94 thoughts on “Madisson-bm live! webcams for YOU!”
This is really unfair. When my husband and I got married, he had like 20 family guests maybe? I had 5 and only because I invited 3 very distant aunts because my grandma insisted on inviting them, but she herself couldn't attend because she's the least healthy 92 year old on the planet and is bed bound. Yeah, I was a bit sad but that was because I've been NC with part of my family, otherwise I would have had maybe like 9 guests lol. I wasn't sad that my family is so small, I was sad because it reminded me of why we went NC and because we were very close way back before they turned out to be major aholes. So it was personal stuff like that, not due to the comparison of numbers. It didn't even occur to me that my then fiance shouldn't invite his guests? That's ridiculous. Families are so so different, I don't think anyone ever has the same number of guests on both sides. It's also not a competition. Like it doesn't mean anything, it is not a judgment on the spouse that they have fewer guests? One family had more babies, the other did not. It doesn't reflect on the spouse at all. It's weird.
I clarified already that I never meant it as he shouldn't have existed/been aborted. When I said that she should've listened to me, I meant that as in she should've just let her aunt adopt him when the opportunity was available. I'm not defending my response, I'm just trying to clear up the narrative of I told him that he should've been aborted.
When was the last time you called to see how he was, took him out to do something nice for him, got him something you knew he needed, or helped him with something? Why is the entire relationship him chasing after your affection by doing free labor for you and all of the emotional work of trying to make a relationship happen?
The past 8 months have been summed up into 3 paragraphs. 95% of that is describing the past couple of days. We do these like these, I just didn't mention it because I really wanted to focus on getting advice based on the past few days.
Still stuck on “worked 7 to 5 everyday then straight to bed”
Dude slept for 10 hours or something?
Ok, well if this all really happened then obviously you are allowed to cut your entire family from your life and do so well that they all beg you to return to them.
I’d tell her. While it’s likely not to cause a medical issue, I’m sure there’s a chance it could. Plus as others said the potential of kids looking different.
But basically if something happens years down the road (implants can always have issues) do you really want to have the conversation then?
OP, in both this post and your comments, you're ignoring the fact that fucking your sister's husband is not a normal arrangement by any stretch of the imagination.
Your inability to recognize the fundamental fucked-up-ness of this situation (which sounds an awful lot like another reddit post that floated around recently) is startling, leading me to suggest this isn't real.
On the off chance it is, if you really wanted just sex, no relationship, you shouldn't have picked someone who is going to be in your life (and therefore someone with whom you will have a relationship) forever.
If this isn't real, please do better. I swear a read a version of this post last night – it's not as scandalizing as one might think, if you're going for karma or whatever.
Seems like you're doing enough as it is, perhaps she is doing what a lot of people do and comparing herself to other women? Easy to do when social media is as easily accessible as it is.
I dunno what to say, man. That's just gross. Don't wash your one year old bedsheet, just dump it out at this point. The danders, dead skin, fermented sweat and drool must have already dyed every fiber in that one.
Your washing machines' water must look like brewed coffee whenever you wash yearly.
Honestly, there are AH ways to break up, but there is no AH reason to break up while in the dating phase.
You can and should end this relationship for whatever reason you feel applies.
Don’t like her breath? Perfectly good reason to break up.
That changes slightly once you are married (that whole promise of in sickness and in health bit) But while dating, you are determining compatibility.
Her eating disorder makes her incompatible to your life.
This is a her thing and her family is going to need to step in and force the issue. You don’t need to be there for it and frankly, it might be good for her to realize she is hitting rock bottom and that no one who loves her is going to stick around while she kills herself.
No I don’t I know i fucked up and I shouldn’t have done the things I did but each time I changed for her. I was a work in progress in my first relationship
Idk about this one. I'm kinda siding with your mom on this one. She's putting in all this effort to help him pursue a career, and he threw it back I'm her face in an extremely cold way. He basically told her, “Instead of accept your help and become a better person for your daughter, I'm just gonna quit and go back home.” Maybe your mom overreacted a bit, but her anger is pretty justified.
Sounds like she's tapped out. A lot of mothers do this to switch off their brain because they are unable to stop 'planning' dinner menus , school pick ups . playdates etc Its a way of dissasociating from their own life. Most mothers are a bit depressed to be honest, kids are so draining.
Can you help her to re-connect with old friends, that might help? A trip away with no kids would be good also.
Asking about her long term personal goals might provoke her to look at her life.
My hubs and I recently had a silly chat about what we'd do /buy if we won the lottery and we both realised several of the things we'd chose were well within our reach right now.
As for conversation try to find an overlap of interests in her world..
If she interested in people then “philosophy ' could be the overlapping subject you could try engageing with. Try to relate it to the celebrities she follows but make the conversation deeper as to their behaviors and the effects of media. Ask HER opinion don't make it a lecure
If she likes fashion & you like self improvement you could ask about capsule wardrobes ( 333 etc & the ethics of fast fashion Vs sustainable brands. Also are high status handbags actually a sound business investment.? Every interest however purile on the surface has a deeper level if you look for it.
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My bf is American and I am English. We pronounce things differently. If he pronounces words differently, I assume it’s because it’s an American way of pronouncing things, but if I pronounce a word differently, he assumes I’m wrong and corrects me. He kept correcting me and it made me question my own intelligence, so I google how to pronounce a specific word and it ends up being just a difference between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It drives me crazy so I told him to stop assuming I’m wrong and make me question my intelligence.
Just today we were talking about methane. I pronounced it MEETHANE and he said it’s not pronounced MEETHANE is meHTHANE. It made me question my intelligence so I googled it and knew it was a difference (again) between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It just makes me so angry because he’s being patronising when he’s trying to correct me when he is wrong. If he wanted someone to pronounce things in an American way, he should be with an american and not a Brit.
How do I handle this? I’ve told him time and time again to stop trying to ‘correct’ me when he’s wrong when he tries since it’s a UK USA pronunciation difference, and I pointed out that in fact, I should be the one correcting him since English is from England. It just makes me feel sad that he assumes I’m stupid instead of just assuming it could be a pronunciation difference. How do I handle this? Thanks!
