must have been something really important for the wife to go this far

  11. I agree with this statement. It’s not you it’s him. Run and don’t look back you’ll be dodging a huge bullet. He’s bringing you down. He should be lifting you not bringing you down.

  12. Are you dating my ex??? Only difference is the age. He was emotionally abusive to me (which is what your partner is to you, this is ABUSE). Withheld affection just like your partner is doing. Would literally pull away from me if I touched him, get up from the couch if I so much as dared to sit next to him, if I got in bed with him he’d go sleep on the couch. Never said I love you more than 5 times total in the year + we were together. I eventually left him because he ghosted me on my birthday, only sent a text saying “happy birthday”. He told me he had booked a trip for us as a gift but returned the tickets because I didn’t “deserve them”. Because I didn’t “earn it”. This was the wake-up call I needed that if he would treat me this poorly even on the one day of the year that’s supposed to celebrate me, the relationship would never get better. Get out before he extends his emotional abuse to your child.

  13. Oh ok. She sounds very avoidant so I’m not sure if a talk will help restore your relationship. But I always feel like honesty is the best way forward. First, maybe something is going on in her life? Maybe she’s an introvert who needs a lot of alone time? Maybe N is more insistent/insensitive to that? There might be a lot of things going on apart from N and H excluding you. I would first ask H if everything is alright with HER, because she seems to ignore your invites. Then you can probe more about whether there is something wrong with US, as in you and H?

    If you don’t get any honest answers, just stop initiating contact. But be friendly and open if she initiates. That doesn’t take much and it’s good to not burn any bridges since you still work with N.

  14. His mother said it, you are dating a baby boy.

    You are expending your energy trying to make into someone he does not want to be, i.e. an financially and emotionally independent adult.

    You are wanting him to change. He won't.

  15. u/HunterPuzzled6413, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

    The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.

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  16. Ok, I take your point and that's fair. The possibility exists someone would be understanding of that fact.

    But it also doesn't solve the issue for me because I fully realize and you restate, I can't just meet people and start asking for things. “Hey we had coffee yesterday and you don't know me from Eve but can I toss my cats in your bathroom for a few hours?” No one wants That Friend. That's major level jumping. And also I have no clue if I can trust THEM with my pets, property, safety. Are they reliable and trustworthy or not? That ALL takes time. Since my schedule is so weird and my availability so limited that time would be very spread out. What could build in a few months on a traditional schedule will take longer. If it doesn't flop again first because I'm never available. I know that's having a negative outlook but that outlook is also based on 6 months of experience. My phone is FILLED with numbers of people who reached out and got “Sorry I have to work” and just stopped trying. Or where I reached out but they work a traditional schedule so I stopped trying. Or we both stopped trying because we could just never link. And that's REASONABLE. Why keep chasing someone regardless of the reason? And it's not in my rights to expect people to chase me either.

    So I just online with roaches for company.

    I'm not broke but also not wealthy. Because I lived so scant for so long I have some debt and throwing money at these problems might fix the problems but then cause a serious MONEY problem.

    Everything has just gotten unmanageable and out of control.

  17. You don’t have anything to work for she does, she cheated on you, lied to you, and went behind your back to talk to someone you don’t feel comfortable with. Me personally if i found out they exchanged numbers id dump her right away. But look at this as a blessing that now you know she did this rather than you guys get engaged and you find out months later. I’m sure you can return the ring but my best advice is

    Dump her, go no contact, and just work on yourself including working out etc she doesn’t deserve you.

  18. i don’t mean to be rude but let’s be a little real here girl. you already knew the first year was a lie because he told you he had someone else and then left you. you were his puppy that he dragged along and you let him even after all the red flags. to me the whole damn relationship sounds like a lie. sucks that you’re stuck in this situation but it shouldn’t be a surprise.

  19. Yeah no, he's setting you up with his expectations. Now you can't deny him sex or else you'll be like her. If a guy swears all his exes are crazy, usually he is the problem.

    It's also possible he isn't over her and he made you a rebound. If he is too buay talking about her and not you, he doesn't see you as a person. He can't be dating you for the right reasons.

  20. If you had found it, I’d have easily told you he’s lying.

    While it still seems odd, he came out and told you this unprompted. He didn’t need to. But he did without thinking twice about it. That he did that would lead me to believe that nothing shady is happening here.

  21. That's the she gap that I have with my husband, but I met him when I was 26.

    I think we wouldn't have worked out if I met him at 20, because we were at fundamentally different stages in life (me in college and him working with a master's degree under his belt)

  22. “She told me that she does trust me, it’s just that this particular thing wasn’t hers to tell” This. This right here. You. Never. Out. Someone. E V E R ! ! !

