A guy who repeatedly cheats on his wife, on a night when his wife is gone and he knows your girlfriend is alone, texts her to meet up “but only tonight.” It’s obvious what this was.
Frankly I would be pretty angry at your cousin too. He’s not stupid, he knows exactly what Bob was trying to do and not only does he not object to it but he’s also willing to try to gaslight you about your girlfriend and lie to try to convince you she’s manipulative and controlling. I think you need to re-evaluate your friendship with him, too, because that’s an incredibly shitty thing to do to anyone, let alone family.
I have close female friends too and sometimes I would take my girlfriends at the time to my female friends place for things like birthdays, dinners and stuff. Sometimes my friend’s husbands or boyfriends are there too I don’t see this as a big deal. But the problem is that these guys are trying to avoid guys who are boyfriends in waiting or ex boyfriends who are now friends.
They don’t want this drama in their lives.
Some other folks are advising not to disclose you are that close. I would say nothing about him. Why? Because if you don’t see him all of the time and he is not even calling at all hours of the day and night he really shouldn’t be a best friend.
If you think you may be in love with her – I’m assuming that you’ve had intimate vulnerable conversations together.
I’d randomly ask her if you could chat and you can FaceTime or phone call (however you prefer) and tell her upfront what you wrote here.
You can begin by saying you really like her and that what you are about to tell her may hurt her feelings but that was never your intention. Then explain to her you have gender dysmorphia and you feel more comfortable presenting as a male but you are a lesbian woman.
I would prepare for the worst JUST IN CASE. Guard yourself and be gentle with her reaction. It may be sharp. If she doesn’t handle it well – it will hurt but it’s a lesson for next time. Also, think of it as being one step closer to becoming more confident in who you are and finding that person that will love you for all of you.
If she truly cares about you – none of that won’t matter. You should reassure her that you haven’t kept anything else and that you are telling her this all now because you have genuine feelings for her.
Try not to beat yourself up – Everyone messes up from time to time.
All kidding aside, it's a little tough, you know? We've had a lot of great times together. There's a huge part of me that hopes she was just super grossed out by my eye looking how it did and just couldn't bear to look at me until it healed up a little bit.
I think it would be beneficial to have a sit down with her and talk it out. I still think it's really shitty for her to not be seen in public with me on our anniversary or even come over so we could celebrate privately, but I want to hear her thoughts a little bit more.
There are a lot of people that are turned on my their partner having sex with someone else. It isn't that rare. But usually the fantasy about doing it is far different then what happens when reality hits and your partner is getting railed and you are thinking, what the hell did I just do? Then the mental games start and it's something that can't ever be undone. If your both not 100 percent into it, just say no. Even couples that are totatally into trying it fail more times than succeed.
I had someone do that once. I ended up blocking about 6? or so phone numbers and ended up going to the cops for harassment. The police called them and I was left alone after that!
divorce Tom now and leave him without a home and insurance before he can take care of himself again
Your friend should do that. Her husband sounds shit.
With regards to your husband, I would imagine he doesn't want your marriage going the same way as theirs. But I really can't see how their marriage is an endorsement of anything other than how not to do marriage.
I think Sami is doing plenty wrong by not getting a divorce, but as you say she needs the support of her friends now more than ever. If your husband can't trust you, then you can be a good example to Sami by getting a divorce first.
I’m very blessed. I am the only one my husband of 37 years ever dated. He had girls ask him out but he was waiting for me (in high school, believe it or not). He was also my first choice as he was my first real love. We got married very young (he was 19 and I was 20). At the time I knew we were going to have to work hard to buck the odds, and we did. We still choose each other every day and best of all are close friends as well as spouses.
I also dated a married man without knowing it. He told me they were divorced and even had stories about how she took all the furniture and left him with nothing. He said she left the dog and took all the dog stuff too. Something didn't sit right with me so I did some sleuthing on-line and found her Facebook profile. Turns out they'd never split up, and she was posting photos of them out to dinner. We broke it off after that, and I definitely needed therapy to work through all the lies.
It's cute the way you said that as though A) there's even remotely a chance you're capable of being enlightened and B) I would want to spend any time trying that in the first place. What part of “I can't help you” was confusing?
Sex is a huge part of many relationships. And it’s usually best when a relationship is newer. If you’re already sexually incompatible then it’s probably best that you split now. It’s only gonna get worse and eventually lead to resentment and/or infidelity.
