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Luke, 22 y.o.
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Date: December 29, 2022
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It’s just a weird situation because anytime he gets a new Snapchat request or Facebook request, he’ll call her and tell her. And tell her what the messages say. And then offer to delete the person for her. He’s giving her whiplash
Yes, she's a great mom
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INFO: why did you marry her?
It doesn’t sound like she has much regard or respect for you – honestly I would think you are probably better off letting “friends” like this go. When we care about someone, we treat them with care. She treats you like dirt. You deserve better friends than that. She’s shown you who she is – believe her and focus on better people.
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Sorry, but anyone at 20 saying they are “polyamorous” is just looking for a get-out clause. I can't believe anyone actually falls for this
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I know of a mom who can afford hiring help. But while she can afford help, she always did the cooking because it's the one thing that family will have memories of – how one parent cooked a child's favorite food.
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Yeah, that sounds like a bad idea. If you guys can’t keep your hands off each other while smoking, she doesn’t seem like the kind of person who would just ignore it. If you still wanna be friends with this girl in a non-sexual way, you should do something less risky first to establish an asexual relationship. Right now all you got is a former FWB who you are in uniting to something intimate while hoping for something not intimate.
Gym membership, attend mass, eat well, and read the Bible. That's what I did and I'm a lot better for it.
He needs to give first and let you finish first because he doesn’t seem to have the stamina to keep going for your sake after he finishes. It really takes a lot out of some guys once they’re done.
I certainly don’t think he did anything to require your degree of distress. That said if you are not happy comfortable or ok with your husband know what you know today you should probably just divorce and get it over with it might be the best for both. Would you be upset if he browsed pornhub for pics of milfs or cis women etc. sending nudes is not ok but that seems like a bit extreme to break up a marriage over. Honestly even if you aren’t ok with any porn is that really even a marriage. Human sexuality is very complex. I feel you need to deal with your insecurities. Either within your marriage or on your own terms. If you can’t handle your husband looking at femboys idk what to tell you. They cute af. ?
Pretty sure even TLC was onto this back in the 90s.
Body modifications ONLY happen when the person whose body is being modified is the number 1 driver of it. NEVER go under the knife for someone else.
Jesus christ get some self refuckingspect. You’re the side piece and you allow him to come use you at his pleasure. You need to go out and meet someone close to you because he’s definitely still fucking the “ex” lmao
Don't expect Mia to stick for your friendship, just do the right thing and tell her. It will suck for you but it's necessary for Mia to know.
At 22 there's no way this is as good as you're going to get. A pedophile who tried to groom you. Ugh. Send his ring back to him and then block. He sounds creepy as hell.
I am just posing what ifs.
So you got married when she got pregnant with your son and your relationship with your wife is hanging on barely.
Your post suggests that you are there mostly because if you were not this Vee would not have a parent that cares, goes to events, takes her to activities etc. Plus the caring part.
Should you split up then you might get 50/50 with your son but maybe not be able to do what you have been able to do for Vee with support as easily as now, though that isn't a given since no one really cares what you do with her.
So I would explore the potential routes, Vee could claim emancipation, you could be granted as a guardian from both parents choosing to sign away parental rights, you could adopt her with both parents agreement. Given the options it would be best to discuss this with a family lawyer who understands the law in these cases and then present options to the parents and then Vee, in that order so that you can offer Vee options based on real facts.
The divorce with your wife should you wish it should be separate from this situation.
I would also consider that your son may well react badly to you having Vee as a full time parent whilst he only gets you part time, that could become an issue and you would need to nagivate that carefully.
You could wait 4 years but you would also have the same problem with your son but you would not have any problems supporting Vee, plus she would still have good contact with her sister, which is also a part of this equation.
The main issue is your marriage really, do you want to stay for 4 years more until guardianship isn't an issue? Or could this situation boil over before that, maybe your wife decides to divorce? Maybe Mark would not want to give up rights if he had to pay child support, something to think about.
Yes, leave.
Dont think of it as an ultimatum. Think of it as a boundary. “In order to continue the relationship, i require x y z” its your life. You have the right to live how you want.