Well, she sounds like she’s got major character defects. But let’s assume those aren’t so persistent that you actually WANT to remain friends.
You think of this on two levels at the same time:
On level one, you have more expertise in winter driving than she does, and stand on that next time. Fixable problem. You learned something: peer pressure is never a substitute for actual knowledge. Trust your expertise.
On level two, you store away the knowledge that she’s willing to push naked as a know-it-all who doesn’t know much. That can grate on you. But it’s actionable knowledge: you can distance yourself, and you should, from such people. You certainly shouldn’t take their whims and desires at any sort or value.
Forgive her: it could have gone a different way. But don’t forget. This is a character issue, and you have the right to judge character issues.
OP has to break up with his fiance because she was being friendly to his best friend? Are you kidding me? Did your tarot cards tell you that she's gonna cheat too? How'd you come to that conclusion? Are hetero women not allowed to have male friends separate from their partner?
I think you missed the part when they were all incredibly drunk. You will literally talk about anything when you're drunk, and it usually means nothing. Not to mention that this friend is moving for work in the same city as her. Her and OP are going to be the only people he knows. It makes sense that he would attempt to build a repertoire with her since he'll be seeing a lot of her considering she's marrying his best friend. I'm friends with my friends' girlfriends/wives, and none of us have slept with each other nor do we want to. I think you need to quit with the projecting.
Your post sex conversations include dumping on yourself? Reflecting, connecting, and current event talks make sense. But if having sex makes you feel bad about yourself or be negative then maybe his solution is to stop hooking up with you.
Does she seem shy, guarded or uncomfortable on the dates?
Some people take a bit longer to open up and feel comfortable enough to reveal their full, authentic selves, especially if there's a fear of vulnerability. My recommendation is to arrange the next date to be something that puts her in HER element. Sure, it may not be an activity that you're into, but it'll be a a better view of who she is, which'll help with your decision.
I bruise very easily (also epilepsy), so at any given point, I'm sporting a handful of angry bruises. People who don't know my partner or I are constantly asking if I'm being abused and need help. And, while I appreciate the concern, there's no need for it.
I can understand where OP is coming from. I wonder how much the wife is shutting accusations and concern down.
Honestly, it sounds like the reason you have resentment towards your wife isn't the situation itself but how she reacts to your struggles with it. You are getting verbally abused almost everywhere you go but instead of trying to help you work through it, your wife is just saying “It will blow over with time”. She is probably just trying to make things work since the new job is better, but by saying that, she is overlooking the abuse you are taking every day and treating it like it is nothing. She probably doesn't notice that the way she is handling it is upsetting for you. While you two can't make the other people see reason, she could at least take it more seriously and not downplay it. This is not going to blow over, they are not going to in a month or years down the line suddenly be okay with the relationship you two have. On top of that, it is affecting your daughter. While the school and job might be better, if you and your daughter are facing verbal abuse, it doesn't matter how good the job is.
Maybe sit down with your wife and ask if she thinks the daughter you two have together should be hearing the things she is hearing and probably more since you don't know what adults are saying to her in school. There is no way this is a good environment for your daughter, you have already seen her in tears over it. Your wife has already seen the abuse you take over it, she knows you are suffering every day and you need to point out that no matter how much better things are here, you are being abused everywhere you go. This is not a healthy environment for any one in the family and as long as you won't end up homeless, it is better to leave to have a better life with less money.
End it. My wife did this to me after we'd been married for several years except she got the baby bug, spread it to me, and then within the year had actively stop having sex with me.
When I called her on it she admitted that she changed her mind about kids, didn't want to have to tell me, so started avoiding having sex just to make sure she didn't get pregnant.
So, all our future plans don't mean fuck to me anymore and the last 3.5yrs have been miserable. I wake up and go to work, I drink when I can, and am basically waiting to die. I used to want to online a long time and enjoy retirement together and raise our kids, being better parents than either of us had (low bar), and making sure there was someone around to take care of her when I'm gone (I'm a few years older than her). But there's no point to anything. It's a cold house we've built.
Don't put yourself anywhere near going through something like this.
I suppose that would be possible, to make sure he had uninterrupted time to browse. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been dating but yet another red flag was going through the phone in such manner. I’ve been dating my gf for over a year, possibly close to two and I wouldn’t dream of browsing her phone, especially without consent. Modern phones are so smart and personal. Until we start talking marriage, I wouldn’t try to browse her phone without consent.
You told her that you slept with your friend. That’s more than she needed to know. She had no right to expect that you wouldn’t date and sleep with other people, since she broke up with you.
Additionally, she needs to be able to take care of herself; you aren’t responsible for her happiness or feelings. If she breaks up with you again, block her number.
If he thinks your job is meaningless and doesn't care about your mental healthy, there's nothing you can say to convince him. Instead I would be wondering why I'm with a guy that is so inconsiderate and makes me feel bad for doing what's necessary for me
Unless he has his own money to pay those loans, it doesn’t matter what income bracket his parents are in. He is financially reckless to do this.
My parents made enough money to pay for all six kids college and living expenses. A couple of them got into credit card debt and it was because of irresponsible spending and they had to eventually learn to control their spending.
My four children will have tuition and most living expenses paid for. So far, they have acted responsibly with their finances.
This isn’t normal. He may learn to control himself, but I would not hang around and watch him continue to spend recklessly, obviously not thinking through how difficult it will be to pay back.
We are reading the comments together. She just said that she indeed thought about it. Fortunately, after reading your comment, she understands that she's being manipulated and says that she'll put the necessary work into not falling further into his trap. I guess that since she already had some doubts (the reason which made her talk to me about it), it might turn out well for her in the end. Crossing fingers !