LET HER! And make sure alone means alone. Block her on everything., and go NC. Alone means just that alone, not alone but I’ll call you and we can be friends, If she wants to be alone…so be it.
And you take that as 'oh, now I don't have to write a sincere apology and giving her my word to stay the hell away from her.' There is nothing wrong with a sincere apology if you mean it but no you choose to held her accountable now for not getting a apology from you?! What is wrong with you?
I think you did the right thing by accepting it without making a big deal. Take it as a sign of affection and appreciation for your relationship with her.
I have a great relationship with my dad and call my stepdad “dad” occasionally too (even now, at 30). He’s been a great guy in my life for a long time, and in my mind it’s not a title that can only be occupied by one person. I have multiple aunts and uncles and best friends and mentors, I can have two dads in my life too.
Platonic relationships are possible, but it's probably not happening here. It seems that the smoke screen is the ease with which she tells you about each and every one. You aren't happy so what's the point in staying in this relationship. No amount of conversation is going to get any cooperation and she will likely just stop talking about the other men. IMO it's time to move on.
You're driving almost 3hr round trip to pick him up and he doesn't even invite you into the house? This man does not treat you with respect or care about you. Even a child would know this is rude. Save money on petrol/gas and dump this loser.
As hard as it to believe that is exactly what has happened. I gave this relationship my absolute all and to just have it thrown back in my face out of nowhere is just baffling to me
The text was a day old, we already ended it. It really isn't affecting me much, it had been months since I didn't really care about it anymore. I already edited the text so that there's no confusion for future readers.
This is interesting to read. I've been in a relationship with my gf for about 2 years now, her native language is English, which I speak fluently. I however speak a different language. She is now learning my language to communicate with my family, not because I wanted her to, but because she wanted to. I would have no problems translating her words to my family.
If I were you I would do something because you want to. If you do not want to learn something you should not be forced to do so. If your boyfriend then says you 'Don't like his family' that is his problem. Make sure what is important to you, in life, in a relationship, in your family. If your boyfriend does not want to keep that balance, then decide on what you want to do.
And Tiffany will remember going into an emergency C section alone and scared that still wasn't good enough for Amanda. Who will constantly threaten nc if she isn't first over Kelly.
Just send the fucking hard already but you better damn well post an update about how you actually got fired instead of your fantasy. Are looking for permission? From Reddit? We couldn't give two fucks about you and yet you drag us into your raunchy imagination. I feel sorry for the kid your babysitting but you don't think about the kid do you.
Just send the fucking hard already but you better damn well post an update about how you actually got fired instead of your fantasy. Are looking for permission? From Reddit? We couldn't give two fucks about you and yet you drag us into your raunchy imagination. I feel sorry for the kid your babysitting but you don't think about the kid do you.
It’s some what baffling that you knowing she has these medical issues isn’t enough for you to already be doing more housework than you do. Beyond it being a stress for money, it’s got to be a stress for her physically/mentally, so seriously, why are you not helping her more?
He’s not a spontaneous , shower you with love kind of guy. It sounds like he gives what he can, and is uncomfortable giving more.
It also sounds like you need extra attention sometimes. You need outside support and attention, beyond what this guy gives you.
Strange suggestion: but have you considered getting a cuddly pet? If you have the money and time pets can be great. See if there is a cuddly rescue who you click with.
I’d say you’ll feel when it’s not worth continuing. Just let her know as straightforward as you can so she doesn’t get more anxious not knowing. Best to both of you.
I don't think I'm angry, maybe just a little frustrated. I don't know what would have happened if she'd told me this when we were younger. But if it meant that much I probably would have stepped aside, painful as it would be to lose her.
She’s immature and poor communicator. Personally I’d just break up. You could tell her how her lack of communication/ contradictory communication/ passive aggression instead of just being honest makes you feel and go from there, if you want to work on it.
Is it causing a financial problem? Is she gaining weight and complaining about it? While it doesn’t sound healthy per say, it isn’t fully your place. Maybe she’s stressed about something and is eating to cope. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance and the extra sugar is giving her energy that she’s not fueling properly.
Maybe approach this from a household point of view of trying to be more aware of food and health. For instance, buy her a popcorn maker and kernels. It doesn’t need much oil at all to pop and has way less crap than the bags of popcorn. Find a recipe for a high protein high fiber cookie and ask her to try making that instead.