Why does your husband think women in LA walk dish the street topless? Sorry, I’m just stuck on this bizarre statement.
I would get an attorney and check into common law marriage
Hey… These irrational things wouldn't happen to happen about a week or so before her cycle would they?
Frankly I think he is doing the right thing. He feels like he is not ready to fully share a space with you 100%. Do not take it as a bad thing, I think he wants to make sure that you're the one. I could be totally wrong, or 100% correct. That being said if you really feel strongly about this you must make a ultimatum about it. Either he is down (3 years is enough time for him to know) or he is being a complete chicken shit about the situation in which shows his true colors. Press him about it, your future is on the line!
Sounds like he does not see your relationship as relationship and wants to keep the single life.
If he is already seeing her you need to get tested for stds and being pregnant they can not just hurt you but the baby too.
Are you working?? You need to find a job if not..yes naked to do pregnant but honey things just get worse when baby comes he will use that as a excuse.
You will need to be able to put a roof over your head and your kid.
When he was making money everything went into investments. No planning dates on his end…literally nothing. It's the same shit I'm really fed up
So you automatically ascribed “since” to the husband and not to her? Even though in this very dispute she's having, she's dictating the terms of what separate means.
I don’t believe for a freaking second that you’re his second sexual partner.
When a woman says no and a man does something sexual to her anyway that she does not want him to, that is rape.
You glossed over your infidelity, between the “blink and you'll miss it” mention in the body, and the cosmetic term chosen for the title.
?Listen to thispersonone. You found out. Good that you know exactly what he thinks. In life you will never be liked by everyone and you will meet users and abusers. The trick is to try and see the red flags and look out for number one (you). You handled this brilliantly with minimum drama. And very maturely. Good luck.
She isn't dating him, or anybody right now, they have a fling where she loves him but he doesn't want to move on with her in life and she isn't liking that, and she knows she's dumping everything on me she's supposed to I told her and made sure that she does, she even apologizes everyday for being emotional or talking to me about it.
Another point. I once told an ex that he had a small penis. Not my finest moment, but I only said it because I caught him cheating on me, among other things.
My point is that you do not have the context of those texts. You have zero clue why she was upset with him, and the fact that he keeps those messages, speaks volumes to me. He likely either keeps them as a reminder not to act like that ever again, or not to put up with behavior like hers' ever again.
I have never before realized how many people tolerate shitty behavior until I joined Reddit. People need to have higher standards.
I can't speak to her other suspicious behaviours, but I also always put my phone on dnd when I'm off work. All my friends and family know I will not answer the phone or respond to messages right away. It's a huge quality of life improvement to not always be available, everyone should try it.
The answer is : What would you want?
Your husbands best friend/ex girlfriend is sending him pictures of her breasts or her butt and is engaging him in conversation,asking his opinion ….how would you want him to handle it?
Would you say no big deal, feel free to carry on? -Or- would you want him to set stricter boundaries, moderate his behaviour or even cut contact?
This is a tough question to ask yourself. I imagine since it’s your friend and you don’t want to cut contact you’ll come up with a lenient response in a effort to sweep this under the rug (it really was innocent right?)…fight the urge to do that.
Really put yourself in his shoes and then act accordingly.
How long have you guys been together?
Is this behavior new?
How do these demands make you feel?
Have your friends remarked on this behavior?
Idk… why is it that only she has to come up with alternatives and he’ll just sit there and shut them down? She has to carry the kid, sacrifice everything and he is just gonna be “the man of the house”? I don’t see this working out in the long term. Men with that mentality disgust me, it me would be a miracle if they work this out.
No, no, no, no, no.
Fuck no!!
Rome is fantastic. If you have the chance to go, then go!
You're dating your best friends ex, you don't get to tell her to act like it never happened.
Let's put it this way she was with him for 4 times as long as you have been with him. That makes him a much larger part of her life then your life.
She get to talk about her life experiences, if you can't handle that then you should step away from the friendship.
Do you believe these things, or do you just believe that some people think these things?
You also deserve her love and attention. Tell her your honest feelings. Her mother can be like that potentially for months ahead, but you can't be an afterthought to your wife.