You can’t make her understand. People find it easier to continue the way they are than they do to change, eventually it comes to catch up with them, that is why you literally see people smoking wheeling around oxygen tanks. She has to want to make changes, you can’t do it for her, but if she does, support her as much as you can.
i agree with you that an online only relationship cannot compete with a real world one but we already decided that this summer we're going to meet eachother. She also just told me that she wants to marry me and that i am the man that she always dreamt about, she also told me that she feels really bad for liking someone else while we were dating.
Boundaries are about altering your own behavior; they aren't about changing someone else's actions or attitude.
Your boundary is that you will not do his taxes. You will not talk to him about doing his taxes. If he calls you about his taxes, you change the topic. If that doesn't work, you end the conversation. If he texts you about taxes, you don't answer.
He knows you don't want to do his taxes. But he's betting that by acting like you will, he can harass you into doing what he wants. However, you are the one with the power here. He can't actually force you to do anything. All you need to do is be firm and accept that he won't like it.
Why would you want to stay with someone who put you through all this just so he could cheat (100% what happened) and then tries to blame YOU for his and his wannabe mistresses jealousy?
The only person that gave a damn about you in any of this was not the wannabe cheat you married but the other guy who didn't want to do it either.
You are not with your forever guy. This dude belongs in the trash. I hope her husband does the same, he seems like a nice guy.
I just wanted to make a correction that we’ve been together for 1 year and 2 months already, if that makes a difference. It’s only 2 months ago that I noticed after all this time I’m not sure if we’re each others “best friend”
But I do understand your points and appreciate them!
I've read this thing two times and I can't figure out why he's mad at you. But one thing I do know: he's punishing and making you apologise setting very healthy bounderies, and that's never good.
Being in college doesn’t mean you are at the same stage in life. These people still have 10-15 years of life experience, they could have kids, be married/divorced, bankrupt, already have 1 degree….
given her situation she should get a tubal ligation anyway, for her own future and safety. Yes, it is an invasive surgery, but it is 10x safer than a fourth pregnancy, and less of a burden than getting another child with another man would cause.
Same for OP of course. He should be getting vasectomy ASAP, anything else is playing Russian Roulette with his dick.
Hello /u/ThrowRApicturs, we've seen an influx of posts related to specific influencers and have made a decision to remove them.
If your post has to do with a significant other who's ascribing to a “high value/low value” standard, please note that while it's your partner's right to do this, it's just as much your right to opt out of such a relationship. Changing them is unlikely to succeed, and advice on past posts about this topic mirror this conclusion.
If she’s paying half of the expenses and going to school then those few hours extra you work are…. Not even worth mentioning. Get off your ass and do half the house work. This poor woman is doing all this and dealing with two health issues. You sound like such a selfish brat. Give a little before your bitch about what you’re getting.
When I was younger he would beat me, hasn’t since, but he’s 6’2” and 220lb+ and into bodybuilding. I’m 5’5” and 110lb. I sometimes worry he will snap and do something horrible.
This is a horrible time in their development to put them through this turmoil. I would let them decide when they are 18. Your main concern is the the children, not what he thinks or his mom.
WTAF. Please reconsider this relationship. There are so many red flags here! Who screams and punches things over laundry?? There are anger and control issues galore here.
If you can’t bear to leave him, please try to get yourself into therapy with a psychologist. If you can afford it.
His anger is NOT OKAY and is the main issue here, not the laundry. This reaction was NOT OKAY. It was emotionally abusive.
As for the laundry and chores: why were you doing his laundry in the first place? Are the chores split 50:50? I’ve never allowed a partner to do my laundry for me (too many silks, linens and fine knits I don’t want to risk) and I’m not a maid or a 1950s housewife so if we’re not both doing each other’s laundry half the time, I’ll do mine and they’ll do theirs. It has never been an issue and has no relation to closeness as a couple.
Have you heard of the Fair Play system? Apparently it is excellent the really quantifying the splitting of chores.
Giving away a switch is plenty generous! I don’t get why you’re hesitant to take back your own games…unless he’s scary when you don’t obey him. Is that the case here?
Sometimes its difficult to pinpoint the origin of a trigger. Anger, other than its purpose of establishing a boundary or for self and other protection, is usually a cover for another emotion, and its usually(but not always) fear.
Can you think back to a time when you felt rejected, abandoned or dismissed with relation to another girl who fits the same/similar description? Often when something hurts us in our younger years, before we've reached maturation, and if that wound never gets addressed/processed it can get kind of stuck in our emotional cycle.
If you had said you are angered or feel insecure about any naked celeb, I would suggest a wound of a different kind.
Its always worth investigating your triggers instead of avoiding them. You learn something about your past, something about yourself and it provides a good foundation to work through any stuck emotions, so you don't have to keep suffering like this.
I'm so glad you got your kitty back! I was so fucking mad reading that post. Your soon to be ex husband is a real piece of work. Along with his shit coworker. What a bunch of fucking losers.
While divorce is painful, I feel it was the only proper outcome. If anyone had done that to my dear Sara cat (lived 18 years, got her as a kitten while I was finishing college and I credit her for keeping me grounded, sane, and out of trouble)… I would have done the same. I allowed no one between me and her. And I fear what I might have done if anyone had attempted to harm her. I’m 51m by the way and that cat saved my life at least once and was likely the best thing in my life.
Emotional immaturity. It sounds like she had some D on her mind and got fancied up to seduce you and by no fault of hers or yours, it was a bad evening for that, and instead of recognizing this plain fact is the source of her disappointment, she directed her disappointment at you in a needlessly hurtful way.
You said this is a one off thing because you have sex often, but the issue here isn’t that there’s some problem with you or your libido or mismatch libidos. The issue is that your GF didn’t hesitate to deliberately hurt you because she felt bad. If she doesn’t ever give you the benefit of the doubt and apologize for this, that’s really bad. Best case is that she’s just emotionally immature and listens to you when you tell her how hurtful that was and works on giving you the benefit of the doubt and taking your feelings more seriously in the future.
You can post that review now. The death isn't fresh, and what he did is still true. Mention this has haunted you for a year and you cannot in good conscience let him continue to operate without at least giving other people the opportunity to know who they would be hiring. Totally legit.