  23. Maybe your future is not with him? When 2 people want totally different things out of life it’s ok to just go your separate ways. A lifestyle is a choice and has an impact on you heath as well. Physical and mental….

  24. That is so fucked up and I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Good for you for standing up for yourself and so fast!

  25. I was noticing that the comments are mostly glossing over that OP was sexually assaulted and I can’t help but wonder if OP was female with a husband if this situation would garner different responses.

  26. So, what you're saying is, she DID actually get you a gift that WAS there on time. But because of an arbitrary price limit that you both set before and you overstepped, she felt insecure or something and wanted to get you more to make it even. And now you're upset that she didn't have the time the last few days to get you the additional(!) presents. I'm sorry, but you come across as a little entitled here. You are probably still gonna get the original gift on your actual birthday and the others on a later day. So what's the problem? Try to relax a little, okay?

  27. You know, cheaters do not always feel guilty. Is the time you could spend together suffer, because she prefers to spend it with her “friend”. If yes, that alone is reason to call for change in her scheduling.

    That is besides the point that if you aren't comfortable with her lifestyle that is fine too. Although you should have considered it before marriage. Still if you can't be at comfort about it divorce is always an option.

    Finally her reaction. Since there was no surprise I imagine she already knew you will suspect her. She knows her actions are making insecure and is fine with that, she is even fine if you think she is cheating. Is this because she always had her way in your relationship while your needs were ignored? If yes, divorce her. In fact if she doesn't care about your distrust with any context it's a reason to distance yourself from her and potentially leave her.

  28. He didn’t give the apartment to her in the divorce legally yet. He is just now talking to a lawyer about signing it over to her. I think most people missed that.

  29. But why bring it up? its OP's story. Why should she have to dwell on them finally getting into a proper relationship as her relationship has gutted?

    “Who knows, you you might have helped them to finally get into a proper relationship.”

    What is that, just a bloodless observation?

  30. She’s your girlfriend, not your wife.

    Her money, property and even time etc is hers and hers alone and she can do with it what she likes. She has no legal or financial obligations to you. If you can’t respect or realize that fact, that in itself is a bigger problem for you.

    Why does she need your permission to buy a house?

    With her own money, mind you. This is so ridiculous.

    Idk buddy all of this sounds like you have pretty antiquated views on relationships and gender roles. Sounds like her buying something of her own is hurting your ego and masculinity.

    Oh and for good measure — if she does sell the house, even if you’re living there or paid rent etc. the money from the sale will be hers. And depending on which state you’re in, pre-marital property is typically treated as sole ownership even after marriage and without a prenup (at least if argued in court).

  31. And you shouldn’t give such suggestions or talk such shit to anyone. Do yourself a favor and get lost. I’m depressed, not floating in my own misery and self pity. I deserve to be loved just like anybody else. So Stfu🤫

  32. Inexperienced kid lol

    It's my 10 year wedding anniversary tomorrow.

    In your world I have more experience and have won the game that you're still playing.

  33. Oh man, I didn't even think that far ahead. My best friend had a two year engagement and spent two years stressed out. They should enjoy moving in and living together for at least a year or two before even thinking about starting to wedding plan! A wedding is just an event to celebrate two people living their lives together. Living together beforehand is how how to find out if their lives together are going to be worth celebrating!

  34. They said they're gonna start reporting her. Now this couple has a disabled son and they built an outside lift thing on the side of their house for him. The next morning I found out they got fined for having it put up and had to take it down.

    I am ok with this. They are screaming at her for something, they get shot back at, the kid isn't a hall pass.

    The first thing I dont know its racism, but it is kinda dumb, ( unless the guy looked much older).

    Not feeling it anymore is a good reason to end it.

  35. How am I the problem” exactly or do you just mean that it sounds I just don’t like him that much/getting the ick?

  36. I really do think it’s where most of his issues stem from but it’s nude to approach that topic and get him to be open minded about it without him feeling like his being attacked. But thank u I will try to take this approach!

  37. This isn't about rights. It's about treating someone else well and being considerate. She could have made the offer and if OP refused, that would be his choice. Then he wouldn't feel surprised or confused when she does it to him.

  38. Everyone keeps talking about the health thing. Is that the problem? Like, if somebody cheats very carefully and uses protection, then it's not so bad?