Actually, he has no fear of marriage. He proposed to me years ago but understood that I was young and needed more time to establish myself and grow before tying the knot and taking a big step like marriage
Ugh!!! A heads up text would have been nice however most understand if someone is going straight to bed they are not well.. maybe just mention this say hey friend nice to see you visit I am sorry but I’m not feeling the best I’m going to have a sleep enjoy the hit time Tata
for therapy to be worthwhile you have to be open to being challenged and open to accepting that your perspective may be wrong. i hope it helps you, 'cause it sure helped me, but your comments indicate you've got a lot of work to do.
in this thread you've argued with ~50 people telling you more or less the same thing: mark is a misogynist and an abuser. you see no issue associating with someone like that and your indifference is disgusting.
your bf stood up to an asshole for the sake of a woman he doesn't know, and your reaction is to make a reddit post. not a post bragging about what an absolute legend he is, but a post complaining that he's 'rocking the boat' and 'not minding his own business.'
trust me, I know how important a solid friend group is, but your friend group is unwilling to hold Mark accountable. please, have some humanity and take a stand for this poor girl. if you won't, at least don't stop your bf from doing so.
I have given my number to men who have asked for it because I was uncomfortable in the moment. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. As much as I’d like to think I’m tough, I have still been in positions where I had no idea what to do except panic because the person wasn’t reading my subtle cues.
Agree with all the comments about how women try to avoid confrontation with men and put themselves in uncomfortable situations. She may not have wanted to hurt his feelings, she may have been afraid. She may have just panicked on the spot.
She told you about it and the number is gone now is what’s important. What she did was so much safer than giving her own number in panic mode.
She needs to wake up. Bill is a 20 year old child and if she feels like she wants that and they’re on the same level intellectually then she’s too much of a child herself to maintain a lasting relationship.
Sorry, but at 33 as a grown ass woman, one should already be aware that they are accountable for protecting their marriage and she should be the one seeking couples therapy for being unsatisfied rather than your responsibility to fix it. If she’s not putting in the effort to fix then this is a waste of time you could be spending on someone who will protect what you already have.
listen you only need proof of your in an at fault state, hire a pi if you are. other then that you don’t need proof your wasting you best years on someone that isn’t honest with you what are you waiting for? for him to either choose her or her get pregnant?
leave with some dignity…. the best revenge is always gonna be to move on and on-line your best life!
you stop caring about every little thing and wise up that not everyone opinions matter. all that matters is that you like your eyes. nobody is going to dump you bc of your brown eyes.
I hope you can take a step back and realize how aggressively petty this entire post is, for both of you. You’re both being super immature and giving social media way more weight than it needs to have in a relationship. Literally nothing in this post needs to matter at all.
I meannnnn it's you, whether or not that's actually fair
He senses you're not into it, and it's very difficult for that to not come off as some flavor of disdain for him/his friends/his nights out
Yeah I definitely can look outwardly like I’m having a miserable time, and I can do better in that regard. I didn’t think about how that might come off.
I really appreciate the insights. You’ve given me a lot to discuss and do. I definitely worry this is a deal-breaker for him, but we’ll have to see.
Sorry, but your fiancé is a jerk. You told him you'd had sex with someone before. If he feels he needs know more, he needs to ask, not get pissed at you 9 years later for you not reading his mind and not answering questions that he never even asked.
Probably not someone to be getting married to or having kids with … well, at least you can still not get married to him.
It depends on the root cause, but it sounds like retroactive jealousy, which is a complex issue typically rooted in insecurity or in anxious attachment styles. You absolutely need therapy for this sort of thing. It's lowkey upsetting to read how many discard this behaviour as nothing else but immaturity.
Last night we were watching TV and he said a British actress (he's British, and I'm American) was in a certain movie and she wasn't. He just didn't think I would know that he was wrong. He does't just do it to me.. he does it with his daughter as well. He'll recall things in coversations with her that she didn't say. She calls him on it and he's usually fine but he's more sensitive when I do it.
I agree that you should have standards and not be a cheater- so break up officially with your girlfriend and then go back to your FWB. Not sure what your girlfriend’s real issue is- but it’s not something you have the power to fix. Consider therapy to explore why you picked her
He won't stop until he's found someone else to abuse. You need to contact the authorities and tell them what's going on. Are you in a position to leave town temporarily? His persistence is really concerning.