Incidentally if it does end up dragging for years you will need to talk about more permanent approach to your relationship. I doubt you would be fine sharing your wife equally with her mother for sth like 10 years.
Yikes. Tough situation because of the fact that one of them is your roommate. If not, I'd just stop being friends with the girl and the roommate and just tell my best friend.
Your best friend will also come to dislike you if he ends up knowing that you knew and never told him. Just claim you don't know and find a new roomate I suppose.
All of this was going to be my answer. So. This, OP
I don't know. The only thing I can think is drugs and they're meeting their guy. But it might not be.
Be single, fix your trust issues and once that's solved start dating someone.
Another idea… stay home but plan out a special meal that you would normally not make (translation: no pizza) My partner makes rack of lamb for Valentines Day and totally excels at it. Something we normally would not do. And, we get to stay home and not fight the crowds in over-priced restaurants.
Have you addressed the other relationship problems that she has with you?
Just help him under the condition of it being 4 years. This will help him and his grandchild so much.
Lol, thanks. I get where you're coming from and appreciate it.
Age gap we meet again
Maybe a bad timing to bring it up. You might not have had the insight about your bfs emotional status here, so ofc he is gonna get upset. Let him cool off a little and bring it up when it seems calmer.
But i have to add this: It is okay having a vibrator if you feel like you need your release. You shouldn't feel bad for wanting toys in hand. Some guys feel like the have gotten a hit in their confidence when women wants to have toys. Not all, but many feels like it.
It's different when it comes to your bf, OP. This is personal to him because of what he is going through and he might feel like he is failing you on the sexual level. You need to support and reassure him that it isn't the case. Take baby steps.
Wait, wait, you're saying the guy who kicked you – his wife – out of the house while injured and eight months pregnant because she didn't do the chores somehow isn't abusive?
Girl, your husband is an abusive piece of shit. And it's only going to get worse.
No. This is your relationship. Your families aren't part of it. They need to accept it, wether they like it or not. But also, I kinda see why your family might not like him. You've shared your fights with them instead of pointing out the good things. If you only let them see the bad sides, how are they supposed to see the good sides?
You’d be surprised how well time boxing works. I talk about my shit for x minutes, then you go, etc. But really each couple needs to find a conversation style that works for them. Friends of mine literally agreed that they don’t care what the other person talks about, but they’ll be as engaged as they can be and ask questions and stuff simply because they want their partner to return the favor. Maybe try talking to him about…talking.
You do not know “tons of girls”.
He LIED his family about you and there is exactly one reason to do it, bc there is no outcome possible to “hey, remember my roommate? I lied to you whole the time, mum and dad, she is my girlfriend actually, suprise!”.
Please break up with her and go back to college. The right person for you is not someone who is going to set you back in life. You should be growing together, and it seems that she has not quite reached the level of maturity that you need her to be at, or that she needs to be at for herself. And please know that it is not your job to make sure she gets there. It sounds like a very draining relationship where you are putting in much more than you are getting back. And she lied about talking to her ex? You deserve better than that.
Best advice: don't plan. Just relax and let the evening unfold. Keep it low key and no pressure.
Also does he have any piercings or something like that? Know someone who kept getting weird smelling whiffs and looked at everything. Turned out the backing on earrings had worn away and had created a bad skin reaction and that was the smell.
Again, completely acknowledging I’m biased, but I genuinely don’t think there are any ulterior motives. It just feels like he had expectations and a timeline for things within our relationship based on his own understanding of previous conversations. Which is still super infuriating.
I would never be able to trust her. This is like at least 800$ a month deficit in your finances right? Like you might have to drop out of school for a semester to work longer hours to pay rent, correct? That she would do this to you without even pausing to consider how it would effect your life is unforgivable. I hate to say it but she’s just not that into you, and she’s selfish. Why bother?
I'd limit people staying over to a weekend every month max and stress you won't be entertaining anyone. In other words, go upstairs and play Xbox or whatever hobby you enjoy doing and let her entertain the people she invites over. Limit entertainment with them to meal times if you sit down to eat together. Ensure she knows she's to fully clean the spare room after guests have left, including cleaning the bedding etc.