  39. If OP truly wants to fix the relationship, from what I've seen of other couples who have made it work after infidelity, a lot of open honesty such as exactly why she felt like going to someone else in the first place seems to be important for building back up trust and understanding, personally I wouldn't take a cheater back but it doesn't always go wrong if both partners put the work in.

  40. No. Nothing like that. I’m not really worried about another guy. She does bring work home with her. So I guess her work could be the ‘other guy’

  41. So the other things she does with him, don’t seem like a problem.

    But a solo trip to a natural naked spring…. Nope.

    Tell her that this is something that makes you uncomfortable with their relationship. While you want her to be able to spend time with him as a friend, a trip together to a very hot spring is crossing a line, that it isn’t something that you expect someone in a committed relationship to even think is appropriate.

    Tell her you understand that she hasn’t seen him in a while, and wants to spend time with him to catch up, but there are lots more appropriate things and events that they could do.

    Now you mention that she is studying abroad, so is your relationship long distance? Or do you online with her abroad?

    This is also important as if your relationship is long distance, then she should be wanting to do a trip like that with you, not him, and it puts her actions and responses into a different light.

  42. Bro, she’s a harpy.

    I get that you’re young, so I’ll take it easy. She’ll use you for your time, resources, attention and whatever else you offer her. She doesn’t give a damn how you feel. And honestly, if you allow this kind of shit, why should she?

    Respect isn’t a given, it’s earned through your actions. In other words, if you don’t have enough respect for yourself to draw a line and enforce it. Don’t be surprised when people walk all over you.

    Know that you are worthy of respect. Walk away and walk tall, you’re better than this shit.

  43. She wants to see you in a couple of days and that’s when you will know what she wants. There’s not a lot you can do. Did things get verbally aggressive last week? Both of you?

  44. If it isn't at a work function and is merely in a social setting, let it go. This is who she is, don't try to change her.

  45. He's a selfish, lazy, self centered, cheap procrastinator.

    You can do so much better. ditch him and move on. You deserve better than three tulips and McDonalds.

  46. I think he's saying he gets home too late to cook a decent meal in time for dinner. Maybe you could make a constructive comment next time, like recommending slow cooker meals he could make ahead of time. You know, advice, as in r/relationshipadvice

  47. Because it was 14 YEARS AGO! And he did NOTHING, he had a thought and you're reacting like he admitted to committing a crime.

    Get a grip.

    Wait to you find out he's had wet dreams too, you'll be ready execute him over that.

    It was just a thought that he had, why don't YOU see that?

  48. Exactly what you're doing here. Immediately claiming both sides are equally to blame us wrong about 90% of the time and doing so makes you look like an asshole

  49. Ohmigoodness honey, your mom doing that while you are in the house is so not ok. I’m sorry you have to deal with this, it’s not fair at all. But you have to tell your parent, dad will take care of the situation from there.

  50. The fact that u care this much is crazy 💀. Curious tho I see u have a gym post? Tell me how much u bench that’ll tell me everything I need to know. Inform me.

  51. Your anniversary should have nothing to do with appearances. I’m sorry OP. If you’re not ready to break up with her, I think you need to tell her how this made you feel and state that you will no longer participate in her sm. As another responder said, tell her that and watch very closely how she reacts.

  52. OP, ThomasEdmund84 here is absolutely correct on this. Please think very carefully about whether to read that note or not, and have a strong support system ready if you decide you will. A family friend of ours, basically an uncle to me, his mother committed suicide on his birthday when he was a teenager and left him a note. He finally read it in his late 20s, and even though the note said her actions weren't because of him (mental illness), the things she did write wrecked him. It's been almost 40 years, and it still haunts him.

    Those notes are one-way conversations, and it could leave you with more questions than answers and a deep-seated feeling of a conversation that wasn't finished and never can be.

  53. This is an insecurity/maturity issue on your boyfriend’s part. Everyone has a past. As you get older, most people realize this, and a one night stand shouldn’t make a difference, even if it’s with someone you know. His inability to move past this is a big deal, and he needs to fix it or you guys need to end things.

  54. There are still different tits at every age. There are 20 yo who already have saggy tits and it won't get better

  55. I’m just curious as to why you got married in the first place. I mean, seriously. From your posting history, you haven’t even been married for a year and you already went through a 4month separation. Over something equally ridiculous.

    This is the kind of shit that toxic couples do that should break up. So yes, get a divorce. And don’t go back. You shouldn’t have married to begin with because, outside of trying to get advice on being a sugar baby during your separation, all you have done on Reddit is complain about him.