Thank you for this, I appreciate your input though I believe I misspoke, let me clarify, I don't have an eating disorder or anything, and I don't eat to cope (usually the opposite honestly, i lose my appetite when i'm not feeling okay) It's just i'm finding it extremely difficult to be in a calorie deficit, so eating less than the normal amount I eat so that I can lost weight. I usually have two meals a day so it's not crazy, it's just due to the sedentary life we led during covid stuck at home, and the fact that I didn't change my diet then to cope with the fact we were basically forced to be potatoes for months, I gained weight. Does this make sense?
I agree. We moved very very very quickly. But again, that was because everything felt right, like I’ve had relationships in the past where I really thought they were the one, but something about this one literally felt like a movie or a dream. Like god just walked over to me and said “here she is”. Like it feels perfect. And that’s why I’m so torn
Of course you're not, it's only ever white people bandying about like this trying to show everyone what a good ally they are.
The police are not going to shoot a 19 year old girl who is not actually having a mental health crisis but is threatening suicide for attention. They'll do a wellness check and leave.
Even though periods are a horrible experience for some of us it doesn't mean it is for all of us. Maybe your GF would feel offended by getting special treatment. It's not like it is some kind of sickness. For me it did even enjoy having sex during that time. Sometimes it did start and I just realized when visiting the restroom because it didn't feel any different at all. When I was very young it was so bad I had to vomit from the pain.
Okay after a lots of words talk to her about what she would like.
“So what if I did put the photo in there on purpose? He still chose to go through my purse when I wasn't there, took a picture of something inside, and sent it to me in an extremely creepy and flirtatious way, and then asked incredibly inappropriate and invasive questions the next morning that left me feeling incredibly unsafe around him. I don't care if it was a joke. It wasn't funny and it wasn't appropriate. And you need to reevaluate why you think harassing a coworker after invading her privacy is acceptable.”
It’s definitely creepy and violating to not delete your ex’s nudes. There might not be a legal obligation but there absolutely is a moral one, and if you don’t you’re pretty much a creep, especially if you get married and have a kid and still look at hard pictures of your ex.
Dude was asleep.
Yeah? You think it's women struggling to date at the moment? Could have fooled me with all of the men whining about it.
It is a stupid rule. Imagine a partner telling you that masturbating is cheating. It’s controlling, and it’s gross.
But he agreed to it, and that’s on him.
It is a stupid rule. Imagine a partner telling you that masturbating is cheating. It’s controlling, and it’s gross.
But he agreed to it, and that’s on him.
If he refuses to change and refuses to go to counseling then I don’t know what to tell you. He sounds set in his ways and unwilling to compromise.
“Nobody is entitled to anyone else's body” that goes both ways bro.
I said that she should work on herself FOR herself in another comment, but also, the partner should be an adult and talk with her.
Wait, you are confused why a guy that is interest in you doesn't want to stay in contact while you fuck other dudes?
You should try communicating your feelings to your wife.
Rude. Don’t on-line together. I’m upset that I’m the only one expected to apologize. And the way he texted me is what pissed me off the most
A guy who repeatedly cheats on his wife, on a night when his wife is gone and he knows your girlfriend is alone, texts her to meet up “but only tonight.” It’s obvious what this was.
Frankly I would be pretty angry at your cousin too. He’s not stupid, he knows exactly what Bob was trying to do and not only does he not object to it but he’s also willing to try to gaslight you about your girlfriend and lie to try to convince you she’s manipulative and controlling. I think you need to re-evaluate your friendship with him, too, because that’s an incredibly shitty thing to do to anyone, let alone family.
If he is not on the lease or whatever, give him an eviction notice and ask him to find a new place.
It's not your problem that he is broke. He is a cheater. You don't have to financially support a cheater.
you can google that info easily. this friendship was almost a decade, stop trolling
The sooner the better. Just in case they can get any deposits back.
She'll get through it.
Just be available to her if she reaches out.
long time friend makes me think she can be confident what his ex really is to him
I have close female friends too and sometimes I would take my girlfriends at the time to my female friends place for things like birthdays, dinners and stuff. Sometimes my friend’s husbands or boyfriends are there too I don’t see this as a big deal. But the problem is that these guys are trying to avoid guys who are boyfriends in waiting or ex boyfriends who are now friends.
They don’t want this drama in their lives.
Some other folks are advising not to disclose you are that close. I would say nothing about him. Why? Because if you don’t see him all of the time and he is not even calling at all hours of the day and night he really shouldn’t be a best friend.
If you think you may be in love with her – I’m assuming that you’ve had intimate vulnerable conversations together.