Obv if it's her family it's different to friends I'd expect family to want to stay a few times a year. But noone needs anyone to stay more than a weekend a month and if she's constantly got people over you've got to ask the question l, why doesn't she want to spend time in the home with just you? I mean, when these people are here are you still romantically entangled in the bedroom? Or is that a no because we have guests?
Leave her alone she is married, and her husband knows what you are up to. Stop getting trying to break up a marriage instead look for someone who is single.
We are actually having intimacy in our relationship, we make out and do foreplay but no sex. Also, I see that she is kinda talking things about future when we talk which makes me think if she's waiting for marriage but don't you think it is a long time to wait for in a healthy relationship? We are both virgins, btw.
For the love of God don't do that. That's a horrible situation to be in, and it makes me not trust her in the slightest.
Depends on the tenant laws where they live.
Wow, ghost him as an advice getting upvoted…damn this community has sunk low
Honestly, it would kill me not to get a response. She’ll be reaching out shortly, continue to ignore.
No reply. This person doesn't deserve considerations at all.
Being an adult that weighs 90-ish kg (or 205 lbs) is not really drastically unhealthy, or at least doesn't necessarily have to be. You can be 90 kg and live your life completely fine. It's also true however that this will be a turn off to a lot of potential partners.
Exactly! My first thought is that he's negging her! I would not be surprised to hear he's seriously into porn.
As she's never had complaints about her sexual abilities before and he's all 'yOu jUSt dON't kNoW HoW To sEx' I'd say he's got some major issues she hasn't sussed out yet and she shouldn't hang around to find out what they are!
DTMFA!
you need some standards when you look for an partner
try “not a complete asshole” as your first one
Should a therapist even tell you how to feel, instead of helping you figure things out yourself?
Not if you don’t want to…
I wouldn’t
I don’t think you are trying to make her look bad. It’s not your fault that there are people here who will take your words and run with them by implying you are describing as some one who “treats you like shit”. Even though you did not give an example of actual cheating, that doesn’t mean you did not feel hurt or even betrayed for being dumped by her for one of her musician friends. You are both very young, it is very likely this woman is not going to turn out to be a wife. You both may never even get to the point you fully trust each other, and you know what? Maybe for now that’s not such a bad thing for you both to just try to enjoy each others company but guard your hearts. Trust is something that requires effort and patience, neither of you can assume the position of forgive and forget, that’s not so realistic in cases like this. Forgive surely, forget, not so much. Maybe you both need to communicate and come up with ideas together how you both can rebuild trust you both lost.
Id be mighty pissed if my friends knew my wife cheated on me but never told me.
Break it off. You don’t have a mortgage children or a marriage. In fact, this is a blessing because now you won’t be stuck in a dead bedroom with somebody for long term break it off and go find yourself a different kind of partner.
Do yourself a favor and just leave!!! She will drain your energy and take all the innocence away from you. In 10 years you would be sad because you lost yourself somewhere along the way and all stem from your marriage
Exactly. He will never, ever change- because it fucking works for him. He can stay Peter Pan and never have mature relationships. Whereas, getting jerked tf around is so not it and you are better than this dude. So remove him as an option and start looking for that feeling with a guy willing to make progress. But, maybe go a little slower next time.
We did move in together about 5 months ago and the first 2 months we would do it every day but then after that it declined rapidly and she is under lots of stress so do you think that could maybe be it ?
You're not a Mental Health Unit for Dysfunctional Men. They have actual trained professionals for that.
If this was a years-long relationship (5-10+) and had been previously healthy, sure, stay and help him seek help while keeping your healthy boundaries. But this soon? Nope. Scarper. It hasn't been previously healthy and you're a person wanting a boyfriend, not a mental health expert taking on a client.
If it helps with any residual guilt, you don't even have the training to help him and if you did, you'd be disqualified on account of the relationship.
If you didn’t want to lose (not loose) this girl, you should not have finger banged a stripper. Sucks to suck. Let this be a lesson you never forget.
If she wants to live by social media, she should be ready to die by it as well.
If she wants to live by social media, she should be ready to die by it as well.