I assume it was missionary. Put a hand mirror on a table and bend over looking into it.
Might want to take a sedative before you look. You can look like a completely normal person upright bit gravity, even for early 20s really screws that up.
Look up. Over. Be on your back. Behind her, on the side of her.
Stay away from missionary where you are looking down at her. Trust me on this. You could be the most attractive dude in the world. No one is bending over. ?
Having said that, she was rude and hurtful and there was soooooo many better ways to handle this, like closing her eyes, suggesting other positions, turning the lights off and lighting candles or dimming lights.
She wanted to be hurtful for unknown reasons. That sucks. I’m sorry.
See an attorney….get everything set up divorce terms and custody. Sit your husband down and have the talk. If he cannot comprehend the problem, serve him the papers.
So talking to one who took advantage of a girl and then ghosted her/ blocked her sounds like good advice?
It's shit advice, playing with a girls hope for betterment of a weak/ evil guy who has already proven to be untrustworthy and to rather avoid her than talk!
What would she do with such a personality other than hurting herself?
If you know it's a big step, then it shouldn't be too upsetting if she replies with something along the lines of “I think we should wait another year”, right? It's definitely a big step, and if she's not ready, then saying that is the responsible thing to do if she cares for your relationship.
I’m really sorry that you were abused by your uncle when you were young. Just because women hid sexual abuse in the past doesn’t mean that’s the right way to treat it today.
First off, you have to protect all of your children from this uncle. Im sorry, but you need to do a better job protecting them than your parents did protecting you.
You need to tell your husband as you can’t always be there and he deserves to know. Together, you can both be better protectors for your daughter(s).
You also need to inform the parents of any daughters about him so they can be vigilant to protect their daughters.
Doing things your mom’s way doesn’t make your uncle suffer any consequences for his awful behavior. All he’s learned is he can abuse any little girl in the family and no one will punish him.
These free trips are also used to then pressure someone into taking drugs into their luggage when returning back home. I think this is the more likely scenario than human trafficking.
Valid. While I do feel the instances they brought up of lacking as a parent/partner were largely contrived and in some cases devoid of understanding or empathy, I'm certainly not perfect and am still figuring out this parenting thing.
Sometimes we're staying with someone because it's comfortable. We can't decide for you, it's your feelings and your relationship. However you need to ask yourself if you are with your gf because you are used to or because the relationship is still fulfilling you.
Moments of doubt are common in a relationship, it shows that you are evolving in your life. But, a person that suits you at 22 may not suiting you at 24 and it's normal, you're growing and maturing.
Just keep calm and think a bit about this. Don't rush things and everything will be clear to you. Don't lock up yourself in a relationship by comfort.
PS : English is not my first language, I tried to express my idea the best I could
It might not look like it, but you’ve got this. You’ll find your way through it. I also believe the relationship is over but I don’t know either of you, so it’d be speculation. It sounds though that you really have your shit together—that’s proof that you’re someone who can overcome this. Life is full of surprises and wrong turns and sometimes even disasters that turn to be for the best. Naked to feel that way, but it might be the case this time for you.
Do as you need; I’d just say that if or when you feel that she doesn’t love you, leave. For your own sake. Have the self-respect you deserve. Good luck.
Does where you online have rules like if she stays x amount of time, you have to officially evict her? You could offer that as why she’s gotta go-she’s squatting
You HOPE you can breastfeed. A lot of women plan to and then, for a variety of reasons, find out they can't.
Also if your parents are so concerned with your love life that you've had to fake an entire relationship, what makes you think they won't abandon you for getting pregnant out of wedlock with an unsuitable partner?
Are you just talking/flirting or are you going on dates and doing more? If it's only the first, have you considered actually asking her out instead of just asking what you are?
As someone who wasted four years with someone similar I'd suggest you think long and naked about being with someone like this.
My ex would come apart whenever her anxiety kicked in. She would freak out and any attempt to offer support would be me taking charge or not providing the right kind of support. I have anxiety myself but I'd never make that someone's fault.
She was late for work once, I offered to pay for a taxi because her bus didn't show. Apparently the “right” thing to do was let her wig out in the street and shout at me.
As someone with stress and anxiety- I think there’s a lot more going on in her life and everything she had bottled up emotionally finally came out. I’d talk to her.
Not really. I’m only speaking on the comment about how she dresses and not the other behaviors. How she dresses and what clothes her mother chooses to buy her is between her and her mom only. I was a 17 year old girl once and if my moms boyfriend had any input it what I wore it would be a huge red flag. I’m not saying you can’t raise concerns with your partner but I would advise you to pick your battles.
Yes it was a deliberate ploy because all you had to say was the condom broke and that you are extremely sorry and you would like to purchase the morning after pill for her and deal with the consequences like an adult and talk to her about like an adult. It was a deliberate ploy to escape accountability. Grow up.
This is really unfair. When my husband and I got married, he had like 20 family guests maybe? I had 5 and only because I invited 3 very distant aunts because my grandma insisted on inviting them, but she herself couldn't attend because she's the least healthy 92 year old on the planet and is bed bound. Yeah, I was a bit sad but that was because I've been NC with part of my family, otherwise I would have had maybe like 9 guests lol. I wasn't sad that my family is so small, I was sad because it reminded me of why we went NC and because we were very close way back before they turned out to be major aholes. So it was personal stuff like that, not due to the comparison of numbers. It didn't even occur to me that my then fiance shouldn't invite his guests? That's ridiculous. Families are so so different, I don't think anyone ever has the same number of guests on both sides. It's also not a competition. Like it doesn't mean anything, it is not a judgment on the spouse that they have fewer guests? One family had more babies, the other did not. It doesn't reflect on the spouse at all. It's weird.
Her acting as if everything was good up until the moment he walked in the door isn’t normal its manipulative
Thats a romantic notion but divorce rates and income are highly tied. The lower the income the higher the divorce rates.
It is literally black history month right now
So you need to not respond. Not be silent, but not offer advice, solutions, reasons etc.