I’d randomly ask her if you could chat and you can FaceTime or phone call (however you prefer) and tell her upfront what you wrote here.
You can begin by saying you really like her and that what you are about to tell her may hurt her feelings but that was never your intention. Then explain to her you have gender dysmorphia and you feel more comfortable presenting as a male but you are a lesbian woman.
I would prepare for the worst JUST IN CASE. Guard yourself and be gentle with her reaction. It may be sharp. If she doesn’t handle it well – it will hurt but it’s a lesson for next time. Also, think of it as being one step closer to becoming more confident in who you are and finding that person that will love you for all of you.
If she truly cares about you – none of that won’t matter. You should reassure her that you haven’t kept anything else and that you are telling her this all now because you have genuine feelings for her.
Try not to beat yourself up – Everyone messes up from time to time.
I wish you the best of luck ?
This is accurate
Lol, which eye? The green one or the black one?
All kidding aside, it's a little tough, you know? We've had a lot of great times together. There's a huge part of me that hopes she was just super grossed out by my eye looking how it did and just couldn't bear to look at me until it healed up a little bit.
I think it would be beneficial to have a sit down with her and talk it out. I still think it's really shitty for her to not be seen in public with me on our anniversary or even come over so we could celebrate privately, but I want to hear her thoughts a little bit more.
There are a lot of people that are turned on my their partner having sex with someone else. It isn't that rare. But usually the fantasy about doing it is far different then what happens when reality hits and your partner is getting railed and you are thinking, what the hell did I just do? Then the mental games start and it's something that can't ever be undone. If your both not 100 percent into it, just say no. Even couples that are totatally into trying it fail more times than succeed.
I had someone do that once. I ended up blocking about 6? or so phone numbers and ended up going to the cops for harassment. The police called them and I was left alone after that!
divorce Tom now and leave him without a home and insurance before he can take care of himself again
Your friend should do that. Her husband sounds shit.
With regards to your husband, I would imagine he doesn't want your marriage going the same way as theirs. But I really can't see how their marriage is an endorsement of anything other than how not to do marriage.
I think Sami is doing plenty wrong by not getting a divorce, but as you say she needs the support of her friends now more than ever. If your husband can't trust you, then you can be a good example to Sami by getting a divorce first.
There is 0 evidence that casual sex is required for human benefit at any age.
I’m very blessed. I am the only one my husband of 37 years ever dated. He had girls ask him out but he was waiting for me (in high school, believe it or not). He was also my first choice as he was my first real love. We got married very young (he was 19 and I was 20). At the time I knew we were going to have to work hard to buck the odds, and we did. We still choose each other every day and best of all are close friends as well as spouses.
I also dated a married man without knowing it. He told me they were divorced and even had stories about how she took all the furniture and left him with nothing. He said she left the dog and took all the dog stuff too. Something didn't sit right with me so I did some sleuthing on-line and found her Facebook profile. Turns out they'd never split up, and she was posting photos of them out to dinner. We broke it off after that, and I definitely needed therapy to work through all the lies.
Am I the only one who thinks this is fiction?
Enlighten me.
It's cute the way you said that as though A) there's even remotely a chance you're capable of being enlightened and B) I would want to spend any time trying that in the first place. What part of “I can't help you” was confusing?
Sex is a huge part of many relationships. And it’s usually best when a relationship is newer. If you’re already sexually incompatible then it’s probably best that you split now. It’s only gonna get worse and eventually lead to resentment and/or infidelity.
He’s probably married
LET HER! And make sure alone means alone. Block her on everything., and go NC. Alone means just that alone, not alone but I’ll call you and we can be friends, If she wants to be alone…so be it.
Tell him “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent” and then pack up and call a divorce lawyer.
It depends, I mean she was drunk, she was at an event with a male stripper… sucking a nipple was probably nothing to her, but she told you anyway.
I wouldn't count the nipple sucking as cheating, but why was she at an event with a male stripper if you're this unsure?
I didn't say force. Pressure, yes. I mean in my experience, guys can push a lot, even from a wheelchair.
I didn't say force. Pressure, yes. I mean in my experience, guys can push a lot, even from a wheelchair.
Do you work full time as well? I could see if if he’s working full time and you’re just at home
And you take that as 'oh, now I don't have to write a sincere apology and giving her my word to stay the hell away from her.' There is nothing wrong with a sincere apology if you mean it but no you choose to held her accountable now for not getting a apology from you?! What is wrong with you?