  56. I’m just curious, why exactly should he be jumping through hoops?

    We have absolutely zero context on who did what to cause the separation. All we know is that she is the one that moved out, she refuses to answer the numerous comments asking what caused the separation, and as everyone else keeps pointing out her being on sugar baby sites recently raises some questions.

    So why is the default that he should be the one jumping through hoops?

  57. Tell your bf ypu have strong feeling she has feelings for him. Tell him that you won't crticise him if he goes to this concert with her, but you can't help, but feel uncomfortable about it.

    Tell him also, that while you understand they work together you want him to properly shut down any romantic attempts she make, as well as inform you about them.

  58. I have never known someone to hide their phone unless they were cheating or doing something else they didn't want you to find out about.

    Her going through yours secretly implies to me she was looking for something she can use as “proof” when she gets around to deflecting.

  59. If you need more details as to why shit happened the way it did, you can just ask instead of assuming.

  60. Why won't he apologize???

    Getting an apology is the least of your concerns here, OP. The way you describe that angry, angry man, it would be hollow, anyway – useless.

    Get out of there if you want to online your life and find a semblance of peace and happiness.

    No-one deserves that.

  61. I would chalk it up to heartbreak, but if he even remotely approaches the subject again, then it is time to let him know that you are uncomfortable with him bringing it up and that you are not interested. Same with your GF. No need to get her upset. If it does happen again, though, best to tell her too, as she would probably want to know why you are setting more boundaries or reducing contact with him.

  62. You don't love him. You don't love who he is. You don't want to marry him or have children with him. You criticized him for not being who you wanted, and eventually to your credit, you realized that and called it off.

    That's okay. It's okay to be the bad guy. It's okay to be the asshole. Both of you deserve people who love you for who each of you are. You don't love him for who he is.

    Period.

    Box up his stuff, put the ring in a box. Give him a kiss on the cheek and move on. Don't drag it out, don't have a quickie for old times sake. He wasn't your friend; he was your lover. That's over. Let it be over.

    How he lives is no longer any concern of yours. You aren't in his life. Let him go and let him let you go. Then breathe in, breathe out and move on.

  63. The fact that you’ve been together 2 years, and for the majority of that full 2 years she has not worked… aka you both JUST started dating and were already prepared to make you work and her get to be a “stay at home girlfriend”. This is a horrible setup. She is taking advantage of you. Unless she has health issues that keep her from working, she can get a job like any other adult and take care of herself. Or she’ll find a new victim who is willing to just give her all his money without even knowing her the way you were.

  64. In what way? Me asking that question never came out of real insecurity. Just our inside joke, my rivalry with his cat and me wanting “just a fraction of the love he gives her” basically. And yes, I do switch to a more childish behavior when I'm super comfortable around someone if that's what you're getting at…

  65. You shouldn't judge a whole community off the actions of one person, but I fully understand why they have turned on Lin and doubt how genuine she is now. Sounds like you need new friends all around.

  66. I get it too, but I do try to communicate at least something brief about what I’m feeling if I have one of those “come home and go to bed” days. He left the situation wide open for her to assume what he was thinking/feeling and I think there is some opportunity there.

    I used to have a nude time being “okay” coming into the house after work and it left my boyfriend feeling like he did something wrong, or that I wasn’t happy to be home, which wasn’t the case. A few minutes in the driveway to decompress and a brief check-in on how I am feeling when I come in has gone a long way.

  67. She doesn’t care about social media. I’m a girl, for context.

    The simplest piece of advice all men should learn about women is that women will be so desperate for “anything” that they begin to seem like they are asking for “everything.”

    She doesn’t feel like you are putting in effort. She doesn’t feel like you are proud of the relationship. She wants you to show how you feel about her because you aren’t showing her enough. It’s more than likely manifesting in this way because she is scrolling through other peoples social medias and seeing how sweet some of the men seem.

    Don’t sit her down and explain why you won’t post or why you hate social media. That’ll just be you missing the point of what she’s really asking for, and it sounds condescending.

    Go do something for her that you genuinely believe will make her happy and shows how you feel. If you can’t and/or won’t do that, the problem is even more obvious than before.

  68. >>it's something akin to child not eating their vegetables at the dinner table.

    Seriously? Very funny

    Of course, if she doesn't want to, your third option is to break up for incompatibility or talk to her about an open relationship.

  69. It's not like he's only seeing her two days a month, those are just two days that are only for her, Hell most couples I know don't even go on nice dates twice a month.

  70. Personally I'd give away the bf. People who love you, really love you, want what's best for you. Your dog helps you and your bf is begrudging you that? How selfish is that? Sounds like he only cares about himself. You'll get more love from that dog than you ever will from that petty little boy, and the dogs love doesn't come with strings attached. I know which I'd choose.