And then you tell her how you are feeling.
And keep doing the same every time she does.
I clarified already that I never meant it as he shouldn't have existed/been aborted. When I said that she should've listened to me, I meant that as in she should've just let her aunt adopt him when the opportunity was available. I'm not defending my response, I'm just trying to clear up the narrative of I told him that he should've been aborted.
When was the last time you called to see how he was, took him out to do something nice for him, got him something you knew he needed, or helped him with something? Why is the entire relationship him chasing after your affection by doing free labor for you and all of the emotional work of trying to make a relationship happen?
The past 8 months have been summed up into 3 paragraphs. 95% of that is describing the past couple of days. We do these like these, I just didn't mention it because I really wanted to focus on getting advice based on the past few days.
Actions speak louder than words. He’s not that into you. Move on.
Still stuck on “worked 7 to 5 everyday then straight to bed”
Dude slept for 10 hours or something?
Ok, well if this all really happened then obviously you are allowed to cut your entire family from your life and do so well that they all beg you to return to them.
But maybe sleep less ?
I may have misused the terminology. He typically has a full jawn…beard, mustache etc. does that have a separate name?
I’d tell her. While it’s likely not to cause a medical issue, I’m sure there’s a chance it could. Plus as others said the potential of kids looking different.
But basically if something happens years down the road (implants can always have issues) do you really want to have the conversation then?
OP, in both this post and your comments, you're ignoring the fact that fucking your sister's husband is not a normal arrangement by any stretch of the imagination.
Your inability to recognize the fundamental fucked-up-ness of this situation (which sounds an awful lot like another reddit post that floated around recently) is startling, leading me to suggest this isn't real.
On the off chance it is, if you really wanted just sex, no relationship, you shouldn't have picked someone who is going to be in your life (and therefore someone with whom you will have a relationship) forever.
If this isn't real, please do better. I swear a read a version of this post last night – it's not as scandalizing as one might think, if you're going for karma or whatever.
Seems like you're doing enough as it is, perhaps she is doing what a lot of people do and comparing herself to other women? Easy to do when social media is as easily accessible as it is.
I dunno what to say, man. That's just gross. Don't wash your one year old bedsheet, just dump it out at this point. The danders, dead skin, fermented sweat and drool must have already dyed every fiber in that one.
Your washing machines' water must look like brewed coffee whenever you wash yearly.
P.S. It's not supposed to turn brown.
Lol!
So many opportunities to mess with people, a joke would have been my first reaction. They are missing an opportunity here.
He wouldn’t listen to reason. In an alternate universe, my parrot single handedly depleted Italy’s population. Tough times!
Honestly, there are AH ways to break up, but there is no AH reason to break up while in the dating phase.
You can and should end this relationship for whatever reason you feel applies.
Don’t like her breath? Perfectly good reason to break up.
That changes slightly once you are married (that whole promise of in sickness and in health bit) But while dating, you are determining compatibility.
Her eating disorder makes her incompatible to your life.
This is a her thing and her family is going to need to step in and force the issue. You don’t need to be there for it and frankly, it might be good for her to realize she is hitting rock bottom and that no one who loves her is going to stick around while she kills herself.
No I don’t I know i fucked up and I shouldn’t have done the things I did but each time I changed for her. I was a work in progress in my first relationship
Idk about this one. I'm kinda siding with your mom on this one. She's putting in all this effort to help him pursue a career, and he threw it back I'm her face in an extremely cold way. He basically told her, “Instead of accept your help and become a better person for your daughter, I'm just gonna quit and go back home.” Maybe your mom overreacted a bit, but her anger is pretty justified.
Sounds like she's tapped out. A lot of mothers do this to switch off their brain because they are unable to stop 'planning' dinner menus , school pick ups . playdates etc Its a way of dissasociating from their own life. Most mothers are a bit depressed to be honest, kids are so draining.
Can you help her to re-connect with old friends, that might help? A trip away with no kids would be good also.
Asking about her long term personal goals might provoke her to look at her life.
My hubs and I recently had a silly chat about what we'd do /buy if we won the lottery and we both realised several of the things we'd chose were well within our reach right now.
As for conversation try to find an overlap of interests in her world..
If she interested in people then “philosophy ' could be the overlapping subject you could try engageing with. Try to relate it to the celebrities she follows but make the conversation deeper as to their behaviors and the effects of media. Ask HER opinion don't make it a lecure
If she likes fashion & you like self improvement you could ask about capsule wardrobes ( 333 etc & the ethics of fast fashion Vs sustainable brands. Also are high status handbags actually a sound business investment.? Every interest however purile on the surface has a deeper level if you look for it.
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My bf is American and I am English. We pronounce things differently. If he pronounces words differently, I assume it’s because it’s an American way of pronouncing things, but if I pronounce a word differently, he assumes I’m wrong and corrects me. He kept correcting me and it made me question my own intelligence, so I google how to pronounce a specific word and it ends up being just a difference between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It drives me crazy so I told him to stop assuming I’m wrong and make me question my intelligence.
Just today we were talking about methane. I pronounced it MEETHANE and he said it’s not pronounced MEETHANE is meHTHANE. It made me question my intelligence so I googled it and knew it was a difference (again) between UK Vs USA pronunciation. It just makes me so angry because he’s being patronising when he’s trying to correct me when he is wrong. If he wanted someone to pronounce things in an American way, he should be with an american and not a Brit.
How do I handle this? I’ve told him time and time again to stop trying to ‘correct’ me when he’s wrong when he tries since it’s a UK USA pronunciation difference, and I pointed out that in fact, I should be the one correcting him since English is from England. It just makes me feel sad that he assumes I’m stupid instead of just assuming it could be a pronunciation difference. How do I handle this? Thanks!
Well, she sounds like she’s got major character defects. But let’s assume those aren’t so persistent that you actually WANT to remain friends.
You think of this on two levels at the same time:
On level one, you have more expertise in winter driving than she does, and stand on that next time. Fixable problem. You learned something: peer pressure is never a substitute for actual knowledge. Trust your expertise.