Stop being a little girl.
I think you did the right thing by accepting it without making a big deal. Take it as a sign of affection and appreciation for your relationship with her.
I have a great relationship with my dad and call my stepdad “dad” occasionally too (even now, at 30). He’s been a great guy in my life for a long time, and in my mind it’s not a title that can only be occupied by one person. I have multiple aunts and uncles and best friends and mentors, I can have two dads in my life too.
Platonic relationships are possible, but it's probably not happening here. It seems that the smoke screen is the ease with which she tells you about each and every one. You aren't happy so what's the point in staying in this relationship. No amount of conversation is going to get any cooperation and she will likely just stop talking about the other men. IMO it's time to move on.
You're driving almost 3hr round trip to pick him up and he doesn't even invite you into the house? This man does not treat you with respect or care about you. Even a child would know this is rude. Save money on petrol/gas and dump this loser.
She sounds like a shit person to me
As hard as it to believe that is exactly what has happened. I gave this relationship my absolute all and to just have it thrown back in my face out of nowhere is just baffling to me
There’s no B&E here, his dad let her in. Stick to the facts.
I’d say most people split living costs roughly evenly if they make similar amounts of money.
The text was a day old, we already ended it. It really isn't affecting me much, it had been months since I didn't really care about it anymore. I already edited the text so that there's no confusion for future readers.
But they enjoyed each others company and had oral sex. Isn't that the ideal foundations for a healthy long term relationship?
FYI Sarcasm
She is your GF. She is giving you a lot of reasons to make sure it stops here and doesn't reach the wife stage.
This is interesting to read. I've been in a relationship with my gf for about 2 years now, her native language is English, which I speak fluently. I however speak a different language. She is now learning my language to communicate with my family, not because I wanted her to, but because she wanted to. I would have no problems translating her words to my family.
If I were you I would do something because you want to. If you do not want to learn something you should not be forced to do so. If your boyfriend then says you 'Don't like his family' that is his problem. Make sure what is important to you, in life, in a relationship, in your family. If your boyfriend does not want to keep that balance, then decide on what you want to do.
And Tiffany will remember going into an emergency C section alone and scared that still wasn't good enough for Amanda. Who will constantly threaten nc if she isn't first over Kelly.
Maybe find a new sugar daddy and cut your losses? (He’s almost twice your age, pay for your own ski trips to Aspen or whatever)
Just send the fucking hard already but you better damn well post an update about how you actually got fired instead of your fantasy. Are looking for permission? From Reddit? We couldn't give two fucks about you and yet you drag us into your raunchy imagination. I feel sorry for the kid your babysitting but you don't think about the kid do you.
Just send the fucking hard already but you better damn well post an update about how you actually got fired instead of your fantasy. Are looking for permission? From Reddit? We couldn't give two fucks about you and yet you drag us into your raunchy imagination. I feel sorry for the kid your babysitting but you don't think about the kid do you.
Yeah it was accidentally deleted when I was trying to edit the post and I didn’t know how to retrieve that part
It’s some what baffling that you knowing she has these medical issues isn’t enough for you to already be doing more housework than you do. Beyond it being a stress for money, it’s got to be a stress for her physically/mentally, so seriously, why are you not helping her more?
He’s not a spontaneous , shower you with love kind of guy. It sounds like he gives what he can, and is uncomfortable giving more.
It also sounds like you need extra attention sometimes. You need outside support and attention, beyond what this guy gives you.
Strange suggestion: but have you considered getting a cuddly pet? If you have the money and time pets can be great. See if there is a cuddly rescue who you click with.
I’d say you’ll feel when it’s not worth continuing. Just let her know as straightforward as you can so she doesn’t get more anxious not knowing. Best to both of you.
You are about to get baby trapped. You are not financially compatible.
I don't think I'm angry, maybe just a little frustrated. I don't know what would have happened if she'd told me this when we were younger. But if it meant that much I probably would have stepped aside, painful as it would be to lose her.
She’s immature and poor communicator. Personally I’d just break up. You could tell her how her lack of communication/ contradictory communication/ passive aggression instead of just being honest makes you feel and go from there, if you want to work on it.
Is it causing a financial problem? Is she gaining weight and complaining about it? While it doesn’t sound healthy per say, it isn’t fully your place. Maybe she’s stressed about something and is eating to cope. Maybe she has a hormone imbalance and the extra sugar is giving her energy that she’s not fueling properly.