  71. Honestly he sounds childish, controlling, and horrible. Your dog is marvelous and would never make petty demands on you because they’re silly and insecure. Lose the dude, keep the dog.

  72. You know there are guys out there who'd bring you flowers and call you pretty without treating like shit beforehand. Go for one of those instead.

  73. Everyone breaks up in a different way but it seems like you’re unsure that you want to. Sent him a text telling him what you found and block him. No explanation is going to be good enough, so what is the point in that?

  74. He’s telling her she’s ungrateful and greedy for asking for a raise at her job.

    If this had been one of his male buddies, he'd be encouraging, slapping him on the back, and having beers.

  75. Yea it’s been naked to completely understand what’s happening. I asked him if there’s someone else and he says there isn’t. I’ve been losing my mind over this bc he was all over me then suddenly nothing. And then he stops me from saying a lot of things to him and it’s just all so bizarre. I have been distancing myself from him but it sucks bc he’s back in town this week and I was looking forward to seeing him. So idk what’s happening anymore. It doesn’t make any sense how someone could be all over me nonstop to acting like this. And then I keep wondering what if there’s someone else and he isn’t telling me. I just don’t know if he’s trying to get over me bc we don’t online near each other I just don’t know anymore

  76. As someone who plays video games quite frequently, Jerry seems like an idiot. So he plays games after work, eats the dinner you made him, then plays more games? And he is claiming you are prioritizing gaming? That seems completely ass backwards. It doesn’t really matter if he can’t cook, he is doing the very same thing he is claiming you are doing, and he is doing it at a much higher rate. Besides, you have already prioritized it through video games by asking if he wants to join.

  77. Oh my mother's fine. She's been retired. But when she did, she was bored and volunteered. With Florida's voting board or something, IIRC, since it was after the whole Bush/Gore thing.

    Once my dad passed away, she moved back up to the NE where me and siblings (including my brother) live!. No rent to pay. Bought her house in cash.

    Lives a great life shopping and driving us nuts. And let me tell you, you get that old lady in a store and she will outwalk even the most fit of people, and that's after having knee surgeries.

    Which brings me to my original point: 66 ain't that old.

  78. Stick to your guns. Only pay the bill. Do not give him money. He is an addict. Addicts are manipulative. It is how they survive. The only thing that really matters to an addict is their substance of choice. He definitely will use any and all money you give him for that purpose. Do not ever give him any money, no matter what he says.

  79. Quite a few brands of anti-depressants are widely known to cause sexual dysfunction in both sexes. Just very recently, my partner re-started on his meds (Lexapro) after forgetting to take them for a week. After restarting the meds, he either couldn't get it up at all, or could but couldn't stay that way for long. It was really frustrating for him as someone whose sex drive is normally high. But it only lasted about a week and we got through it.

    Is your wife aware of the effects of your medication? From your post it doesn't seem like she does if she needed to vent to a friend afterwards. She may have felt like it was her fault, or you just weren't into it/her, etc. and is feeling insecure. Her knowing your medication may be interfering with your sexual performance could improve things.

  80. Fucking literally just read about a 18yo that just turned 18 btw “so it's legal” dating a 27yo asking if the age gap is a good idea.

    Wtf is happening to the world? 🤦🏻‍♀️

  81. I was cheated on in a similar way. He has a cute picture of his “friend” and an emoji after her name. He texted her all the time and was holding out hope they’d be together some day – this is called an emotional affair.

    He is having an emotional affair with this woman and chances are that if she were to reciprocate his feelings, he’d break up with you to pursue her further. The only reason they’re not together is most likely because she rejects him, thus they are just “friends.” You’re fooling yourself if you stick around and accept this behavior.

  82. Yea I talked to my aunt and uncle and they agreed to take me in if my parents don’t if it doesn’t work out. I have money saved up and have been living on my own for a year now so Ik I can but while I’m trying to find a place they said I could online with them

  83. People really do change,that was a mistake I made in high school and was one of my biggest regrets. I just wanted to finally close that book an be able to online in peace. I get now that texting the guy was not necessary and I should’ve only texted my classmate. But in the moment i just felt it was a good thing, I didn’t do it with bad intentions, i actually blocked the guy after.

  84. Exactly what do YOU get out of this relationship???

    You’re doing the most for him. And he’s doing what? He’s making just enough empty promises to string you along and be his happy little homemaker. In a few years time he’ll ditch you for a younger girl.

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