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1. Yeah, I asked my wife about that – that if I could be raised full-time by my mom as a single mom while she was overweight and still turn out healthy, why was she worried about my mom spending time with our child a few times a year? But she said that a child could easily pick up on the idea that it's “okay to be fat” or to have bad eating habits from a trusted relative.

   My wife does say that it's a “shame” I had to grow up with a fat mom (I have disputed that there was anything wrong with my upbringing, aside from the obvious that my mom had a pregnancy forced on her by someone several decades older when she was in her early teens).

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2. They are married, it is their home. She is allowed to invite her own parents over, that’s just not feasible to only expect one partner to be able to invite anyone over. “Two yeses/one no”, this is a partnership not a business deal. It takes compromise sometimes, and sometimes you’ve got to suck it up and deal with things you don’t absolutely love. She visits with his family all the time, and he still has the same issue with his own parents. This tells me it’s not just her mother that is the big issue here.

   I would honestly say if he can’t deal with having a guest over for a week every year and a half, then they need to work some things out. He can book a trip with friends, opt out of excursions so she can give him his space for some of the days, spend some time with his own family or invite some friends over so he can feel included. There’s lots of ways to make his time easier but if the alternative is OP never getting to see her parents, since they can’t afford flights + hotel, then I’d say he is a huge ass for not being even remotely accommodating.

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3. That's abuse you need to get out.

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