Maybe approach this from a household point of view of trying to be more aware of food and health. For instance, buy her a popcorn maker and kernels. It doesn’t need much oil at all to pop and has way less crap than the bags of popcorn. Find a recipe for a high protein high fiber cookie and ask her to try making that instead.
Does it make sense to go LC? You need some distance.
Actually, he has no fear of marriage. He proposed to me years ago but understood that I was young and needed more time to establish myself and grow before tying the knot and taking a big step like marriage
You are being distasteful.
50% of marriages end in divorce. You might get along now but what happens in the future?
He does something that pissed you off, you divorce then he is stuck paying alimony to you. Why would anyone want to be in that situation.
Either sign it or break up.
Ugh!!! A heads up text would have been nice however most understand if someone is going straight to bed they are not well.. maybe just mention this say hey friend nice to see you visit I am sorry but I’m not feeling the best I’m going to have a sleep enjoy the hit time Tata
Literally any guy will be there. That’s the bare minimum for what partners do.
for therapy to be worthwhile you have to be open to being challenged and open to accepting that your perspective may be wrong. i hope it helps you, 'cause it sure helped me, but your comments indicate you've got a lot of work to do.
in this thread you've argued with ~50 people telling you more or less the same thing: mark is a misogynist and an abuser. you see no issue associating with someone like that and your indifference is disgusting.
your bf stood up to an asshole for the sake of a woman he doesn't know, and your reaction is to make a reddit post. not a post bragging about what an absolute legend he is, but a post complaining that he's 'rocking the boat' and 'not minding his own business.'
trust me, I know how important a solid friend group is, but your friend group is unwilling to hold Mark accountable. please, have some humanity and take a stand for this poor girl. if you won't, at least don't stop your bf from doing so.
Especially since he knew she was pregnant and openly said he wanted nothing to do with it.
You don't have to be a mind reader when he literally used the words.
Just say no to the housing, not to them to him only. Remind him he needs your agreement to buy a house.
Also couples counseling to try and get him see how enmeshed with his family he is
Do not get married till the issues between you and him are resolved.
I have given my number to men who have asked for it because I was uncomfortable in the moment. I don’t think you have anything to worry about. As much as I’d like to think I’m tough, I have still been in positions where I had no idea what to do except panic because the person wasn’t reading my subtle cues.
Agree with all the comments about how women try to avoid confrontation with men and put themselves in uncomfortable situations. She may not have wanted to hurt his feelings, she may have been afraid. She may have just panicked on the spot.
She told you about it and the number is gone now is what’s important. What she did was so much safer than giving her own number in panic mode.
She needs to wake up. Bill is a 20 year old child and if she feels like she wants that and they’re on the same level intellectually then she’s too much of a child herself to maintain a lasting relationship.
Sorry, but at 33 as a grown ass woman, one should already be aware that they are accountable for protecting their marriage and she should be the one seeking couples therapy for being unsatisfied rather than your responsibility to fix it. If she’s not putting in the effort to fix then this is a waste of time you could be spending on someone who will protect what you already have.
Ah man, that's not bad at all. He can't come up with less than half a grand in three months? That's bonkers.
listen you only need proof of your in an at fault state, hire a pi if you are. other then that you don’t need proof your wasting you best years on someone that isn’t honest with you what are you waiting for? for him to either choose her or her get pregnant?
leave with some dignity…. the best revenge is always gonna be to move on and on-line your best life!
Any advice?
Transgender*
you stop caring about every little thing and wise up that not everyone opinions matter. all that matters is that you like your eyes. nobody is going to dump you bc of your brown eyes.
I hope you can take a step back and realize how aggressively petty this entire post is, for both of you. You’re both being super immature and giving social media way more weight than it needs to have in a relationship. Literally nothing in this post needs to matter at all.
Sounds like you’re dating a racist. Leave
I meannnnn it's you, whether or not that's actually fair
He senses you're not into it, and it's very difficult for that to not come off as some flavor of disdain for him/his friends/his nights out
Yeah I definitely can look outwardly like I’m having a miserable time, and I can do better in that regard. I didn’t think about how that might come off.
I really appreciate the insights. You’ve given me a lot to discuss and do. I definitely worry this is a deal-breaker for him, but we’ll have to see.
Thank you!
You should stay with her and periodically go through her phone to crush your own spirit.