On level two, you store away the knowledge that she’s willing to push naked as a know-it-all who doesn’t know much. That can grate on you. But it’s actionable knowledge: you can distance yourself, and you should, from such people. You certainly shouldn’t take their whims and desires at any sort or value.
Forgive her: it could have gone a different way. But don’t forget. This is a character issue, and you have the right to judge character issues.
If she can't remember, then you need to address it with her boss and his fiancée.
You’re right, super shitty :/ take some lessons out of it and forget about the punches??
Yeah, that was extremely weird. I’m surprised he didn’t start calling her a female.
OP has to break up with his fiance because she was being friendly to his best friend? Are you kidding me? Did your tarot cards tell you that she's gonna cheat too? How'd you come to that conclusion? Are hetero women not allowed to have male friends separate from their partner?
I think you missed the part when they were all incredibly drunk. You will literally talk about anything when you're drunk, and it usually means nothing. Not to mention that this friend is moving for work in the same city as her. Her and OP are going to be the only people he knows. It makes sense that he would attempt to build a repertoire with her since he'll be seeing a lot of her considering she's marrying his best friend. I'm friends with my friends' girlfriends/wives, and none of us have slept with each other nor do we want to. I think you need to quit with the projecting.
My thoughts exactly.
Your post sex conversations include dumping on yourself? Reflecting, connecting, and current event talks make sense. But if having sex makes you feel bad about yourself or be negative then maybe his solution is to stop hooking up with you.
Envy is a tough one. Naked to “work through” with someone in this context.
Find yourself someone who’s happy for your success and positively motivated by you to do better for themselves.
Does she seem shy, guarded or uncomfortable on the dates?
Some people take a bit longer to open up and feel comfortable enough to reveal their full, authentic selves, especially if there's a fear of vulnerability. My recommendation is to arrange the next date to be something that puts her in HER element. Sure, it may not be an activity that you're into, but it'll be a a better view of who she is, which'll help with your decision.
Imagine throwing you “happily ever after” for a blowjob
Thank you for reading and replying 🙂
I bruise very easily (also epilepsy), so at any given point, I'm sporting a handful of angry bruises. People who don't know my partner or I are constantly asking if I'm being abused and need help. And, while I appreciate the concern, there's no need for it.
I can understand where OP is coming from. I wonder how much the wife is shutting accusations and concern down.
Honestly, it sounds like the reason you have resentment towards your wife isn't the situation itself but how she reacts to your struggles with it. You are getting verbally abused almost everywhere you go but instead of trying to help you work through it, your wife is just saying “It will blow over with time”. She is probably just trying to make things work since the new job is better, but by saying that, she is overlooking the abuse you are taking every day and treating it like it is nothing. She probably doesn't notice that the way she is handling it is upsetting for you. While you two can't make the other people see reason, she could at least take it more seriously and not downplay it. This is not going to blow over, they are not going to in a month or years down the line suddenly be okay with the relationship you two have. On top of that, it is affecting your daughter. While the school and job might be better, if you and your daughter are facing verbal abuse, it doesn't matter how good the job is.
Maybe sit down with your wife and ask if she thinks the daughter you two have together should be hearing the things she is hearing and probably more since you don't know what adults are saying to her in school. There is no way this is a good environment for your daughter, you have already seen her in tears over it. Your wife has already seen the abuse you take over it, she knows you are suffering every day and you need to point out that no matter how much better things are here, you are being abused everywhere you go. This is not a healthy environment for any one in the family and as long as you won't end up homeless, it is better to leave to have a better life with less money.
So you don’t gossip with your hairdresser?
Is he “feminine” or queer-coded? He might be being discriminated against on that basis.
End it. My wife did this to me after we'd been married for several years except she got the baby bug, spread it to me, and then within the year had actively stop having sex with me.
When I called her on it she admitted that she changed her mind about kids, didn't want to have to tell me, so started avoiding having sex just to make sure she didn't get pregnant.
So, all our future plans don't mean fuck to me anymore and the last 3.5yrs have been miserable. I wake up and go to work, I drink when I can, and am basically waiting to die. I used to want to online a long time and enjoy retirement together and raise our kids, being better parents than either of us had (low bar), and making sure there was someone around to take care of her when I'm gone (I'm a few years older than her). But there's no point to anything. It's a cold house we've built.
Don't put yourself anywhere near going through something like this.
I suppose that would be possible, to make sure he had uninterrupted time to browse. Doesn’t say how long they’ve been dating but yet another red flag was going through the phone in such manner. I’ve been dating my gf for over a year, possibly close to two and I wouldn’t dream of browsing her phone, especially without consent. Modern phones are so smart and personal. Until we start talking marriage, I wouldn’t try to browse her phone without consent.
You told her that you slept with your friend. That’s more than she needed to know. She had no right to expect that you wouldn’t date and sleep with other people, since she broke up with you.
Additionally, she needs to be able to take care of herself; you aren’t responsible for her happiness or feelings. If she breaks up with you again, block her number.
Golden advice here OP
She doesn’t drink according to his comments
You are 100% right. This guy is a serious POS. Waste of human flesh.
If he thinks your job is meaningless and doesn't care about your mental healthy, there's nothing you can say to convince him. Instead I would be wondering why I'm with a guy that is so inconsiderate and makes me feel bad for doing what's necessary for me
Right I wanna know what race the boyfriend is!
Unless he has his own money to pay those loans, it doesn’t matter what income bracket his parents are in. He is financially reckless to do this.
My parents made enough money to pay for all six kids college and living expenses. A couple of them got into credit card debt and it was because of irresponsible spending and they had to eventually learn to control their spending.
My four children will have tuition and most living expenses paid for. So far, they have acted responsibly with their finances.
This isn’t normal. He may learn to control himself, but I would not hang around and watch him continue to spend recklessly, obviously not thinking through how difficult it will be to pay back.
We are reading the comments together. She just said that she indeed thought about it. Fortunately, after reading your comment, she understands that she's being manipulated and says that she'll put the necessary work into not falling further into his trap. I guess that since she already had some doubts (the reason which made her talk to me about it), it might turn out well for her in the end. Crossing fingers !
You can’t make her understand. People find it easier to continue the way they are than they do to change, eventually it comes to catch up with them, that is why you literally see people smoking wheeling around oxygen tanks. She has to want to make changes, you can’t do it for her, but if she does, support her as much as you can.
i agree with you that an online only relationship cannot compete with a real world one but we already decided that this summer we're going to meet eachother. She also just told me that she wants to marry me and that i am the man that she always dreamt about, she also told me that she feels really bad for liking someone else while we were dating.
Boundaries are about altering your own behavior; they aren't about changing someone else's actions or attitude.
Your boundary is that you will not do his taxes. You will not talk to him about doing his taxes. If he calls you about his taxes, you change the topic. If that doesn't work, you end the conversation. If he texts you about taxes, you don't answer.
He knows you don't want to do his taxes. But he's betting that by acting like you will, he can harass you into doing what he wants. However, you are the one with the power here. He can't actually force you to do anything. All you need to do is be firm and accept that he won't like it.
Why would you want to stay with someone who put you through all this just so he could cheat (100% what happened) and then tries to blame YOU for his and his wannabe mistresses jealousy?
The only person that gave a damn about you in any of this was not the wannabe cheat you married but the other guy who didn't want to do it either.
You are not with your forever guy. This dude belongs in the trash. I hope her husband does the same, he seems like a nice guy.
I just wanted to make a correction that we’ve been together for 1 year and 2 months already, if that makes a difference. It’s only 2 months ago that I noticed after all this time I’m not sure if we’re each others “best friend”
But I do understand your points and appreciate them!
I've read this thing two times and I can't figure out why he's mad at you. But one thing I do know: he's punishing and making you apologise setting very healthy bounderies, and that's never good.
Would you really date a teenager in your thirties?
Being in college doesn’t mean you are at the same stage in life. These people still have 10-15 years of life experience, they could have kids, be married/divorced, bankrupt, already have 1 degree….
You can also try going to the r/legaladvice they can usually give some insight on what you’ll need to do.
You have outgrown your man child. Time to leave.
given her situation she should get a tubal ligation anyway, for her own future and safety. Yes, it is an invasive surgery, but it is 10x safer than a fourth pregnancy, and less of a burden than getting another child with another man would cause.
Same for OP of course. He should be getting vasectomy ASAP, anything else is playing Russian Roulette with his dick.
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If she’s paying half of the expenses and going to school then those few hours extra you work are…. Not even worth mentioning. Get off your ass and do half the house work. This poor woman is doing all this and dealing with two health issues. You sound like such a selfish brat. Give a little before your bitch about what you’re getting.
When I was younger he would beat me, hasn’t since, but he’s 6’2” and 220lb+ and into bodybuilding. I’m 5’5” and 110lb. I sometimes worry he will snap and do something horrible.
This is a horrible time in their development to put them through this turmoil. I would let them decide when they are 18. Your main concern is the the children, not what he thinks or his mom.
Because it’s a shifty creative writing exercise from a teenager who has no clue how these things work in real life.
Move on with your life. You can’t wait on her to grow up. She isn’t even doing what’s best for her kids.
Bingo.
Yes, her boyfriend is being an asshole and knew what he was getting into.
But she has zero time to be in a relationship, and many people would be upset being a non-priority for two years.
Keep getting tested for a few months. Certain STDs can take time to show up on a test.
He’s definitely throwing a fit so she’ll go back to doing his chores.
How do you get that?
WTAF. Please reconsider this relationship. There are so many red flags here! Who screams and punches things over laundry?? There are anger and control issues galore here.
If you can’t bear to leave him, please try to get yourself into therapy with a psychologist. If you can afford it.
His anger is NOT OKAY and is the main issue here, not the laundry. This reaction was NOT OKAY. It was emotionally abusive.
As for the laundry and chores: why were you doing his laundry in the first place? Are the chores split 50:50? I’ve never allowed a partner to do my laundry for me (too many silks, linens and fine knits I don’t want to risk) and I’m not a maid or a 1950s housewife so if we’re not both doing each other’s laundry half the time, I’ll do mine and they’ll do theirs. It has never been an issue and has no relation to closeness as a couple.
Have you heard of the Fair Play system? Apparently it is excellent the really quantifying the splitting of chores.
Giving away a switch is plenty generous! I don’t get why you’re hesitant to take back your own games…unless he’s scary when you don’t obey him. Is that the case here?
Sometimes its difficult to pinpoint the origin of a trigger. Anger, other than its purpose of establishing a boundary or for self and other protection, is usually a cover for another emotion, and its usually(but not always) fear.
Can you think back to a time when you felt rejected, abandoned or dismissed with relation to another girl who fits the same/similar description? Often when something hurts us in our younger years, before we've reached maturation, and if that wound never gets addressed/processed it can get kind of stuck in our emotional cycle.
If you had said you are angered or feel insecure about any naked celeb, I would suggest a wound of a different kind.
Its always worth investigating your triggers instead of avoiding them. You learn something about your past, something about yourself and it provides a good foundation to work through any stuck emotions, so you don't have to keep suffering like this.
I'm so glad you got your kitty back! I was so fucking mad reading that post. Your soon to be ex husband is a real piece of work. Along with his shit coworker. What a bunch of fucking losers.
While divorce is painful, I feel it was the only proper outcome. If anyone had done that to my dear Sara cat (lived 18 years, got her as a kitten while I was finishing college and I credit her for keeping me grounded, sane, and out of trouble)… I would have done the same. I allowed no one between me and her. And I fear what I might have done if anyone had attempted to harm her. I’m 51m by the way and that cat saved my life at least once and was likely the best thing in my life.
Give them the phone. Get your own phone and plan.