Bro come on, it’s been years and she loves someone else. You know what to do you probably just don’t wanna face it.
Sorry, but your fiancé is a jerk. You told him you'd had sex with someone before. If he feels he needs know more, he needs to ask, not get pissed at you 9 years later for you not reading his mind and not answering questions that he never even asked.
Probably not someone to be getting married to or having kids with … well, at least you can still not get married to him.
What other red flags? Because I don't think he's witnessing the whole phone BJ thing.
You will be fine. In fact, if you are charming, you might be the newbie everyone gloms onto at funerals.
You can’t do wrong offering a hand on her arm, a hug now and then, and familiarize yourself with where tissues and breath mints are.
It depends on the root cause, but it sounds like retroactive jealousy, which is a complex issue typically rooted in insecurity or in anxious attachment styles. You absolutely need therapy for this sort of thing. It's lowkey upsetting to read how many discard this behaviour as nothing else but immaturity.
Last night we were watching TV and he said a British actress (he's British, and I'm American) was in a certain movie and she wasn't. He just didn't think I would know that he was wrong. He does't just do it to me.. he does it with his daughter as well. He'll recall things in coversations with her that she didn't say. She calls him on it and he's usually fine but he's more sensitive when I do it.
It probably took me 2 weeks to prepare mentally. How could he fall in love with me if he told me he loves his ex that he broke up with 4 years ago?
He has no respect for you.
OP, she doesn’t respect you and your finances. Dump her. She’s not good enough for you.
I agree that you should have standards and not be a cheater- so break up officially with your girlfriend and then go back to your FWB. Not sure what your girlfriend’s real issue is- but it’s not something you have the power to fix. Consider therapy to explore why you picked her
He won't stop until he's found someone else to abuse. You need to contact the authorities and tell them what's going on. Are you in a position to leave town temporarily? His persistence is really concerning.
You update your tinder profile.
Thank you for this, I appreciate your input though I believe I misspoke, let me clarify, I don't have an eating disorder or anything, and I don't eat to cope (usually the opposite honestly, i lose my appetite when i'm not feeling okay) It's just i'm finding it extremely difficult to be in a calorie deficit, so eating less than the normal amount I eat so that I can lost weight. I usually have two meals a day so it's not crazy, it's just due to the sedentary life we led during covid stuck at home, and the fact that I didn't change my diet then to cope with the fact we were basically forced to be potatoes for months, I gained weight. Does this make sense?
I feel his still healing from it but not gonna get involved
I agree. We moved very very very quickly. But again, that was because everything felt right, like I’ve had relationships in the past where I really thought they were the one, but something about this one literally felt like a movie or a dream. Like god just walked over to me and said “here she is”. Like it feels perfect. And that’s why I’m so torn
LC = low contact VLC = very low contact NC = no contact
Time-out = just like it sounds, refusal to visit or interact
Grey rock = neutral responses with no information given
These are all terms used in the “Just No” subreddits for dealing with toxic family members.
Of course you're not, it's only ever white people bandying about like this trying to show everyone what a good ally they are.
The police are not going to shoot a 19 year old girl who is not actually having a mental health crisis but is threatening suicide for attention. They'll do a wellness check and leave.
Even though periods are a horrible experience for some of us it doesn't mean it is for all of us. Maybe your GF would feel offended by getting special treatment. It's not like it is some kind of sickness. For me it did even enjoy having sex during that time. Sometimes it did start and I just realized when visiting the restroom because it didn't feel any different at all. When I was very young it was so bad I had to vomit from the pain.
Okay after a lots of words talk to her about what she would like.
Yeah this was definitely my first thought too.
All right, well honestly the situation sounds a lot more complicated than the tipping and I think that's a red herring for some deeper issues.
What is positive about this relationship that makes you want to spend the rest of your life with him?
“So what if I did put the photo in there on purpose? He still chose to go through my purse when I wasn't there, took a picture of something inside, and sent it to me in an extremely creepy and flirtatious way, and then asked incredibly inappropriate and invasive questions the next morning that left me feeling incredibly unsafe around him. I don't care if it was a joke. It wasn't funny and it wasn't appropriate. And you need to reevaluate why you think harassing a coworker after invading her privacy is acceptable.”
It’s definitely creepy and violating to not delete your ex’s nudes. There might not be a legal obligation but there absolutely is a moral one, and if you don’t you’re pretty much a creep, especially if you get married and have a kid and still look at hard pictures of your ex.