Emotional immaturity. It sounds like she had some D on her mind and got fancied up to seduce you and by no fault of hers or yours, it was a bad evening for that, and instead of recognizing this plain fact is the source of her disappointment, she directed her disappointment at you in a needlessly hurtful way.
You said this is a one off thing because you have sex often, but the issue here isn’t that there’s some problem with you or your libido or mismatch libidos. The issue is that your GF didn’t hesitate to deliberately hurt you because she felt bad. If she doesn’t ever give you the benefit of the doubt and apologize for this, that’s really bad. Best case is that she’s just emotionally immature and listens to you when you tell her how hurtful that was and works on giving you the benefit of the doubt and taking your feelings more seriously in the future.
You can post that review now. The death isn't fresh, and what he did is still true. Mention this has haunted you for a year and you cannot in good conscience let him continue to operate without at least giving other people the opportunity to know who they would be hiring. Totally legit.
I assume it was missionary. Put a hand mirror on a table and bend over looking into it.
Might want to take a sedative before you look. You can look like a completely normal person upright bit gravity, even for early 20s really screws that up.
Look up. Over. Be on your back. Behind her, on the side of her.
Stay away from missionary where you are looking down at her. Trust me on this. You could be the most attractive dude in the world. No one is bending over. ?
Having said that, she was rude and hurtful and there was soooooo many better ways to handle this, like closing her eyes, suggesting other positions, turning the lights off and lighting candles or dimming lights.
She wanted to be hurtful for unknown reasons. That sucks. I’m sorry.
Maybe he got a new wife
See an attorney….get everything set up divorce terms and custody. Sit your husband down and have the talk. If he cannot comprehend the problem, serve him the papers.
So talking to one who took advantage of a girl and then ghosted her/ blocked her sounds like good advice?
It's shit advice, playing with a girls hope for betterment of a weak/ evil guy who has already proven to be untrustworthy and to rather avoid her than talk!
What would she do with such a personality other than hurting herself?
If you know it's a big step, then it shouldn't be too upsetting if she replies with something along the lines of “I think we should wait another year”, right? It's definitely a big step, and if she's not ready, then saying that is the responsible thing to do if she cares for your relationship.
So why not end the marriage?
Your husband only adds to the labor you do, he takes you for granted, and most importantly, you were happier without him than with him.
I’m really sorry that you were abused by your uncle when you were young. Just because women hid sexual abuse in the past doesn’t mean that’s the right way to treat it today.
First off, you have to protect all of your children from this uncle. Im sorry, but you need to do a better job protecting them than your parents did protecting you.
You need to tell your husband as you can’t always be there and he deserves to know. Together, you can both be better protectors for your daughter(s).
You also need to inform the parents of any daughters about him so they can be vigilant to protect their daughters.
Doing things your mom’s way doesn’t make your uncle suffer any consequences for his awful behavior. All he’s learned is he can abuse any little girl in the family and no one will punish him.
The guy should be in jail.
These free trips are also used to then pressure someone into taking drugs into their luggage when returning back home. I think this is the more likely scenario than human trafficking.
She was 19 or 20 when they first started dating. Yes, an adult but he was in his 30s.
Valid. While I do feel the instances they brought up of lacking as a parent/partner were largely contrived and in some cases devoid of understanding or empathy, I'm certainly not perfect and am still figuring out this parenting thing.
Thanks for the affirmation and perspective. 🙂
Sometimes we're staying with someone because it's comfortable. We can't decide for you, it's your feelings and your relationship. However you need to ask yourself if you are with your gf because you are used to or because the relationship is still fulfilling you.
Moments of doubt are common in a relationship, it shows that you are evolving in your life. But, a person that suits you at 22 may not suiting you at 24 and it's normal, you're growing and maturing.
Just keep calm and think a bit about this. Don't rush things and everything will be clear to you. Don't lock up yourself in a relationship by comfort.
PS : English is not my first language, I tried to express my idea the best I could
It might not look like it, but you’ve got this. You’ll find your way through it. I also believe the relationship is over but I don’t know either of you, so it’d be speculation. It sounds though that you really have your shit together—that’s proof that you’re someone who can overcome this. Life is full of surprises and wrong turns and sometimes even disasters that turn to be for the best. Naked to feel that way, but it might be the case this time for you.
Do as you need; I’d just say that if or when you feel that she doesn’t love you, leave. For your own sake. Have the self-respect you deserve. Good luck.
Does where you online have rules like if she stays x amount of time, you have to officially evict her? You could offer that as why she’s gotta go-she’s squatting
You HOPE you can breastfeed. A lot of women plan to and then, for a variety of reasons, find out they can't.
Also if your parents are so concerned with your love life that you've had to fake an entire relationship, what makes you think they won't abandon you for getting pregnant out of wedlock with an unsuitable partner?
Are you just talking/flirting or are you going on dates and doing more? If it's only the first, have you considered actually asking her out instead of just asking what you are?
You have to let him say it naturally, but judging just what you have told us…I have a feeling he struggles with commitment.
As someone who wasted four years with someone similar I'd suggest you think long and naked about being with someone like this.
My ex would come apart whenever her anxiety kicked in. She would freak out and any attempt to offer support would be me taking charge or not providing the right kind of support. I have anxiety myself but I'd never make that someone's fault.
She was late for work once, I offered to pay for a taxi because her bus didn't show. Apparently the “right” thing to do was let her wig out in the street and shout at me.
As someone with stress and anxiety- I think there’s a lot more going on in her life and everything she had bottled up emotionally finally came out. I’d talk to her.
Not really. I’m only speaking on the comment about how she dresses and not the other behaviors. How she dresses and what clothes her mother chooses to buy her is between her and her mom only. I was a 17 year old girl once and if my moms boyfriend had any input it what I wore it would be a huge red flag. I’m not saying you can’t raise concerns with your partner but I would advise you to pick your battles.
Yes it was a deliberate ploy because all you had to say was the condom broke and that you are extremely sorry and you would like to purchase the morning after pill for her and deal with the consequences like an adult and talk to her about like an adult. It was a deliberate ploy to escape accountability. Grow up.